Wednesday, December 30, 2009

In Too Deep

Brender



Best of dub
You know, the REAL Jesus could just walk across the water and slam it home.

Best of mega
In Mexico, government-run plumbing is affordable, and available to all.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Even though I have missed the basket, my intentions are good. I hereby award myself a B+, and the victory, as well." A young Obama practices his skillz that will pay the billz.

Best of Submariner
"...and that was the moment that inspiration hit young Jesse - he could start a Coalition!"

Best of GregMan
"I'll take 'Metaphors for the Obama Administration' for $600, Alex."

Best of molson
Somewhere a polar bear weeps.

Stupid Spoiled Whore and Her Tonsils

Hi, to close out 2009, I am presenting the leftover pics that I wanted to use, but couldn't think of captions for. I'm gonna treat these as free-for-alls, and update the Best ofs daily for the rest of the year. (Unless I am offline on 12-30 doing dad stuff)



Best of dub
Dude, you dont have to make out with your RealDoll before corn-holing her. Rookie mistake.

Best of Mr Hankey
The meeting of H1 and N1 led to many consequences.

Best of Vinney
"Hey, easy does it Paris. We're at the company Christmas party and I'm your first cousin."

Best of molson
Guess what I had for lunch... repeatedly.

Best of Shawn
Wait a minute, Ben Afleck is straight again?

Best of Steve O
Ben Afleck eases back into the dating scene with "practice girl" Paris Hilton.
Best of Submariner
"HELLO!"
Hello!
ello...
llo...
lo...
o...
...

Best of Submariner
Yeah, I'd have those white spots checked, uh, wait a minute; they appear to be some knd of liquid?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
NOM NOM NOM

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Well, I think your hat is funny, so neener neener



Wicked Best of Silhouette
One more payment, hon, and the Ronco Bedazzler embroidery attachment is ours.

Wicked Best of GregMan
In the first free elections ever held in the Republic of Zkmnkjdkstvistan, Achmed proudly casts his vote for the "Live Racoon On Your Head" party.

Best of dadoctah
In an election day 2012 photo-op, John and Cindy McCain cast their ballots. Afterwards, it's off to Luby's for brunch.

Best of GregMan
"OK, I put it in the basket, can we board the damn plane now?!?"

Best of Mr Hankey
Lady Gaga's parents are big supporters of the Peoples Choice Awards.

Best of Silhouette
Madonna's latest reincarnation was actually my favorite so far.

Best of racerboy
The Gou'ald of the Upper Mongolian Steppe get little to no respect among the System Lords...

Best of Silhouette
America: 2035 Citizens simply drop their files into the bin, and every month one lucky person is chosen for treatment.

Best of racerboy
Rhasa and Lakhpa apply to get in line for a turn at Paris Hilton.

Best of molson
Obamy gets elected president of Nepal. Seems he's just as eligible to be president there as he is here.

Best of Shawn
OH ALRIGHT WOMAN, Hush!
Imma just gonna mail that Loch Ness Monster muh three fiddy.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Two of the Chinese terracotta statues were last seen leaving the National Geographic Museum and disappearing into a crowded Metro station.

Best of Matt the K
Unimpressed Fred & Joanne fill out comment cards after staying in the Nutcracker Suite.

Best of Jay Guevara
"There. That should put Franken over the top. Call the ACORN guy to schedule a pickup."

Dad?



Wicked Best of Double the U
Levi Johnson tries desperately to stay relevant.

Best of Army of Dad
Tom Hanks' son desperately tries to impress his father.

Best of GregMan
As more and more former lovers were found, Tiger Woods' lack of good taste became apparent to all.

Best of GregMan
Yet another explosive package in the underwear fails to go off.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
What's troubling is that after submitting pictures to the Thursday Babe vetting committee 27 weeks in a row, Harold's reached Tuesday.

Best of Submariner
Laugh all you want, but Ted was the most popular interpreter at Gitmo...

Best of blue
Mrs. Barney Frank

Best ofsonicfrog
MILRAFVQ - Mother I'd Like to Run Away From Very Quickly!

Best of racerboy
Ang Lee directs 2010's remake of Risky Business

Best of divine miss m
Verif. word: PECKSTA. As in, what we think he's hiding in those shortstas.

Best of Mr Hankey
John Edwards' other reason for dropping out of the race.

Best of Matt the K
Carol Channing's grandson gave up on getting any inheritance money years ago.

Leftovers - Gay Tuesday



Best of Rodney Dill
Mutt and Jeff

Best of Vinney
Scoobie Doo gets kinky.

Best of Army of Dad
Suddenly, Billy Ray realizes this is not the white power rally...

Best of GregMan
A Top attempts to tell yet another Bottom about Ron Paul at the Folsom Street Fair.

Best of molson
You gonna eat that booger?

Best of dub
Spotted, the source where Retar Dex Oral Rinse is bottled.

Best of dadoctah
Meanwhile, back at the Hall of Justice, the Super Friends go over a few new applications for new members.

Best of Matt the K
"I didn't get a 'haroooph' out of that guy"

Best of dadoctah
RCA Victor holds open (and I do mean open) auditions for the updated "his master's voice" logo.

Best of Adriane
The Dogs of War's 2nd cousin's by marriage, grand nephew once removed's, next door neighbor's, little brother's friends.

Best of divine miss m
Suit up boys; we’re goin’ in!

Gay Tuesday Leftovers



Best of Matt the K
Metalgarth strolls out of the courthouse, smug in the knowledge his Rob Halford/Joan Rivers costume has spared him jury duty once again.

Best of Vinney
A paunchy Satan resolves to diet after the holidays.

Best of Army of Dad
When mascots go bad, on the next Maury.

Best of molson
You might want to try hitting the gym or wear a shirt. Yeah wearing a shirt might be best for you.

Best of racerboy
Devils' Morning After

Best of Submariner
Karl Rove as Gavin Newsom sees him...

Best of dadoctah
All of the other reindeer *used* to laugh and call him names....

Best of racerboy
There's a certain symmetry, don't you think, in the repetitive shape of his chin, codpiece, and beer gut?

Monday, December 28, 2009

Welcome to the Gulag, Baby

Hi, to close out 2009, I am presenting the leftover pics that I wanted to use, but couldn't think of captions for. I'm gonna treat these as free-for-alls, and update the Best ofs daily for the rest of the year. (Unless I am offline on 12-30 doing dad stuff)



Best of blue
the new cast of Scrubs awaiting execution

Best of Matt the K
Dear Mom, dorm life at the University of Siberia is quite different from the brochures. Please send smokes.

Best of dadoctah
"Listen up, double-o seven. One of our agents has infiltrated the elite guard, undetected by his comrades despite his nonstandard footwear and lack of trousers."

