Saturday, February 28, 2009

Ingmar Bergman's: The Odd Couple



1. "We just really believed he'd govern moderately." Reality sets in for the Obamacons.

2. "Maybe we didn't support Obama enough?" Newly unemployed Rocky Mountain News and Seattle P-I reporters still clueless about what happened.

3. "Henri, why won't you loose your grasp on me?"

4. "Well, gee, Bob, I don't know what else to say about it except that I sincerely do not believe it's normal. Maybe you should get some therapy with Dr. Speigel."

5. "Well, if Obama doesn't start answering my prayers soon I'm going to go back to worshiping at the shrine of Joan Crawford."

Best of Jay Guevara
Obamanauts receive their March statements...and suddenly realize that they still have to pay their own bills after all.

Best of Jack Reacher
"It's true; wherever you move in the room, her eyes avoid you."

Best of Double the U
I'm telling you, that dipsheet over at VtheK thinks the Germans bombed Perl Harbor!

Best of Submariner
Magneto; the early years.

Best of Matt the K
Huh, never knew Roger Ebert and that dyke puppet from Mr. Rogers made a movie together.

Best of dadoctah
"They said the digital TV switch had been postponed. They said we had until June to get a converter. They lied."

Best of sonicfrog
I heard Sigfred and Roy were touring again.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Years after the cow tipping & sheep molestation charges first came to light, Mr. Greenjeans still couldn't look at the Captain; an awkward silence prevailed, on or off the set.

Best of Mr. Hankey
As another man exits Barney Frank's chamber of torture, Ted Kaczynski avoids eye contact as he waits his turn.

Best of dub
A sad, inside look at the Thurzday Babe audition room.

Friday, February 27, 2009

A pedobeastialaquadoloop


1. The generation who'll be paying for this generation's pork might as well learn to love it.

2. "No, thanks, Aunt Rosie. How 'bout I just kiss one of these, instead."

3. The next day, Charlotte's Web read "Bitch, you're dead!"

4. 20 years later, she was making out with Bill Maher in Hef's grotto. Plus ca change...

5. "Mmmmmm... bacon!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
When you said little Johnny loved farming, I didn't think you meant it in an erotic way.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
The MSM has a "consensus" with democratic members of Congress.

Best of jeff
The Instababy learns to appreciate bacon.

Best of Mr. Hankey
It was at a young age that Nancy Pelosi learned you had to kiss a lot of pigs to get to the top.

Best of metalgarth
Dakota Fanning's first kiss

Best of dadoctah
Andy Dick: the early years.

Best of Matt the K
A young Tom Arnold practices for the future that awaits him.

Best of Adjustah
"Tthive! Thive duhlla thoot lonn'..."

Best of Submariner
"...only one thing tastes like bacon and that's; BACON!"

What's Your Moral Dilemma

Divine Miss M

1. Dr. Laura insists on taste-testing her sushi prior to preparation.

2. "I wish I knew how to flip you."

3. "For the last time, I'm not cheating on you! My breath always smells like tuna."

4. "On the next episode of 'Pimp My Blowhole'..."

5. "No babe, I promise, no one's gonna see these pictures but us."

Wicked Best of prince of leaves
An hour after a curiously young and refreshed-looking Dr. Laura left the park, attendants discovered the shriveled husks of a half-dozen lifeforce-drained dolphins floating belly-up in the VIP visitation tank.

Best of Matt the K
With the latest round of plastic surgery, Flipper mistakes Joan Rivers for an eel he used to date.

Best of Jack Reacher
Yes, the Spendulus Bill really is as bad as kissing something like this. It's no picnic for the woman, either.

Best of Seoulman (R)
The first grade was confused. First they went to a lesbian wedding and now this.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Most people pay to "Swim with the Dolphins", but they have a special VIP club in the back for those looking for a little extra alone time.

Best of metalgarth
Flipp'er? I harldly know 'er!

Best of dub
I CAN HAZ FINJOB?

Best of dadoctah
Once you go bottlenose, you never go back.

Best of mega
It sounds sick, but Grandma Palin enjoyed kissing the dolphins right before Sarah would shoot them.

Best of Submariner
Sorry lady, you must be looking for my twin brother; I'm "Flopper" and I only like boys...

Best of Submariner
Tonight on a very special NPR; the dolphin whisperer.

Best of sonicfrog
Well, at least now we know why Anne Heche dumped Ellen all those years ago.

Best of Oiao
Little know fact. Flipper's secret to longevity was a a diet of regurgated seamen.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Furry and Purry



Best of Matt the K
I think she's a bit overdue for a Brazilian wax...

Best of GregMan
Never before have I wanted so much to be a Tribble.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I killed your kittens for you."

Best of Army of Dad
Do you know how many fluffy titmouse gave their lives for this rug!?

Best of Mr. Hankey
Always call the doctor when your pussy coughs up too many fur balls.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
The trouble with tribbles is that they block one's view.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Tribble pads, for those extra heavy days

Best of Robert
Best expression in the world - talking calculus to nude models.

Best of dadoctah
In my day Supercuts used to sweep up after a trim like that.

Minor Boobage



Best of Matt the K
Sigourney Weaver as Gandalf in "Lord of the Rings of Saturn".

Best of Army of Dad
"A red sun rises, blood has been spilled this night."

Best of Silhouette
Where'n go bra?

Best of dadoctah
She's gonna put someone's eye out with those things.
And the stick isn't very safe either.

Best of Mr. Hankey
On the Discovery Channel - Wet T-shirt pilgrims leave the persecution from their homes in the midwest in search of the legendary Las Vegas.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Shoot That Poison Arrow

Divine the Miss M

Best of dadoctah
I can pretty much guarantee that "hey, baby, you a Sagittarius?" isn't going to work with her.

Best of Rodney Dill
If the arrow hits you she ain't straight either.

Best of Army of Dad
Sabrina vowed that Hillary would never touch her again!!

Best of Matt the K
The old 'Bow and Arrow Gay Test', eh? Is that something like the 'William Don't Ask, Don't Tell Overture'???

IDK WTF

Brender 1. All I can say is, somebody better be getting a Klondike bar.

