Friday, July 31, 2009

The Cycle of Racism


1. Upon seeing the Dork Signal in the Clouds, Dork Man leaps into the Dorkmobile and rushes to meet the commissioner.

2. Actual pimps get Cadillac Escalades. Race pimps have to make do.

3. "What? Why are you laughing? Did my bitch fall off?"

4. "Why, this bike just loves being ridden by a black man. I think I'll name it... Sully."

5. August 26th. Fell off near Ottery St Mary. The pump caught in my trouser leg. Decided to wear short trousers from now on.

Best of Jack Reacher
Born to be riled.

Best of dub
It is very artistic when shots are printed in african american and white.

Best of dadoctah
"Miss Daisy ain't gonna like it, but we've all had to make budget cutbacks."

Best of Unscrupulous
We want to be free to ride our machines without being hassled by The Man! Ding. Ding.

Best of mega
"Two rear view mirrors make it easier for me to see any racists coming up behind me."

Best of dadoctah
Ed Begley Jr has really let himself go.

Best of Jay Guevara

Best of Oiao
Signaling Rules:

Left arm straight out = left turn.
Left arm out, bend elbow, hand up = right turn.
Either hand out, middle finger extended = I see whitey!

The Dog's Meat, Have You Seen It?


1. Jamie Gumm's pet-sitting service was an early flop.

2. Desperate to pass Socialized Health Care, the House Democrats introduce their new mascot, "Sleepy," the end-of-life counseling dog.

3. "We're sure gonna miss Pepper, but you do look fabulous in that coat, Mrs. De Vil!"

4. "I hope after seeing Rex like this you kids have learned a lesson. When ma asks for a gawdam beer, you bring her a gawdam beer!"

5. "Don't worry kids, we'll just bury her at the old Pet Sematary. What could go wrong?"


Best of Viking04
It's an Apache thing. You wouldn't understand.

Best of Jack Reacher
Donald Rumsfeld's grandchildren learn "You go play with the dog you have, not the dog you want."

Best of GregMan
Labrador Retriever - it's what's for dinner.

Best of Silhouette
Answering the age old question, ARE five blades better than four.

Best of steve o
I'll bet that from now on Rex comes the FIRST time he's called.

Best of dadoctah
"What is it, girl? What are you trying to tell us? Timmy's fallen in a...well? A mine shaft? No, wait, I got it: Timmy's fallen in a vat of sulfuric acid!"

Best of Submariner
Homer Simpson voiceover: "Santa's Little Helper." It's who's for dinner.

Best of dadoctah
Taking their cue from the Iowa State Fair and their annual "cow sculpted from butter", the Garcias decided to try sculpting a golden retriever out of fajitas.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Paging Dr. Freud! Paging Dr. Freud!



1. Abe Frohman's dream woman.

2. Palestinian propaganda depicting "Miss Israel" covered with the the stuffed intestines of Palestinian children.

3. Tragically, her life ended when she was mauled by a pack of dogs on the way home from the photo shoot.

4. Much to Sully's disappointment, the correct answer to "What's black and white and draped in sausages" was not "Barack Obama at a Provincetown Bath House."

5. The really horrible part was listening to grandma explain exactly how much knob-slobbering she had to do to get modeling work in The Depression.

On an unrelated note, when did Madonna get infected with the Rage Virus?

Best of dadoctah
This still doesn't really do the outfit justice; the associated dance is what really sells it.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
With no room on her neck, there was only one sure way to make Fido like Miss Neocon 2009.

Best of GregMan
It was a little known historical fact that The Protocols of the Elders of Zion was actually a cookbook.

Best of GregMan
"In my day, we had to walk to school in a raging blizzard, barefooted, uphill both ways, past packs of feral dogs while draped with sausages." Grandma's stories of growing up during the Great Depression were generally implausible, but this time she had the photographs to back it up.

Best of metalgarth
"Carnivore Miranda"

Best of DoubleU
Sorry guys, she is taken, she's Nathans.

Best of steve o
"...and then she totally made this half-laughing face when I told her that MY hot dog was kosher too..."

Best of Adriane
Wanted SJF. Must be attractive and like kosher hot dogs. If interested, please send photograph of hot dogs.

Best of Rodney Dill
Zelda held the title of Hide-The-Sausage Queen for years, until unseated by Paris Hilton.

Best of jj
Anti-rape skirt sold in Dearborn, MI.
CAIR to file Federal lawsuit later today.

Best of dadoctah
And to think I used to get upset when a waitress would put her thumb in my hash browns.

Best of robert
Hold it! Hold it! There's a sausage missing and we're not leaving until we find it!

Just Shoot Me

Snow Snake

1. A young Teri Garr barks up the wrong tree.

2. Could there *be* a better transitional pic from Gay Tuesday to Hot Babe Thursday?

3. "Yes, that's very nice, but I really want to get the architectural detail and filigree on these arches."

4. Jenny begins to suspect her fears that her expensive gown would end up crumpled on the floor of Rick's bedroom may have been overblown.

5. "OK, I'll photograph the men's room while you hook for bus fare back for us to Jersey. Love you, Honey."

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Soccer Is Gay, Part CXXIX

Army of Dad

1. "Always in a hurry. You never want to cuddle."

2. Some men will go to great lengths to avoid sleeping on the wet spot.

3. "On the one hand, yes, that's way more impressive than the ping-pong ball trick. On the other hand, Ronaldo, you're a slut."

4. Once again, Ronaldo lives up to his reputation as "Biggest Bitch on the Pitch."

5. "I'm sorry. I was behaving stupidly. Let's have beer and make up."

Best of Niall
These two never really had many friends or conformed to what people considered 'normality'. Eventually the found a place where they could be themselves, though.

Best of dadoctah
"I'm glad we got here early so we could get a good spot for the Clay Aiken concert."

Best of Commadore183
I don't know what's more disturbing, Andrew Sullivan prancing around in short shorts waving a rainbow card, or Barney Frank jumping up and down in a cheerleader dress?

Best of dub
I told you Oombooku, I knew you could poop a soccer ball. I'm proud of you.

Best of Submariner
Pardon me, but could you Grey Poupon me?

Best of mega
"Yeah, that's it, racist, rub my leg. Just like yo mama does." Old movies of Skip Gates in his soccer playing days brought to light a thoughtful young man struggling to find his place in a divided, torn country.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Thank God you knew the Heimlich maneuver Ted."

Don't Do It, Newsom

Brender
1. "You, flunky, bring me the CostCo-sized container of Vaseline. Right Now!"