Best of jeff
In Soviet Russia, we imprison you!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Leave No Child Behind - Teach to the Test!

Best of Submariner
Oh yeah? Well, when Kevin Bacon gets here we're gonna DANCE!

Best of Army of Dad
Obama did away with Gitmo, but his new prison raised some serious questions. Meanwhile the Secretary of Homeland Security claims the system works!

Colin Blow

Hi, to close out 2009, I am presenting the leftover pics that I wanted to use, but couldn't think of captions for. I'm gonna treat these as free-for-alls, and update the Best ofs daily for the rest of the year. (Unless I am offline on 12-30 doing dad stuff)

Who sent me this? Was it you, Al?

1. "DO THE RINO! Doot-doot-doot da-doot da-doot doot-doot...

Best of Submariner
Veep nomination?!? I got your Veep nomination right here!

Best of Whacko
"Whoa! I know I left them someplace. Hey! Has anyone seen my balls?"

Best of GregMan
With the Obamessiah's poll numbers in the tank, Colin Powell fights his ennui the only way he knows how.

Best of Vinney
Unfortunately Colin Powell's diuretic kicks in as he waves to his adoring fans.

Best of molson
I'm too sexy for my Depends.

Best of Mr Hankey
You can usually score first row seats as president of the Madonna Fan Club,

Best of Jay Guevara
ORA: "This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for fun."

Best of Army of Dad
In a vain attempt to show how "down" he is Colin starts wearing his pants below his ass and waving his hands "in da air, like he just don't care".

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Tell me if you've heard this one... Obamalama, Rangle and Tiger Woods walk into a bar, all ignoring Colin's attempt to attract their attention.

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Yea, Go Team... Whatever

Sorry for the lateness. As those of you who are Facebook friends know, I had a Christmas that made Planes, Trains, and Automobiles look like... um, some movie where somebody gets home to his family for Christmas easily and with no hassles at all.


1. "Gimme an E, Gimme an N, Gimme another N, Gimme U, Gimme an I..."

2. When auditioning for a spot as MSNBC White House correspondant, attitude is as important as dressing for the job.

3. "How can we work up enthusiasm for pole-dancing when the Democrats are running up a 20 trillion-dollar national debt?"

4. "Remind me again why the chess team even has cheerleaders?"

5. "Well, looks like Army of Mom stole our boyfriends... again!"

Best of dadoctah
What say we just let Sylar take these two? And screw saving the world.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
When you run out of ideas during a "what should we superglue next" game, think cheerleader palms. It could take hours for them to realize they can't clap or spell out letters anymore.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
The Brian Lamb Fan Club cheer leading squad was brainier than most, but that didn't make C-SPAN any less boring.

Best of blue
Coach said we could make the A squad if we go to the special all night practice sessions at her house......

Best of Passionate Conservative
Who thought doing the entire football team under the stands would be so tiring? Well, except for the field goal kicker....we know he swings the other way...

Best of GregMan
"Damn, Old Navy will be closed by the time this game is over."

Best of Silhouette
"When this Churchill guy finally shuts up about Warrior being offensive to native peoples," thought Katie, "I can tell him we're both full blooded Cheyenne and don't give a crap."

Best of Submariner
Being members of the Pep Squad for the Ypsalanti Ennui's is not that challenging...

Best of Matt the K
Yes, Mr. Polanksi, we've seen one before. Can we go back to cheerleading practice now?

Thursday, December 24, 2009

How Many Fake Things Are In This Picture?



Best of dub
*This is OnStar...I'm sensing two deployed fun-bags*

Best of Submariner
Laugh all you want, but it took me 23 hours and 17 minutes to get her in that harness...

Unwrap



Best of Vinney
The present that says, "Open me first" in so many more ways than one.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
A fine example of Hobson's Choice; I only see the Gift. Not the gadget.

Best of Army of Dad
Ladies, this robbon has two sided tape. You can dress sexy for the holiday and get your Brazilian done at the same time!

Best of Adriane
The contest is over. Mac won.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Wholesome Stuff


1. And then the ACLU attorney yelled, "Don't you force your God on me!" and threw a boiling pot of lentil soup on them.

2. "We wish you a meaningless existence! We wish you a meaningless existence! We wish you a meaningless existence! And you'll rot in the grave!" Atheists have carolers, too.

3. "Hi! We're the carolers from the Gay-Straight Alliance. What would you rather hear, 'I Saw Daddy Fisting Santa Claus?' or something by Lady Ga-Ga?"

4. "Why thank you, Congressman Frank. We'd love to come in for some of your 'Special Eggnog.' What do you mean 'just the boys?' "

5. "You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why. It's because the psychiatric profession is just a scam to sell you drugs." Scientology carolers.

Wicked Best of Silhouette
It was a sad day for the Low Self Esteem carolers when the door opened wide to reveal Simon Cowell.

Best of GregMan
"Oh little town of Washington, how your taxes bleed us dry..."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Pelosi wouldn't come to the door. Obviously these weren't her constituents.

Best of Vinney
"Hey mom, what are those two twinks in the Santa hats doing decorating the Christmas tree with real candles"?

Best of dadoctah
"I'm not even going to ask who you people are. I'd just like to know why it's snowing in my family room."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"No, I don't know how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Now you damn kids get off my damn lawn!" John 'Grumpy' McCain was just having a really bad day

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Johnny loved his hunting parka, but even that didn't hold a candle to Timmy's leopard skin penis warmer.

Best of Submariner
Uhhhhh, Mrs. Pelosi? It's customary to at LEAST throw on a robe before you open the door to carolers...

Best of Adriane
On the first day of Christmas, Al Gore, he gave to me ... No proof of Global Warming...

Remember This!


1. "Oh, it was a horrible nightmare B.A. I dreamed the president was a communist and the First Lady was a Klingon! That could never happen, could it?"

2. "It's not you, Mr. T. It's me. I hope we can still be friends."

3. "Do you mind, Nancy? I'm on the shitter here."

4. "Psst, got any weed?"

5. "I've never smelled one of you people before." (ATDHE)

Best of dub
"Now...carry me to the living room, boy."

Best of dub
T learned a lesson that day...be very specific when asking about da white women.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Nancy had an unsual corner technique leading Clubber Lang to soon fall to Rocky in the final round.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After swallowing rufee-laced tea, Mr. T. sat passively while the kindly old lady stole his doll collection and sucked out his brain in Hallmark's sci-fi remake of Arsenic and Old Lace.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Psst. I don't get half of the entries on V the K's Caption This!"

Best of dub
The "Side-Saddle Cowgirl"?? Nancy, you slut!