2. To quote Calculon: "I'm not familiar with this type of thing I'm seeing."

3. That whore sure does like gumbo!

4. Number 111,435 on the list of things more likely to stimulate the economy than the Pelosobama Spendulus.

5. Professional Anti-Bush Protesters struggle to find meaning in an era of Hopeless Change.

Best of Matt the K
So *that's* where they put Natalee Holloway's body.

Best of Jack Reacher
Street performers perform a ritual ethnic dance to celebrate the opening of another Old Navy Outlet store.

Best of GregMan
You know, that actually doesn't look like a bad way to spend the next four years.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Michael Flatley's "Homeless of the Dance" is taking a bit of getting used to. It gets better when the garbage pails dances are tap in unison.

Best of The Man
As Sullivan family reunions go, 2008 was a pretty good one.

Best of Matt the K
With no woodchippers on the entire island, the Jamaicans are forced to improvise.

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
The 2009 State Of The Union speech got huge ratings only because people saw Nancy Pelosi was about to be cannibalized by the rest of Congress.

Best of sixdegreesofblondness

Deep fried turkey.

UR doin' it rong!

Well, unless they like just the breast and wings.

Best of Submariner
Nothin' ta be seein' here folks; just the Folsom Street Marching Skin Flute Band practicin.' Please ta be movin' alonmg now...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Slumdog Millionaire... Reader's Digest condensed version.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Look, if I sign the petition will you all just go away

Bubbleheaded Boobie



1. What he sees when Shallow Hal looks at Katie Couric.

2. Trojan's new product is intended to offer protection from having your mind f--ked with.

3. Gesundheit.

4. ORA: Weirdest moment on Oscar Night, the Tribute to Oliver Cromwell.

5. Michelle Obama's newest gown was designed to help with her "problem areas."

Best of metalgarth
Getting backstage at a 'Residents' concert requires a slighty different kind of outfit than for a 'Motley Crue' concert

Best of dub
Tea-bagging....UR DOIN IT RONG!

Best of sonicfrog
When asked if she knew of the whereabouts of her husband, Mrs. Jack-In-The-Box drew a blank.

Best of Matt the K
FINALLY! Actual proof of Dawn's head exploding.

Best of Matt the K
The transformation is complete-- Obamessiah's most ardent female fan becomes one with her Floating Orb of Mind Control.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
World's Largest Snot Bubble

Best of Mr. Hankey
HR Pufnstuf - The Exploratory Years

Best of Jack Reacher
Bubble Gum+Hiccups. You do the math.

Best of molson
Pacman really should learn to chew his food better.

Best of Rodney Dill
I din't know Howie Mandel was a cross dresser.

Best of Submariner
Reminds me of my 9th grade "Living Solar System" science project, 'cept for the boobage.

Best of dadoctah
Aretha may have a started a trend that cannot be stopped.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

What the World Needs Now...


1. The new "Mr. Fat-Guy-Wedgie America" is given a congratulatory hug by the first runner-up.

2. "Sumo? I thought we were supposed to be having a homo-erotic cat-fight?"

3. On the right, raw muscle glutes. On the left, milky loads.

4. Two other things that are huge, bloated, absurd and will fail to stimulate anyone but a few depraved left-wingers.

5. What happens in Osaka, stays in Osaka.

Wicked Best of Silhouette
"Come on buddy. Let's go stand near weight limit signs in elevators and make people do math in their heads."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Don't you just love our new President, Oprah?"
"I sure do, Rosie."

Best of Army of Mom
Suddenly, I think I know how dub feels on Thursdays.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Ah, don't worry about it, bro. When we get back to the locker room I'll get the thong extractor."

Best of metalgarth
This one time, at this Chinese Buffet...

Best of robert
I've heard of looking up old friends but this is ridiculous.

Best of Oiao
A lesser know photo of Drew Cary and Mr. T makes it onto the internet.

Best of Seoulman (R)
And the tanning machine broke down and only got the top half of my body.

Best of Rodney Dill
Ebony and Ivory,
tip the scales at half a ton,
easily

Best of Dr Spiegel
Just doing a quick viewing of all the images you have so proudly collected on your site.... I know you wouldn't realize it yourself but you appear to be a type of bisexual pervert hypocrite, with A.W.G. tendencies. Your taste in women is perfectly normal, I commend you but the types of men and their body parts to which you're attracted ...I don't know what else to say about it except that I sincerely do not believe it's normal, especially for someone who claims to be a devoted family man and Mormon. I recommend treatment.

Best of attmay
When Exodus International discovered that prayer was having no effect at curing homosexuality, they decided to use pictures instead.

Best of Gregory
"Ebony and Ivory, side by side on my piano...no, NO. DON'T GET ON THE PIANO GUYS! Oh dude...

Best of dadoctah
"So, you wanna go to Denny's for some waffles, man?"

Best of ShoeChick
Where's the obligatory Brokeback Mountain reference? Cause I'm just thinking, no matter who is on top, someone is going to end up with a broke back!

Meanwhile, back in Barney Frank's basement


1. "He still doesn't love Dear Leader Obama enough. Kick him in the kidneys a few more times."

2. AoD always brings AoM's the nicest things.

3. 'Ow to speak Awlstralyun: "Second date."

4. In a very special episode of The Office, Michael Scott finally acts out his repressed gay fantasies on Ryan.

5. Okay, guys, it's good that you chose a safety word. However...

Wicked Best of Mr. Hankey
"Full House 2010' - John Stamos learns what the Olsen girls are into. Heath Ledger guests stars.

Best of Capt. Queeg
Escape for Men: the new fragrance from Calvin Klein

Best of Matt the K
Billy wishes he had worn his Escape *From* Men cologne!

Best of Matt the K
David Duchovny misses yet another appointment with his therapist.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Tape me up before you go-go

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thawtbubble for a married guy who's just been rolled by a hooker - "Why is it, when something like this happens on TV, it seems so damn funny?"

Best of metalgarth
Michael Phelps' agent makes sure there won't be any bong hits on his watch anymore
Best of mklasing
In "Milk 2" all Californians who voted against the gay marriage ban are rounded up for "routine" examinations.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
The American Taxpayer look, for 2009.

Best of sonicfrog
Boy George is out of jail already????