2. "And I support same-sex marriage because I respect the sacred vows of the holy institution of... bwah ha ha ha ha ha ... ha ha ha... I'm sorry, let's try it again. I'll try to keep a straight face this time."

3. After a political opponent altered his teleprompter sign-off to, "Up your ass, San Francisco," Newsom's poll numbers actually increased.

4. "You know what really grinds my gears? When my aides won't slam meth with me and let me shag their wives. Yes, I mean you, Marty!"

5. ORA: "You can grow every kind of fruit and vegetable you want. That's how they do it. They have fruit trees and vegetable trees. That's where fruit and vegetable come from."

Best of Rodney Dill
220, 221, whatever it takes...

Best of Mr. Hankey
Breaking into a Spoce Girls routine, Newsom mesmorizes the crowd.

Best of Silhouette
"Mr. Carlson asked me to issue an apology and assure the public that we thought turkeys could fly."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Whipping off his tie while grinding his hips, Gavin points to the crowd as he reaches for his first dollar.

Best of dadoctah
"I didn't get a harrumph out of that guy."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Sure, I know all the show tunes. This one's just for you, big boy."

Monday, July 27, 2009

Oh No She Di'n't!

blue
1. "Yikes! It's the salt-monster from that old episode of Star Trek! Oh, no, wait, it's just a friendly sasquatch."

2. Lt. Worf was caught by surprised when M'alia plunged her Klingon throwing star directly into his heart.

3. "You go right ahead and do whatever you want with Mr. Clean. We'll make sure you're not punished with a baby like that white girl Bristol Palin."

4. "Nobody move. My 'honky sense' is tingling."

5. "R-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-b-s!" (ATDHE)

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oh...there's one right behind us, isn't there? Awkward!"

Best of Submariner
Stupid child, I would have needed to HAVE a heart for your throwing star to have dealt me damage...

Best of Mr. Hankey
Listen to me call the gorillas closer over to the fence.

Best of Red
OOk-ook!

Best of dadoctah
"Where da white men at? Oh, hi Jeff!"

Best of Army of Dad
Come on raide that train-woo woo!

Best of metalgarth
"GIRRRRRRRRRL You gotta se da prices at Ol' Navy Uh...huhhhhh!"

Hillary Gets Lei'd

Brender

1. "You'll call me 'Madame Secretary,' not 'Ma'am.' I've worked damn hard to get to this position. Now, are you clear on that, or do I have to smack you again?"

2. "And right over there is where we'll build the Soylent Green plant to handle the people it isn't cost-effective to treat under ObamaCare."

3. "My car's over there, Gandhi. Fill it with petroleum distillate and re-vulcanize my tires, post haste."

4. The combination of curry and Hilldawg flatulence proves too much even for a Calcutta sewer worker.

5. "You don't need to avert your eyes, Apu. Sure, some people turn to stone when they look at my face, but not everybody."


Best of kg
Anyone notice she's unbuttoned two buttons? Anyone need a barf bag now?

Best of metalgarth
The White House staff version of South Pacific is guaranteed to suck major ass

Best of Mr. Hankey
Scenes from the Bollywood version of Willy Wonka - After Bandhu Wonka had warned her not to chew the gum, Violet Beauregarde (played by Hillary) begins to turn into a giant blueberry.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
In the background, the Ambassador wondered why the Secretary of State was explaining her foreign policy package to the janitor.


Best of curly
Hillary is held in the highest regard when visiting India, where all cows are sacred.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I assure you, Madame Secretary, there is no garlic in that wreath. We are aware of your, ah, allergy."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Sanjay barely manages to stifle his laughter as Hillary explains how she got her job.

Best of Silhouette
"Come on, I'll throw in rust-proofing and undercoating, and free floor mats."

Best of mega
In a bizarre update of Back To The Future, Clinton found her body parts started getting blurry and disappearing whenever no one in the entire United States knew or cared where she was or what she was doing. It always started with the hands.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

What If The Yankees Had A Plushy Day and Only Two Guys Showed Up?

Brender

Best of Jack Reacher
Cheer up, guys; at least Velma didn't leave you locked in the Mystery Machine on a hot day again.

Best of steve o
No chicks... again!

Best of Kaptain Krude
"'Let me bury my bone in your backyard' was a can't-miss line, you said. Now they'll never talk to us", Gallant fumed. Goofus vowed to never forget this moment.

Best of ochagirl
"Peanuts! Beer! Scooby Snacks! Get yer peanuts, beer, and Scooby Snacks here!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Dress Like Scooby Day" proved to be less of a draw than the front office anticipated.

Best of Submariner
Uhhhhh, I kinda don't think Daphne and Velma are coming back for the foursome, Freddie...

Best of Mr. Hankey
"Why would the ghost be at the ballpark? If we figure that out, we'll be halfway towards solving this mystery"

Best of Julie the Jarhead
When did Scooby Doo win the Medal of Honor?

Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Beer that made Mombasa Famous



Best of Dactyl
Wait, Mister President! That was Biden's drug screening sample!
(And Biden must have been kinda dehydrated.)

Best of Rodney Dill
Both don't have much head. Both are flat. Both are imports, not domestics. Nothing to see here, move along.

Best of Jack Reacher
Light, airy, a bit pretentious, with a weak finish. Oh, and the beer isn't anything to write home about, either.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Yuck. How do Americans drink this stuff?"

Best of metalgarth
The real irony is that Sam Adams wouldn't have thought twice about an armed revolution against this jerk face

Best of GregMan
"Trust me, I'm gonna need beer goggles the size of the Hubble Space Telescope to get jiggy wit' Muh-chelle!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Hmmm. Pretty good beer. Think I'll nationalize the company."

Behold, the Pig Boy!


1. Billy begins preparing for his eventual career as Courtney Love's personal assistant.

2. Bitten by a radioactive pig, Billy developed some not-particularly-useful super-powers.

3. "Quick! Everybody look busy! Master-Blaster's coming!"

4. A young Ned Beatty experiences a frightening vision of his future.

5. "One silk purse coming right up, ma'am."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
There are some things a pig just won't do. Unfortunately for Billy, he wasn't one of them.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"I thought the plaid shirt would get his attention," mused Becky, "but he only has eyes for Wilbur."

Best of dadoctah
Young Billy was thrilled at winning MTV's "A Date With Amy Winehouse" contest.

Best of Silhouette
Dang, I just HATE these 'make your own sandwich" places, I don't care how "fresh" it is.

Best of The Man
Emnuclaw speed dating

Friday, July 24, 2009

Shaq-Fu Panda

Jack Bauer

1. "No one but us will ever see these pictures Mr. O'Neal. Enjoy your stay in Enumclaw."