Best of Jay Guevara
"So then honky biyotch say she pregnant. Dayum! So I gots to marry her skeevy ass. No Greyhound in Hawaii, you know what I sayin'? First chance I got, brutha booked. For real. Cold got to be. Mofo kid da President now. Believe that shit? Fo' shizzle!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

AoM's Guitar Hero


1. "Congressman Frank, why weren't any other House Pages invited to your Christmas Party?"

2. Billy figured out a great way to make sure no one would ever touch his Guitar Hero game again.

3. "That's right, babe. If you oppose ObamaCare, you don't get any of this." Tyler embargoes his right hand.

4. Rock Band: The Iggy Pop Edition sold only one copy.

5. "You guys finish up the tree, I'll play some Christmas Carols. 'O, Holy Night, the stars are bright-ly shin-ing..."

Absolutely Outstanding Best of Army of Dad
As his guitar gently weeps.

Best of Submariner
I'm gonna slow things down, now...

Best of Unscrupulous
Ramalama ding dong!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Anyone here having a birthday? What's your name?"

Best of dadoctah
Outtakes from 1972's "An Osmond Family Christmas".

Best of Army of Dad
Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Best of sonicfrog
You guys are such perv's. He's playing the Red Hot Chili Pepper's version of Guitar Hero. Duh.

Best of Rodney Dill
Guitar Zero

Don we now our gay apparel


1. "No, that's not a Yule Log in my pocket, and I am happy to see you."

2. The evening started romantically, but would end in the emergency room with a painful and delicate pinecone extraction.

3. "Come on, stop fussing with the tree and watch Twilight on Blu-Ray with me."

4. "Not a creature was stirring, not even a gerbil. I told you it was too tight in there."

5. Safest bet in the world: Neither one of these guys watched the Giants stomp the Deadskins last night.

Best of molson
Hey! That's not a stocking you are stuffing.

Best of Matt the K
Bobby was such a narcissist, he asked for himself for Christmas.

Best of Army of Dad
Everytime a bell rings in the house a fairy gets rimmed.

Best of Army of Dad
Barney Frank: All I want for Crhistmas is my two twink fags, my two twink fags...

Best of Submariner
Wonder-Twin powers; Activate!

"Shape of a Twink"
"Form of a Twink"

Best of GregMan
"Todd, tell me again how well-hung my ornaments are!"

Best of GregMan
Dancer and Prancer trim the tree.

Best of dadoctah
"Say it again for me: 'I don't want to make toys; I want to be a dentist!'"

Best of sonicfrog
Johnny Storm's "Flame-On" Christmas!

Best of racerboy
Remember, now: the safe word is, "yule log."

Monday, December 21, 2009

In the Rough

Blondie?

1. Tiger knew he shouldn't have taken that last turn at Albuquerque.

2. "I think he said, 'The new Club Pro is near.'"

3. "Dammit, the white women ain't at over here either."

4. "Dammit, I can't believe I missed the hole again... stop snickering, caddy, or your ass is fired!"

5. (OK, in your mind, play this music in your head while looking at this pic.)

Best of GregMan
His golfing career in tatters after his serial adultery and wild partying becomes public, Tiger Woods decides on the only career option left to him - run for a senate seat in Massachusetts.

Best of Matt the K
Emerging from a chloroform haze, wakes to find himself in the Serengeti; a nasty note written in Swedish pinned to his nutsack.

Best of Viking04
Finding even trailerpark chicks too public, Tiget strikes out across the outback in search of nookie, and a few snack crackers.

Best of Steve O
The Alpha Male, shown here straying from his natural habitat.

Best of HLam
"Why oh why did I have to shank my ball into the Pussy-willows?. Now I'm horny."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Tiger is making sure that no one finds Girlfiend #14.

Best of Unscrupulous
Tiger, you'll never find the G-spot in the riparian zone, try the erogenous zone!

Detroit Do



1. Mrs. Al Sharpton celebrates the holidays.

2. "Am I late for the dildo cake Christmas party?"

3. Five minutes after walking out of Fantastic Sam's, Keneesha was held down and scalped by a pack of ACLU lawyers.

4. You do not want to know where she hung the mistletoe.

5. Marge Simpson leaves the tanning salon.

Best of Jack Reacher
Looks like the Christmas Sale is in full swing at Old Navy. ATDHE

Best of Mr. Hankey
...and our next contestant has a Hannukkah bush.

Best of Army of Dad
How The Pimp stole Christmas.

Best of Submariner
14th and John R Players be puttin' on "A Christmas Carole" and sh!t. I be da ghost of Christmas Presents.

Best of dadoctah
How the Grinch made everybody throw up in their mouth a little.

Best of Matt the K
One of the Hos of Hoville?

Best of Seoulman (R)
Merry Christmas from the north pole on MLK and 9th.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Army of Mom Made Me Post This


1. "Mom, tell us again how you worked your way through cosmetology school."

2. Desperate for cash, Paris Hilton begins working children's parties.

3. "Here, mommy, let me show you how to suppress your gag reflex like the swishy man from GLSEN taught us."

4. "See, kid. This is what Mommy has to do to get a birthday present from Daddy. Still wanna bitch because your 'My Little Pony' is the wrong color?"

5. "Now, Emily, this is quite a bit larger than what Mr. Polanski actually has, but I'm just trying to introduce you to the basic principle of what he expects."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
A true slice of neo-americana. First she introduces the little ones to the family business, then teaches them how to practice santeria rituals using the neighbor's pet cat.

Best of blue
An older Monica Lewinsky gets ready to move from Clinton to Obama

Best of paul mitchell
Senator Nelson, please let me try to convince you to vote for ObamaCare.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Unless you get in on the ground floor of some carbon-credit scam, kids, this is how you'll survive in the Green Economy."

Best of dadoctah
The *real* reason Mrs Garrett and the girls from "Facts of Life" had to leave Eastland.

Best of Matt the K
In an apoplectic fit, the reception hall manager rushed to correct the mixed-up room signs for the "Elton John's Naughty & Nice Party" and the "Olivia Newton-John's Niece Natalie's Party", but the damage was already done.

Best of Silhouette
I really don't get Kwaanza.

Best of Passionate Conservative
"Blow" out the candles...I get it. Heh.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Little Billy thinks to himself, "You know, I really don't want a piece of cake after all."

Best of divine miss m
After the cake, we squeezed Mom into a pair of hot pants and dropped her off down by the docks.

Best of Vinney
While in prison Martha Stewart combines her culinary and entrepenorial skills selling John Wadd cakes to fellow inmates.

Best of Army of Dad
This party sucks

Best of Matt the K
Peter North doesn't mind as long as you don't touch the cake's hair.