Monday, February 23, 2009

My uh, laxative has, uh, kicked in

also Kaptain Krude

1. "I just wanna, uh, spread the, uh, wealth around." Little Joey Muckenfutch asked the wrong question, it would be Special Ed for the rest of his short life.

2. After decades in a narcotic haze, Obama snaps to clarity and realizes who he's married to and who he's been palling around with.

3."My farts are magickal. In fact, I'm releasing magic into the room right now!"

4. "Anyone of you little crackers can grow up to be president... except maybe the kid in the corner with the culottes, he'll have to settle for congressman from Massachusetts."

5. "I knew the inner city schools were in bad shape, but this is worse than I thought. These textbooks only list 50 states."

Best of Maogwai
Ron Jeremy came in and had a wardrobe malfunction.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Dayummm! We're giving away how much money??"

Best of satted
I WON???? Holy sh*t, how the hell did that happen?

Best of Jack Reacher
Staffers fought for the opportunity to tell Obama what Biden has said, just to be the first to see this expression.

Best of GregMan
The Dow has fallen HOW MUCH since I took office?

Best of satted
Mr. Cheney!, I had no idea....

Best of Matt the K
Obama hovers in suspended animation until the Floating Orb of Mind Control tells him what to do next.

Best of Submariner
Michael, um, Vick did, um, WHAT to the, um, dogs?!?

Best of dadoctah
"Pay up, son. I *told* you my hubby could hit a high F above middle C."

Best of mega
Once the stare-into-the-half-distance fad had run its course, Obama tried a number of new looks, but had yet to recapture the original magic.

Best of mklasing
After Obama made another "fiscal responsibility" comment, Michelle was forced to use the testicle zapper to keep him in line.

Jughead and Plastic Face

Brender

1. "Now that is the perfect look of, um, glassy eyed, um, adoration that I expect from all Americans."

2. "Speaking of 'shovel-ready,' I see Michael Moore is headed to the buffet table.

3. "And because of his in-depth knowledge of ridiculous, mindless cults that demand total obedience, I have appointed Tom Cruise my new Public Relations Secretary."

4. "You see, son, our economic crisis was, um, brought on by, um, people running up huge loads of debt to buy a bunch of, um, crap they didn't need. Which is why my 'stimulus' will, um, borrow trillions of dollars from the, um, Chinese to pay for, um, community organizers and um stuff."

5. "Let us retreat to the steam room. Then, Andrea Mitchell and Kathleen Parker can be the judges in the, um, 'Glistening Pecs Competition.'"

Best of Matt the K
"...good and now...smile. Excellent! The floating Orb of Mind Control is working! General, order me up a few million of these suckers!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

Best of metalgarth
The detail level of the Inflatable Rubber Undocumented Worker astounded Carl, but he could never part with his simple latex Lenny

Best of Double the U
I peed in my pants when I saw the president... then I asked him if wanted to pee in them too.

Best of Army of Dad
We've replaced Jose's usual bathhouse partner with the President, let's see if he notices.

Best of Submariner
Whoa; go a little easier on the exfoliant, Lenny...

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and when you awake in four years, you will remember none of this, and will be happy to pay a 75% marginal tax rate."

Best of Chrees
Babbabouey reprises his role of kissing Howard's ass

Best of Mr. Hankey
As Obama touches him, Tom immediately sweats profusely and clenches his buttocks.

Best of Submariner
The one; "Jose, smell this and see if you can guess where it's been?"

Best of Passionate Conservative
He's just modeling the "Peter North Miracle Facial Treatment."

Best of mega
"So, typical American heartland guy, my plan is basically to watch the DOW go down 300 points tomorrow and head out for a game of hoops."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Sure, we could throw in a few billion for pool boys while we're at it."

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Misty Water-Colored Memories...



1. Uncle Joe Stalin says, "Return Glorious Communist Banner and Little Girl Will Not Be Harmed."

2. What happens in Minsk stays in Minsk.

3. "Oh, daddy, I'm such a lightweight. Two shots of Jack and I'm anybody's whore."

4. "Well, we're very happy together. So, eff-you myspace and your effing anti-stalker policies."

5. "Oh, Sheik Khaleed, you've made me the happiest kidnappee in all of Saudi Arabia."

Best of Matt the K
Saddam takes a break from the war to entertain a young blonde fan in his spider hole.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Borat--Barely Legal" was, not surprisingly, never released in the U.S.

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: Some events were best left off of Earl Hickey's famous list.

Best of Double the U
NO "SOUP" FOR YOU!

Best of Passionate Conservative
In an alternate universe, Harry Reems and Ron Jeremy were actually one person.

Best of mega
It was the 70's, OK? Jodie Foster moved on to bigger and better things, and Saddam was hung. Sheesh.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
The jars of Anal Lube were photoshopped out of view.

Best of Mr. Hankey
The sequel already in production - "Slumdog Stimulus-Recipient" is not expected to do as well.

Best of Matt the K
School photograph day for the Austrian prison dad.

Best of mklasing
The FBI declassifies photos of Clinton's extended family in Arkansas.

Best of jeff
What's frightening me is how much she looks like SondraK...

Your Saturday Zen

Divine Miss M

1. "I can't believe that retard at the Wendy's Drive Thru asked if we wanted it Supersized."

2. This is just begging for a Road Warrior reference to 'The Humungus.'

3. By 2016, the economy had completely collapsed, no cars were being built or sold, But thanks to bailouts, UAW workers were still making over half-a-million dollars a year.

4. "Let's just go to the Dollar Store. I don't feel like getting dressed up for the Wal-Mart's."

5. "Thank Marx Obama is bailing out our mortgage. I don't know how we'd pay for groceries otherwise."

Best of Army of Dad
ORA: Pow pow power wheels, power wheels make you go!

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
Big Momma in the back - "Just keep off the roads with a 10 Ton weight limit, Cleatus"

Best of mega
GM's new eco-friendly lineup met with Congressional Democrats' approval, and was predicted by the media to be the thing that would save Detroit and get this economy moving again.

Best of Double the U
Don't believe that crap when they tell you medicare will pay for one scooter a piece.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The rollover risk assessment staff at Consumer Reports saw this photo and gleefully shared a common thought... NEW ARTICLE!!!!!

Best of jj
Man's t-shirt: "If you can read this, the bitch done fell off".