2. Shaq was awesome at charades, but his friends not being South Park fans, never guessed the answer was "Sexual Harassment Panda."

3. "Congrats on getting out of prison, Michael Vick. Let's take this thing out to the dog pens and watch 'em rip it apart."

4. "When you said I was going to meet something half-white, half-black that was born in a foreign country, I thought you meant the president."

5. "Does this bother you? I'm not touching you. Does this bother you? I'm not touching you."

Wicked Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Inspired by the Food Network show featuring the chip shop that will "deep fry anything," Shaq plans a trip to New York.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Kobe! The panda is open!"

Best of Viking04
Shaq tried to be a good sport about it after Ling Ling beat him on 'Celebrity Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?"

Best of Oiao
Shaq splits his travel time between visiting the Chinese sweat shops producing his signature line sneakers, and scratching his Panda fettish itch.

Best of curly
In Enumclaw, the "Panda Express" costs you $50 and gets you a 20 minute quickie with Ling Ling.

Best of dadoctah
The Chinese just don't "get" the whole department-store Santa thing.

Best of Submariner
Panda thought bubble; "STUFFING the ol' balls into the hole... Ri-i-i-i-i-ght..."

The Day the Poodles Turned Day-Glo

Army of Mom

1. Jimmy Buffett's poodles.

2. Sherbet poodles, another horror of genetic engineering gone hopelessly awry.

3. You didn't even know the World Soccer Federation had official mascots, now did you?

4. Cry FABULOUS! and let slip the Dogs of GAY!

5. If that starts sniffing my crotch, I'm gonna have to commit a hate crime.

Best of Double the U
It Taiwan they are a delicacy known as sherbet poodles.

Best of Army of Mom
What happens at Big Gay Al's Animal Sanctuary, stays at Big Gay Al's Animal Sanctuary.

Best of Army of Dad
Andy Warhol's puppy farm.

Best of Matt the K
The DNA results are in. Toucan Sam is hereby ordered to pay full child support.

Best of dadoctah
Clownhounds: for when one phobia just isn't enough.

Best of metalgarth
ORA: Next on "It's me or the dog". Victoria Stilwell pays Ritchie Blackmore a visit

Best of pessimist
Despite the recent media coverage the Blue Dogs are about to show us their true colors.

Best of Submariner
Thought bubble; "When I get home I'm SOOOOO going to bite him right in the Skittles..."

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Girls Just Want to Have Fun...

Brender

1. Hillary enjoyed her interns' ritual dance and sincerely regretted that none of them would live to see the morning.

2. Somehow, I expected Lourdes to have more dignity.

3. The secret lagoon on the other side of the island was the real reason Gilligan thwarted their every chance at rescue.

4. After serving Andrew Sullivan's "men's group" with a vicious beatdown that left them crying like little girls, the lesbian coven celebrated claiming the campsite for themselves.

5. "Oh, beans! I just stubbed my toe on another informant. I hate camping in New Jersey."

Best of Rodney Dill
Obama for President. Yes! Wiccan!

Best of dub
Seriously ladies, this is getting ridiculous, its time to trim up down there.

Best of dadoctah
Now, see, *this* is why I stopped watching the Lifetime channel.

Best of Jack Reacher
Bernanke's council of advisors consult on the future direction of the federal funds rate.

Best of Adriane
Polygamy, Wetlands and Habitat Destruction, Independent Living for the Congenitally Insane, Sex with Animals ... The wedding of the Creature from the Black Lagoon was every lawyer's dream!

Best of Mr. Hankey
The Lucy-ites have been stomping on grapes for 50 years now. The vintage is kind of stale though...

Cake or Death

Silhouette

1. Although Nancy Pelosi appreciated the sentiment, she thought the birthday cake was an affront to the memory of communism.

2. Al Franken's staff celebrate his swearing in.

3. A grateful North Vietnamese government sent a large cake to Walter Cronkite's funeral.

4. Another office birthday party at the New York Times.

5. "You idiot! That cake was one a kind! You left it out in the rain! I'll never have that recipe again!"

Best of metalgarth
Some people never learn life's ultimate lesson, "you can't have your murderous dictator and eat him too"

Best of The Man
Wouldn't it be ironic if there wasn't enough cake for everyone?

Best of Silhouette
"Darnit Mom, I said I wanted *lemon* cake!"

Best of Rodney Dill
There still wasn't any left for Milton Waddams

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"But I wanted a slice of armpit!" screamed Anna, who had rudely pushed ahead of her little sister only to be rewarded with a tip end of elbow. Her bearded father found it humerus.

Best of Silhouette
Save some room for the Pol Pot Pie.

Best of dadoctah
A saddened America bids a final farewell to Mitch Miller.

Best of Mr. Hankey
AP: Asked for a comment regarding employment numbers reaching 10% and that people cannot buy groceries, Nancy Pelosi replied, "Then let them eat cake"

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

LOL Price is Right



1. Apparently, someone has given the Barker a Boner.

2. "I got your 'San Francisco treat' right here, baby!"

3. "How d'ya like my 'showcase?'"

4. Bitterly, Grace reflected, she had done worse things for much less than the promise of a dinette set from Broyhill.

5. He continued moving towards her, his sleekly massive member flexing and coiling like the snake that ate Jon Voight in Anaconda.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Two things, Susan: My eyes are up here, and Rob Roddy wants his sportcoat back."

Best of GregMan
Where will you be when Bob Barker's Viagra kicks in?

Best of mklasing
"Did you say 'what is your bid on that weiner-mobile?' Okay, am I on Candid Camera?"

Best of dadoctah
A dejected Adam Sandler rewinds the tape for the 97th time today, and watches once again as his hero holds an audience in thrall in a way he could never hope to match....

Best of Unscrupulous
Myra, we're going to play a game called "Check-Out". Check Out My Cock!

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Mr. Barker's plaid sport coat provided by Dicker and Dicker of Beverly Hills. Spinning hypno-disk fly attachment optional.

Best of Rodney Dill
That is exactly the right price for the Mossberg 930 Autoloader, but no you can't hold it between you legs right now.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Julie can't believe her luck...she knows the EXACT price of that giant can of hair spray.

Best of Chrees
"I bid 5 inches...I mean dollars!"

Metaphor Alert

Jack Reacher

1. "We must now bow down and worship the wiener truck, for it is our new god!" You can always spot former Obama campaign workers.

2. "WTF is wrong with you, Sullivan? Trying to drive this thing into that dark, stinky hole?"