Best of Matt the K
Something tells me that "Pin The Tail On the Donkey" is gonna be done on a real donkey.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Dude Looks Like an OLD Lady


1. "Don't flatter yourself, Tyler. The only reason Cheney tried to proposition you in the men's room is because he thought you were Cokie Roberts."

2. "Don't look at me, I recommended a nice pair of 'Oakleys' not 'Oldladies."

3. "Hey, your Joo-Janta Peril Sensitive sunglasses turned black as soon as Dick Cheney walked up. What does that mean?"

4. "Dude, your hand. Gross! Do I have to explain those little rolls of paper in the men's room again?"

5. Rick thought he was hitting on the hottest, oldest cougar of his life until the 'Crying Game Reveal' in the men's room. But it was still cool getting blown by a member of Aerosmith.

Best of HLam
"Yeah, I'm bringing Sis to school for Show 'n Tell to demonstrate what 2 packs of Camels and a fifth of bourbon a day will do to ya."

Best of Shawn
Wait... Lindsay's straight again?

Best of Double the U
Why I disagree with Libertarians on the legalize all drugs issue.

Best of jj
Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, the retirement years.

Best of Matt the K
"Have you heard this one?...Paul Shaffer, Madonna and K-Fed walk into a deli..."

Best of dadoctah
"They're ready for you in makeup, Miss Baranski."

Best of Passionate Conservative
The real reason Billy Mays died: A night on the town with Nancy Pelosi.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
MOVIE PROMO: In "Weekend At Bernies Part V" the boys learn that Bernie (now 6 days dead and pretty ripe) holds a soon-to-expire Quickiemart lotto ticket worth $500k! Will a televised ceremony blow their chances to claim the money?

Best of Submariner
Don't mind Janey - she just downed a dessicant Slurpee...


Amy Winehouse Versus the Blob


1. "See, I told you I had a picture of Pete Dougherty without a needle in his arm...whoops, maybe not."

2. And now the finalists in the "Who is more Repulsive?" Cage Match.

3. "So, you ended up in rehab because of some guy named 'dub?'"

4. Then, the holo-characters got a hold of the PADD and completely ruined Commander Riker's nude volleyball program.

5. "Thanks for helping with my Sudoku puzzle. By the way, there's a grape Starburst stuck to your tit."

Wicked Best o' metalgarth
Wait till dub finds out this is the only porno film in hell....

Best o' Double the U
Here is a list of all the people on betnet.com that bet you would be dead by year's end... man we are going to make a ton of money.

Best o' Matt the K
Amy Winehouse and Mamie Swinehouse made a formidable Scrabble team.

Best o' molson
Great. After seeing that, I too have to become a raging crack head.

Best o' Army of Mom
Sally Struthers struggles with her deal-a-meal charts. Suddenly, Amy is looking like a mighty tasty KFC drumstick.

Best o' Carpe Phlogiston
Believe it or not, this paparazzi shot of John Travolta enjoying time in Aruba with secret love interest Brian Dennehy inspired this little ditty.

Best o' Seoulman (R)
And he was my first boyfriend until, I ate him. My friends said I needed to "eat him to keep him" I didn't know they meant it figuratively

Best o' Mr. Hankey
There's also an Island for Misfit Scumbags.

Best o' Passionate Conservative
"I'm still trying to get this damn PSP to work as a vibrator...can you help me, Pat?"

Best o' Kaptain Krude
"My pregnancy test! It's *sob* positive!" And the world becomes just a little colder.

Best o' Julie the Jarhead
"I'm just a sweet transvestite ..."

Thursday, December 17, 2009

What are you looking at?

Bouncy Bouncy Bouncy

Dammit, it worked in preview:

http://i609.photobucket.com/albums/tt180/Heaven_Eater/SEXY/1970258823.gif

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Double Bagging


1. 46 days later, the last Trick or Treaters finally return to their homes.

2. You know it's tough times for the Klan when they can't even afford sheets.

3. The lefty trolls stood next to the Tea Party, yelling obscene comments, safe in their anonymity.

4. The guys who pestered everyone in the neighborhood with "Hope and Change" stickers last fall find themselves increasingly unwelcome.

5. It's kind of sweet the way two people who don't want to be seen together make their relationship work.


Best of VInney
"Congressional cuts to The Witness Protection Program has the FBI concerned, very concerned."

Best of dub
Tammy, pictured on the left, wants her identity to be a secret until Thursday.

Best of molson
Now explain it to me again. How does this protect me from the Haliburton Death Ray?

Best of Jay Guevara
"If you'd have let me scrape the Obama sticker off the car sooner we could've saved ourselves a lot of embarrassment."

Best of dadoctah
"Sir, you can fly with the bags on, but I'm going to have to confiscate that beverage can before I can let you pass." (Airport security rules become more confusing with each passing day.)

Best of Whacko
Detroit Lions fans have to keep the bags on even while going to and from the stadium.

Best of Jack Reacher
It's really going to hit the fan when photos of the latest White House gate-crashers are published.

Best of mega
"Hey Bob, the SEIU guys are here for their weekly visit. Go put some $20's in an envelope, and don't make direct eye contact."

Best of metalgarth
when did the "unknown comic" come out of the closet?

Best of Mr. Hankey
Pelosi announced her plan to protect senators voting for the Obamacare Bill.

Best of Matt the K
The Unknown Comic's illegitimate sons head to probate court to contest the will.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Texas A & M football fans. Say no more.

Home Dope


1. "Hey, Did you all, um, know those toilets aren't, um, hooked up?"

2. "In, um, other good news, ACORN has, um, registered all the say laborers in the parking lot to vote."

3. Look at all those dumb plumbers, electricians, and drywall hangers. I'd like to see them try and organize a community.

4. The last thing America's idiot president heard before the walruses trampled him to death was, "MAH BUKKETS! YOU HAS MAH BUKKETS."

5. Obama relishes opportunities to go out in public among all the people he feels superior to.

Wicked Best of GregMan
The Obamessiah walks out to accept his Home Remodeler Of The Year award.

Best of GregMan
"Oh look, that gay guy from CNN has his own line of window blinds."

Best of Whacko
"Guess this store is out of arugula."

Best o' Army of Dad
Yet another foreign import found at the Home Depot.

Best o' Rodney Dill
"Damn, I wish Michelle wouldn't send me grocery shopping... I can't find no Maters, Taters, and Yams for anything."

Best of blue
Damn secret service, I said take me to a whorehouse not a warehouse

Best of Jack Reacher
"I found incandescent bulbs in Aisle 5. Shut this place down, boys."

