Wednesday, March 31, 2010

You Call That a Porn Stash?


1. "This better not be second rate like that last batch."

2. "General Dub spotted a fat roll on one of the models. We have to send the whole shipment back."

3. "Bad news, guys. It's all photos of Al Franken in a diaper."

4. "I don't see why everyone got so excited over this shipment of Power Outage Restart Nodes."

5. "Ever since 'Don't Ask Don't Tell' ended, these shipments scare the sh-t outta me."

Best of Vinney
What a great guy! Bill Clinton sends a CARE package to the boys in Company C.

Best of curly
“I knew the food in the chow hall tastes like tastes like ass and smells like queefs, but I never realized that the cookbooks were considered pornography.”

Best of dub
We tried to tell you, we didnt invade Iraq for oil. Turns out they also produce lube.

Best of jeff
Amateur. 5th Group required a C-5B Galaxy to carry theirs.

Best of dadoctah
Sergeant Porn has asked for an explanation as to why his belongings keep getting refused at all the checkpoints.

Best of Unscrupulous
Sarge, I know I said I didn't wanna go home in a box, but I may have been turned around on the subject.

Best of metalgarth
Relax guys it's just our new MREs. Peas and Corn in one container.

Best of Festivus
The military's new word contraction stencil program had unexpected results on family movie night.

Threadwinner: mega
Kevin Jenning's first day as the new SecDef went smoothly, by all accounts.

Best of rikke54
And this is the double locked box they are guarding. Meanwhile 2 devouts are humping the 'war plans' box out the back gate


Best of Submariner
Good, good... have it and the keys delivered to my tent for safe-keeping. And don't bother me for a couple hours - I'll be "strategizing my next offensive..."

Best of Steve O
HA! They mispeled "Pron."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ya'know, this reminds me of the time we accidentally flew them nukes clear across America's heartland in that Bent Spear incident, only this is so much hotter.

Best of Rodney Dill
In an expected act of generosity, Tiger Woods, donates a collection of light reading to the Armed Services.


40 comments:

Double the U said...

Yup, got here two days before Obama, seems he thought he could sit around with us, have a few beers and watch porn with us. Hey, commander in chief, it is a Muslim country. They don't like alcohol they don't like porn.

Anonymous said...

Looks like Private Larry Flynt's foot locker arrived on station.

Vinney

Anonymous said...

What a great guy! Bill Clinton sends a CARE package to the boys in Company C.

Vinney

Anonymous said...

US Forces Afghanistan embarks on a new approach to winning the Taliban over to our side.

Vinney

mpur said...

Yep, can't find bin Laden, but the entire secret porn stash in Afghanistan? Not a problem.

Army of Dad said...

That explains the two locks.

curly said...

“Well boys, it looks like Curly’s coming back as a contract plumber here at Bagram. I can’t believe he blew through his wad of cash already…”

curly said...

“I knew the food in the chow hall tastes like tastes like ass and smells like queefs, but I never realized that the cookbooks were considered pornography.”

curly said...

“Sure, McCrystal’s ordered all of the fast food joints shut down, but look what he’s replacing them with!”

curly said...

“It looks like the pictures of Obama screwing the troops have already been developed.”

dub said...

We tried to tell you, we didnt invade Iraq for oil. Turns out they also produce lube.

Anonymous said...

Hm. Not as exciting as I thought it would be...

Submariner said...

Looks like the DNC's pictorial strategic plan for a Congressional approach to handling the US Armed Forces have finally arrived...

Submariner said...

Don't be fooled, this crate is only full of the chapter from the Koran where Mo meets Aisha.

Kaptain Krude said...

I see the Colonel couldn't wait and started playing pocket pool.


wv: suchear - "Dear Mom, it really suchear, can't wait to get home. Love, Dave."

jeff said...

Amateur. 5th Group required a C-5B Galaxy to carry theirs.

Anonymous said...

Bad news, this was addressed to Barney Frank.

dadoctah said...

Sergeant Porn has asked for an explanation as to why his belongings keep getting refused at all the checkpoints.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

US-made IED's - we get even by dropping crates marked PORN in the mountains. At night, the troops laugh as bright flashes go off, knowing horny extremists tried to have it both ways.

-OR-

I think this is a test, guys. Let it pass. Mark my words, if we open it we'll be busted for messing with the mail.

Unscrupulous said...

Sarge, I know I said I didn't wanna go home in a box, but I may have been turned around on the subject.

Unscrupulous said...

Sir, I can guarantee you 100% that Bin Laden is not hiding in this here PORN box. As for the GAY PORN box over there, McDuffy can vouch for that one. McDuffy?

metalgarth said...

Relax guys it's just our new MREs. Peas and Corn in one container.

Festivus said...

The military's new word contraction stencil program had unexpected results on family movie night.

mega said...

Kevin Jenning's first day as the new SecDef went smoothly, by all accounts.

Rodney Dill said...

President Obama's Real Near

molson said...

Oh please be from Japan.

sonicfrog said...

The REAL REASON recruitment has hit an all-time high...

Mr. Hankey said...

Obama's methods for his secret clandestine entry into Afghanistan are revealed.

rikke54 said...

and this is the double locked box they are guarding. Meanwhile 2 devouts are humping the 'war plans' box out the back gate

mega said...

With the new Bounty Box on full display, the capture of Bin Laden was estimated to take place within 72 hours.

Submariner said...

Good, good... have it and the keys delivered to my tent for safe-keeping. And don't bother me for a coule hours - I'll be "strategizing my next offensive..."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Aww, jeez, they've had to lower enlistment standards enough to let criminals and retards join but NONE of yous guys knows how to pick a freaking lock?

Steve O said...

HA! They mispeled "Pron."

Steve O said...

I've a hole in my pocket, in my pocket, in my pocket.

I've a hole in my pocket, in my pocket, in my pocket.

I've a hole in my pocket, in my pocket, in my pocket.

And it makes. Me. Happy!!


Everybody now...!

Steve O said...

We'll have to use the lift truck to get the BIG box.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Wow, sending PRON to Saudi Arabia? Can't say this is like hauling coal to Newcastle, can you?

-OR-

Ya'know, this reminds me of the time we accidentally flew them nukes clear across America's heartland in that Bent Spear incident, only this is so much hotter.

-OR-

Of course it's the top secret electronics gear, you nitwit; but if we'd stenciled TOP SECRET ELECTRONICS, some zealot might have pilfered it during the layover at Bagram!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

You guys enjoy the cakes and cookies from your moms. I knew my pa wouldn't let me down at xmas.

Kaptain Krude said...

This is obviously a photoshop. Everybody knows the correct spelling is PRON.

blue said...

the girl on the left looks satisfied....

Rodney Dill said...

In an expected act of generosity, Tiger Woods, donates a collection of light reading to the Armed Services.