Tuesday, June 30, 2009

So, What Do You Think of the Jonas Brothers' New Look?

1. Mom? Dad? Governor Sanford?

2. The right boots are critical to the job of slopping out the hog pens.

3. Despite the hype, the hip new liturgical vestments failed to halt the decline of the Anglican Church.

4. I liked the Latin American kids' shows better when they were hosted by hot naked chicks.

5. Unfortunately, John Murtha's gay nephew got the contract to redesign the US Air Force's standard BDUs.

Best of Rodney Dill
Neverland Ranch hands

Best of Tim
The bright colors made it easier to fish the corpses out of the sewage tank if the interns slipped

Best of Silhouette
Oh, Uncle Charlie, where did we go wrong?

Best of dadoctah
"...and this is my *other* brother Daryl."

Best of Michael
Another hideous example of bad taste in sunglasses.

Best of molson
Will somebody call Ladder 69? Looks like we found some flamers in need of a good hosing.

Best of GregMan
Ang Lee's remake of "The Three Amigos" was even more disturbing than many had anticipated.

Best of mklasing
The B-52's attempt to make a comeback: FAIL

Best of Submariner
Winkin, Stinkin, and Fag

Best of Nose
Big Boots. Dyed Roots. Three Fruits.

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
Sherrif Joe Apario gets really strict. If the prisoners in Tent City thought pink underwear was bad, wait until he has them in the new Boy George designed jumpsuits.

Nice Hose


1. Best of Rightwingnutlicker: "More please."

2. Apart from the firehose scene, the worst part about Ang Lee's remake of UHF was casting Clay Aiken in the Weird Al Yankovic role.

3. Fireman's Fund insurance petitions Barney Frank for a bailout. The congress"man" later complimented then for "understanding the ins and outs of Washington politics."

4. San Francisco will not be changing its Fireman Exams as a result of the Ricci verdict since the talent, swimsuit, and evening gown sections are already race-neutral.

5. ORA*: "OK, the Canterbury Fire Department is up to snuff. Let's check out the Public Library."

* Canterbury (England) was recently forced to satisfy government inspectors that was "sufficiently gay".

Best of Army of Dad
Do not taunt happy fun enema man.

Best of Tim
Despite Rudy's popularity at the station, many of his fellow firefighters privately wished he would just get a bidet

Best of Rodney Dill
"No, I don't think the autopilot needs any more inflation."

Best of Whacko
For some odd reason, Randy will not get promoted to Lieutenant in New Haven despite acing the qualifying exam.

Monday, June 29, 2009

What's the story here?

Justin Thyme
1. British troops celebrate capturing the girlfriend of a top Taliban chief.

2. Stevie Nicks is welcomed on her USO tour.

3. "For the last time, gents, you don't need to applaud. This isn't the real Camilla, it's her body double."

4. There are some odd traditions surrounding the Duke of Enumclaw.

5. "All right, stop with the applause and let's get that pentagram drawn in blood ready."

Best of dub
If you've sexually violated this poor animal, please clap.

Best of Silhouette
It was as good a plan as any to get Helen Thomas out from under the bridge.

Best of Submariner
Kind of touching, really; those soldiers applauding dinner as it prances to the barbeque spit...

Best of prince of leaves
News cameras later recovered from the smoking ruins of Great Britain revealed the exact instant the newly-arrived ambassador from Epsilon-4 mistook the soldiers' applause for a war cry.

Best of Adriane
I didn't say I was angry. I said those Brits got my goat!

Best of Army of Dad
Cry havoc and let slip the goats of war!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Keep clapping, wankers. This goat gets a kidney transplant before you, thanks to NHS."

How Much Is That RINO in the Window?


1. ORA: In the middle of the on-air "Drunk Test," Arnold stormed into Mr. Carlson's office and demanded a hat. "Cop's got a hat. Why can't I have a hat?"

2. ORA: "Why does that trooper keep saying 'Meow?'"

3. "Isn't a massive tax increase justified if it allows someone like Larry here to retire at 45 with a full salary and provides for sex change surgery for his life partner?"

4. "This troopah refuses to pull my finger. Have him exterminated."

5. "I did not have sexual relations with that state troopah over there."

Wicked Wicked Best of dadoctah
"To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of the taxpayers. That is best in life."

Best of dadoctah
"Vat unemployment problem? I haff a job. My old co-star Arnold Stang back dere has a job."

Best of GregMan
"Your taxes, give them to me, now."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Ve called dis press conference to announce ve yust found ze last patriotic American in Kalifornia. Dere he is."

Best of prince of leaves
"No, I haff no plans to team up on a movie with Roland Emmerich. I can create epic disasters chust fine by mein self, danke."

Best of Army of Dad
"Then I said, 'No Ted, you are too drunk to drive, let me send a trooper instead.'"

Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Lunch Box Surprise


1. The lunchbox surprise turned out to be a human head. Billy's mom was one sick intercourse!

2. Billy opened his "Hope and Change" lunchbox to find nothing but an ACORN voter registration pamphlet and a bill for $429,500.

3. Billy thought his guinea pig would be perfectly fine in his airtight lunchbox until show and tell. Billy was wrong.

4. Billy's shock at finding that his mom had Lorena Bobbitted his dad was compounded by Kineesha's scathing comments about length and girth.

5. The lunch box surprise: A note from Mrs. LeTourneau reading "Meet me in the janitor's closet."

Best of Double the U
It was a note from Mom, "Your father and I are getting a divorce, it is all your fault."

Best of Submariner
Kimodo Dragon sandwiches? NOOOOOOO!

Best of Jack Reacher
While the kids were baffled by the small bags of white powder, Billy's dad had some fast talking to do when he tried to collect $25,000 for a tuna salad sandwich and an apple.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Barney Frank? How did you get under the table?"

Best of dadoctah
1950: Mrs Cronenberg alters the course of history when she sends little David to school with a lunch of natto and balut.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Little Kyle was shocked to see naked pictures of his father attached to a note that said "Give to Miss Duplussey"

Best of Army of Dad
"That's not a candy bar!"