Best of paul
Home Despot.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
***Presidential Photo Ops***
Clinton: on Normandy Beach playing with stones hand-selected and sucked clean by Monica
Bush: in front of subtle "Mission Accomplished" banner 15 years and trillions of dollars before US finally extricates itself from a quagmire of monumental proportions
Obamalama: lost and bewildered trying to find an english-speaking clerk at a local lumber warehouse filled with cheap crap made overseas

Best of HLam
"M'chelle asked me to bring home some foundation for her. One of those 5 gallon buckets of spackle should do the trick."

Best o' Submariner
Good news! I found windows that even I can't mistake for a door. Biden; have them installed all the way around the first floor on Pennsylvania Ave...

Best o' Rodney Dill
Homey Despot

Best o' Passionate Conservative
Hey, you! Where can I find the EZ-Glide? It's kind of an emergency!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Army of Boots


1. Shoe fetish week continues on Cap This!

2. "Got anything bigger?"

3. Ang Lee remakes Married with Children. This is Al Bundy. Peg is played by Nathan Lane.

4. Army of Mom was pleased with her "stocking stuffer."

5. Army of Mom's first and last day at TSA.


Best of Tim
Moments before he is sacrificed, young Tommy thinks that meeting Hillary Clinton would be hot..

Best of mega
Sorry, kid, the Safe Schools Czar position is already taken. You may as well put on some pants.

Best of Vinney
The son of Roman senator Bigus Dickus didn't quite live up to the family name.

Best of molson
Pants first. Then shoes. Got it?

Best of dadoctah
Obeying the letter of the law but by no means the intent, Dennis "keeps his feet off the furniture".

Fergie Gropes Her... Penis?


1. "Well, my little friend, we're at the Mayo Clinic, so I guess this is goodbye."

2. "Scuse Me While I Whip This Out," a GLSEN tranny volunteer practices his/her lines before addressing a class of fifth graders.

3. What happens in Crev Gwir Fel Gwydyr, stays in Crev Gwir Fel Gwydyr.

4. "Oh, bloody gob-smacking hell!" Sully suddenly realizes why Tiger Woods didn't fall for his disguise.

5. "Dammit! My quart-size baggy of heroin fell out of my vag again." Megan Fox was a terrible drug mule.

Best of blue
What the Crev Gwir Fel Gwydyr - where did this come from?

Best of Vinney
"Well, I think I just solved the ladies room problem at the Dolphin's games."

Best of dub
Biggest.Clitoris.Ever
(if you dont count Obama)

Best of Army of Dad
You aren't supposed to use an actual ragwhen you are 'on the rag'.

Best of molson
Yup. The celly is in place and set to vibrate. Now to just wait for the call.

Best of Jack Reacher
That damned squirrel shows up everywhere these days.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
First came self-propelled Roomba vacuums, then robo-lawnmowers. Now, Ron Popiel introduces a miniature robotic device that trims, dethatches, vacuums and excites overly hirsute women - the 2010 Sasquatch AyeKaRoomba - not $299, not $199, just 4 easy payments of $19.99 plus s/h.

Best of dadoctah
"Oh boy", thought Dr Beckett. "What fresh hell have I Leaped into *this* time?"

Best of Rodney Dill
Damn breast implant slippage

Translate This



Wicked Best of GregMan
At the National Spelling Bee championships, The Obamessiah's winning answer is posted on the outdoor sign. The word he was asked to spell was "cat".

Best of Rodney Dill
Ha! Proof that Obama deserves his B+ for his spelling ability.

Best of Vinney
When they hired Fred to run the scoreboard, he conveniently forgot to mention his dyslexia. Fortunately, no fans were offended.

Best of blue
Translation: Free Cheese in Obamaland!!!

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
"You'll find no unnecessary vowels in Cymry"

Best of Seoulman (R)
NEW Corporate Policy: Never have an ad campaign sent to you by a text message

Best of mpur
Another White House first: All speeches are to be simulcast in Michelle's native Klingon tongue.

Best of Jack Reacher
Stringing together word verification phrases may be entertaining, but is it art?

Best of dadoctah
"We're gonna need both Dan Brown *and* Tom Hanks to decode this one."

Best of molson
If you can read this you are probably Tom Cruise.

Best of divine miss m
"Mmm, mmm, börk, börk, börk!"

Monday, December 14, 2009

Ceci n'est pas un Muslim


1. "All right, if I give you my ugly ass shoes, do you promise to not build any nukes, Mr. Ahmadinejad?"

2. Upon seeing Obama begin to take off his clothes, George Stephanopoulus bent over expectantly.

3. "F the TSA and their profiling!"

4. "But if, um, M'Chel isn't allowed in the, um, mosque, who's gonna tie those things for me and make sure they're on the right feet?"

5. "So, um, could one of you, um, guys review bath house etiquette with me? I don't wanna look, um, stupid."

Wicked Best of Silhouette
"Goody, goody, goody, goody. I get to bow, and bow, and bow some more. I love bowing."

Best of Mr. Hankey
With the unemployment numbers getting larger, Barack is forced to remove his shoes to continue counting.

Best of Vinney
"This is getting old. I really need to buy my own bowling shoes"!

Best of hntr766
How thoughtful; the benevolent one is removing his shoes before walking all over the american citizens.

Best of GregMan
Next The Glorious One drops his pants in rememberance at the gravesite of Frank Marshall Davis.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Dammit, I won't miss Bush this time."

Best of HLam
"Crap. Now everyone will realize that my feet are too small to fill Bush's shoes."

Best of Adriane
In short order, the US Constitution was amended to say that any President with the initials BO would never remove his shoes in public ever again.

Best of Seoulman (R)
I could reach my shoes much easier if I hadn't sprained my back in Japan.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Did you like the way I took those shoes off? I give myself a B+ on how well I did that."

The Bam-Packed, Jam-Packed Variety Hour

John Schneider

1. "What a lovely rendition of The Internationale, Malia. Now do, It's Raining Men!"

2. When one of the judges only gave Malia a 5.8, M'Chel ripped out his still beating heart with her b'ath l'eth and ate it in front of him.

3. Ebony and, um... Ebony.

4. "Malia! It's very insensitive to play The End of the Road when Senator Reid is in the audience."

5. "Now, um, play it right or I'll slap you again!"

Best of GregMan
"Now play something by Madonna, Judie Garland or Cher for Kevin Jennings, dear."

Best of kg
Five.
Five dollar.
Five dollar footlong.

The Obamas continue making comercials.

Best of blue
Barrack & the Obama's are inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame because...well, because they own a piano for gosh sakes!!!

Best of dadoctah
I don't know who decided we needed a revival of the Brady Bunch Variety Hour, but it looks like they replaced a lot more than just Jan this time.

Best of dub
Everyone misunderestimated the power of having KFC sponsor the presidental ball.

