Friday, April 23, 2010

It's Complicated

Hat Tip: Moonbattery

1. "So, is anybody but the Asian kid still with me on this?"

2. "And so, it is mathematically demonstrated that there is no god. So, you might as well just whore your life away in a blur of booze, drugs, and meaningless hookups."

3. Explaining Russian verb tenses can get rather complicated.

4. "And so, you see, no one is more than three degrees of separation from sleeping with Charlie Sheen."

5. "And so now you see how the Illuminati control the Federal Reserve. Okay, on Thursday, I'll show you how the CIA introduced crack into Black Communities." The University of Chicago regretted hiring Van Jones as a Guest Lecturer.

Best of Rodney Dill
"42"

Best of mega
Unfortunately, as many at FOX suspected, if you get Beck a bigger blackboard, he's just going to find more connections between Obama supporters and donors until it's all filled up again.

Best of dadoctah
One of Pastor Melissa Scott's proteges goes out into the world....

Best of metalgarth
...and thus explains the "illegal defense" rule and why "travelling" is almost never called in the NBA. I can't make it any simpler than that.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Universal Healthcare Reimbursement Process

Best of Silhouette
"And if that doesn't work, I just pick the dog that poops on the way to the starting gate. He's gotta be faster, right?"

Best of Submariner
"Anyone? Anyone? Buehler?"

Best of Submariner
"... and thus, the relative likelihood for AoM to own any slutty outfit displayed approaches a 1:1 ratio. Questions?"

Best of racerboy
"The remainder of the proof is left as an exercise for the reader."

Best of Targetpractice
ORA: "...And so by process of elimination we can determine that the electron tastes like grape-ade."

Best of Rodney Dill
"...and that pretty much explains why none of you will ever attract mates."

Threadwinner: Jay Guevara
"So, let's see the deniers find the decline _now_."

Assistant Threadwinner: Best of GregMan
It's never a good idea to ask John Derbyshire "What do you mean by that?"

Best of GregMan
James Lileks explains the latest breakdown of the Oak Island Water Feature.

59 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

"Whats the box saying 'here a miracle occurs' mean?"

Rodney Dill said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rodney Dill said...

"42"

Anonymous said...

"It's intuitively obvious."

Vinney

Anonymous said...

If you notice, on the bottom of the blackboard it says, "Do not erase."

Vinney

Anonymous said...

With a severe case of writer's cramp, young freshman Joe Biden was busy plagarizing Professor Watkins treatise for future use."

Vinney

Anonymous said...

In a brazen act of defiance, a gang of young liberal arts majors "tag" the humanities building.

Vinney

mega said...

ORA "...and thus, the answer is 42."

mega said...

Unfortunately, as many at FOX suspected, if you get Beck a bigger blackboard, he's just going to find more connections between Obama supporters and donors until it's all filled up again.

dadoctah said...

"Phase 3: Profit."

mega said...

Emmanual enjoyed meeting with members of Congress to discuss legislative priorities for the third quarter of 2010.

dadoctah said...

One of Pastor Melissa Scott's proteges goes out into the world....

mega said...

It took a while to explain to fast food franchise owners the new nutritional posting requirements for outdoor drive-through menus.

mega said...

Professor Norgberg's harmless little joke of putting "Mohammed" on line 263 of the proof never got noticed, until Comedy Central bought the building, and had him fired.

metalgarth said...

...and thus explains the "illegal defense" rule and why "travelling" is almost never called in the NBA. I can't make it any simpler than that.

metalgarth said...

"and that is all of the TV series that have 'jumped the shark' once Ted McGinley joined the show"

metalgarth said...

"No, it is not the comprehensive list of known bugs in Windows Vista. There isn't a chalkboard big enough anywhere for that"

metalgarth said...

"Yes, best we can tell, this is complete list of plot holes in the Star Wars Prequel trilogy"

mpur said...

At last, Obamanomics explained.

Silhouette said...

"Got it? Okay, on to line 2 on your IRS form."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Universal Healthcare Reimbursement Process
"This ensures we eliminate waste, fraud, overcharges and duplicate billing!" (because the resulting gridlock ensures doctors and patients all die of old age before a dime is paid out)

-OR-

If tax code writers had to prove that "the knee bone's connected to the thigh bone"

-OR-

Having finally agreed on a formula to split up the tip for lunch, the senate appropriations committee is ready to get back to f*cking America.

Silhouette said...

