1. Country of Origin: .... Wouldn't you like to know?
2. "Um, can't Bill Ayers fill this out for me?"
3. "Hey, Rahm, since I have over a trillion dollars in debt, the Cadillac dealership says I'll need a co-signer." (ATDHE)
4. "I don't know about this speech, Axelrod. This part where I say, 'And I am quite possibly the embodiment of all humanity's hopes and aspiration, and a god incarnate among mortals whose legend will live beyond eternity...' I think the 'quite possibly' is unnecessary."
5. And the scientific community applauded as Obama deftly solved Goldbach's conjecture by simply writing "Because I said so."
Best of Vinney
"Tell Pelosi I'm taking a crap. I'm busy. Let's see- Duke, Syracuse, ..."
Best of GregMan
"If a bitter clinging white man has 20 apples, and your community organizer takes away 15 apples, how big of a racist is the white man?"
Best of jeff
"Okay, Michelle told me that she's Person 1, so I'll fill out all the Person 2 data..."
Best of Jay Guevara
"Damn I hate these questions on Americana. Who cares how many states there are? Must think...must think...damn, I used to know this, too...nobody tell me...what was that mnemonic Soros taught me again?"
Best of metalgarth
I hate it when I can't figure out the Jumble:
SOAILSICT
MIXARST
FALIRUE
UMENYLOPNEMT
Best of Rodney Dill
"There... now its law... we can only nuke our own people."
Best of Double the U
Stumped by Question 10... "Previous job"
Best of Jay Guevara
Thought bubble: "17 across, 'money forcibly extracted from citizens by government (3 letters).'"
Hmmm. 'Good?' Nah, that's four letters."
Best of Capt. Queeg
"Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um" - Obama fills out the opening day ChiSox lineup card.
Best of Submariner
Thought bubble: "Which of these 29 compatibility factors stuck me with a Klingon?"
Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama decides whether Jack O'Brien really needs that new pacemaker.
Best of Festivus
Obama grades each Census form return personally.
Best of mpur
Present.
Present.
Present.
Present.
55 comments:
"Tell Pelosi I'm taking a crap. I'm busy. Let's see- Duke, Syracuse, ..."
Vinney
Hmmm. Here's a tax based on the amount of air you breathe. I like that! Let's get this one signed into law ASAP with exemptions for moi of course.
let's see....I'll check black for myself (never did like those white relatives) but what do I check for M'chel???
Damn, these government forms are so confusing.
"If a bitter clinging white man has 20 apples, and your community organizer takes away 15 apples, how big of a racist is the white man?"
"Should I fill this form out in the English alphabet or in Arabic?"
"I wish my TelePrompTer was here to tell me how to fill this out."
Obamalama Mathbubble: If I tell the Chinese to go "F" themselves, I should be able to erase a zero or two from that debt bomb.
-OR-
Dear Mr. Obamalama, If you send $10 to the name at the top of this list, add your name to the bottom and mail copies to 360,000,000 of your fellow americans, you will get back enough to pay off the entire national debt by next Tuesday.
WOW! Hey, Geithner, we've got franking privileges right? Get your ass in here and bring the phone book!
Well DAMN, it'll take forever to fill this out! How the hell am I supposed to know how many people were living or staying in the White House on April 1st?? And who made the damned Hispanic/Latino/Spanish so f-ing important? WTF... no questions about pets? I learned how to spell Portuguese for nothing.
Sudoku is the biggest time-suck since Freecell.
"How many people live in your household?"
"Let's see... M'chele, the two brats, Rahm, Sully... wait - which do I claim sycophants on -- the census form or the tax form?"
"Okay, Michelle told me that she's Person 1, so I'll fill out all the Person 2 data..."
Hmmm.... 14 Down..... 8 letters..... "To free a country". Um....Arugulas?
"Damn I hate these questions on Americana. Who cares how many states there are? Must think...must think...damn, I used to know this, too...nobody tell me...what was that mnemonic Soros taught me again?"
"Let's just do a little editorial work on the Fourteenth Amendment here..."
"I'll just sign this warrant for Glenn Beck's arrest. That'll teach him to say I have no respect for the Constitution."
Thought bubble: "Gotta read this first. On April 1st those wise-ass staffers almost got me to sign a bill reinstituting slavery."
Thought bubble: "Damn, my taxes are high! Who the hell is responsible for this?"
"These lousy Americans don't deserve me. Wait'll they get this letter of resignation."