Best of Jay Guevara
"That completes our medley of 'Sympathy for the Devil,' 'No Son of Mine,' 'Born to Run,' and 'What a Fool Believes.'
"And no, to the wise guy off to the left, we will not do 'Born in the USA,' 'You're So Vain,' or 'Won't Get Fooled Again.'

Best of Submariner
Buh-bye.

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Save the Inverted Cheerleader, Save the Inverted World


1. "Lose some weight, thunder thighs!" yelled dub, as he telekinetically tossed another rejectee across the room.

2. "OK, she's levitating in an inverted position... do you still think she's NOT a witch!"

3. "Hey! From this perspective, the Obama economic figures look great!"

4. Kelly failed to stick the landing, broke her neck, was paralyzed from the waist down, and worst of all, was shunned by the rest of the squad for costing them the State Championship.

5. After seeing what the GLSEN wanted her to do with the latex glove, Kelly backflipped out of the gym, ran home, and hid under the bed.

Wicked Best of sonicfrog
This is exactly why you never let Jean Gray get drunk.

Best of mega
It turned out that the science of Gravity wasn't quite "settled", after all.

Best of S
She's not my girlfriend. I find her interesting because she's a client and because she sleeps above her covers... *four feet* above her covers....
Ok, that was the only "Ghostbusters" reference I could remember.

Best of Rodney Dill
Confucius say: "Woman who fly upside down have crack up."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Tilly wasn't head cheerleader for nothing. By not shaving her armpits and upper thighs, she could create enough static electricity to hold that position for a good 8 seconds.

Best of molson
Early testing with the anti-gravity maxi pad produced some interesting results.

Best of dadoctah
"If I don't drill down to the earth's core and release the pressure, there's going to be one hell of an earthquake here in about two minutes!"

Best of dub
After 3 bean burritos from Taco Bell, Kelly was able to use her ass to blast herself into a full flip.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Sweet Lawn Jockey


1. "Yo ho ho! You and me! Little bronze god, how the left loves thee..."

2. Michael Jackson ordered like twenty of these before he died, but only this one is in a pose suitable for public display.

3. To assure authenticity, the Chinese government had an actual Kenyan child encased in bronze, because human life is cheap to them.

4. Chris Matthews's new towel holder is... just plain creepy.

5. What the Nativity Scene in the White House was replaced with this year.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Foreigners who eagerly emulate westerners sometimes take things a bit too far. Fer instance, when the quaint tradition of bronzed baby shoes caught on, Filipinos assumed that bronzing entire kids would be really cool.

Best of blue
This recently discovered Indonesian statue showing an 10 year old Barry Soweto with his 1st Nobel Prize has all the Birth-ers frothing at the mouth

Best of Jay Guevara
Kevin Jennings made a fortune franchising his "Camp NAMBLA" concept.

Best of Matt the K
.."And I shall call him... Mini-Gumbel."

Best of Mr. Hankey
As the new mascot for the Government Health Corporation, "Little Barack" has already been awarded the AdForum, Nobel, and Emmy awards for Best Mascot in 2010 - before the year even started.

Best of dadoctah
Alternate Universe Check: what if Gary Coleman *had* been elected governor of California?

Best of GregMan
How appropriate that the statue has it's hand reaching out for your wallet.

Best of chunkstyle
Bring me Solo and the Wookie....bwahahaha

Best of jj
This one should be good with the other ones, the one of him holding the lantern and the one of him peeing.

Best of Mr. Right
Tragically, it was only after carrying the Trojan Messiah into the White House that most Americans found out that a million little Communists were hiding inside waiting to take over the government.

Smug Little POS Isn't He?


1. It's about time!

2. Wonder how Bill Clinton feels being the only living Democrat ex-president not to have a Nobel Peace Prize?

3. The poor idiot still hasn't realized someone altered his Teleprompter and he ended his speech with "Go F--k Yourself, Oslo!"

4. "Wonder where I could pawn this and buy some crack." (ATDHE)

5."Wow! Marcellus Wallace's soul."

Best of blue
When I win next year do I get another medal or just a star to put on this one?

Best of Silhouette
"...hang it on a nice big gold chain, get a silk jogging suit, and this will look great..." ATDHE

Best of Rodney Dill
"Wow!!! I'm so proud. I think I'm having this bronzed."

Best of GregMan
"Wow, I have a nobel prize... IN MY PANTS!"

Best of GregMan
"Now that I have my nobel prize, I wonder if M'chelle will let me be the man tonight?"

Best of Passionate Conservative
"I could keep my Kools in this nice box"

Best of Matt the K
Norway went to Jared's!

Best of Jay Guevara
"Shit, they gave me an iPod with the King of Norway's speeches on it. What a cheesy gift..."

Best of Jay Guevara
"I hope Mr. Soros lets me keep this."

Best of Robert
Thought bubble: this thing will really look good once they get my face on it.

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

I don't know what look they were going for, but they missed


1. "On behalf Andrew Sullivan, Gore Vidal, and Barney Frank... welcome to the Old Queen's convention."

2. "Discreet eye make-up can hide the ravages of syphilis," Lady Ga Ga provides make-up tips to Queen Elizabeth II.

3. Even though he was burning in hell, Mr. Blackwell was relieved not to have lived to see this.

4. "Discreet eye make-up can hide the ravages from a date with Chris Brown," Lady Ga Ga provides make-up tips to Queen Elizabeth II.

5. "Yeah, I do about 500 curls a day. My biceps are massive."

Wicked Best of Double the U
...and which Batman arch nemesis are you?

Best of Matt the K
QE II embarassing moment #127: "Pleased to meet you, and how is Lord GaGa these days?"

Best of Vinney
"I don't believe our plumbing system in Buckingham Palace has that much PVC."

Best of dadoctah
Next week, we introduce Her Madge to Iggy Pop. One of these days we'll get an actual reaction out of her.

Best of Silhouette
"Sorry we're late. We caught the red-eye from LA."

Best of Rodney Dill
"Gag A what???"

Best of GregMan
Her Majesty's thought bubble: "At least the iPod I got from this one is worth listening to."

Best of GregMan
Her Majesty's thought bubble: "My, Gordon Brown dresses much more stylishly after that operation he had in Sweden."

Best of blue
why you poor dear, I only have to wear rubber underpants.....

Best of prince of leaves
George Takei (left) films his cameo in the next Star Trek sequel.

Best of Submariner
Canya guess what I died green for the holidays, yer Madge?

Best of Mr Hankey
We send them The Beatles and get back what???

Thursday Babe? I'm a Frayed Knot


1. "Chicks-With-Ugly-Schnozzes-Wh0-Are-Really-Bad-at-Macrame Wednesdays" was a Cap This theme that never caught on.

2. The Secretary of State was delighted to discover that Danish hookers lacked in looks what they made up for in their willingness for rough kink.