Best of Oiao
An instant lesson in horror as they not only found Waldo, but that decomposition is a bitch.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Here Come the Bride's


1. How do you tell your kids, "When I first met your mom, she was upside down on a stripper pole."

2. They were going to go with the crotchless wedding gown, but decided this was more tasteful.

3. Later... "I now pronounce you, man and personal flotation device."

4. The gown wasn't the tackiest part of the wedding. That award went to Andrew Sullivan in Carol Channing drag singing "My Heart Will Go On."

5. The happy couple plan to spend their honeymoon in Hawaii, where they will make videos of themselves copulating on the beach and post them to YouTube.

Best of Dactyl
Good thing she had those velcro nipples installed.

Best of Submariner
The bumper sticker just says "Not Bombs"

Best of John.....just John
I now pronounce you mr. and mrs. Army of Gazongas!

Best of DaveP.
When the bride said she'd be buying an "off the rack" gown, this isn't waht I was expecting.

Best of Kaptain Krude
There's plunging necklines, and then there's falling-off-the-precipitously-steep-cliff plunging necklines.

Best of molson
Must have been in an accident. Looks like the airbags went off.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Fake (?) But Accurate

Sondra K


Best of Viking04
Having Squeaky Fromme as your hero has its drawbacks.

Best of The Man
Thank you mam - I know I am number 1

Best of mega
"What is this on your car, DUST?!!" In Iran, the Basij take no shit from anyone.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Dang it Mom, cut that out and get in the car."

Best of Submariner
Warp Factor 8, Mr. Sulu. Engage!

Best of dadoctah
"By Allah, I *hate* parking valets with 'tude!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Mahmoud's wife announces that she learned why he was in Argentina.

Suicidal Russian Chicken

Snowsnake

1. When Subservient Chicken met Jeffrey Dahmer, there was really only one possible outcome.

2. "No, no, no," Obama's Economic Advisor said. "The black cockerel must be a blood sacrifice, or the loa, he no come."

3. LOLDeadChicken marked the point when the franchise jumped the shark.

4. CHOKIN TEH CHIKIN --- IS NOT SO FUN AKSHULLY

5. It is an ex-chicken. It has ceased to be.

Best of Maogwai
Gloryhole; Very good for choking chicken

Best of GregMan
Tragedy ensued when Jake misunderstood the sign by the glory hole that read, "Insert c0ck here".

Best of dub
I would have expected a black cock to go further into the hole.

Best of metalgarth
Harland Sanders threw the wildest parties Kentucky ever saw.

Best of prince of leaves
Andrew Sullivan's google search for "big dangling black cock" yielded disappointing results.

Best of Foghorn Leghorn
What's that, I say, I wonder what that dog's up to.

Best of molson
Confucius say choking the chicken results in limp cock.

Texas mailboxes, of course...

Army of Mom

Can't think of anything, and I've been running around all morning, so have at it...

Wicked Best of steve o
The Cheney's and the Bush's go together on a summer rental cottage.

Best of dub
Catfish mailbox....MY FLESHLIGHT MAILBOX IS MO BETTAH.

Best of Silhouette
The postal carrier declined to stop here because he was allergic to shellfish.

Best of Army of Mom
A used tampon and a fish? Someone's ex-husband was really trying to make a point.

Best of Silhouette
Oh, I see now. This is the residence of Catfish Hunter.

Best of Viking04
It was a bad day, when the new mailman (transferred in from San Fran), left a complimentary copy of FISTING JOURNAL.

Best of dadoctah
Ask yourself this: which would creep you out more to have to stick your hand into?

Best of Typical Liberal
I recognize the catfish shape from pictures, but what is that other thing?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

MONORAIL BABE



Super Gran Torino Best of dadoctah
Didn't this picnic table used to be wider?

Best of Army of Mom
Despite her inability to actually complete any gymnastics skills, ratings for gymnastics meets on TV went up in the male 12-99 demographic once Stephanie became a regular on the circuit.

Best of The Man
newsflash: Your mom likes wood

Best of Submariner
Awright, Bridget, standby; today we play "DC Metro."
What - too soon?

Now *That's* a Burger Commercial!!!

H/T: Lileks

Collider? I barely know her!



Best of John.....just John
In the casting room for Army of Mom: The Movie

Best of dub
This is a very titilating picture. Thanks V teh K for keeping us abreast of these photos.

Best of Submariner
The Green Room hostesses just keep getting better n better at Fox News Channel...

Best of dadoctah
Continuing the search for the elusive T&A-meson.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

When you're a man, the world is your Port-a-Flush


1. The DNC came to regret letting Barney Frank direct their Stimulus-promotion DVD, Shovel Ready when the finished project turned out to be nothing more than 90 minutes of young men pissing into a big hole. (It was, however, a perfectly apt metaphor for the Stimulus itself.)

2. Bryan's OCD led him to spend six hours digging the perfect pit to take a leak by the side of the road.

3. In 2011, critics would complain that Obama's policy of having conservatives dig their own graves prior to their execution was "Nazi-like," Rachel Maddow, Robert Gibbs, and David Shuster were quick to point out that they were provided with gloves, helmets, and other safety gear while doing so.

4. It was a pretty elaborate grave for a hamster, but Richard Gere insisted "This one was special."

5. "Nope, no treasure here. Just an iron box with some weird Kenyan birth certficate in it."

Instantly Promoted Best of Tim:
Butters, at age 26



Best of The Man
Brian completed his "pissing on a dead hookers face" merit badge, twice.

Best of Rich Bateman
With their pants around their ankles and shovels in hand, America prepares for health care reform under the Obama plan.

Best of Jay Guevara
2059 taxpayer: "There. That's the grave of the last politician who voted for the stimulus. I think I've got every one of 'em now."

Best of Submariner
And a little for my brothers who are no longer here.

giggle

Best of Mr. Hankey
After admiring his work upon closing the tunnel coming from Mexico, Kyle proceeds to sign his name.

Best of dub
Meanwhile, out behind Neverland Ranch...
What? Too soon?

A Dog Sh-tting out a smaller dog...