Best of Matt the K
"If you can read this, my bitch fell off, and she has the food stamps."

Best of Matt the K
Why the Rest of the World Hates Us, Part 17.

Best of Matt the K
"If you can read this, my Aunt Sistermom fell off"


Best of Rodney Dill
"Scootch over a bit hon... Grandma needs to breathe."

Best of GregMan
Proof positive that it is possible to haz too many cheeseburgerz.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
"Imposters!" sniffed the famous Hilltop Steakhouse (Saugus, MA) steer from his rooftop perch.

Friday, February 20, 2009

In which a plane receives a rectal exam

Brender

1. "Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. It doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid."

2. "This is the Final Boarding Call for Sullivan Airlines Flight 69 to Fire Island."

3. "I have sexed this plane and determined it to be male. I mean, c'mon look at those testicles."

4. "How can you have a peanut allergy? We busted you in a raid at peanut processing plant."

5. Ironically, boarding was delayed while a cargo of fudge was packed onto the plane.

Wicked Best of The Man
Tell Senator Frank that we don't have any younger, smaller planes for him.

Best of Matt the K
In a controversial move, the FBI uses Gitmo detainees to test various "D.B. Cooper" skydiving theories.

Best of dub
Look kid, you'll be fine. Its only a 45 minute flight to Buffalo. What's the worst that could happen??

Best of Jay Guevara
Prisoner: "Your pilots know how to land too, right?"

Best of Mr. Right
"Look, Sayid, I'm sure all those visions of smoke monsters, polar bears and this mysterious group of people you call 'The Others' were just nightmares. Now get on board and just try to relax, okay? Everything will be perfectly fine, trust me."

Best of Jack Reacher
Crews position the litter box for the Hello Kitty corporate jet.

Best of Army of Dad
We will always have the showers...now go before I have to cry in front of the other guards!

Best of Mr. Hankey
A re-creation of the 'Nadya Suleman' labor & delivery room.

Best of dadoctah
Wait! I think I spotted William Shatner on the wing!

Best of prince of leaves
"For the last time, Hamid, it's *not* a *cookbook*. Now hurry up, the Kanamit ambassador is waiting."

Best of mega
"C'mon folks, all ten of you need to get on board this jet so we can fly to Tahiti for the global warming conference!"

Best of jj
Whatever you do, just don't speak to Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene.

Best of Submariner
Gettin' on? Not so bad; but I'm gonna feel like a turd coming off...

Sir, I Believe You've Had Enough For One Evening

Brenda Walker
1. "Stepping up the dog toss circle is the Russian favorite, Boris Yakov. He'll need to throw at least 97 meters to stay in medal contention."

2. Andrew Sullivan "outgrew" gerbils sometime in 1994.

3. "No, they didn't like this one either. Skin it and and make something warriorific for Michelle to wear."

4. "How many of these do you think we can stuff into a Volkswagen? Let's find out!"

5. The Adventures of Ed Nisenberg, Dog Chiropractor! Coming this Fall on Fox.


Super Best of Matt the K
The detail level of Harvey's balloon animals was simply astonishing.

Wicked Best of dub
Hey, sometimes you just gotta choke a bitch.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ernie Kruptnik, patent holder for Swiffer Dusters, barely hides his disdain after a US Customs official hands him the Chinese knock-off.

Best of Seoulman (R)
The Russian Mafia and Fluffy came to an understanding about smelling cocaine at the Dog Show

Best of satted
And it so simple, apply pressure on the tax-payers neck right here and the complaints stop. Works best on Democrats, but recently has been very effective on Republicans.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I caught him snooping around. You want he should have an accident, Boss?"

Best of sixdegreesofblondness
"If this is a consular ship, WHERE is the ambassador?"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Walt Disney Presents: "The Shaggy Leader of the House" - It's the lovable story of a congresswoman from San Francisco put under a magical spell that transforms her into a shaggy dog - but after many adventures everyone quickly realizes that she had been a major bitch from the very beginning. You'll laugh and cry.

Best of dadoctah
I found the problem. This was in your swimming pool filter.


Best of Army of Mom
Yeah, you like that you little bitch?

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Nice Rack, But She's got s jawline like M'chel O'bama



Best of Double the U
Obviously she likes it bear back.

Best of prince of leaves
"Well, yes, we do all miss Travis the Chimp, but at least we have something to remember him by."

Best of Army of Dad
The metaphor council brings you Carpet Muncher.

Best of divine miss m
Subby hoped that when she offered to give him the ‘lay of the land,’ it was less a figure of speech and more of a sales pitch.

Best of Army of Mom
Wow, that's one hairy beaver.

It's OK she's a ball girl



Best of prince of leaves
"Is...is He past yet?" It took a few painful corrective lessons from the Secret Service, but new White House typist Tammy Munroe finally learned to adopt the correct posture whenever His Holiness was present.

Best of jj
Kramer (after sex-change operation)?

Best of dub
I CAN HAZ INTERVUE FOR PRESIDENSHUL INTERNSHIP?

Best of dub
When did Tony Danza get demoted??

Best of Silhouette
Thought bubble: "Drop the cookie. Come on, drop it, drop it."

Best of dadoctah
I'll take "my eyes are up here" for two hundred, Alex.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Made for Walkin'


1. Sitting in for dub, Carson Daly.

2. "White boots before Memorial Day? Are you mad?"

3. This week's second attempt to stimulate a package is also apparently doomed to fail.

4. "All Hail Our Maximum Leader, Dictator-for-Life, Edward James Olmos."

5. What a tragic waste of f**k-me boots.


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Italy's popular version of "Meet the Press" blends talking heads and politicos with sexy walk-ons whose goal it is to cause the pols to flub their rehearsed spin, spiel and shinola. David Gregory, please take note.

Best of ochagirl
Boots made from parts of this seat? I'm impressed.

Best of Army of Dad
In this sick new game show male contestants are forced to guess which of the girls has a little something extra.

Best of dadoctah
The last couple of seasons I can't even tell what SNL is trying to parody.

Best of curly
Nice ass!...on the guy in the audience over there.

Best of prince of leaves
Ted Danson replaces the old saying "Once you go black, you never go back", with "Once you have Whoopie, your interest in sex with *anyone* or *anything* is completely and permanently destroyed as if someone cauterized your testicles with a plasma torch".