After being outted as a Tea Partier, 84 reporters audited Prof. Matney's class, hoping he'd use a variable that looked like Nazi imagery.

Silhouette said...

ORA: "Undoubtedly, the retro encabulator has now reached a very high level of technical development. It has been successfully used for operating nofer trunnions. In addition, whenever a barescent skor motion is required, it may be employed in conjunction with a drawn reciprocating dingle arm to reduce sinusoidal depleneration."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ancient IMAX for budding theoreticians.

-OR-

The Kansas School Board sits in rapt attention as creationist pseudoscientist Michael Behe "proves" that dust bunnies don't evolve but rather are a by-product of intelligent design.

WordVerify: shtse - intelligent design

blue said...

"..and thus as my eloquent proof demonstrates, Obama was eligible to run for president despite the fact that he was born in Kenya."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Dub demonstrates his simple Thursday Babe's rating system using BMI, the golden ratio and certain hacks from the NASA/JPL web site on orbital launch trajectory vectors.

I vote for metalgarth's appraisal of Vista. It blows chunks. Microsoft may waste more citizen manhours than the irs tax code. Both cavalierly abuse society.

jj said...

Sheldon orders lunch.

Silhouette said...

Helping Americans understand the plot of Lost, one semester at a time.

Silhouette said...

"And if that doesn't work, I just pick the dog that poops on the way to the starting gate. He's gotta be faster, right?"

Submariner said...

"Screw this - let's just say that pi equals 2.5."

If Liberal Arts Departments ran the hard sciences...

Submariner said...

"Anyone? Anyone? Buehler?"

Submariner said...

Why, yes, I work days at NASA. Why do you ask?

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

"... and thus, the relative likelihood for AoM to own any slutty outfit displayed approaches a 1:1 ratio. Questions?"

dadoctah said...

"Now, some of you may have been told that Underwater Basketweaving was an easy class...."

Spin said...

And that students, was my "flash forward"

Steve O said...

2 + 2 = Chicken

racerboy said...

"The remainder of the proof is left as an exercise for the reader."

Reminds me of that week before dropping Intro to Heat Transfer. Sounds innocuous, doesn't it? Naw. It was a first year grad course. I wish we'd had a chalkboard this big, some of it might've made sense...

Targetpractice said...

And so, utilizing this simple equation, we see that Bush is responsible for every evil event in the world and that Obama truly is the Messiah.

Targetpractice said...

Okay, I think we've accomplished a lot for our first day. Tomorrow, we tackle the hard stuff...

Targetpractice said...

ORA: "...And so by process of elimination we can determine that the electron tastes like grape-ade."

mega said...

Needless to say, a lot of people thought the process that led to "This post has been removed by the author" was a lot simpler.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I'm a PC guy stands in front of a logic path PC users negotiate just to find some Vista workarounds inside Microsoft's labyrinthine knowlegebase.
I'm a Mac guy's in the front row holding an iPod with a path to all Mac solutions dating back to 1992... displayed legibly on one tiny screen.

I know I know, metalgarth said the same thing in 22 words. I'm just venting.

Double the U said...

and this *PROVES* that Sarah Palin is too stupid to be President.

Rodney Dill said...

"...and that pretty much explains why none of you will ever attract mates."

Jay Guevara said...

"So, let's see the deniers find the decline _now_."

Submariner said...

...therefore; "Bush lied, people died." Next class we'll tackle Glenn Beck.

Submariner said...

V. the K. lectures a group of monors on how he selects the Threadwinners.

Kaptain Krude said...

"...and that's how the butterfly ballot works." Why a Florida voter dreads election day.

Submariner said...

...and thus, the NFL tiebreaker system is quite easily understood.

GregMan said...

It's never a good idea to ask John Derbyshire "What do you mean by that?"

GregMan said...

Muhammed!

GregMan said...

"...and that is how Dawn's head explodes."

GregMan said...

"...and this is what will happen to any of you little bastards that won't get off my lawn."

Rodney Dill said...

"...and so boys and girls, please don't drink and derive."

molson said...

That's how you pay for free healthcare. Questions?

Submariner said...

ORA:

Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge warms the pipes before launching into a National Endowment of the Arts sponsored recitation of his epic ode.

Luckily for the taxpayers, there were no survivors saving untold fortunes in damages.

GregMan said...

James Lileks explains the latest breakdown of the Oak Island Water Feature.

sonicfrog said...

The Obama Health Care Reform Bill; Page One.