Monday, March 08, 2010
PBO Inspects Another Jar
1. "At the, um, White House, we, um, use a spoon to mix our, um, Kool-Aid."
2. "I didn't um, even know Crystal Light made a, um, Saltwater Effluent Flavor." "They don't, Mr. President."
3. "And then we hold the hamster under the water until it stops squirming." "And, the, um, point of this, um, experiment is?" "Experiment?"
4. Jon Corzine willingly proved his loyalty by sticking his arm in a blender, but Obama just laughed and said, "Did you really think I was gonna make you my 'Hawaiian Shirt Czar'... Lefty?"
5. "Dammit, now you went and got your white people cooties into my fortified wine!"
Threadwinner: Jack Reacher
"We've mixed equal parts Hope and Change, Mr. President, let them age for a while, and now we have....oh, geez, what is that smell?"
Best of Mr. Hankey
The Obama clone is coming along wonderfully - but it needs a little more dill.
Best of Army of Dad
Shouldn't, um, Piss Christ have uh, you know, a um, Christ in it?
Best of VInney
"This is the last batch of Heinz' Green Ketchup- the dumbest thing from Heinz except for Theresa. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you Senator Kerry."
Best of Capt. Queeg
Distracted by a hippie fisting a jar of sewage, John Kerry accidentily strays into the event horizon of the black hole experiment going on over at table 2.
Best of Jay Guevara
The Death Panel Czar checks the quality of a batch of Soylent Green.
Best of curly
“So if Joe Bidden takes just one small sip of this stuff, he won’t be able to speak for a month?”
Best of blue
The sex ed teacher demonstrates to the president how to properly wash your hand before doing a reach around....
Senator Kerry can't wait for Obama to wash his hand.....
Best of censors hip
Obama watches with a puzzled look on his face as the instructor uses a simulator to demonstrate proper fisting techniques
Best of Highlander
"... and so, Mr. President, as part of our emphasis on going green, we are currently demonstrating to the students the benefits of recycling seemingly unusable material. For instance, we've discovered that bong-water makes an excellent exfoliant when used in the right amounts."
Best of dub
Ok....who shit in the stimulus jar again??
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Nah, Mr. President, we don't need more funding for special education. The tykes can play with this homemade fingerpaint for hours, plus it makes for a fairly palatable lunch. Here, lick my finger.
Best of Dactyl
Ever see that Star Trek movie where Ricardo Montalban drops a sand eel into Chekov's ear? Come a little closer...
Best of Silhouette
"And if my rabbit cage experiment didn't convince you, this jar proves that Bush caused Katrina and the Christmas tsunami."
Best of mega
"And this is the exact composition of the water when the PT boat went through." Kerry's Vietnam war-hero fetish was tiresome, but every Senate vote is sacred.
Best of Mr. Hankey
As Obama goes shopping for new brains for Joe Biden, he checks out the clearance rack.