Best of Seoulman (R)
I got to get me some of that....fabric. I wonder if I could get that in my size

Best of Seoulman (R)
Clark Kent never dreamed Lois had such a wild side

Best of satted
Oops, excuse me....

Best of Dactyl
Al Franken is looking for missing votes everywhere.

Arrrgh! My Eyes!

Metalgarth


1. I just want you guys to know that this grotesque human stick figure has adopted several children with eating disorders, devotes herself to bingeing and purging, and has a Masters in Bulimia.

2. I wouldn't hit that for all the money in Christian Bale's swear jar.

3. "I'll take things you couldn't his with two fistfuls of corn for $300, Alex."

4. Inside every fat woman is a skinny woman screaming to get out and eat everything in sight, that's why she's fat.

5. Not even Sigourney Weaver was spared the effects of the Obamafamine of 2011.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Sergeant Schultz didn't make nearly as much as he'd hoped off that Olin Mills concentraton camp boudouir photo franchise.

Best of Silhouette
Yo mamma is sooo skinny, she swallowed a grape and three guys left town.

Best of Chrees
A human Giacometti statue

Best of dadoctah
Maybe she'll look better when we finish inflating her.

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
"What a fatass" - Nicole Ritchie

Best of mega
"No matter how hard I diet, I still have size 20 feet, damnit!"

Best of mega
PETA's latest lingerie-driven campaign, "Stop eating, period." was controversial.

Best of Submariner
Dip it in batter, deep fry it, and serve it to the new Commander in Chief...

Best of sonicfrog
ORA: Look Clarice, it's one of the few Jame Gump rejects.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Environmentalists applauded little Billy's sculpture made only with toothpicks, a Q-tip, tissues, and the hair found in the drain of the Johnson's home.

Best of steve o
Lindsey isn't half the actress she used to be.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

How Tequila Works

Army of Mom and Curmudgeonly and Skeptical



Best of andthenblammo!
Guys, under all that flab there's a nice girl. Maybe two or three nice girls!

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
My eyes! The beer goggles..they do nothing!!! (Obscure Simpsons Reference)

Best of Jack Reacher
I understand similar technology is being used to sell the Spendulus Bill.

Best of Submariner
...and dub's glasses work exactly the opposite...

Best of Chrees

(with apologies to Dorothy Parker)

I love a good tequila
I can take one or two at the most
Three and I'm under the table
Four and I'm under the host.

Unless she looks like this...then for safety's sake I better be on top.

Happy to See Me?

Brender

1. Bob would come to regret asking the genie to transform his penis into "the biggest trouser python the world has ever seen."

2. "Dude, I am so sorry about your chihuahua."

3. "I am almost sure Mr. Sullivan wanted you to wear a feather boa, but, whatever, dude."

4. "Dude, this is going to be the best auto-erotic asphyxiation ever!"

5. "This should get Lemmiwinks out of there!"

Best of flyovercountry
Mike and Fred's great idea for a new pest extermination business had a couple of fatal flaws. First, the snake preferred small children to mice, and second, a lot of people are afraid of snakes.

Best of The Man
...because Barney Frank called, he wants Stimulus now!

Best of metalgarth
Ron Jeremy's illegitimate children aren't tough to find.

Best of satted
Introducing the new sales rep for Enzyte.

Best of Army of Mom
CEILING CAT WUZ APPETIZER

Best of Silhouette
In a modern retelling, Adam and Steve are tempted by the forbidden adjustable rate mortgage.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Have you seen the size of the rats in this neighborhood?"
The Realtor's mind raced as he tried to come up with a positive spin for this scene before his prospects got out of his car.

Best of dadoctah
Around here, even the Mormon missionaries are a little different.

Best of Matt the K
Slash rewarded his new Craigslist purchase by feeding him the delivery boys.

Best of Jay Guevara
"OK, here's the house with the manic chimp. We throw in the snake, bolt the door, and watch from the window to see who wins."

Best of mega
The only thing giant human-killing chimps have done in this guy's neighborhood is mysteriously disappear.

The Unbearable Brightness of Busing

Racerboy
1. "Crunchy on the outside, soft and chewy in the middle. I love these things!"

2. "Halp Me Pat Morita. I Am Stuk In Dis Windoe!"

3. George Takei is disappointed with the 'big white bear' that showed up at his glory hole.

4. "Hey, get closer! I can't Nom Nom Nom you from way over there!"

5. Sarah Palin gets a new rug, some assembly required.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Excuse me sir, but has anybody told you the good news about Ron Paul?"

Best of prince of leaves
Following school safety rules when entering and exiting the bus: UR DOING IT RONG.

Best of Army of Dad
*Bear thought bubble* Oh, my favorite Eskimo Pie!

Best of Cybrludite
ORA (webcomic edition): Say, Doc, while you're here, I'm having some trouble with my paintball marker...

Best of dub
Hey where da white bears at?

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hi, I'm Martha Rae, big-mouth."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Okay, you're the taxpayer, I'm the 111th Congress. Nom nom nom..."

Best of Submariner
Candy gram for Mongol...

Best of racerboy
Hey, take off, you hoser!

Best of Matt the K
"Can't you read?!? The sign says 'Please keep paws and muzzle outside the vehicle at all times'."

Best of Mr. Right
Arctic petting zoo - EPIC FAIL!!!

Monday, February 16, 2009

One Art, Please

Brender

1. "How can this possibly be a portrait of Michelle. It looks like a screaming vagina."

2. "Barry, it's just a bad painting, you don't have to proclaim it 'the worst art since the Great Depression.'"

3. "Lenny painted it for me. Do you think he made my winkie a little overlarge?"

4. "Wow, a framed print of the original poster for Predator." "No, Mr. President, that's a portrait of the first lady."

5. "That's weird. Has blood always been shooting from Lincoln's eyeballs in this portrait?"

Wicked Best of Silhouette
Obama's tour of the White House continues: "Fireplace - not a door. Door. Door. Thermostat - Not a door. Two paintings - Not doors."

Best of dadoctah
I may not know much about art, but I know what they tell me I'm supposed to like.

Best of Army of Dad
BO's tour of MIB goes well until he see the Most Wanted posters and see Michelle's va-jay-jay.