1. Rex does his impression of Brian Williams interviewing Barack Obama.

2. Rex does his impression of Barack Obama's "outreach" to the Mullahs.

3. Rex demonstrates what you have to do to Charles Johnson in order not to be banned from LGF.

4. After watching the tennis ball disappear, Rex concluded his mom was not just a bitch, but a slut.

5. Rex does his imitation of David Letterman's writing staff.

Best of Rodney Dill
Eventually the charges were reduce to just following too close

Best of dub
Playing Fetch....UR DOIN IT RONG!

Best of dub
Playing Felch....UR DOIN IT RITE!

Best of Silhouette
You can't go home again.

Best of Jay Guevara
Little dog: "Yessir, Mr. Soros, right away, Mr. Soros, I'll call a press conference and make a stronger statement about Iran."

Best of dadoctah
Looking for the light at the end of the tunnel.

Best of Tim
The first draft of "the lion the witch and the wardrobe had a very different entrance to narnia

Best of Submariner
Unless you're the lead dog, the view is always the same. At least until he stops short.

Best of PabloD
Desperate for one more "Beggin' Strip", Rex reluctantly agrees to give a "rusty trombone" to the one dog tall enough to grab the bag off the table.

Best of prince of leaves
"Riiiiiicolaaaa!"

Best of molson
My God, it's full of stars.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Stupid, or just ugly? You be the judge.

Moonbattery and Knowledge is Power


1. Dude, you know that tattoo on your arm says "Chicken with Broccoli," right?

2. Gigantic-Backpack-to-distract-attention-from-tiny-wiener FAIL!

3. Remind me again why a good old-fashioned herd-thinning plague would be considered a tragedy.

4. It's worse than you think. The backpack is stuffed with Ron Paul Literature.

5. Strangely enough, if I were President Obama, no one would be saying I had no clothes.

Best of dadoctah
Run, Little Red Riding Hood! RUN!!!

Best of The Man
NAMBLA: North American Man Backpack Love Association

Best of unk
I've got a patch of Posion Ivy that needs attention

Best of metalgarth
Bull was always disappointed that his son didn't become a bailiff

Best of Viking04
I just learned a whole new definition of 'rucking up', unfortunately.

Best of molson
Wanna see my "white power" tattoo?

Best of lawhawk
Gov. Sanford? Is that you?

Best of Submariner
Meanwhile, back in Golden Gate Park on the George Takei Joggin Track...

Best of dadoctah
No, you may *not* use this picture as an answer when asked the size of your package.

Best of ThisOne
Yessss I have a girl friend. Sheees in heeere....

Best of paul
Jimmy had to walk to and from school. Carrying his backpack. Uphill both ways. Naked.

Best of Rich Bateman
How anyone can grin like that with his junk in a fire ant mound is beyond me.

Two Wild and Crazy Guys



1. Remember the good old days when the US made fun of the Soviet Union, wasn't trying to *be* the Soviet Union?

2. The Retro look was somewhat less hip than we had been led to believe.

3. Ang Lee held auditions this week for the movie adaptation of Jim Lileks's Interior Desecrators.

4. Tommy Hilfiger's children go through a rebellious phase.

5. Why more high school yearbooks were burned from the 80's than any other decade.

Best of jj
Hall & Oates have really let themselves go.

Best of metalgarth
After the Naughty Supermodels saw their prom dates, they faught viciously for the last remaining cynanide capsule

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama launches a new initiative to mothers on the dangers of letting your kids dress themselves. Hail Obama.

Best of Jay Guevara
Obama's picks for the CEOs of GM and Chrysler report for duty.

Best of Viking04
Somewhere, there is a '73 Gremlin missing its seatcovers.

Best of Submariner
Nothin' ta be seein' here folks; jist a pair o' Lions fans on a fashion strike 'til the big pussies win a game. Please ta be movin' along now...

Best of dadoctah
Actual magazine article I once saw: "Who's your favorite Flock of Seagull?"
These guys could probably answer.

Best of Oiao
Rarely seen photo; the ‘Missionaries of the Year’, shown donning native attire, who won the Prophet’s Challenge in 1987 in Greenwich Village, NY for the most LDS recruited and baptized.

Best of Submariner
"Sonny and Chuck" never had the success of Mr. Bono's later partnership.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Mixed Emotions on this one...

Silhouette
Best of Rich Bateman
Ok, when the KKK has to recruit from the Rainbow League, we got issues!

Best of mpur
Look, it's not Ace's fault; the guy at the tattoo parlor was supposed to do a flaming skull with a bad toupee.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Meta: A picture of a horse on the ass of a horse's ass.

Best of prince of leaves
It was bad enough when he started losing the likes of Bill Maher and Michael Moore, but when even the unicorns that once slathered oil on his naked body have deserted Obama and taken up with neo-Nazis, you know his popularity is tanking.

Best of Matt the K
"My Little Pony, NOooooooohhhh!!!"

Best of Submariner
Sully giggled; "I can't wait to 'Taste the Rainbow'..."

Best of metalgarth
On the next Arrested Development: White Power Bob gets a tattoo with help from Tobias

Best of Mr. Hankey
Janeane Garofalo couldn't wait to get home & see the added extras that the tatoo artist said he was adding to her "Last Unicorn" tattoo!! She loves surprises!!

Best of Army of Dad
This tat is in honor of the brave germans who bombed Pearl Harbor.

Horsey Hats

Brender

1. Simultaneuous thought balloons. "What a stupid hat!"

2. Army of Hats wondered why her caps never made the "Best of..." list.

3. The two surviving fans of "The Hat Squad" gather for their 16th Annual "HatCon."

4. I wonder if the Norweigan ambassador and his wife realizes their "diplomatic gifts" are leftover souvenirs from Barbaro's funeral, M'Chel giggled to herself.

5. Mom's approach to their son's gay wedding was downright funereal, but dad found the whole affair quite festive.

Best of dub
Pee Wee Herman models his Sarah Jessica Parker hat.

Best of Submariner
Phil Collins initially tried high fashion design when he broke from Genesis...

