Monday, March 08, 2010

PBO Inspects Another Jar


1. "At the, um, White House, we, um, use a spoon to mix our, um, Kool-Aid."

2. "I didn't um, even know Crystal Light made a, um, Saltwater Effluent Flavor." "They don't, Mr. President."

3. "And then we hold the hamster under the water until it stops squirming." "And, the, um, point of this, um, experiment is?" "Experiment?"

4. Jon Corzine willingly proved his loyalty by sticking his arm in a blender, but Obama just laughed and said, "Did you really think I was gonna make you my 'Hawaiian Shirt Czar'... Lefty?"

5. "Dammit, now you went and got your white people cooties into my fortified wine!"

Threadwinner: Jack Reacher
"We've mixed equal parts Hope and Change, Mr. President, let them age for a while, and now we have....oh, geez, what is that smell?"

Best of Mr. Hankey
The Obama clone is coming along wonderfully - but it needs a little more dill.

Best of Army of Dad
Shouldn't, um, Piss Christ have uh, you know, a um, Christ in it?

Best of VInney
"This is the last batch of Heinz' Green Ketchup- the dumbest thing from Heinz except for Theresa. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you Senator Kerry."

Best of Capt. Queeg
Distracted by a hippie fisting a jar of sewage, John Kerry accidentily strays into the event horizon of the black hole experiment going on over at table 2.

Best of Jay Guevara
The Death Panel Czar checks the quality of a batch of Soylent Green.

Best of curly
“So if Joe Bidden takes just one small sip of this stuff, he won’t be able to speak for a month?”

Best of blue
The sex ed teacher demonstrates to the president how to properly wash your hand before doing a reach around....
Senator Kerry can't wait for Obama to wash his hand.....

Best of censors hip
Obama watches with a puzzled look on his face as the instructor uses a simulator to demonstrate proper fisting techniques

Best of Highlander
"... and so, Mr. President, as part of our emphasis on going green, we are currently demonstrating to the students the benefits of recycling seemingly unusable material. For instance, we've discovered that bong-water makes an excellent exfoliant when used in the right amounts."

Best of dub
Ok....who shit in the stimulus jar again??

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Nah, Mr. President, we don't need more funding for special education. The tykes can play with this homemade fingerpaint for hours, plus it makes for a fairly palatable lunch. Here, lick my finger.

Best of Dactyl
Ever see that Star Trek movie where Ricardo Montalban drops a sand eel into Chekov's ear? Come a little closer...

Best of Silhouette
"And if my rabbit cage experiment didn't convince you, this jar proves that Bush caused Katrina and the Christmas tsunami."

Best of mega
"And this is the exact composition of the water when the PT boat went through." Kerry's Vietnam war-hero fetish was tiresome, but every Senate vote is sacred.

Best of Mr. Hankey
As Obama goes shopping for new brains for Joe Biden, he checks out the clearance rack.

37 comments:

Mr. Hankey said...

As Kyle demonstrates how the "Birth-er Test" does not dissolve his hand, Obama looks on cautiously.

Mr. Hankey said...

The Obama clone is coming along wonderfully - but it needs a little more dill.

Army of Dad said...

Shouldn't, um, Piss Christ have uh, you know, a um, Christ in it?

Army of Dad said...

"What do you mean that is my typical white grandmother!?"

Army of Dad said...

Immediately after seeing the guy stick his hand in the acid filled jar Kerry put himself in for another Purple Heart.

Army of Dad said...

"Wait, where are my balls? M'chel specifically told me they were in that jar!"

Anonymous said...

"Sir, the students wanted me to run some tests on the cafeteria pea soup, and it's not good."

Vinney

Anonymous said...

"This is the last batch of Heinz' Green Ketchup- the dumbest thing from Heinz except for Theresa. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you Senator Kerry."

Vinney

Capt. Queeg said...

Distracted by a hippie fisting a jar of sewage, John Kerry accidentily strays into the event horizon of the black hole experiment going on over at table 2.

Capt. Queeg said...

In the end Rob Reiner would be dissapointed, the $15M in stimulus money went to Wobbly Felt Remnant Organizer.

Jay Guevara said...

