Monday, February 01, 2010

Lover's Spat

Van Helsing

1. "You made me say those awful things. You!"

2. "What's that boy? Timmy's trapped in the, um, old well?"

3. The crowd had difficulty figuring out what Obama meant when he passionately intoned. "What the f--k is this sh-t? I can't make out Axelrod's handwriting. Turn the damn voice-to-text feature off while I figure this out. Are we still transcribing?"

4. "I'm busy and Nancy's busy pulling my finger --- we don't want somebody sitting back saying, you're not pulling the finger the right way. That's a socialist finger.' Pull my finger!"

5. "Don't you turn your back on me you chalk-faced whore!"

Wicked Best of Silhouette
Detail from The Creation of Obama, on the ceiling of ACORN headquarters.

Best of Rodney Dill
Objects in Mirror are more pompous than they appear.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
You wanted lip service on jobs, not healthcare? Well, I'm going to give you so much lip service on jobs, your welfare checks will have hickeys on them! You're going to be begging me to go back to pretending I can do something about healthcare!

Best of Unscrupulous
"You've screwed me for the last time teleprompter #413! Awww, I could never stay mud at you. Damn! You're making this real hard."

Best of Mr. Hankey
I recommend the Evelyn Woodhead sped reddin' course to all mah friends out there, and you tell 'em you heard it here first on Roller Derby!!

Best of Silhouette
"When I said my administration would be the most transparent, I was talking about smoke, mirrors, and this wonderful, wonderful little plexiglass square."

Best of blue
you...the heckler... get your butt up here so I can bow to you...

Best of dadoctah
"Aiieee! Gojira!!!"

Best of mega
"Republican congressmen at your lion's den offsite, I just have the following ad-hoc, spontaneous comment to make...."

Best of Submariner
I didn't get an obeisance from that man!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Somewhere, out there, is a business crying out to be nationalized."

Best of Steve O
And to the Republicans, "PULL IT I SAY!!"
I SAY "PULL IT!!!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
Much like how a cat will attack it's own reflection in a mirror, Obama will debate his own reflection upon catching sight of it.

29 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

I love you man

Rodney Dill said...

Objects in Mirror are more pompous than they appear.

Anonymous said...

"I don't care what you say about me, but don't say anything about my momma. Got that Michelle"!

Vinney

Carpe Phlogiston said...

No wonder I'm mispronouncing words! There's a frigging fly walking across the teleprompter!

-OR-

You wanted lip service on jobs, not healthcare? Well, I'm going to give you so much lip service on jobs, your welfare checks will have hickeys on them! You're going to be begging me to go back to pretending I can do something about healthcare!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

I did NOT have sex with that waitress! You're confusing me with another light-skinned personality with no discernible ethics, er, I mean negroid dialect.

Unscrupulous said...

"You've screwed me for the last time teleprompter #413! Awww, I could never stay mud at you. Damn! You're making this real hard."

Double the U said...

Pre-vee-us add-men ohhhh Previous administration! oh yeah, it was.. it is the previous administrations fault.

Mr. Hankey said...

I recommend the Evelyn Woodhead sped reddin' course to all mah friends out there, and you tell 'em you heard it here first on Roller Derby!!

Silhouette said...

"You are the wind beneath my wings."

Silhouette said...

"When I said my administration would be the most transparent, I was talking about smoke, mirrors, and this wonderful, wonderful little plexiglass square."

Silhouette said...

Detail from The Creation of Obama, on the ceiling of ACORN headquarters.

blue said...

you...the heckler... get your butt up here so I can bow to you...

molson said...

Do you not speaka the english? Now shut your cake holes and worship me or so help me your 401k's are mine.

Jay Guevara said...

Teleprompter: "Emote now."

dadoctah said...

"Aiieee! Gojira!!!"

mega said...

"Republican congressmen at your lion's den offsite, I just have the following ad-hoc, spontaneous comment to make...."

Mr. Hankey said...

Attending the Super Bowl with his person dais, President Obama is told by his teleprompter to stand & argue an incomplete pass call. Soon he will boo, and then later clap his hands - if it's in the script.

Submariner said...

I didn't get an obeisance from that man!

Submariner said...

No, I am NOT going to "Whip dis out."

Submariner said...

I need a new Safe School Czar...
You! The pedophile in the second row.

Jay Guevara said...

"Yeah, I'm talkin' to you, boy!"

Jay Guevara said...

"I'm ...uh...a loyal...uh...and... uh...patriotic... uh ...American. It's _this_ thing ...uh... that is the ...uh...communist."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The Wizard of O
An embarrassing confrontation between hostile townhall attendees and Obamalama -
HTA: "What would you do with a brain if you had one?"
O: "Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain."
HTA: "There's no place like home, there's no place like home... and we've lost ours!!!"
O: "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog too... ahahahaha."
HTA: "Close your eyes and tap your heels together 3 times... maybe your popularity will go up."
O: Ooooh, noooo, I'm melting! I'm melting!!!

Jack Reacher said...

"Pause and take a sip of water...Oh, dammit, I read the stage directions again!"
WV: humble. Most ironic WV ever!

Jack Reacher said...

"Somewhere, out there, is a business crying out to be nationalized."

Steve O said...

And to the Republicans, "PULL IT I SAY!!"
I SAY "PULL IT!!!"

Steve O said...

"...and whenever you point at a socialist, remember that you have three fingers pointing back at you!"

Jay Guevara said...

"Hey you! Yes, you! You with the jug ears!"

Kaptain Krude said...

Much like how a cat will attack it's own reflection in a mirror, Obama will debate his own reflection upon catching sight of it.