Saturday, May 15, 2010

ATDGHEOWAMB*

*And then Dub Gouged His Eyes Out with a Melon-Baller

1. Playboy's held auditions this week for its "Women of Wal-Mart" issue.

2. I feel as though there is something missing from this picture. Shouldn't there be a Swiss man in the background blowing an Alpenhorn?

3. "Will there be cake? We love cake!"

4. "Why does our Prom Limo say 'Mack' on the front?"

5. "Dreams Bill Clinton has had for $400, Alex."

Best of racerboy
Chaos ensued when the divider wall failed between the reception and the hog-calling contest on the other half of the banquet hall.

Best of Vinney
The girls were on Craig's List- Jenny Craig's.

Best of curly
"Sorry Abdrool. I know your earthly imam promised you 72 beautiful virgins in paradise, but there's only these 5 left. Take 'em or leave 'em."

Best of Passionate Conservative
And then Dub burst into flame.

Best of dub
Its the natural progression...from left to right....Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Right on time tubby.

Best of molson
Mmmmm. What a lovely herd of ladies.

Best of Jack Reacher
They can't hear the photographer's directions, as he's had to back off two hundred feet for the shot.

Best of Jay Guevara
So which one is this "Sue E." that passersby keeping calling?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
19:00GMT The European Space Agency's GOCE satellite registered a strange, powerful gravitational anomaly centered in a church parking lot in Iowa. It disappated approx. 2 hours later.

Best of Chevy Rose
Photo of the only females he dated throughout high school confirmed O'Leary's decision to become a priest was the right one.

Threadwinner: Silhouette
I don't even remember this The Facts of Life episode.

51 comments:

racerboy said...

To paraphrase Stepher Pearcy - "Lovin' you's a dirty job, and someone's going to do it..."

...but not me.

racerboy said...

I'm not drunk enough to attend this wedding...

racerboy said...

Chaos ensued when the divider wall failed between the reception and the hog-calling contest on the other half of the banquet hall.

racerboy said...

The Ionia High School Championship-Winning Women's Arm-Wrestling Team prepares for their prom.

mpur said...

Marshal University's "Thundering Herd" mascot try outs. They're all winners!

Anonymous said...

It was unanimous. The girls agreed their role model was Sarah Lee.

Vinney

Anonymous said...

The girls were on Craig's List- Jenny Craig's.

Vinney

dadoctah said...

If you can't lose it, decorate it.

curly said...

"Sorry Abdrool. I know your earthly imam promised you 72 beautiful virgins in paradise, but there's only these 5 left. Take 'em or leave 'em."

Passionate Conservative said...

Dub burst into flame.

Matt the K said...

Introducing the new Mrs.Envy-Hardup and her bridesmaids.

Julie the Jarhead said...

"Let's to places and eat things." (The fat lady on "The Three Stooges")

Jay Guevara said...

Pizza delivery guy: "Sorry I'm late. I'll start serving at the right end of the line."

Dactyl said...

Dub keeps a melon baller by his computer?

dadoctah said...

Seriously, if anyone's got the number of the one in the glasses....

dub said...

Its the natural progression...from left to right....Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. Right on time tubby.

dub said...

dadoctah...I have her number. Its 2...on a scale of 1-10.

Anonymous said...

The real reason they use stretch limos for proms.

Vinney

molson said...

Mmmmm. What a lovely herd of ladies.

Anonymous said...

Hand-sign translation: M'chel better quit messin with our food supply or there will be hell to pay!

wv: mormum...need I say more?

Jack Reacher said...

Thought bubble, girl on right: "Is that a melon ball on the ground? Where'd that come from? And where's Dub?"

Jack Reacher said...

They can't hear the photographer's directions, as he's had to back off two hundred feet for the shot.

Kaptain Krude said...

Riding a fat girl is like riding a motor scooter; fun to ride, but you don't want anybody else to know that you're doing it.

On a completely different topic, have you seen my collection of motor scooters?

Kaptain Krude said...

"Say cheeeeeese -cake!"

Passionate Conservative said...

So, apparently the game is over now.

Steve O said...

The sign of bride who wants to feel thin.

Steve O said...

Sometimes when you and your buddies pick up babes, you ALL have to take the fat one.

Steve O said...

Solids really DO seem to be slimming!

Steve O said...

"Does she have any sisters?"

"No, they were eaten."

Steve O said...

Sarah, in the yellow dress, figures out how to be "the pretty one."

Jay Guevara said...

So which one is this "Sue E." that passersby keeping calling?

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Secret Fantasies of College Football Players #298: Steve (in the hot pink) always dreamed of being a bridesmaid, never a bride. Scratch one from his bucket list!

-OR-

19:00GMT The European Space Agency's GOCE satellite registered a strange, powerful gravitational anomaly centered in a church parking lot in Iowa. It disappated approx. 2 hours later.

-OR-

Michelle O's Thawtbubble: GROAN "Oh, what a lovely collection of sailcloth and drapery material! I never thought to call David's Bridal!"

-OR-

Photographer Thawtbubble: Okay, ladies, I want you all to smile and sing, "I'm a ginormous teacup! Hear me shout, this is my handle and on this side of my fat ass is my spout."

WordVerify: Melon baller- someone who prefers melons to cows.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Carpe's Thawtbubbles -
"Save the whales, harpoon a bridesmaid"
"To save money, California conscripts the obese to act as Highway Exit Ramp Impact Attenuators"
"5 of Dub's Worst Nightmares"
"Desperate Housewives on the 100% Crisco Diet"
"MACY's overwhelmed by female Santa applicants. Line of 10 or 11 stretches around block."
"America's Biggest Losers - AFTER"

-OR-

Bride's Thawtbubble - "As usual, Mom was right. Edward will only have eyes for me!"

jj said...

Stretchmark convention?

Chronos the Wonder Pig said...

following Bill Clinton's example & his own racial stereotype, BHO selects his WH interns from the wide load catalog

Chevy Rose said...

Photo of the only females he dated throughout high school confirmed O'Leary's decision to become a priest was the right one.

Rodney Dill said...

No wonder Elena Kagan won the selection process.

divine miss m said...

The Sisterhood of Omega Mu's 2010 spring formal.

Barco Sin Vela II said...

That there's some big'uns!


W/V: "Immen"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Always thought the part about Eve being made from one of Adam's rib was ridiculous, but it's possible the translators meant pork barbecue spare ribs.

-OR-

And so, the Age of Women picked up where the Age of Men left off.

GregMan said...

Well, you know, the one in the gold dress isn't... or maybe the one with the glasses, or...

Oh frak it, they're all hideous.

GregMan said...

Clearly this lot hasn't got M'chell's memo about only eating fat-free turds dug up from the White House garden.

GregMan said...

The Elena Kagan Fan Club gets ready for the Senate confirmation hearings.

Rodney Dill said...

ATSaCHE

And Then Stacy and Clintons' Heads Exploded

Submariner said...

When Ang Lee holds a cattle call, he REALLY HAS a cattle call!

Submariner said...

♪♫ Whole lotta love... ♪

Submariner said...

Little did anyone at the model call for "Bicycle Race" cover art know...




v word - perke - maybe Blogger isn't so sentient afterall?

Silhouette said...

I don't even remember this The Facts of Life episode.

Submariner said...

Bill Clinton giggled with glee and gave each a hand-rolled Cuban...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed at home.
This little piggy had pork rinds,
This little piggy inhaled an extra-large buttered pizza.
And this little piggy bitched about how the wrist coursage made her "look" fat.... all the way home.

blue said...

Cone on V the K tell the truth, which one of us was "Best Of"