3. Not everyone wishes they were an Oscar Mayer Wiener. Some guys wish they were the garage.

4. Channeling Obama, Rick insisted the parking job was working exactly as planned and he wouldn't do a thing differently.

5. An enraged homeowner screams, "You promised you'd pull it out!"

Best of The Man
Amy tried telling her parents about the big wiener in the back door...they didn't want to hear about it.

Best of Rodney Dill
A latino woman would've made a wider choice.

Best of Jack Reacher
Driver Joe Biden said "Everybody guessed wrong" about which pedal was the brake.

Best of sonicfrog
Dateline - March 10, 2008, 3:05 PM - The cause and exact moment the housing bubble burst.

Best of Unscrupulous
Oscar Meyer has a way of breaking down your door today.

Best of mklasing
New KY Jelly Ad: FAIL

Best of Silhouette
Don't laugh. Massachusetts legislators have already sponsered a bill that makes this a legalized recognized marriage.

Best of dadoctah
Something about this accident just isn't kosher.

Best of Rodney Dill
Let's wait 4 hours then call for help to deflate this thing.

Best of metalgarth
In order to save on money during these tough times, some school districts use the same films for both drivers ed and sex ed.

Best of Rodney Dill
No, I said, 'hide the Somali,' I'm helping an illegal immigrant.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Relics

Brender

1. "Orrin, do you ever feel... not so fresh?"

2. "Ted, do you have a minute to talk about Ron Paul?"

3. "Before the Stimulus Grant, this was just a sleazy bath house. Now, it's an upscale, Victorian-themed bath house."

4. "I agree, Ted. Barbara Boxer is one stupid bitch."

5. "Ted. Get. Your. Wide. Stance. About. 80. Feet. Away. From. Me."

Best of GregMan
"Orrin, I've found that if you just drive the b!tch off a bridge and let her drown, it cuts down on the paternity claims considerably."

Best of Mr. Hankey
"Bene, Don Kennedy. I need a man who has powerful friends. I need a million dollars in cash. I need, Don Kennedy, all of those politicians that you carry around in your pocket, like so many nickels and dimes."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Sorry Orrin. The lads don't want you in the group anymore. They want Ringo.

Best of Unscrupulous
"You know it's a big freekin' room you ass-clown. Do you have to sit right next to me?"

Best of Mr. Hankey
It's sad about your cancer Ted, but I just don't want to remember you this way...I want to remember you as a rotting maggot-infested corpse.

Best of mklasing
"Orrin, now that I'm at the end I have a confession to make--I cheated at the 'contest', I'm not Master of my Domain."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Yeah, same here. Not even a handful of Viagra helps."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
For being brain dead, Teddy, that's a remarkable analogy! Congress, bankers and corporate execs are driving drunk on a rickety bridge, and americans are the naive young woman. Maybe we can get away with this debacle!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Let's go razz that pig and frog some more."

The Orb of Hopeychange

nancz


1. After telepromptering the opening of the Junior World Soccer Championships, one of the little buggers kicks the ball right into Chairman Zero's smirking head. "That'll teach you to saddle me with $259,000 in debt, you Kenyan pinko bastard!"

2. Wilson... No-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o!

3. Sargon bets 1.8 Trillion Quatloos on the newcomer and... like the rest of America ... loses.

4. Chairman Zero hasn't tried to walk through any of the White House windows since being outfitted with the "Orb of Knowledge."

5. Like many other weak-armed sissies who can't get a ball over home plate, Chairman Zero switches to soccer.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Little known presidential factoid: Obamalama enjoys walking around the rose garden with his eyes shut, mumbling - "Luke! Luke! Use the Force, Luke!"

Best of Army of Dad
Nothing to see here people, just two air filled orbs.

Best of dub
His soccer ball carriest the same label as his economic plans..."Screw".

Best of Rodney Dill
Unfortunately, Obama then taunted the happy fun ball.

Best of Unscrupulous
After repeatedly ignoring his mothers request NOT to play ball in the house... BO's camping trip was cancelled.

Best of Mr. Hankey
A love of soccer is further proof that Obama is not American.

Best or just unbelievably gross of HLam
Hillary drops a ball from the second story directly onto The Big "O". She used a soccer ball because a ballon was not strong enough to hold her, um, "juices".

Best of Mr. Hankey
It's already too late as Obama realizes that Dick Chaney had the CIA build him a giant Phantasm ball.

Best of sonicfrog
OK, you have a tree, a soccer ball, and President Obama. Which of the three has a better understanding of economic principles???

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Good Luck, Mr. Gorsky

It was Sonicfrog's idea



1. "This..... Is...... Tits!!!!!!! I Can't believe I'm on the f##king Moon! [Sonic Frog]

2. ORA: "Hey, what's Andy Kaufman doing up here?"

3. (If the moon landing had taken place 30 years later.) "That's one small step for... Howard Stern! Baba Booey! Baba Booey! Baba Booey!"

4. 2012: Realizing it's the last place where he hasn't apologized for America, Barack Obama travels to the moon.

5. A NASA Engineer pondered this achievement and how he would top it. "I know, we'll build a space shuttle, and then we'll build a space station in low Earth orbit so the space shuttle has some place to fly to."

Retro Best of Silhouette
Anybody else have an urge to watch music videos?

Wicked Best of Mr. Hankey
Mark Sanford shows his wife pictures of where he was over the weekend, but she doubts the story.

Best of Silhouette
In an alternate reality, Beavis and Butthead were the first to walk on the moon. "Heh heh heh. It's like 1969. Heh heh heh." "I'm gonna moon the moon."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Crap, the ladder doesn't quite reach. Well, we tried. Back we go."

Best of GregMan
CapThis Overused Caption #52:

"Where da white women at?"

Best of HLam
"Aw crap, I think I locked my keys inside the LM."

Best of mklasing
Neil was not at all surprised to find out that after decades of National Health Care, all of the moon people had died.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Neil glances under the Lunar Module to see that a Mexican family has stowed aboard.

Best of Adriane
'Made it ma - top of the world' ... OK, I'm on the moon which IS on top of the world ... oh never mind.

Best of Adriane
Putting his Capricorn One training to good use, OJ searches for the real killers ...

Best of Adriane
gravitee. i has onesixth of it.

Best of Rodney Dill
& how come no Latina Women have been to the moon?
Too wide for the hatches.
ATDHE

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Who throws a shoe, really!

Fred Miranda

1. "Wow! Tommy just spontaneously combusted. Makes you think, doesn't it?"