Best of Adriane
Ha! You thought no one would notice that the haberdashery was closed, but the piƱata store was open??? Well, you're ... right.

Best of sonicfrog
Either Split Enz is reuniting.... or Boy George just got out of the pokey.

Best of Mr. Hankey
All was going well until the little Mexican kids started hitting Kyle's head with a stick.

Best of Submariner
Ministry of Silly Walks? Sorry, they're next door...

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Someone, Somewhere Thinks This Is Normal



1. In case you were wondering what happened to the Garanimals boys when they grew up.

2. One way or another, Levi was going to get excommunicated from the Mormon Church.

3. The only bunnies who would ever get close to Bill Maher if he wasn't rich and famous.

4. (Low Voice) "That V the K is such a hypocritical low-life pervert." (High voice) "He sure is, Nutlicker, but you are handsome and cool!"

5. The missing hitch-hikers in the crawlspace really came as no surprise.

Best of dadoctah
Unseen still from Paul Winchell's final days.

Best of prince of leaves
Oh for the love of Gaia, tell me that is *not* a bottle of hand lotion on the side table...

Best of dub
Partying Like Hugh Hefner...UR DOIN IT RONG!

Best of Blue
Acorn meeting of 5 Obama voters

Best of The Man
Andrew Sullivan never got over the revelation that his father had a whole other family

Best of Mr. Hankey
Oh, it's just a harmless little "bunny", isn't it? That rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!

Best of Submariner
The one in the little black dress? That's just my pubic hare...

Best of metalgarth
None of Elmer's relatives ever believed his stories about the "talking rabbit in drag"

Garanimals



1. How to tell if your kids have been molested by Mark Trail.

2. "Today in kindergarten sex-ed, we'll be role-playing gay archetypes such as the Bear, the Wolf, and the fine piece of ass."

3. "Yo, Barney Frank, our eyes are up *here.*"

4. "And if you don't keep your flies zipped up, wild animals will gobble your wieners." Army of Mom had some unusual disciplinary tactics.

5. San Francisco's strip clubs prepare to take advantage of the simultaneous NAMBLA and Plushie conventions.


Best of Army of Dad
I thought this was odd until I saw the mullet and knew that it was just Arkansas.

Best of mklasing
Years later their mother would say about the kid with the wolf: "I just don't know what made him build that bomb and blow up that high school."

Best of Chrees
#34 in items that make purity rings unnecessary

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
Even in Kindergarten, Larry the Cable Guy had a mullet and just didn't quite fit in.

Best of Unscrupulous
This is simply a sign of oncoming puberty...
"Fur, where there was no fur before"


(Yes, as a matter of fact, I do feel dirty for coming at this from the child abuse angle, but come on!)

Friday, June 19, 2009

The What's In Your Wallet Olympics

Brender

1. Not to be too pedantic, but I didn't think the Spartans went into battle armed with big wooden dildos.

2. "Pull my Spatha?"

3. Joey was somewhat disappointed when he finally got to view Captain Oveur's DVD collection.

4. Sullivan wasn't impressed. "I've had bigger."

5. After Obama passed an executive order requiring critics of the Stimulus to battle each other to the death for his amusement, Chris Matthews dropped dead from what the coroner called, "a massive orgasm."

Best of Silhouette
"You will call me 'Trojan,' not 'sir.' It's a thing. I worked so hard on this hat."

Best of The Man
I'm starting to think some of the images coming out of Iran are fakes.

Best of mega
After the military's budget had been re-routed to ACORN, it did the best it could in the killing fields of Afghanistan.

Best of Chrees
"You may take away our lives, but you can't take away our Guinness!!"

Best of dadoctah
What would happen if the cast of "My Name Is Earl" met the cast of "Doctor Who"?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
In the Year of our Lord 1314, patriots of Scotland - starving and outnumbered - charged the fields of SkunkHead. They fought like warrior poets; they fought like Scotsmen, and won bragging rights at the next Dungeon and Dragons gathering.

Best of Submariner
"For the honour of smelly pirate hookerrrrrrrrs!"

Best of prince of leaves
The organizers of the event were inconsistent - while they mandated the Roman reenactors carry wooden swords to prevent injuries, they allowed the Viking reenactors to take PCP to provide "authenticity" to their berserker charges.

Best of prince of leaves
Tragic mayhem ensued when the Woodstock 40th Anniversary Celebration and the Battle of the Teutoberg Woods Reenactment Society inadvertently reserved the park at the same time.

Best of dub
What's in your wallet? With a sword like that, I'm hoping lube.

Best of Oiao
'Where adult rejected males who failed High School JROTC drill team go to belong; the Renaissance Faire.'

Yeah, Perfect for June. Thanks AoM.

Army of Mom

1. Is there anything sadder than people who are such dumbasses they can't even spell "Dumbasses."

2. Bill O'Reilly's neighbors left the sign up year round, just to piss him off.

3. After the elves moved in, citizens of Duncanville, TX reluctantly concluded they would rather have the sex club back.

4. Christmas in June! Al Gore spots yet another sign of out-of-control global warming.

5."Well, there's no point in taking it down now. In six months, it's just gonna be Christmas again."

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Best Episode of Deadliest Warrior Evah!



Best of Army of Dad
"Be healed!"

Best of dadoctah
"Hold still and stop screaming! You want your mortgage restructured or *not*?"

Best of Steve O?
Testing results of the new Swedish vulcan mind-meld education system are proving remarkably positive.

Best of GregMan
Twenty quatloos on the blonde!

Best of mega
Even after being identified definitively as a SoulEater, Karen still had plenty of willing volunteers.

Best of Nose
Army of Mom gets her ass kicked for claiming to own someone else's outfit.

Here's Your Sign

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Compare and contrast


1. Ah, a perfect world. Sarah is president, and Maya Angelou works the shoe counter at a bowling alley.

2. After a house landed on M'Chel, Sarah called dibs on her $450 kicks.

3. Geordi LaForge was shocked when his "1970's Roller Disco" Holodeck program was invaded by Commander Riker's "Smokin' Hot 21st Century Presidents' program, but he soon got over it.

