1. "I'm Ron Burgundy. Go f--k yourself, Jefferson Elementary."
2. "Oh, wow, man, I said wait a second, man. What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year?"
3. "Why did they all move their desks to the back of the room when I said the Safe School Czar would be speaking next?"
4. Robert Gibbs and David Plouffe vigorously denied that Obama cheated to win the sixth grade spelling bee.
5. Despite extensive preparations, the Parent Teacher Conference turned out to be a disaster. Hussein kept insisting that Malia's class performance "isn't about me," and M'Chel tore out the principal's heart with her b'at l'eth for a perceived insult of her honor.
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Hardball questions such as - "Why isn't that crook Tim Geithner in jail?" - "We were evicted on Christmas Eve, how was Hawaii?" - "Why send millions to Haiti and billions to Afgahnistan while Appalachians and Native Americans live in squalor?" - had Obamalama missing the candyass White House press corps.
Best of D. Dean
Uh, well kids... the teleprompters went out. Time for recess.
Best of sonicfrog
ORA: ♫ He went there to read a letter, meow, meow, meow.
Where the reading light was better, meow, meow, meow... ♫
Best of GregMan
"When I was in school, the first thing they taught us was what direction Mecca was."
Best of Jay Guevara
"And now, kids, we'll proceed with the reading of My Pet...(teleprompter scrolls)...Goat.
Best of Vinney
"Hey kids, where's the bathroom here so I sneak in a smoke"?
Best of Submariner
No, not exactly true that "anyone can grow up to be President." You have to be light skinned, have no discernible negro accent, and never, Ever, EVER make a substantive campaign promise.
Best of metalgarth
If this can't get me a date with Edna Krabbable, then nothing can!
Best of Double the U
The problems here are can be traced back to the fifth grade teacher.
Best of Jay Guevara
"Can't I just eat my graham cracker?"
50 comments:
And the magnificent American president solved all the education problems in the world as children cheered and women were moved to tears.
"As you children can see, reading is an important part of being president. If you can't read you'll never get ahead."
Vinney
"As punishment for you kids in after school detention, I will read you the Senate version of the Health Care Bill. So, here we go. You know this is the first time I've read it, too. Hee, hee."
Vinney
Space limitations caused a disappointed Obama to leave the greek columns and full orchestra in the four buses out front.
The Brain Stem prepares to compare his healthcare plan to unicorns and rainbows for the one group of ACORN approved voters that might listen.
Populism trumps popularity
Hardball questions such as - "Why isn't that crook Tim Geithner in jail?" - "We were evicted on Christmas Eve, how was Hawaii?" - "Why send millions to Haiti and billions to Afgahnistan while Appalachians and Native Americans live in squalor?" - had Obamalama missing the candyass White House press corps.
-OR-
Obamalama and his trained goon are suddenly pelted by a barrage of tiny shoes thrown by resentful tykes whose parents have consumed their retirement and college savings funds, lost their homes, and are still unemployed.
Memo to Chief of Staff: You dolt, why wasn't this held at a private school for Wall Street bankers' kids?!
Uh, well kids... the teleprompters went out. Time for recess.
Reading 'My Pet Goat' the way it was meant to be read.
"...and after my redistribution of your pet goat, you'll be happy with half a Shawarma."
ORA: ♫ He went there to read a letter, meow, meow, meow.
Where the reading light was better, meow, meow, meow... ♫
Mr. Hand, will I pass this class?
"Gee, Mr. Spicoli, only if you vote yes on ObamaCare and donate heavily to the SEIU"
"As Frank Marshall Davis taught me back in Hawaii, 'C' is for Catamite."
Despite not actually having brought anything for Show 'n' Tell, Barry Soetero is awarded the All-Time Master Grand Champion Show 'n' Tell Gold Star.
"When I was in school, the first thing they taught us was what direction Mecca was."
"and as you can see, after the Scott Brown win, we are forced to relocate my staff here".....
It was Career Day at Robinson High and the kids wanted to know just exactly what it took to become a community organizer.
Vinney
"And now, kids, we'll proceed with the reading of My Pet...(teleprompter scrolls)...Goat.
wv:croprole (sounds somehow appropriate, doesn't it?)
Riff on Vinney's entry:
"Reading is important, kids. I owe everything I am today to reading ability. Well, Communist Party operatives helped too."
Yes...you in the red dress.
..I called your daddy a "tea-bagger"? Um...Charlie, do we have a response to that?
In case you haven't noticed...I also have 2 girls...and for anyone watching around the country, they’re both available too.
"Hey kids, where's the bathroom here so I sneak in a smoke"?
Vinney
"What? Where'd they all go? All I said was, "Now I'd like to get acquainted with my 'Safe Schools' Czar."
Any of you still have any change?
No, not exactly true that "anyone can grow up to be President." You have to be light skinned, have no discernible negro accent, and never, Ever, EVER make a substantive campaign promise.
Has everyone seen the giant bunny with a pancake hat? Good. Let me tell you about the Secretary of State...
I welcome all of you who came out to the renaming of Soetero Madrassa, um, Elementary School...
Why yes, I AM still master of my domain...
Pardon me whilst I whip dis out...
v word - feesies - exactly what I usually think when I hear him speak.
If this can't get me a date with Edna Krabbable, then nothing can!
The problems here are can be traced back to the fifth grade teacher.
My God, I only had a chance to just pop in here to check up on you miscreants, and V the K's #1 nearly brought me to tears! Nice.
"OK, which one of you little f_ckers finger-painted on my teleprompter??!!"
"This meeting has gone as well as can be expected. I give myself a solid B+, and now adjourn myself for punch and cookies."
"It's all Bush's fault! He's spoiled those kids on My Pet Goat. Gibbs! Go fetch me a better book! That Bush won't outshine me here!"
A, ahhh B, C, ahhhh, D, ahhh, E-F-Geee, ahhhh H,I then J, ahhhhh, K...
'Mares eat oats,
and does eat oats,
and little lambs eat ivy.'
"Can't I just eat my graham cracker?"
"For show-and-tell today, I brought a humorless Secret Service guy."
Saved or created one million class pets.
"Does this podium make my hips look big?"
"i think that when you spread the milk and cookies around, its better for everyone"
Pomp and Arrogance
When's nap time?
"Is this thing on?"
"Is this thing on?"
Are you smarter than a 5th Grader?
Obama finds out.
"My Daddy says you have tin ear. Can you say which one it is?"
...
Hey, anybody seen Billy? He didn't come back after the break.
Obama practices his "State of the Unions" speech in front of a receptive audience.
Samantha Miller agrees to a highway to be named in her honor... and she won't ask any really tough questions.
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