Best of dub
"Nice...a framed lithigraph from Gorillas In The Mist".

"No Mr President, that is your family picture".

ATDHE

Best of Mr Hankey
You kind of have to cross your eyes to see it pop out at you....

Best of molson
Yeah. That one's got to be worth at least $15 billion. Have Geithner cut another check.

Best of prince of leaves
Bringing change to the White House decor, Obama throws out the entire presidential portraiture collection and replaces it with cheesy "tribal" art that better matches his "Egg of Power".

Best of Matt The K
"You were Lucky, Abe, they SHOT you...now pray with me, Jew-boy..."
Barry inexplicably channels the ghost of funny Akroyd.

Best of Jay Guevara
"To hell with this sh!t. Where's the good art, the ones showing sturdy peasant youths on tractors?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"And so the Old Navy store devouring that woman is a symbol of...what? Help me out here, man."

Best of Seoulman (R)
This is nice, but after signing that bail out package bill, I am more in the mood to see some Maplethorpe

Best of divine miss m
"Everythin' in dis museum be tryin' to make us feel better about our corrupt, imperialistic, phallocratic heritage."

Best of Double the U
... and this is a picture of the Germans landing on Pearl Harbor.

GRRR... fried chicken bad!

TGC

1. "I'm nothing like Idi Amin! Now, shut up and help me eat this guy."

2. "This chicken is great, M'chel. How's your Rokeg blood pie?"

3. "Can I get some watermelon with this? I'm trying to make, uh, Dawn's head explode."

4. "Just take the damn picture so the proles will think I like the same crap they do, then get me some $400-a-lb ham or something."

5. "Those santeria guys look really pissed off about something. Find out what it is."

Best of metalgarth
Carl vowed to never, ever get the 'curry fried tofu sticks' at the Kwik E Mart.

Best of dub
Nom nom nom tax nom nom tax nom nom....

Best of GregMan
"I can haz wagyu steak?"

Best of Matt the Kostume
Even Skeletor enjoys the Colonel's Recipe every now and then.

Best of curly
Obama displays use number 101 for late term abortion "harvests".

Best of Army of Dad
Obama bitterly clings to his fried food.

Best of Passionate Conservative
...somehow, "can't sleep, clowns will eat me..." seems very appropriate here.

Best of Passionate Conservative
looks like one of those trailer thingys between Grindhouse flicks

Best of prince of leaves
It wasn't hormone pollution or a virus that finally pushed amphibians into extinction - all it took was millions of emulative Obama cultists witnessing their Messiah eating a plate of froglegs.

Best of Robert
Excellent... First the fried chicken, then the eggs and butter! - Julianne Malveaux

Best of Seoulman (R)
Yum, batter dipped Q-Tip, my favorite

Best of Rodney Dill
"What do I think about the issue of battered women?... Sure beats plain."

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Happy Valentine's Day, Monors



Best of prince of leaves
Candy and Brooke's staircase fetish would eventually turn deadly when they escalated to escalators.

Best of Army of Mom
Army of Dad always gives me the best Valentine's gifts.

Best of Jack Reacher
For some reason, stairways at the State Department have become very busy of late.

Best of mega
MC Escher's rare "Girls" lithograph relied on visual tricks: did the staircase go up or down? And was it the ass on top, or was it really the cleavage?

Best of Mr Hankey
The Red Cross saw a big jump in sales with "Learn CPR fom two hot Lesbians". Still in production, "The Topless Heimlich Maneuver"

Best of ochagirl
Leave it to a little brother to make a simple falling down the stairs look like amorous making out.

Best of Harry V
The vw says it all...
muflurgi

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Vassar dorms were voted "bi-friendliest" in the latest What Happens on Campus Stays on YouTube poll.

Best of sonicfrog
♫ ...And she's riding the Stairway...
To Heaven!!!! ♫

Best of dub
Effective Fatherhood....FAIL

Best of Adjustah
Bill Clinton was very happy with his own "stimulus package"...

Kisses!

1. "Can't you see I'm just trying to tell you that I LOVE you?"

2, "You got a little boo boo there. All better."

3.Under the Fairness Doctrine, every picture like the one from 7:15 AM will have to be accompanied by one like this.

4. "Put... on... the... sunglasses!"

5. "Dude, what did you step in?"

Best of metalgarth
this one time, at wrestling camp....

Best of prince of leaves
"I wish I knew how to flip you."

Best of Nose
Even though he got pinned in the first minute, Johnny was sure that the "Cougars" team mother would make him feel better later.

Best of John.....just John
Although Terry was the best wrestler on the San Francisco Sugars team, he was still 0 and 7 midway through the season.

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
"I call this one, THE PIT OF DEATH!!!

Best of dadoctah
"Oh, boy" thought Sam. "This is one Leap where I can't wait for my memory to turn to swiss cheese afterwards. And what the hell is keeping Al?"

Best of molson
Yeah. You think this is bad? Wait till I show my top mount bitch.

Best of dub
Who.... does.... number.... 2... work... for....

Friday, February 13, 2009

Regular sized boy, gigantic chair


1. ORA: "Love your furniture, Mr. Orzabal."

2. Tim Geithner addresses Congress on his plan to have plan to make a plan for the bailout.

3. "Size matters not. Judge me by my size, would you?"

4. "Mr. Data, Warp 6. Engage!"

6. "Hey! Occupado!"

Best of Jamees McEnanly
"...And that's the truth.Phbtt!!"

Best of Mr Hankey
Waking up, Michael Phelps learns he traded all of his gold medals in for a really cool chair.

Best of satted
Look ma, I won the election.....

Best of Submariner
Son? Let me try to put this delicatetly; you need to plan on some OTHER career besides "NBA Power Forward."

Best of Seoulman (R)
Steve from Blue's Clues found a new use for Blue thanks to the new Korean owner.

Best of mega
Senator Gregg sat and wondered if his stature had changed as a result of the Commerce Secretary fiasco.

Best of dadoctah
The Shirley Temple nanovirus claims another victim.

Little Girrl Big Chair

Subby
1. "The Chinese government strenuously denies rumors that children have been exposed to massive levels of growth hormone via the food chain."

2. "SWM with gigantism fetish seeks SAF ... gotta circle that one."