4. "50 bucks says I can nail Letterman in the nuts with this from 400 yards."

Best of metalgarth
ORA: Griff didn't know what to do when Sarah Palin came into Gary's Shoes because... of course... he was a kool aid drinker

Best of Mr. Hankey
Bringing along her dancing shoes, Sarah waits for the DJ to stop playing that rap sh-t.

Best of mklasing
Man, Alaska sure has some nice Prison Recreation rooms.

Best of mega
"Nope, not slutty enough. No, no heels, definitely not slutty enough."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Proof that Sarah Palin compares size.



5. (Sigh) "OK, Biden, but this is the *last* time I'm going to show you. The rabbit runs around the tree and then into the hole..."

6. ORA: Sarah takes off her shoes to help Army of Mom lay some science on "VBS Parking bitch."

Wookie Got Back


1. "Hold on, Bo, you'll be licking peanut butter in no time. It was invented by a Black Man, you know." ATDHE.

2. ♫ "Kashyyyk face with the Oakland booty... Kashyyyk face with the Oakland booty... Baby got back!"

3. "And then later, I'm going to the vet to get tutored."

4. M'Chel Obama gives Joy Behar a casual tour of the White House grounds.

5. The Obama's explain that they did not reneg on their promise to adopt a shelter dog, but had, in fact, created or saved more than 600,000 shelter dogs.


Best of Whacko
She has the calves and thighs of a pulling guard.

Best of Army of Dad
That is the biggest dingleberry I have every seen!

Best of Army of Dad
I think the South Korean prime minister is due to be here for a state visit. Knowing the Obama's gift giving reputation I feel bad for the dog.

Best of Jack Reacher
V the K's #5 is the funniest caption I've read in a long, long time. Bravo.

Best of Oiao
Aunt Obama has the shape of a syrup bottle.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Sasquatch sightings in the Washington DC area. Film at eleven...

Best of Jay Guevara
Washington (UPI) - The US Postal Service today announced that they're creating two new zip codes for Washington, DC.

Best of dadoctah
Great Moments in Journalism: June 16th, 2009 - for the first time ever, the Washington Post uses the word "badonkadonk" in a photo caption.

Best of flyovercountry
One good thing out of this disaster for Hillary, at last someone with a bigger butt is in the White House.

Best of mpur
Secret Service agents were momentarily confused when they received instructions to "keep eyes on the black dog on the lawn."

Best of dub
They say she is a trophy wife....apparently its just not for First place.

Best of steve o
I suggest a new strategy, R2.
Let the Wookiee walk the dog.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Oy, Ghey!

Brender

1. "I agree. The Palins really are tacky people who got what was coming to them."

2. Obama praised the Jerusalem gay pride marchers as "brave dissidents, standing up against a repressive regime." As for the Iranians, he simply said, "Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh."

3. "Seeing that woman's belly reminds me. Lance, we're out of Crisco."

4. "Our community is finally organized. Let's party!"

5. Folsom Street Fair. Where a child's sense of wonder is engaged every time he sees a guy in a leather mask with his forearm up to his elbow in another man's rectum.

Best of Silhouette
This Supreme Court Justice swearing-in lacked the dignity of times past.

Best of dadoctah
"I see it! *There*'s where we parked!"

Best of dadoctah
Vacation Bible School has changed since I was a kid.

Best of Viking04
Dry-wall finishers are really different in California.

Best of dwhawk
Jerusalem welcomed the performers of the newest show from "Cirque du So Ghey."

Best of Submariner
Terrell Owens describes what a Super Bowl parade for Jeff Garcia would have been like.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The "Knights Who Say Nih" come out of the closet.

Hello Dali

Brender

1. Mom?... Er, Dad?

2. During the filming of The Island of Dr. Moreau, Marlon Brando told Dennis Hopper the secret to great acting was to wear ridiculous sh-t on your head. Dennis didn't realize he was kidding.

3. "I'm crazee WTF-is-this-thing-anyway head! Gimme some o' dat crazeee candy!!!

4. This guy needs to either up his dosage or get a show on MSNBC.

5. "OK, Perez, when we come back on, Larry's going to ask you to critique Carrie Prejean's fashion sense. Try to come up with something really catty and scathing... And we're live in 5... 4... 3..."

Very Brady Best of dadoctah
"It's late 70s night at Teen Fun World! Join the fun with Fred Schneider's glasses, Mark Mothersbaugh's hats, and Debby Boone's pin-up posters!"

Best of dub
Orange you glad I wore mah hat todai?

Best of paul
Does this hat make me look stupid?

Best of Silhouette
The Pope's valet liked to play tricks when His Holiness was in a hurry and didn't have time to check the mirror.

Best of molson
Laugh it up monors, but there is no way the Hallibuton evil ray can ever penetrate my Tesla coil hat.

Best of Submariner
"...and at home? Instead of putting it on the rack in the hall, I set it next to the sofa, and VOILA! Intant haute couture end table."

Best of sonicfrog
So, Guinan is not quite as selective about whom she calls a friend as Picard led us to believe...

Monday, June 15, 2009

Just to Remind You What a Successful and Competent Political Executive Looks Like


1. "Jackie... Robinson... OK, Willow, go over to the president's box and sell this to that dip-sh-t Joe Biden. You should be able to get at least $300-$400 off him."

2. "'Airport Sheraton... Room 415... ' Willow, be a good girl and give this to the pitcher with the nice tight a$$."

3. "No, dear, I'm pretty sure Mr. Sullivan is a 'catcher,' which is why he has AIDS."

4. "$50 says I can hit Letterman square in the nuts from 400 yards."

5. "Ah, the shrunken head of Paul Shaeffer, just as I asked. Well done, my minion."

Best of The Man
This would be in my Top 10 items I'd like to shove up Letterman's butt

Best of Oiao
David Letterman has it wrong. Not a "Slutty Stewardess look" but a "oh man, I whis my mom was that hot and capable of kicking Letterman's ass all over the place" look!

Best of dub
Ok, for the last time....here is Alaska....and here is Russia....