3. "That will teach you to steal my favorite pink teddy!" Adam Lambert queefed.

4. "Oh, Mr. Woods... this rope reminds me of you, brown and twisted."

5. David Letterman undid his fly and ordered Paul Schaeffer, "All right, now put the Palin wig on her!"

Best of Matt the K
Long bereft of fame and in hock with her dealer, Lorraine Newman turns to fetish porn.

Best of Army of Dad
Tie up a ginger day on Cap This.

Best of dadoctah
I don't care what you people say, Kathy Griffin is still teh hottness.

Best of mega
Bondage can be fun, as long as it doesn't prevent you from removing the white tribble that's gnawing through your skull.

Best of Submariner
"What now, Dix?" Picard's holo-deck programming just kept getting kinkier.

Best of jeff
"Okay, how do you do that 'Cat's Cradle' thing again?"

Best of Army of Dad
...gonna find out who's knotty or nice.

Tuesday, December 08, 2009

Here's Another Sign

Army of Mom

1. "Hi, I'm from ACORN, and I believe we can come to an arrangement."

2. Gallup becomes ever more 'selective' in its sampling techniques to keep Obama's approval ratings up.

3. Three more jobs 'created or saved' by the Stimulus.

4. "And for $2, you can watch Shenaynay pleasure herself with the parking meter. For $3, Rick will do likewise."

5. "You'll give us $50 to play a game of Human Frogger for your amusement? You're on, Mr. Cheney!"

Best of dadoctah
"How do I know, if I give you a buck for weed, you're not going to just run across the street and blow it on cappelini pomodoro?"

Best of John.....just John
You mean, "Three more 'Green' jobs created or saved by the Stimulus."

Best of Rodney Dill
All Wee-weed up and nowhere to go.

Best of molson
Can you help? For only one dollar a day, you can help a moonbat stay baked for a whole month. Please stop the terrifying reality of having to get a job from harshing a moonbat's buzz. Have a heart. Sponsor a moonbat today.

Best of Silhouette
Hank Hill thought that was an excellent price for lawn service, and appreciated their go-get-'em work ethic, but unfortunately, his yard didn't need any weeding.

Best of BMW
Dear blog friends: Hello!
I am from Taiwan, a website of plastic surgery clinic. I am pleased to absorb lots of valuable information and articles from your blog. Besides, do I have this honor and opportunity to ask you to join my site to your blog, so that everyone can share. Much appreciate! The following is my website name and URL, also hope to regularly visit and exchange. Wish you peace and success!

Best of Jack Reacher
Step One: Give them a dollar.
Step Two: Follow to find out where they buy weed for a dollar.

Best of Matt the K
God knows he won't spend it on shampoo.

It Looks Pretty Gay to me

Troll Crusher

1. He had to resort to disguises to get around the restraining order, but Andrew Sullivan would do anything to get Tiger Woods to 'play his back nine.'

2. There were no real surprises among the first 16 mistresses that came out. Then, things got weird.

3. "Uh, hey, Akamarrr 17 of Alpha Regula VI? It's me, Tiger. Yeah, I need you to do me a huge favor. Take your name off your phone."

4. Who is that man in the green latex body suit? Why does he keep calling me 'jackass?' And why does Shooter McGavin keep smirking?

5. "I really need to sink my putts into more holes... and practice my yiddish."

Wicked Best of Rodney Dill
The Invisible Meteorologist never grasped that his super power didn't extend outside the news studio.

Best of Rodney Dill
Golf cart crash dummy

Best of metalgarth
"Crouching Tiger no match for Lime Sherbet Man"

Best of GregMan
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Loon

Best of Army of Dad
After a series of benders, The Gimp from Pulp Fiction is still struggling to find his identity.

Best of Rodney Dill
Crouching Tiger, Stalking Gecko

Best of molson
The greentards came out in force to protest Tiger's use of a carbon belching Escalade to destroy a fire hydrant when he could have used a Prius instead.

Best of dadoctah
"Have no fear, citizens! This is a job for *Captain Pistachio*!"

Best of dub
The gut-roll on the blonde almost eclipses Captain Limeaid.

Best of Mr Hankey
Tiger's good conscience was pissed off.

Best of Mr. Right
Perhaps, in retrospect, Tiger should never have been so brazen as to hire men in numbered day-glo bodysuits to stand just to the right of each of his mistresses in public.

Best of Submariner
Buehler takes extra precautions not to be recognizable on TV this time when he skipped.

And Lavender Polyester Is an Abomination

Blondie


Best of Matt the K
He forgot to add "Tim Gunn Can Set You Free!"

Best of metalgarth
...and he probably is an expert on sinning and wearing skirts.

Best of GregMan
This message brought to you by the Velvet Skirt Manufacturers Of America.

Best of SamEyeAm
When Tareq met Michaele

Best of dadoctah
But what God *really* hates is people who run around carrying signs.

Best of Submariner
The view from V's front window let him know how the trolls were taking his latest posts...

Monday, December 07, 2009

Ready, Aim...


1. "Nyet, I'm not going to give the English spy an elaborate death, I'm just going to shoot the bastard. Then, I'm going to take his car and his woman."

2. "Crazy Vladimir is taking aim at high prices and poor quality! C'mon down to Crazy Vladimir's! On Route 22 next to Dunkin' Donuts."

3. Russia gets this. We get a dork with a plastic light saber. F my white house.

4. "I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? I didn't mean to do that. Please, continue, you were saying something about best intentions. What's the matter? Oh, you were finished! Well, allow me to retort. What does Marcellus Wallace look like?"

5. "Yeah, the flashlight attachment is nice. Keeps the deer fixated while you blow his brains out."

Before I get to the Best ofs, can I say I have a newfound respect for Vlad Putin? He's tough. economically savvy, and he does what's best for his country without giving a damn what the world thinks. All of which puts him way ahead of the Metrosexual Ninny running our country.

Best of GregMan
In Russia, little friend says hello to YOU.

Best of Army of Dad
(ORA) And shepherds we shall be, for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand, that our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be.
In nomine Patri.
Et Fili.
Spiritus Sancti.

Best of Army of Dad
So this is what happens when you cross Dirty Harry and Ivan Drago.

Best of Vinney
"it's a great weapon, Mr. Putin. I just sold one to a Swedish woman in Orlando, Florida."

Best of Rodney Dill
Obama: "HA.... only a fool brings a gun to a teleprompter fight."

Best of Jay Guevara
"I didn't get a 'harrumph' out of that guy."

Best of metalgarth
When commies daydream part 1
"Nyet.... I'm not going to "tear down this wall". Go play with your chimp old man."

Best of Steve O
Comrade Putin demonstrates how to make peace with your enemies.