3. "Wow, sure a lot of missing dogs in this neighborhood."

4. The Chinese version of The Jumble is almost impossibly hard.

5. "How am I supposed to get mellow on this tiny little chair?"

Best of Army of Dad
It is silly to worry about her sitting on a tiny chair when she is wearing lead painted jewelry.

Best of flyovercountry
Wow, that is one well built chair. Those sweat shop kids can really build chairs.

Best of dub
This will go over huge in Germany, where they love Asians with a little stool.

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: "Here comes Walt Kowalski now. Won't he be surprised."

Best of satted
Dramatically down-sizing under Obama economics.

Best of Submariner
Thought bubble; "Gaia! I hate visiting Uncle Herve..."

Best of Chrees
"Wow, I don't remember eating that!

Best of prince of leaves
China's attempt to avert the looming demographic upheaval by creating rapidly-maturing females goes horribly wrong when geneticists activate the gigantism gene complex by mistake.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The stigma of being female in a society that prefers male children meant Mai Ling wasn't permitted to sit at the kids' table at family reunions, but was instead consigned to the dollhouse.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Crazee Tiara Head

Aridog

1. Another Obama supporter is dismayed that the magic unicorn bearing her mortgage payoff and lifetime fuel card has not yet arrived.

2. And then, dub woke up.

3. Another person who should be forbidden by law from acting out the diner scene in When Harry Met Sally

4. I CAN HAS UGLY?

5. Unlike Stacy's Mom, LaQueefa's mom has nothing going on.

Best of Army of Dad
Looks like Al Sharpton's love bot has locked up again.

Best of dub
Wha'choo mean mah 40 acres aint be pre-planted with cookie trees??

Best of Army of Dad
The Spike Lee remake of "V" included some prominent black villians.

Best of Matt the K
I had no idea Divine had a black half-sister/brother?

Best of Eric
Henrietta Hughes is informed by an Obama aide that her flight to Tampa has been moved forward and she must depart the innauguration dinner.

Best of dadoctah
The tiara's not working, Aretha. What'd you do with the inaugural hat?

Best of Passionate Conservative
What Shaniqua looked like just before Lamont hurled up his Olde English "40" all over her.

Best of sixdegreesofblondness
"No, Queequeg--for the last time, we're looking for a WHITE one!"

Best of Mr. Hankey
Obama's Fairy Godmother has had enough. Changing street rats into congressional leadership was one thing - but turning tax cheats into cabinet members??

Best of Submariner
So; when did James Earl Jones come out of the closet, and why didn't you warn him not to wear a tiara, Sonic?

Best of attmay
Remake We Don't Need #3,927: Tyler Perry's Enchanted

Best of dadoctah
"Bring me Solo and the Wookiee. And another order of them buffalo wings."

The Secret Lives of Old People



1. "Excuse me, officer. Where do I find the body piercing shop?"

2. "Mmm-Mmm. That ass is tight!" In 2055, Army of Mom is still an unapologetic cougar.

3. Where Miranda's "Right to remain silent" meets Richard Lamm's "Duty to Die."

4. "I don't care if you are Speaker of the House, no one gets to feel up the Capitol Police."

5. "Excuse me, Mr. Prison Guard. I'm here for my conjugal visit."

Best of Army of Mom
Oddly enough, I have that babushka.

Best of Matt the Kostume
With all those body guards around, its almost impossible to get up close to Madonna to see how old she *really* looks.

Best of dub
Ma'am, you're welcome for helping you across the street. Now please remove your left hand from my rectal cavity.

Best of Jay Guevara
"No, Ms. Thomas, you already asked a question at this press conference."

Best of Submariner
No, lady, no Tender Vittles. Please keep your hand out of my pocket.

Best of Mr Hankey
Not everyone gets up close to see the Jonas Brothers.

Best of Mr Hankey
Lately, more reports are coming in of prostitutes stealing kidneys in broad daylight.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"No, Ms. Huffington, those bothersome Germans won't be bombing Pearl Harbor anymore. You can get back to writing your "newspaper" (*snort*) now."

Best of Jack Reacher
What happens in Moldova doesn't always stay in Moldova.

Best of ochagirl
Petre wondered if now was the right time to discuss separation anxiety issues with his mother.

Best of Silhouette
"For heavens sake, Cagney, retire already."

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Reject Christ, Receive Bacon

(Happy Birthday) Divine Miss M


1. The Democratic Party tries out a new slogan summarizing its anti-faith, pro-government spending agenda.

2. How Michael Moore was lured to the dark side.

3. The Prince of Lies assumes many forms, but his fondness for plaid jumpers has raised a few eyebrows.

4. Hillshire Farms's sinister plan for world domination begins to unfold.

5. Until now, few were aware of the hidden Satanic messages embedded in 'Charlotte's Web.'

Best of sixdegreesofblondness
Cuz "Receive Porkulus" was too long.

Seriously...WTF does that sign mean?

Best of Jack Reacher
The childhood portrait Winona Judd hoped nobody would ever see.

Best of Mr. Right
Worshippers of 16th Century English philosopher and politician Sir Francis Bacon may be small in number, but they are among the most devout of all the minor religions.

Best of steve o
I think her parents are going to hell just for dressing her like that.

Best of dadoctah
In Canada that's an "either/or" proposition.

Best of prince of leaves
Nearby dog: "Satan? I smell Satan! Satan Satan Satan!!!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
DENNY's new ad campaign was not a rousing success, it was a rabble-rousing success.

Best of Submariner
Seems a little extreme, kid. What do I have to do to get Liv-A-Snaps?

Gettin' Some Tail...


1. "Honey, I know you're trying, but maybe John Mark Karr just isn't that into you."

2. The Euro-Disney Store offers some items not available in the USA.

3. "Billy, are you sure the school counselor said this was the best way to work through your gender confusion?"

4. "... and they're not spectacular either."

5. "You really are whipped, aren't you daddy?"

Best of GregMan
The police officer didn't see the maniac with the fillet knife until it was too late.

Best of Tim
New Stimulus Bill jobs. Only slightly soul killing.

Best of metalgarth
The best scene in Truly Tasteless Jokes, The Musical was the one explaining why little hippie girls put anchovies in their underwear.... (to smell like big hippie girls)

Best of The Man
Look at those guys over there in the Darth Vader outfits...what losers

Best of Jack Reacher
Next time Daddy will blow up the tail before they get to Folsom Street; a line formed while he was doing it here.