Best of Rich Bateman
I'd let her sign my balls too.

Best of Jack Reacher
Apologize to Willow or I'll set that weasel-fur hairpiece on fire while you're wearing it. "Now I just throw it through the studio window, and watch the fun."

Best of Maogwai
"Sherman... T... Potter..."

Best of Army of Mom
Making love is like hitting a baseball: you just gotta relax and concentrate. Besides, I'd never sleep with a player hitting under .250... not unless he had a lot of RBIs and was a great glove man up the middle.

A Holocaust Denier and a Kid with a Giant Head

Julie teh Jarhead

1. "I shall call him, Mini-Achmadinnerjacket."

2. Achmaddinnerjacket denies that radioactive contamination from nuclear tests is having any mutating effects on Iranian children.

3. After Peanuts was canceled, Linus Van Pelt followed in the footsteps of Cat Stevens, converted to Islam, and became a propaganda tool for Iran.

4. PBUH -- Prefers Boys, Usually Hairless.

5. The Special Revolutionary Agent known only as "Code Name: Robin" learned many devastating secrets while on the staff of Congressman Barney Frank.

Best of dadoctah
"...and will Mister Wonka let us see the chocolate river, and the inventing room, and all the Oompa-Loompahs too?!"

Best of dadoctah
"Do it, Anthony! Wish the opposition into the cornfield!"

Best of metalgarth
WORST. VENTRILOQUIST. ACT. EVER

Best of Army of Dad
Islamic Rage Boy: TNG still needs some more training.

Best of Army of Dad
wv: corki The WV bot gets another one right.

Best of GregMan
Where will you be when your pederasty kicks in?

Best of Submariner
So, Ahmed; have you ever seen a third-world wack-job naked?

Best of sonicfrog
Bat Boy's secret mission to eat Ahmadinejad was nearly aborted because of this photo. Luckily, no one recognized him with the wig.
Carry on Bat Boy, carry on!

Best of Matt the K
Ahhh...see? Achmadinnerjacket's can't be all that bad-- even Ringo Starr is there to support him!

Best of Rodney Dill
So Billy... Ever been in a Turkish prison?

Best of ThisOne
The needle like dentition of the larval form is uniquely adapted to catching fish and shredding algae. The adults however, undergo metamorphosis into a blunt toothed, bottom dwelling form well adapted to foraging in the fetid muck of drainage canals.

Best of Submariner
See good lookin? I SAID I'd be back to pick you up later.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

Sunday Have At It



Best of Double the U
Look, I took off my shirt, and oiled my chest. I suggest you chain me to the wall and whip me before you invade Pearl Harbor or you may not be real Nazis.

Best of the doyle
I........just.......don't know if......I........can take much more.
The beatings and......the whippings.....are......ok. But.......listening...to...Oooooobama lie.......is worse........than torture.

Best of prince of leaves
"You're insolence grows tiresome. Now vee shall teach you to show zee proper respect for the elite agents of OMOH!"

Best of Army of Mom
ENVY: looks like a Nazi foot soldier

Best of Army of Mom
Then Sulu awoke with a start. He always hated when his best dreams ended before they reached fruition.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Wait, you mean you're not a member of the British royal family? Well, with the uniform and all, I just assumed..."

Best of Submariner
ORA: "Ve vill ask nicely just un more time; what di you do vit der black voman's head?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"We invaded Pearl Harbor? You truly are a sick intercourse!"

Best of Shayne
"I VILL have you!, you adorable sthpaceman."

Best of dadoctah
"You just wait! Adrian Zmed will be here any minute now to rescue me!"

Best of John
Vee haf vays off making you talk. But vee von't use them - vee can't stand hearing you talk...

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Who Invited the Homeless Guy?



1. Never mind the homeless guy, who invited all the Rovers to this wedding party?

2. No wonder all the crazies are coming out, what with five full moons and all.

3. Uncle Vanya just couldn't restrain himself from showing his abs at every opportunity.

4. ORA: Laura W and Drew M would be forever haunted by the ghost of the hobo they murdered as part of their initiation into AoSHQ.

5. So, what caught your eye first, the half naked homeless guy, or the lesbian love cuddle at lower left. (Fag!)

Best of Submariner
...and a split second later, Uncle Vanya dropped shorts to prove that he was, indeed, the BEST man.

Best of molson
Hey look! Wingnutlicker has a social life after all.

Best of sonicfrog
You know, for an old guy, Willie Nelson is in pretty good shape.

Best of dadoctah
"Yeah, he's a little eccentric, but I promise you he really IS licensed to perform weddings in this state."

Best of mega
The world's only five-handed woman gradually got over her self-consciousness and took the pole position in family photos.

Best of dub
Would have been a nice picture had Janet not queefed and sprayed all over the lens.

Best of Nose
Welcome to the first annual "Caption This" Monors convention.

Best of dadoctah
"You're late. The bachelorette party was *last* night."

Best of Army of Mom
The Gorton's fisherman was the latest casualty of the economy.

Best of Army of Mom
Reality tv keeps getting weirder and weirder. Here we have the promo shoot for Deadliest Catch; Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire and My Uncle is a Vagrant Jogger.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Of course Of course



1. When roophies came to Enumclaw

2. Something tells me Sarah Jessica Parker isn't enjoying her date with Q.

3. "Thanks for the curling iron, Crow T. Robot."

4. "Damn! Broke another horse. Maybe I should start that diet."

5. "Well, the desert has turned to sea. I guess I can let the horse with no name run free, now."

Best of Maogwai
The Most Interesting Man in the World has just bored his horse to death.

Best of Silhouette
Relax, Flicka. "And the horse you rode in on" is just an expression.

Best of Submariner
I AM Cornholio!

Best of GregMan
Snuff videos come to Enumclaw.

Best of Jay Guevara
Secretariat goes Galt.

Better than my fomulation Best of Shayne
So where are the plants and birds and rocks and things?

Best of Oiao
Robbin Willimans, after his morning bottle of vodka, shows off his special nack for performance art by fuc*ing a horse to death on San Francisco's Ocean Beach.

