Monday, March 29, 2010

Ripped From the Headlines



1. "Hillary whipped it out once at the Leather Womyn's retreat. No sh-t, it was this big!"

2. "... And by Tuesday, the rivers will run with the blood of anything with testicles."

3. How did Marcy D'arcy become Prime Minister of Iceland anyway?

4. "Who just yelled 'Iron My Shirt?'"

5. Ed Begley Junior's first attempt at drag was an unmitigated disaster.

Best of GregMan
"Because I'm an ugly, dried-up, man-hating old bag who can't PAY a man to look at me, that's why."

Best of molson
The last BM I took was like this big. No I'm not kidding. I got photos.

Best of Submariner
"Slowly I turned..."

Best of Jay Guevara
"What is a 'taco?' And why does everyone ask when I ate my first, and then laughs hysterically?"

Best of mega
"And this is the size of the Icelandic economy. This exact space between my hands. So my plan is to prevent people from making $100 in hard currency from foreigners for providing five minutes of entertainment."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Why did the glacier cross the road?? Oh, I get it. Another shot at my being a frigid lesbo, right? Just for that, no more nudie bars!

Best of Rodney Dill
"I dropped the baby... I don't know why."

Best of Silhouette
"...all the books behind me, in a tablet this big. And if you buy from Amazon using our link, you help support Iceland."

Best of Vinney
If that's what you want to do? Fine. But, don't expect Bill Clinton to show up the next time you have an earthquake.

Threadwinner: dadoctah
Disneyworld's audio-animatron of Andy Warhol still needed some tweaking.

Best of Jay Guevara
"So I turned around and looked in the bowl, and so help me God..."

34 comments:

dadoctah said...

"Five. Five dollar. Five dollar foot-long."

mpur said...

Just thank God she didn't lift age restrictions for dancers.

Double the U said...

They didn't outlaw them, they just made every night ladies night.

GregMan said...

"Because I'm an ugly, dried-up, man-hating old bag who can't PAY a man to look at me, that's why."

GregMan said...

"Now, see, picture a desert. A really DRY desert, with bleached white bones all over the place and a hot wind blowing. That's my vagina."

molson said...

The last BM I took was like this big. No I'm not kidding. I got photos.

Army of Dad said...

I was straight once...guy was *this big*...he put it in the wrong hole. It was girls only for me from then on!

Army of Dad said...

Well if the stripper was any bigger than *this* dub would have bood them off the stage so I closed them all to protect the girls egos.

Submariner said...

"Slowly I turned..."

Submariner said...

...so I grabbed the Secretary of State's intern's hips like this, and squealed; "For me? You shouldn't have!"

Submariner said...

EXCUSE me, Mr. Newsome? Now I do WHAT to the microphone?!?

Submariner said...

Thawt bubble; "HO-LY GAIA! That Thomas woman makes ME look like a debutante!"

Spin said...

Icelandic Lesbian PM claims testosterone is causing all of the islands volcanoes.

Still refuses to be tested herself.

Jay Guevara said...

"What is a 'taco?' And why does everyone ask when I ate my first, and then laughs hysterically?"

curly said...

"Too often to... eh, a bunch of late, the last couple-three years... the maldistribution of income-merica has gone up w-way too much. The wealthy are getting w-ay, w-ay too wealthy, and the middle income class is left behind...."

mega said...

"And this is the size of the Icelandic economy. This exact space between my hands. So my plan is to prevent people from making $100 in hard currency from foreigners for providing five minutes of entertainment."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Well, I thought outlawing nudie bars would divert attention from the fact that our nation is bankrupt and natural disasters make our citizens question why the hell we live on this gawdforsaken rock. Didn't Obamalama push a healthcare bill to divert attention from your country's insolvency and a natural disaster called Congress, smartypants?

-OR-

Iceland's 18–64 age group demographic includes about 100k females and 110k horny guys. You do the math. A crone like me doesn't stand a chance of nailing a young sweetie if guys get to them first!

-OR-

Why did the glacier cross the road?? Oh, I get it. Another shot at my being a frigid lesbo, right? Just for that, no more nudie bars!

Rodney Dill said...

"This loses us how much government revenue?"

Rodney Dill said...

five, five dollar, five dollar w00t DONG

Rodney Dill said...

"I dropped the baby... I don't know why."

Silhouette said...

"...all the books behind me, in a tablet this big. And if you buy from Amazon using our link, you help support Iceland."

Rodney Dill said...

Raykovich. Ragnarok. Whats the difference.

Festivus said...

Vat doo theez menz zee in zee ti-yet boolbuz buttocks?

Anonymous said...

If that's what you want to do? Fine. But, don't expect Bill Clinton to show up the next time you have an earthquake.

Vinney

blue said...

if I could find a man this big, I wouldn't be a lesbian

dadoctah said...

Disneyworld's audio-animatron of Andy Warhol still needed some tweaking.

dadoctah said...

Alternate Universe #3612: in this one, Janis Joplin is still alive.

Submariner said...

Q - How do you get the PM off topic?
A - Leave an open can of Starkist under a chair in the 4th row during the press conference...

Mr. Hankey said...

This garment in my hands was given to me by three magical tailors - and only a fool is unable to see it.

Mr. Hankey said...

The PM reacts as Erin Andrews asks a question.

Anonymous said...

"Sometimes decisions at the top are so difficult to make, and as PM I have decided to replace all our tittie bars with womens' basketball leagues."

Vinney

dadoctah said...

Pics like this make me wish *I* was a lesbian.

And stone blind.

Jay Guevara said...

"So I turned around and looked in the bowl, and so help me God..."

Steve O said...

The PM of Iceland describes the gift she gave to Nancy and Hillary.