2. "I don't know why my dad gets off on smelling these, but in any case, here's the twenty he said to give you, Billy."

3. ORA: "Never fails. Hit one past Charlie Brown and his clothes go flying all over the pitcher's mound. Frankly, I think he's just an exhibitionist."

4. "What's that Mr. Shoe? I should take a baseball bat and kill them all? But that would be wrong, Mr. Shoe."

5. "This shoe is so *amazing.* Dude... I am so baked right now."


Best of Jack Reacher
"Even our shoes. Is there any part of our gear NOT made in China?" Pat Buchanan Jr. enters a protectionist phase.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
In a hushed tone: "Did you guys see the size of that freaking eagle?"

Best of Chrees
A young Holmes visits his American cousin: "I'd say 5'2", 92 pounds, from the wear on the left instep I'd say he plays third base...poorly I might add...and from the distinctive smell of sawdust his father is either a carpenter or the school janitor."

Best of dadoctah
Chapter VIII: Due to the convergence of forces beyond his comprehension, Salvatore Quanucci was squirted out of the universe like a watermelon seed, and never heard from again.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Uncle Barney tells me that champagne should be drunk straight from your lover's slipper.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Ummm... what?


1. "All right, let's begin our new lives as illegal immigrants; welfare, free health care, and no taxes. Here we come!"

2. "Nope, I still don't feel any wiser."

3. Americans adjust to the reality that, under ObamaCare, illegal aliens will get better health care than senior citizens.

4. Americans save money by eating Doritos on the porch while pretending to be at Chili's; slamming gallons of Margaritas also helped sustain the illusion.

5. "Nope, didn't work. That cute Governor Sanford still isn't interested."

Best of Unscrupulous
The infamous Tres Putas Gang sat and plotted their next Bingo Hall robbery.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Checking again that they had done everything required in the Craiglist ad, the three women still were shocked that "Big Black Stud" hadn't approached them at the licorice stand.

Best of GregMan
Ennui: The Secret Curse Of America's Elderly

Best of GregMan
John McCain's campaign groupies were about what everyone expected.

Best of Red Neckerson
Accoding to this book, we are going about this all wrong. And trust me! You don't EVEN want to know the proper way to perform a Dirty Sanchez......

Best of metalgarth
Overheard at the latest meeting of N.O.W....

It says right here in the bylaws that if a Negro becomes president before a woman we all have to wear sombreros and half to let our mustaches grow for a whole year.

OK... who made that stupid bet with NAACP

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Medicare Fraud - giving denture-wearing nursing home residents red licorice sticks while accepting kickbacks from the local franchise of Dentists on Call.

Best of dub
Thought bubbles from left to right:

"According to my calculations, my penis really IS bigger than Bea Arthurs."
"I forgot what we were doing an hour ago."
"Oops, crapped my pants."

Best of Rodney Dill
"G-14"
"O-25"
"R-3"
"GRINGO"

Metal Darth from Metalgarth

Metalgarth

1. ♪ "There is only one river-r-r-r-r... there is only one sea-a-a-a-a" ♫

2. Computer imaging shows us what Michael Jackson would have looked like in 2012, had he lived.

3. ♪ "I blew up Alderaan... But I did not blow up Tatooine..." ♪

4. Dick Cheney was *thisclose* to shooting another bassist in the face.

5. Not surprisingly, Darth Vader's rendition of "Helter Skelter" got way more applause than the rap stylings of Jar-Jar Binks.

Best of Mr. Hankey
As George Lucas begins staging "Star Wars - The Musical", his friends and family start the process of having him committed.

Best of metalgarth
"Don't be too proud of this technological terror you've constructed. The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of a Marshall Stack cranked to 10"

Best of metalgarth
ORA: Their third album 'Sith Sandwich' got a 2 word review.

Best of Matt the K
To think that this was the only cool part of the Christmas Special, and they cut it!

Best of metalgarth
What do you mean? "Some parts are killer, and some parts need a little work" *gaaaaaaaaaack* *thud*

Best of Matt the K
One benefit to Darth's respirator was that he could do killer Frampton solos without the squawkbox.

Best of Rodney Dill
"I find your lack of bass disturbing."

Best of Unscrupulous
My son turned ten just the other day
He said, "Thanks for the Deathstar, Dad, come on let's play
Can you teach me to kill", I said "Not today
I got a lot to do", he said, "That's ok"
And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
And said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know I'm gonna be like him"

Best of Chrees
Chewbacca, What A Wookie!

Best of Rodney Dill
"Those are not the Chords you were looking for..."

Best of Rodney Dill
Simon Cowell: "That was absolutely horrendous...AcKppbtdsafpgghh"

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Beach Bitch

Snowsnake

1. The Feral Kid from The Road Warrior enjoys a beach holiday.

2. Doctors in Australia recently reported the world's youngest case of PMS.

3. A young Hillary Clinton displays her trademark anger and complete lack of interest in boys.

4. "Back the Hell off, Gary Glitter. I'm not in the mood."

5. Dub didn't know whether he was put off more by her gut or by the conjoined twin growing out of her head.

Wicked Best of Mr. Hankey
Outtakes of Jodie Foster's Coppertone ad have hit the internet.

ROFL Best of Jack Reacher
"Avenge me!"

Best of Army of Dad
Popeye Jr. has all the fun he can stands, he can't stands no more.

Best of metalgarth
Lil' James Hetfield practices his stage moves and faces during his first beach vacation

Best of dadoctah
Looking back, that trip to the beach may have been the turning point for Chaz Bono.

Best of ShoeChick
Dog the Bounty Hunter...the early years.

Best of Rodney Dill
The 10th season of Lost left a little to be desired

Best of Mr. Hankey
As Kyle boasts about his latest conquest, little Julie looks for a place to spit it out.

Best of mklasing
A young Clay Aiken in a maroon speedo unsuccessfully tries to talk to a real woman, oh and there is also a creepy girl in this picture.

Ka-Zoom!!

Knowledge Is Power

1. The city of Detroit was carpet-bombed during naval exercises this week. Nothing worth saving was destroyed.

2. ORA: "I told you this sh-t would happen if you let go of those 99 red balloons."

3. "Ah, the Nimitz is in port. That must be why we haven't seen your mother the last few days."

4. "Well, at least it's not a black helicopter."

5. "The Crips aren't f--kin' around this time!"

Best of Silhouette
George gently parked his new car next to the dog walking belt and ran inside to get his briefcase. His neighbor Herb looked on.

Best of andthenblammo!
"Alright, W, I believe you now when you say you NEVER missed a day of flight training! Now land the damn thing already!"