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: "General Turgidson, did you actually call my people ignorant peons?"

Best of mega
Despite the cool gadgetry, without the red dot, Putin completely missed the kitten.

Best of Silhouette
"And in related news, Prime Minister Putin's turkey did not fare as well."

Best of Submariner
No. He WON'T "be back..."

Best of HLam
"Comrade M'chelle, hold still while I take care of that ugly thing seated on your shoulders."

Best of dadoctah
"Male-Pattern Hair Loss Man? Someone needs to sit down with Stan Lee and tell him to pack it in."

Baby on Bored


1. "This, um, baby miraculously survived a late-term abortion. Get my sledge hammer."

2. "He'll be all right, I think the soft spot on the top of his head absorbed most of the impact!"

3. "Ah call da fool, Mini-T!"

4. "Aw, look at the pathetic cry baby. And look at the cute little kid he's holding."

5. Little Kawanda's thought bubble: "Gross! Smoker's breath."


Best of GregMan
"M'chelle, honey, I brought you some takeout for dinner!"

Best of HLam
"Where da White Babies at?"

Best of Silhouette
"You have a lovely punishment, ma'am."

Best of dub
You think the baby is crying now? Wait till she turns around and sees the Silverback in the background that gets her next.

Best of Submariner
In the background? Dawn anxiously awaits her baby back. Old Navy doorbusters only last until noon...

Best of jeff
"See, you squeeze their heads and white stuff comes out the top!"

Best of Passionate Conservative
"I don't know. Tiger just ran up to me and handed her to me and told me to keep quiet. Why?"

Best of dadoctah
Eager to appear a "man of the people", Barry tried golf, basketball...the list was endless.
If ventriloquism doesn't do it, next he's going to try plate-spinning.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The baby knew that look...that's the look you make when you are going in your pants.

Saturday, December 05, 2009

Mighty Ducks XII, directed by Ang Lee


1. How the average Canadian loses his virginity.

2. If Genghis Khan had invaded Canada.

3. "Jeez guys, all I said was, 'I kinda like Sarah Palin.' I hate playing the MSM team."

4. "Right hand... blue."

5. "Damb... somebody done gone and spiked the Gatorade with X again."

Wicked Best of Submariner
Meanwhile, at the other end of the ice, the Stars scored in the empty net after only 3 attempts.

Best of molson
Upon seeing this, Barney Frank popped a blood vessel in his left eye.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Bishop jumps Queen; Knight jumps Queen; everybody jumps Queen....GANGBANG!!!!!!!

Best of mega
"F***king n******r!" SEIU practice sessions were often colorful and expressive.

Best of Vinney
The Key West hockey team checking Levi Johnston in more ways than one.

Best of sonicfrog
In an unthinking, emotional moment, Elin Woods, seeking to get revenge on Tiger for his indiscretions, decided to ice-skate naked during a hockey game. The results of course were predictable.

Best of Silhouette
"Canada is superior to the US in every way. We have socialized medicine, and a lower crime rate, and...is that a Green Card on the ice???"

Friday, December 04, 2009

Romantic Goat Dinner

Brender

1. To ease the lonely nights, Habib liked to imagine he was Tiger Woods, and his goats were high-class skanks.

2. Abdul had been very careful, but he supposed the accidental meeting of his two lovers had somehow been inevitable from the beginning.

3. Wow! Usually, middle eastern restaurants don't even have salad bars.

4. "Bad news. In order to keep Nancy Pelosi in power, all of you will have to sacrificed on the Altar of the Black Pentagram."

5. 'Ow to speak Palestinian: Menage a trois.

Best of Maogwai
The three "Tops" drew straws to see who would deflower Habib tomorrow night.

Best of Rodney Dill
Abdul was chagrinned to realize he'd inadvertantly stumbled into a Hay Bar.

Best of Rodney Dill
Men who Stray With Goats

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
For the cover of the New Saturday Evening Post - a touching, updated Norman Rockwell painting of a typical all-American holiday family dinner in East Jersey.

Best of GregMan
Petting zoo or middle-eastern brothel? You decide.

Best of molson
Pimp Laden says slow down a little on the chow ladies. We wouldn't want you to lose your girlish figures. It would be bad for business.

Best of Unscrupulous
You know what sucks? When my Friday is slow as hell and all I want to do is see my name posted in the "best of" column but V the K is off somewhere boinking Lord knows what. ...and goats. They suck too.

Best of dadoctah
"Even a man who is pure in heart and says his prayers by night, may become a goat when the alfalfa blooms and the autumn moon is bright."

Best of Army of Dad
Disney Dubai remake of The Lady and the Tramp.

Best of mega
"C'mon you useless stupid goats. Put this straw man together NOW. I have to deliver it to Obama's speechwriter within the hour."

Best of Steve O
Habib, in the afterlife, with his top 3 virgins.

Spot the Turkey

Brender
1. "No, genius-who-believes-his-own-ridiculous-hype, you just pardoned the turkey, you didn't 'ressurect' him."

2. The turkey wears the "WTF is wrong with this idiot?" expression common to those meeting Obama in person for the first time.

3. They didn't know how the hypnotism worked, but five minutes later, the turkey was screaming "Yes we can!"

4. "I hereby pardon this turkey. It's not halal anyway."

5. "Forget the turkey, which one of you guys knocked up the ten year old girl in the background?"

Best of Niall
After the confusion following bowing to the Chinese, President Obama was confused and with a click of his heels shouts "Hail turkey!"

Best of Jack Reacher
The staff laughed good-naturedly when Obama commanded "Sit! Stay! Good boy," until they realized he wasn't kidding.

Best of Army of Dad
Saved or created 600,000 turkeys in less than one year.

Best of Rodney Dill
Must...resist...urge...to...bow...

Best of paul
This is not Bo. You don't say "sit."

Best of mega
"No, no need to get up, just relax and enjoy the party." Nobody knew how the turkey got into the State Dinner, but he seemed to belong there, and was allowed to roam the halls of the White House unmolested.

Best of blue
In the spirit of Bill Clinton, I name this gobbler - Monica


Best of Submariner
OK: I'll, um, take the first question from the, um, first row; Helen Thomas?

Best of dadoctah
"Where da white meat at?"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Demonstrating the voodoo powers learned in his homeland, Obama turns Joe Biden into a Turkey.

Best of mega
Oddly enough, bringing "soul" and the passionate Southern Hemisphere vibe to the White House turned out to mean standing around with old white guys, in front of a big American flag, pardoning a turkey.

Best of Rm 207
On greeting Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi on her first visit to the White House, Mr. Obama was tactless enough to tell her that she should get her neck wattles fixed before her tax on plastic surgery passed.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Go and sin no more."