1. "64 GB is just barely enough to contain my collection of amputee midget pron."
2. "Look, honey, I bought a new cat toy."
3. "According to WebMD, the growth on my chin is non-malignant."
4. "It's the ObamaPad. It contains all of his speeches on a continuous loop that can't be deleted. He gave one to the Queen of England, you know."
5. "Yes, Dear, your iPad is really neat. But the ship is at a thirty degree angle and we really must get to the lifeboats."
Best of mega
The new government-run seminar for Tea Partiers, "How To Dress, Accessorize, and Give Off Non-Verbal Cues Like A European" was led by enthusiastic continentals who blended humor, technology and a dash of androgyny and really helped old, white racists get out of their self-imposed ideological boxes.
Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Trust me. Within just a few moments the searing waves of agony rippling through youir skull subside and you get this feeling of complete bliss that leaves you with a grin and a creepy look in the eyes.
Best of curly
“…and due to it’s small size, your penis will look that much bigger in comparison when surfing all of those wonderful ghey pron sites.”
Best of Wesley M.
Promotional still from "ABBA: Where Are They Now?"
Best of Dactyl
Got a huge zit to pop? There's an app for that!
Best of Kaptain Krude
Gee, I have this overwhelming urge to buy this whatever-it-is from this whomever-this-is for however-much-it-is.
Best of dadoctah
Looks like that new diet is really working out for Chaz Bono.