Best of Maverick
Just want to serve my country, be the best pilot in the Condo Complex, sir.

Best of metalgarth
"Catholic High School Fighter Pilot Girls in Trouble" was one of the lesser known movies by Samuel L. Brokowitz

Best of Adriane
Honey, really, I am not in the airport. I am not about to board a plane. I am not taking 'my slutty receptionist' to Hawaii. An F-18 just flew past the window. Honey? Honey?

Best of Army of Mom
Oh, Army of Dad, that was so incredible. It felt like the whole room was vibrating.

Best of Submariner
Pardon me; but do you have any Grey Poupon?

Best of The Watcher
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Best of Viking04
Lead, Tallyho the FLIR paint, BOTH of them are sunbathing nekkid.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Rosie O'Donnell watches the plane circle the block, knowing that she is safe because no jet can topple a building.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Young MXers in Love


1. "Happy Bastille Day, mon ami!"

2. Thinkin' with your dipstick; UR DOIN IT WRONG!

3. Axe reaches for a new demographic.

4."Dude, I gotta be honest, I am, like, six different kinds of uncomfortable right now."

5. "Aw, jeez, can't a guy take a leak without getting hugged by a stoner? I hate Democrat Youth camp."

Best of metalgarth
Scene from the only racing movie gheyer than Speed Racer

Best of GregMan
The Obamessiah's Youth Corps was about what everyone expected.

Best of Tim
Soon to be parted by an gruesome hot tub jet spout incident, Bill and Jimmy pursued their star crossed love with near indecent abandon

Best of Matt the K
The Folsom Street Footlight Players Presents "Little Red BMX Riding Hood"

Best of Silhouette
Now we know how "Goose" got his call sign.

Best of Steve O
Mike liked it rough, Billy liked to cuddle, but somehow they made it work.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The botton always gets the helmet. Keeps them conscious when banging against the headboard. Tonight is Kyle's turn.

Best of Army of Mom
Catch NBC's must see line up including:
Will & Spidey
Queer reach-around for the straight guy
and
BJ & the Twink

Best of Submariner
"I will hug him, and squeeze him , and call him George..."

Nyuck Nyuck Nyuck

Gateway Pundit

1. The day the Wonder Twins both took the form of 'Socialist Tools.'

2. President Assman is shortly to realize his lifelong fantasy of picking a white man's nose.

3. "Does this smell like Pope to you?"

4. "Keep watching my finger, and when you start to see trails, that means that the acid has kicked in..."

5. "Thanks for volunteering for our 'twin fingers of death' demonstration, Bill..."


Best of Double the U
I pick the right nostril you pick the left, after two minutes who ever has less boogers has to buy the beer.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
guy in Middle, "Quiet, numbskulls; I'm broadcastin'

Best of dadoctah
Sad to see that budget cutbacks have even hit the traditional White House puppet show.

Best of Matt the K
Paper. Scissors. Dumbass.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Listen. There; did you hear it? Somewhere, a dollar is going un-taxed."

Best of Army of Dad
"I find your lack of faith disturbing. Dang it, how did Cheney do it!"

Best of dadoctah
"I'm getting an L. Is there someone close to you with an L in his name?"

Monday, July 13, 2009

The Gifter That Keeps On Regifting

Brender

1. "It's um... monogrammed toilet paper. For when you, um, sh-t in the woods."

2. "Where is your God now? Bwah-ha-hah-ha-hah-ha!"

3. Barry O distracts the Holy Father while M'Chel moves in for his wallet and watch. (ATDHE)

4. "Wow, the Virgin Mary sure does have a nice ass."

5. "So, can you, um, exorcise the stupid out of Joe Biden?"

Best of Silhouette
"Guest towels made from the Shroud of Turin? How nice. And we got you a Thomas Kinkade print and some Rice-a-Roni."

Best of dadoctah
wv: cxlic. Oh, I get it; because we're in Rome it's in Roman numerals.

Best of sonicfrog
Let me guess; the "reset" button, written in Latin, actually translated to mean "Fuck Catholics".

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
M'chelle eyeballs the cigar box and prepares to snatch a handfull of Primo Vatican Blunts.

Best of Jay Guevara
Priest in the background is following Barack and Michelle around to make sure nothing goes "missing."

Best of prince of leaves
Pope: "Oh crap...there's a Nazgul right behind me, isn't there?"

Best of Army of Dad
Now M'chel is checking out the Pope's ass!

Best of ochagirl
Pope: "Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you."

Beware the Giantess


1. More bars in more places.

2. The crew was alarmed when the parasitic life form attached itself to Lt. Worf's chest.

3. A couple of "typical white people" visit the White House; the president restrains himself from staring at their asses.

4. M'Chel and President Ass Man proudly introduce the first two people who'll be euthanized as a cost-saving measure under his health care plan.

5. Old man: "At least I'll be dead before you finish destroying the country."
President Ass Man: "You only have three months to live?"

Best of Rodney Dill
More Farce in more places.

Best of Rodney Dill
Michelle: "You keep leaning around to look at her ass and I'll whack you again."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Okay folks, Line up in order of loonieness for the photo op.

Best of Silhouette
And here's the East Room. By the way, that window over there, in case you're wondering, not a door."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Smiling Barrak feels the Enzyte kicking in.

Best of GregMan
Man, that Sasquatch from the beef jerky commercials is getting meaner looking all the time.

Best of Silhouette
Little known stop on the White House tour: the Forced Perspective room.

Best of Rich Bateman
A Klingon, a Forenge, and two elderly humans go into a bar....

Best of dadoctah
YMCA dance. Ur doin it...not at all rly.

Best of prince of leaves
Obama Matrioshka: a Typical White Person, inside a European Socialist, inside a Liberal Fascist, inside a sasquatch.

Best of mklasing
In yet another attempt to be more like "the people" M'Chel attaches her solid emerald broach to a dress she got on sale at Wal-Mart.

Best of Michelle
Hurry up & process these 2 - I got a powerful hankering for some Solyent Grren

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Down in the Family Room


1. "Wow, Mrs. LeTourneau. I didn't even know there was such a game as strip Monopoly!"

2. "King me!" It was no picnic raising Joe Biden's bastard spawn

3. "You landed on one of my hotels. That will be $1100 plus $100 for porno, $200 for the fantasy suite ... "

4. "See, 'Pass Go Collect $200.' That ennui should be loosing its grasp of you any minute now, mommy."

5. "Yeah, mom, this is way better than a Wii. Ich will sie toten!"