C...C...C...C...C...C...C...C...C...
"Last Name"? "First Name"? These questions are racist!
All work and no play makes Barack a dull boy...All work and no play makes Barack a dull boy...
Dear Sir,
I am the ruler of a western nation who has come into possession of $6 trillion (US), and need to make use of a bank account in Nigeria to transfer this sum. If you will provide me with your bank routing information...
So many Americans to screw, and so little time.
Dear Penthouse; I never thought your letters were true until I slipped a stiffy to 330 million US taxpayers at once in my pet deem and ream scheme...
Dear Rev'rund Wright,
I'm going to give it another month before I welcome you back with open arms and let you sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom. Would you like it redecorated in Congo or Botswana for the occasion?
ATDHE
"Who's buried in Grant's tomb?" What the hell kind of racist clap-trap is this? Get me the Safe School Czar!
If the CBO underestimates program costs by 400 trillion dollars, how long will it be before undocumented aliens own every 7 - 11?
BIDEN!
...and my credit card info and VOILA! Now all I have to do is wait for 6 - 8 weeks and we'll see how spectacular my Che sheets will look in the black house. I think I'll give Olberman and Mathews a competition for the exclusive...
I hate it when I can't figure out the Jumble:
SOAILSICT
MIXARST
FALIRUE
UMENYLOPNEMT
"There... now its law... we can only nuke our own people."
Stumped by Question 10... "Previous job"
Obamalama Top 10 To Do List
1. walk the stupid dog
2. fill in census form
3. photo op - (no more bunny photos!!)
4. apologize for whatever Biden says today
5. find cure for cancer
6. invent cold fusion
7. end global warming
8. create 10 million highpaying jobs for high school drop outs and illegals (middle class can fend for themselves)
9. buy cigarettes
10. balance US budget with steep tax on congressional perks!
Executive Order 392310 and a half:
"Oprah is a national treasure and cannot be replaced by a slovenly white lesbian."
THAT ought to protect the nation from Rosie II.
Name... name... Rohm, can you bring the Teleprompter in here... I need help!
thought bubble: Y'know, I expected to feel worse, signing these execution orders for the tea parties.
"partiers" not "parties"
"Dear Diary,
Well, this working for a living pretty much sucks. People actually expect you to do something besides talk. WTF? I should never have let George Soros talk me into this. He promised that he'd surround me with his people who would run everything, and I just had to read the speeches off the Teleprompter, but where the hell were they when that b!tch in that townhall meeting said she was overtaxed? Nowhere, that's where! I had to wing it. Still, I did pretty well, I think. I give myself a B+ for holding my answer down to 17 minutes.
Yours,
Barry"
Thought bubble: "17 across, 'money forcibly extracted from citizens by government (3 letters).'"
Hmmm. 'Good?' Nah, that's four letters."
"Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um..Um" - Obama fills out the opening day ChiSox lineup card.
"Summer Solstice Under the Stars at the White House" Guest List:
Chavez, Wright, Farrakhan, the Wookie, (Send Biden to Tabekistan for the week), Mahmoud, Soros, Kos,
Cool, White House room service in my office! Let's see; fried chicken, turnip greens, arugala, '83 Ripple, watermelon, and a pack of Newports.
ATDHE
Thought bubble: "Which of these 29 compatibility factors stuck me with a Klingon?"
SIGN HERE: oh flip! Am I a Leo or a Gemini?
President Obama signs Pelosi's bill making pi equal to 3 even.
..and this Royal proclamation require V the K to deem every single comment submitted by blue to be the "Best Of"
There; I've deemed myself "U.S. Emperor for Life."
Obama decides whether Jack O'Brien really needs that new pacemaker.
Obama grades each Census form return personally.
"How much did you make in 2011? Send it in." In a quiet Oval Office moment, Obama signed off on the Democrats' new tax bill.
Thought bubble: "I can't believe that the Wookie makes me fill out a government supply system purchase order for each pack of Newports. I mean, damn! I AM the President, after all..."
Not a single "Bush Lied, People Died" caption? I guess there are NO "Best Ofs" this week.
BO Tries to assist V. the K.
Present.
Present.
Present.
Present.
"This songwriting is harder than they make it look. Nothing rhymes with Pelosi."
"M'chelle! Um, why is, um, Tiger's name down here to, um, see you?" Tigergate's effects were long and far-reaching.
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