Best of molson
Well I still can't find my panda costume so this is going to have to do. Now lets get a little yiffy!

Best of Rodney Dill
A horse is a horse
A corpse... a corpse


Best of mega
Another Canadian horse waits five months for a routine vaccination shot, and eventually falls over dead.

The Shed, The Shed, The Shed is on fire...

Roto-Reuters
1. "Are my microwave burritos done yet?"

2. (Somewhere in West Virginia, c. 1954) Senator Robert Byrd welcomes a family of negroes to his neighborhood by throwing them an old-fashioned housewarming.

3. David Letterman fantasizes again about burning the Palin family out of the two-room shack he imagines everyone outside of New York and LA lives in.

4. Erma was delighted to get out of her $650,000 Fannie Mae/ACORN mortgage.

5. "Kobe... over here... I'm open and no one's used this caption in a while!"

Wicked Best of metalgarth
I guess Great White is playing much smaller venues these days

Best of Submariner
The REAL reason we haven't seen SOTG in a while.

Best of GregMan
ORA: Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson finally snaps.

Best of Maogwai
This is a just released picture of the new "Men Without Hats" video; "Democrats: We can Spend if We Want to".


Best of mklasing
Octo-mom finally solves the burden of having so many children to care for.

Best of Submariner
"Aye, fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live... at least a while. And lying in your beds, slave, many years from now, you will be damn thankful you traded ALL the days you received, from this day to that, for the slavery at any cost rather than take a stand for... YOUR FREEDOM!"

Yes indeed, The View's remake of "Slaveheart" took a slightly different storyline.

Best of Jay Guevara
"There! Toldya I'd get rid of those roaches, one way or another!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Help! We're being repressed!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"FREE BIRD!!!!"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Car Cruncher


1. Mancow tries yet another lame "torture" stunt.

2. How the auto bailouts work: Obama distracts the taxpayer with something pretty while smashing his head against an engine block, or something like that.

3. Unfortunately, her efforts were wasted as the T-1000 began to morph again.

4. White Trash Hide and Seek.

5. I remember this episode. Jack tries to fix the car while that silly Chrissie keeps dropping the hood on his head.

Gag Me with a Ball

Snowsnake


1. I have only one question: Do they come in Joy Behar sizes? (That would be, like, a basketball or something).

2. The reporter from Agence France Press had to be subtly reminded not to ask Obama any questions about his deficits or terror policies.

3. "MMmmph mmmmph mmmmph MMmmph Mmmmph Mmmph!" ("Welcome to Cafe Gimp, would you like to hear some of our specials.")

4. Finally, an effective diet program that really, really works.

5. Insert "State Department Intern" caption here.

Best of metalgarth
Rob Halford's #1 groupie was about to have the shock of her life.

Best of Van Helsing
Quick, give Biden his ball gag back before his mouth goes off again!

Best of Jay Guevara
Rahm Emanuel was determined to keep Sonia Sotomayor from making any more controversial statements until the Senate could confirm her.

Best of mklasing
Sheila had enough of those darn Travelocity commercials and can be seen here swallowing the last piece of that stupid little yard dwarf.

Best of mpur
Ok, I get the ball gag, the skimpy outfit, the shocker, but, honestly, isn't giving her a swirly a little harsh?

Best of GregMan
Some members of the David Carradine Fan Club are grieving just a little too hard.

Best of steve o
The ball gag is THE key accessory, as it is with any woman's outfit.

Best of Adjustah
Dyslexic Dad strikes out again when he accidentally invites "Blowzo The Clown" to his son's 5th birthday party.

Best of ochagirl
One of Germany's preliminary designs for it's 2012 Olympic swimming team.

Best of Army of Mom
Ang Lee's "It"

Best of Army of Mom
Somehow, I don' think this is what Nickelback was imagining when they sang "you look so much cuter with something in your mouth."

Counterpoint


V the k, is a friggin' part time, second rate pornographer, yet he rails against the "perversions" of people who actually have sex, instead of spending their time drooling and masturbating over pictures of topless women, whom he enthusiastically objectifies.

V, seriously, you are a piece of work. Keep the idiocy coming. I couldn't make up a character as dumb as you! Thanks for existing for my entertainmnet.

Posted by: wingnutlicker at June 10, 2009 4:27 AM

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

Renaissance Gay Tuesday


1. This portrait from the Westminster Gallery, captured the first meeting of Lord Andrew of Sully and Lord Ryan of Seacrest.

2. Gallant was grateful to be alive in the Renaissance, while Goofus giggled constantly about the "Boob-onic Plague."

3. "P'tagh! I'll put my b'athleth through your... Oh, sorry, what day is this again?"

4. Gallant posed stoically in the manner of a Flemish gentleman. Goofus kept asking Rembrandt to pull his finger.

5. Souvenir of Gertrude Stein and Alice B Toklas's visit to one of those Old Tyme Photo places.

Best of dub
In the bible it says the rod and the staff comforts thee. But Horatio, your rod, your staff, it kind of hurts my ass.

Best of jeff
"Hey Gerd, look - a hamster."

Best of John.....just John
Do you realize, Horatio, that by paying us, and others, to be professional portrait subjects, King Louis XII has created or saved over 3 million jobs? Long live the king!

Best of prince of leaves
Guy on right: "What do you mean you don't like wearing matching outfits? I think it's cute! It lets everyone know we're a couple."

Best of duke of red
Ye Olde Surprize Buttsecks

Best of Submariner
Well, there was this ONE time at dandy/fop camp?

Best of mpur
Sully was disappointed with the results of his "old school gay porn" Google search.

Need No Caption

Snowsnake


Best of prince of leaves
"Not that there's anything wrong with that..."

Best of prince of leaves
In Enumclaw, the response would have been "Finders, keepers".

Best of Army of Mom
If no one claims him, please drop him off at Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary.

Best of Rodney Dill
Welese BOWWOWbas

Best of Matt the K
...Because at Big Gay Al's Big Gay Animal Sanctuary, every dog is SOOOOOOOOPER!