Best of Jack Reacher
This card says "Your business just came under the rule of an administration czar. Forfeit all money and property." Stupid 2009 edition.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Cool! I just drew the card, 'You are a favored constituency of the President and the Congress. Take whatever you want.'"

Best of dadoctah
"You just rolled double sixes, Billy, and you know what that means: ten minutes in the penalty closet with your father."

Friday, July 10, 2009

Grippin' and Grinnin'

Awkward Family Photos on a tip from Div. Miss M


1. With subtlety like that, this kid could grow up to be a Republican Senator or a Democrat President.

2. "And this is exactly what you can bite for making us wear these queer ass matching sweater vests."

3. ♪♪♪♪♪ "I don't want... anybody else... when I think about you... I touch myself..." ♪♪♪♪♪

4. "That's a nice crotch grab, Billy. What else did you learn during the sleepover at Neverland Ranch?"

5. A young Fallout Boy fan misunderstands the lyric "A loaded God complex/Cock and pull it."

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
"I'm 'olden onna my shit, since da man dun took everthin' else."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Kyle always gets hard when women grab his ass.

Best of multiot
The photographer was too slow with his commands and didn't expect Kyle to misunderstand when he announced "Show me a big ....smile".

Best of mklasing
Young Mark Sanford couldn't help it, the stupid camera man said, "Say Argentina"

Best of prince of leaves
Caught on Film: the exact moment when Kyle's balls finally dropped.

Best of divine miss m
There are many like it, but this one is mine.

Best of Matt the K
And next on the news: Mormons 'round the world break into impromptu celebrations of Michael Jackson's music.

Blah Blah Blah Stimulus Yada Yada Yada package

Note the classic "Hide Mr. Happy" leg position

1. "Mmm, MMM, Must be jelly 'cause jam don't shake like that!"

2. And as the lust entered his heart, Chairman Bam's transformation to Jimmy Carter was complete.

3. "Here be where de white women be at!"

4. "Of course it's statutory. fool... I'm hard as a rock!"

5. "Whoa, I'd like to hit that, knock it up, and send it to Planned Parenthood where it wouldn't be reported to the authorities."

Best of Ace

He's got all the tact of a country-born wolf in a Tex Avery cartoon.

He eyes up ass like he's Indian Jones about to grab a golden Incan idol. I think he's got a half-filled sack of sand in the other hand.

The Rasmussen Passion index just went to +6 1/4.

Larry Flynt just called. He wants his class and subtlety back.

He's staring at the ass like he's a Scanner with the unique power to psychically detonate the buttocks.



Best of Jay Guevara
Obama thought bubble: "Another dream from my father."

Best of Silhouette
"Oh my GAh-odd! I have those same sandals!"

Best of John.....just John
Damn, seein' a bitch as sweet as that makes me wish I hadn't wrapped my left shoe in duct tape!

Best of conservativeteen
subtlety FAIL.

Best of metalgarth
See I told you! There's no Smiley Face. Now pay up Frenchie.

Best of Justin
Bigger, please!

Best of HLam
"Oh, that reminds me, I need to buy Hillary a souvenir."

Best of Rodney Dill
(Robert Gibbs at Whitehouse Press Conference... The next day): "...and finally with the Passing of Farrah Fawcett, President Obama has... uh taken an interest in ass cancer... yea that's it... In fact he has already started an in depth study... Yea... that's the ticket."

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Aunt Jean Never Married



1. "Excuse us ... we'd like to be alone for a while."

2. Lady, could you clear out for a minute. Jim Lileks needs to photograph this room for the sequel to Interior Desecrators.

3. A participant at an ObamaCare Town Hall Meeting demands nationalized health care for her faceless, limbless, freak-baby.

4. How many of Andrew Sullivan's sexual fetishes can you spot in this picture?

5. Enzyte's new ads are even less subtle.

Wicked Best of metalgarth
Many years later Marci, started taking the "great pumpkin" thing a little too seriously

Best of Viking04
Dog Thought Bubble: "God, please give me Scotchguard fur, or just kill me."

Best of Army of Dad
"just never you mind where I got the yeast!

Best of Silhouette
Smoke one of these, Toto, and we'll be back over the rainbow.

Best of molson
In some countries, these would be the ingredients for a balanced diet.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Welcome back to Elayne's World. Next up, I'm going to fit one of these into the other. Stick around to find out which one is which." Early 90's cable TV shows began to get a little weird.

Best of Army of Mom
And that's it and that's the only thing I need, is this. I don't need this or this. Just this squash. The squash and the pillow and that's all I need. And this remote control. The squash, the pillow, and the remote control, and that's all I need. And the Peruvian band pillow. The squash, and the Peruvian band pillow, and the remote control and the orange floral pillow. And this lamp. The squash, the Peruvian band pillow and the remote control and the lamp and that's all I need. And that's all I need too. I don't need one other thing, not one - I need this. The squash, and the Peruvian band pillow, and the remote control, and the purple pillow, for sure. And this. And that's all I need. The squash, the remote control, the Peruvian band pillow, this orange floral pillow and the purple pillow. And I don't need one other thing, except my dog.

Best of Army of Mom
Eunice shows why she doesn't need a man. Not shown: peanut butter.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Thinking she had committed the perfect crime, Sylvie poses for pictures, not realizing she never washed Steve McNair's blood off of the gourd.

Best of DoubleU
"Grown from a seed, likes to read, and I peed" Carnac the Magnificent gets another one correct.

Best of dadoctah
Is it possible for a MySpace account to have a *negative* number of friends?

Und zo, ve hav to impose ze piggybank tax

One of you monors

1. "And zo, to offzet out defizit, ve vill begin auctioning zeh little girls to zeh highest bidder. Vat am I offered for zeh vun on my left."

2. "Isn't zeh little girl cute? Ja, ist too bad A-Rod knocked her up in ze seventh inning.... Vat, too zoon?"

3. "Ve still haff a $29 Billion defizit, but you vill glad to know ve haff legalized another 19 different forms of marriage."

4. "Und because zeh state defizit ist zuch a disastuh, I haff hired Roland Emmerich as our new budget director."

5. "Raise taxes or zeh little girl dies!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Thinking she'd be thrilled with his offer, Arnold offers to swap jobs with Jane, a clerk at the Sacramento DMV office.

Best of molson
Mommy why is that crazy man not wearing pants?

Best of curly
"I am the new Michael Jackson! Someone fit me with a glove!"

Best of prince of leaves
"Regahding ze allegation zat I fathered a leetle girl vit my lovah, I can only say, 'Eet's not a rooooomah'."