The Death Panel Czar checks the quality of a batch of Soylent Green.

dadoctah said...

Unable to make headway against the brick wall that is the GOP, the administration lets off a little steam by appearing in a Shamwow infomercial.

wv: ultegato. Not just any ordinary cat, no sir.

curly said...

“So David Axelrod’s hair gel is made of recycled New York Times editorial pages and goat piss?”

curly said...

“So if Joe Bidden takes just one small sip of this stuff, he won’t be able to speak for a month?”

curly said...

“…and this formerly homeless man receives stimulus grant money to teach fifth graders the difference between shit and shinola.”

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Right, the sum total of our new Kansas creationist curriculum is to demonstrate to impressionable minds that you can mix water and dirt but it won't get up and write a best selling novel. Don't you just love the Dark Ages, sir?

-OR-

DNC Skunkworks
It's all about image and juxtaposition. We place this jar on the stage next to your opponents to emphasize how clean you are. Stick to the teleprompter and we should have articulate covered. BTW, any chance you'd replace Hussein with Frank or Joe?

blue said...

the sex ed teacher demonstrates to the president how to properly wash your hand before doing a reach around....
Senator Kerry can't wait for Obama to wash his hand.....

censors hip said...

Obama watches with a puzzled look on his face as the instructor uses a simulator to demonstrate proper fisting techniques

Highlander said...

"... and so, Mr. President, as part of our emphasis on going green, we are currently demonstrating to the students the benefits of recycling seemingly unusable material. For instance, we've discovered that bong-water makes an excellent exfoliant when used in the right amounts."

dub said...

Ok....who shit in the stimulus jar again??

Jack Reacher said...

"We've mixed equal parts Hope and Change, Mr. President, let them age for a while, and now we have....oh, geez, what is that smell?"

Jack Reacher said...

Ted, a typical 8th grader in the D.C. school district, is eager to show off his Science Fair entry.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Nah, Mr. President, we don't need more funding for special education. The tykes can play with this homemade fingerpaint for hours, plus it makes for a fairly palatable lunch. Here, lick my finger.

-OR-

This jar? Oh, that's a sample of what them crooked democrats and republicans have accomplished over several decades. Mix equal parts dirt and polluted water, out comes mud only someone with a bad case of pica can swallow.

dadoctah said...

In a truly epic scheduling snafu, the photo-op with Bill Nye the Science Guy gets switched for a summit visit with Canadian ambassador Red Green.

molson said...

Hey John. Why don't you and your orange tie step up here and give this a try. I want to test this stuff on someone unimportant in case something goes way wrong.

jj said...

obama, "So this is kim-chee?"
kerry, "I was in Vietnam you know".

Dactyl said...

Ever see that Star Trek movie where Ricardo Montalban drops a sand eel into Chekov's ear? Come a little closer...

fshafer said...

why the long face, John?

Silhouette said...

"And if my rabbit cage experiment didn't convince you, this jar proves that Bush caused Katrina and the Christmas tsunami."

mega said...

"So, that one jar has the required calories to feed every patient in a mid-sized hospital for 6 days? Excellent."

mega said...

thought bubble: "I wonder what JayZ is doing in the Sit Room right now..."

mega said...

"And this is the exact composition of the water when the PT boat went through." Kerry's Vietnam war-hero fetish was tiresome, but every Senate vote is sacred.

robert said...

...and here we have a stool sample from Fat Bastard.

This jar contains essence of healthcare reform. We found it in the barnyard.

Mr. Hankey said...

As Obama goes shopping for new brains for Joe Biden, he checks out the clearance rack.

Mr. Hankey said...

As medical technicians attempt to reclaim Nancy Pelosi's body, Obama is still amazed how that little girl from Kansas was able to melt Pelosi by throwing a bucket of water on her.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

On Second Thought
Obamalama had hoped being a contestant on Fear Factor would boost his ratings. Then, he learned he'd have to swallow the democrat's universal health care promises.

WordVerify: lingami - a tongue-tied kiss [Synonym: oralgami]

Submariner said...

Riffing off Mr. Hankey;


Let me get this straight - you want me to put an "Abbey Normal" brain into a man who's a heartbeat from the Presidency? OK
It's still a step up from status quo...