Best of GregMan
Sully's beagle ran away?

Best of GregMan
Man, one look at Muh-chelle;s "Angry Face" and BO's Portugese Water Dog turned gay AND ran away.

Best of Mr. Hankey
..answers to the name of 'Barney".

Best of Unscrupulous
I bet that dog loves boners.

Best of Submariner
Can be identified by his FABulous rhinestone collar...

Monday, June 08, 2009

Appointment TV

Brender

1. "I can't believe you're making me watch this instead of So, You Think You Can Dance."

2. "I swear by Allah it is true! If you translate the 'ums' and 'uhs' into Morse code, he's saying C-I-L-L T-E-H J-O-O-S."

3. Even though they had never seen a single episode of South Park, Abdul and Mujihad responded to every line of Obama's speech with an exclamatory "Boom, Baby!"

4. Two ACORN 'volunteers' in Detroit attend a teleconferenced training session.

5. "Still better than watching Conan squander Leno's legacy."

Best of Jack Reacher
"You know, I'm thinking that Snuggie they showed is a pretty good idea. Imagine a blanket with sleeves!"

Best of dadoctah
"Four thirty, time for Wapner."

Best of prince of leaves
"Hey wait, this isn't the '24' marathon! President Palmer's waaay more butch than this douche."

Best of Submariner
"Uh, uh, uh, ummmmm..." He should just buy a vowel if he has no guess!

Best of Matt the K
"Dude, change it! Change it!"
"Can't....we used the remote to detonate your cousin."

Best of Rodney Dill
In certain parts of the world, Hulu's plan backfires.

Best of mega
"I swear to Allah, the next time he says "All too often" I'm gonna put a round right through that TV set."

Best of mega
"There's the one guy on Earth who's less able to responsibly manage a state than we are."

Best of Army of Dad
"Is it time to go outside and shoot into the air yet?

Best of Mr. Hankey
This year on Fox it's Martyr Swap - Two countries 'swap' their martyrs to see who can do the most damage. You'll laugh & cry.

If Looks Could Kill...

Sondra K

1. Standard M'chel Cap #1: "Don't you turn away from me, you chalk-faced whore."

2. Carla tried to remember. "Is the Predator the one with the little mouth inside the big one, or am I thinking of something else?"

3. Standard M'Chel Cap #2: "P'tagh! I will rip out your heart with my b'athleth and show it to you while it is still beating."

4. Remembering that M'Chel's visual acuity was based on movement, Carla tries to remain absolutely still.

5. "Hm, no bite marks on her long white neck. I guess she hasn't met Pelosi yet."

Best of GregMan
Carla tried hard not to return Muh-chelle's stare, knowing that gorillas interpret direct eye contact as a threat.

Best of dub
White woman thought bubble: "Why does that lady from the syrup bottle keep staring at me??".

Best of dub
Standard capshun #471: "You know what I hate the most about Anna Nicole Smith?? What? She's right behind me, isn't she?"

Best of Submariner
The Predator sizes up it's next selection...

Best of ThisOne
Carla: "That's ash falling from the sky. What's going on here?"
Michelle: "...Agh burzum-ishi krimpatul."

Best of Double the U
Bitch's staff wouldn't make me none of those real french fries.

Best of Mr. Hankey
"What you talkin' bout Carla?"

Best of Submariner
Thought bubble; "Why WON'T this chalk-faced whore go shopping with me at Old Navy?"

Best of conservativeteen
Carla's "an Obama supporter's facial expression" failed to impress Michelle

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Antebellum Fetish Gear

1. Robin's egg blue pants? Damn, the Union Army was teh ghey!

2. She wanted to wear her white petticoat, but grandpa swiped it for PrideFest.

3. Bill was willing to play along with her fantasy right up until Emily suggested that he fully authenticate the Civil War experience by contracting untreatable syphilis.

4. Darnell was into joining Bill and Emily's role-playing fantasy, but Latrina said "Unh-unh, no way!"

5. Would the South rise again? Emily sure hoped so. And, privately, so did Bill.

Best of Viking04
FARB!

Best of metalgarth
"How Army of Great Great Great Grandmother met Army of Great Great Great Granddad"

Best of dadoctah
The world's most confused Yankees fans.

Best of prince of leaves
"General Grant, sir...your prom date is here."

Best of dwhawk
Guy's thought bubble: "If this twit says fiddle-dee-dee one more time I'm gonna Patty Simcox her."

Best of prince of leaves
After having his neck amputated due to a friendly-fire incident at Antietam, Jimmy Terlett would join Union Veterans Against the War and protest President Lincoln's senseless and illegal war for cotton.

Best of Oiao
Thought bubble, guy: "No matter how long, or how hard it will be, I will make the rest of your life a living hell for pulling out that camera!"

Best of Matt the K
Jenny got extra credit from her history teacher for NAILING the orthodontics of the period.

Friday, June 05, 2009

Guns and Underwear

K is P

1. The very last time dub criticized a woman about arm flab.

2. "Sorry about your cat."

3. Bristol Palin finally shuts up that blabbermouth punk Levi Johnston.

4. "Thank you for not smoking, sir!"

5. Bang! BANG! "I am NOT PMSing!" BANG! Bang!

Best of Submariner
Sorry, honey. I guess I popped off MY round a little fast, too...

Best of divine miss m
"I want a margarita and I want it now."

Best of Silhouette
"ALL DAY! You knew my smiley face panties were showing, and yet you didn't say a word."

Best of Dactyl
Katie Holmes escape plan C: back off or the Thetan gets it!

Best of mpur
And that's how you do it without catching hot brass between your tits.

Best of ochagirl
YOU FORGOT THE CHOCOLATE! GO BACK!

Best of metalgarth
YOU LEFT THE SEAT UP AGAIN!

Best of metalgarth
Use a freaking coaster next time

Best of steve o
Unlike Charlie's better known Angels, Sondra always made those "peechuu! peecheeoo!" sounds when she blew bad guys away.

Best of Matt the K
"I know what your thinking, punk... Had it been twenty-six, or twenty-seven days since my last period?"