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
To shift media attention from the fiscal crisis, Ahhnuld comes clean about his Guatemalen wench and love child.

Best of GregMan
"Und zis is ze time on Sprockets vhen ve declare bankruptcy!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
After a long speech about the deficit, Gov Ahnold brings tears to the crowd as he brings little Julie comes to the platform and she states through tears “I just want to say ever since I was born, Ahnold has been the best govenor you can ever imagine, And I just want to say I love him so much.”

Best of dadoctah
“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don't have maps and uh, I believe that our, I, education like such as, uh, South Africa, and uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, uhhh, our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S., uh, should help South Africa, it should help the Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future, for us.”

Best of mpur
Politician's ties and their message:

Red + I am the alpha male and I am in charge

Blue - Stay calm, there is nothing to worry about

Lime green with polkadots: You are screwed

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Naked Gym


1. "Morning, Joe. How's the wang?"

2. After seeing this, I no longer pray for humanity's salvation, but that God gets goin' on the Apocalypse toot sweet!

3. Yes, dub, I'm saving Naked 'Curves' for Thursday.

4. "I agree, Phil. Al Franken has as much business bein' in the Senate as we got makin' a gay porno. Speaking of which, would you care to sauna with me?"

5. With this pic, V the K officially drops to third-rate pornographer.

Best of Army of Dad
Goofus and Gallant in Clean & Jerk.

Best of Unscrupulous
Welcome to Buff's Total Fitness. Home of the brown striped towels.

Best of Silhouette
On the bright side, after a half hour of this, there is slightly less of them.

Best of racerboy
What this gym needs is... more strategically-placed blurs.

Best of Jay Guevara
Rules for Olympic lifts:

Squats? No.
Snatch? Hell no.
Clean and jerk? Don't ask.

Best of divine miss m
ORA: "Hey, who's the new guy with the penis?"

Best of Robert
Note to customers: after exercising, please clean the equipment using the high pressure steam sprayer. - The management.

Best of metalgarth
Does the world really need carbon-neutral gay porn?

Best of prince of leaves
I got an ab workout just from looking at this picture...and then vomiting uncontrollably.

Best of dadoctah
"Okay, I'll sit through just *one* more Sacha Baron Cohen movie, and then I quit."

Ang Lee is remaking something, I don't know what.

Brender

1. Ted Haggard's pool-boy has to accommodate some ... unusual ... fetish requests.

2. "Hello, Billy. Want to be touched by an angel?"

3. They've hired 47 of these guys to put on a Vegas-style dance number at Michael Jackson's funeral; and some people said it was going to be tacky.

4. "I think I napalmed his gook village back in '66," McCain said of the apparition.

5. Has anyone figured out what exactly they're proud of?

Best of paul
And the angel of the Lord said unto them, "I look Fabulous!"

Best of Army of Dad
Oops, looks like we walked in on Sulu's new holodeck program.

Best of jj
Job interviews at Barney Frank's office have really gotten tacky lately.

Best of ochagirl
Some people will do anything to distract attention away from their third nipple.

Best of Silhouette
If Bob can get his boss to insult him using the words tinkerbell or fairy, Bob can retire on the settlement money. Bob loves casual Fridays.

Best of Adriane
John Phillip Law looks about as excited as I am to hear Jane Fonda is coming out of retirement for Barbarella 2012.

Best of DaveP.
In reality, Heaven isn't filled with the sounds of harps or choirs of angels: it's filled with the sounds of Evangelicals screaming their lungs out.

Best of racerboy
You think that's bold - you should see the matching sharkskin codpiece.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama announces his new Gay Czar.

Best of sonicfrog
The Episcopal church has gone too far this time!

Monday, July 06, 2009

Say Hello to My Little Friend

Sondra K


1. Among Klingons, women with gigantic clenises are highly prized.

2. M'Chel's passion for socialized health care is motivated by revenge against the surgeon that botched 'her' sex change.

3. The one flaw to his otherwise perfect disguise foiled Andrew Sullivan's attempt to get into Obama's bed.

4. It takes a lot of balls to wear a skintight aquamarine dress.

5. M'Chel was an instant hit at the Female High School PhysEd Teachers' convention.

Best of Viking04
Her LPGA card is in the mail, overnight platinum express.

Best of Army of Dad
M'Chel "Hillary I see your shwartz is as big as mine, lets see how you handle it."

Best of Rich Bateman
Trust the members of the vast right wing conspiracy to blow things all out of proportion!

Best of dadoctah
There hasn't been a First Shemale in this country since...I'm thinkin' Eleanor Roosevelt.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
I had a drill instructor at Parris Island who looked like M'Chel -- except for the penis.
Maybe.

Best of HLam
Looks like she leans to the left in more ways than one.

Best of Army of Dad
Madame first lady, you are supposed to stuff your bra!

Best of GregMan
It's 2009, and scientists photograph a male sasquatch for the first time.

Best of racerboy
Blindingly Obvious Caption #429 - "'Scuze me while ah whip this out!"

Best of curly
"Stimulus package? I don't need no stinking stimuls package! My package be stimulated!"

A Yahoo on a MapQuest

Knowlrfhr is Power

1. "Use the bathroom, you imbecile!" Even Axelrod was frustrated by The Obama's complete helplessness sans Teleprompter.

2. "No, you moron, you don't have any armies in Ukraine. That's a Risk gameboard."

3. The Obama was puzzled. In all of his many trips overseas, he had never noticed that countries had their names spelled out in giant letters.

4. "Watch, I'm gonna hock a loogie on Germany.Watch! Guys! You're not watching."

5. "Yeah, he's baked again and thinks he's watching the National Geographic channel. Let's nationalize another industry before he comes down."

Best of paul
Great. First he bows to the Saudi King. Now he's squatting for the Flat Earth group.

Best of eat me
look... Africa is smaller than Michele's butt

Best of GregMan
"OMG! North Korea is only 20 inches away from Hawaii! Maybe we do need missle defense!"

Best of blue
lets see, where was I born???

Best of Army of Dad
*chuckle* djibouti *chuckle

Best of Jay Guevara
"Hey, I didn't get a 'harumph' out of that country."

Best of metalgarth
Lenny tricked Carl into wasting half his lunch break trying to find Waldo

Best of Unscrupulous
"He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins."

Best of molson
Does this thing get porn?

Best of Zuul
I know Michael Jackson is from Neverland. That's one of those small European countries, right?

Best of prince of leaves
"What about these triangular countries in the corners - have we borrowed money from them yet?"

Best of curly
"Mr. Map, on behalf of the people and government of the United Mistakes, I would like to apologize..."