Best of dub
See honey, that's what you get when you're eating Cheetos while groping your boobs.

Best of Rodney Dill
"...but I don't wanna go to Nineveh Daddy."

Best of Army of Dad
Daddy, quit carping and keep up!

Best of molson
Honey! Give Arnold his man boobs back. You can't expect him to deal with a state budget crisis without a pumped up set of man boobs now do ya?

Best of Mr. Right
"Darn it, Annette! You left your 'Reject Christ, Receive Smoked Halibut" sign on the kitchen table again!"

Best of Submariner
Though the top of her costume was intentional, the tail was a fluke.

Best of attmay
That's the last time Troy McClure gets to organize Folsom Street Fair.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
NAMBLA -- North American Mermaid Boy Love Association.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Bad Grup! Bonk-Bonk! On the Head!

By Popular Demand ...
\

1. "Um.... um ... ummmmmmmmmmmmm... ow!"

2. The HuffPosters were foiled by yet another obscure, unfathomable CapThis! threadline.

3. Chairman 0 escorts 'Harvey' --- the invisible stimulus benefit --- into his helicopter.

4. It would have been even more embarrassing if David Axelrod hadn't made him zip up his fly before exiting the chopper.

5. "Where da white women... THUMP!"

Best of Whacko
O disposes of the girl's new puppy - at 5,000 ft. Damned thing crapped in the oval office.

Best of Rodney Dill
Obumble Ostumble, Oh humble

Best of The Watcher
'D'OHbama!'

Best of Mr Hankey
Crossing the Potomac - Obama stops briefly to turn the water to wine.

Best of Army of Dad
Obama was just fine as doctors could find a brain, and thusly no brain damage. (On the other hand, if the door had hit his ass on the way out, he'd be in a coma - V)

Best of Army of Dad
Even the helicopter is trying to knock some sense into BO.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Sorry, Robert Reich; you must be THIS tall to ride this helicopter!"

Best of molson
Metal hard! Brain hurt now.

Best of Submariner
I'll take "Things You'll NEVER Hear John Stewart Say" for $2000, Alex.
And the answer is; "...and now, for your moment of Zen - President Barak Hussein Obama tries to board Marine One."

Best of Jay Guevara
"That should put 'paid" to that 'natural athletes' crap."

Best of JDLaw
"Funny. When I first rode this thing, my head fit!"

Best of Mr. Right
Metal health will drive you mad!

Two Goofuses in Search of a Gallant

SondraK <--- Had dinner with her. It was teh cool.
1. "Dammit, um... Igor... that, um... brain is, um... abnormal."

2. After seeing Joe Biden do the 'Monkey Dance' for 20 minutes, Susan Collins agreed to vote for the trillion dollar pork bill.

3. "Now, when I, um, snap my, um fingers, um, you will awake totally, um, refreshed... with no, um, knowledge of being my, um, vice president."

4. Biden wishes that Chairman 0 would wrap it up quick so he could release the damn pigeons from his pants.

5. Obama reassured the White House press corps that his security team would not rest until the missing gerbil had been located.

Best of GregMan
Screams of horror came from the White House briefing room when Zombie Joe Biden entered the room.

Best of Jack Reacher
"So, Joe, how did your weekend at the Kennedy estate go?"

Best of Submariner
Biden thought bubble; "You haven't LIVED until you've gambled on a fart only to discover EXACTLY where you'll be when your laxative kicks in..."

Best of molson
His diaper now full, Joe tries to make a gracious exit while the Messiah explains the need for a big bailout. If he only knew Joe thought to himself.

Best of The Man
The press corps was quite amused with Biden's imitation of Obama trying to use a White House window as a door.

Best of Mr Hankey
"...is a bi-partisan office - in no way do we lean to the....'DAMN IT JOE!!!

Best of Army of Dad
No he is harmless. Dr. Sung showed me where his off switch is, but you can only use one finger to reach this one.

Best of Atomic Lib Smasher
Joe Biden soon learned a weekend at Barney Frank's house made it very uncomfortable to sit down while Obama mused "That's exactly what my stimulus will do when I put it into the economy".

Best of Mr. Right
"If you enjoyed the Vice President's dance stylings, please toss some coins in the hat on the floor over there. Don't be stingy now, we have an economy to 'stimulate'!"

Best of Tim
Few things haunt a man longer than undead zombies from Scranton, PA

Best of Army of Mom
The first Road to Recession movie from Hope and Change Pictures finds barnstorming con artists Chuck Reardon (Barry Obama) and Hubert "Fearless" Frazier (Joe Biden) killing liberty after their act goes haywire.

Saturday, February 07, 2009

Digging For Ponies


1. Another metaphor for the Democrat "Stimulus." The small box in the foreground represents the economic benefit.

2. Composting Michael Moore's daily "output," one of the many "green jobs" funded under the "Stimulus."

3. Where 'Shredded Wheat' comes from, the terrible secret.

4. Still less smelly than living next to Courtney Love.

5. 'Ow to speak Awstralyun: "Salad Bar."

Wicked Best of Double the U
Luke, what is your dirt do'in in Boss's hole?

Best of Jack Reacher
Actually, the box contained Obama's Harvard thesis, long believed lost. Unfortunately, the thesis was lost again shortly after this photo was taken. Come to think of it, nobody's seen the kids since then, either.

Best of Matt the K
In his next life, Andrew Dice Clay was taunted and forced to dig tirelessly by his superior female overlords.

Best of mega
Habitat For Humanity prepares to put up another rickety shack for some unlucky family to spend the next 30 years propping up and paying for.

Best of prince of leaves
The 6th grade class of Barack Obama Elementary School takes a well-earned rest break from their mandatory six-hour daily community service volunteerism.

Best of dadoctah
This year's school play: "Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death".

Best of Silhouette
One guy digging, nine leaning on shovels, and 2 supervisors? Must be union.

Best of Rodney Dill
...but 'Bama said there's a pony somewhere in this stimulus package.

Best of metalgarth
Hurry up, Jimmy Hoffa's not gonna find himself anytime soon

Best of steve o
Having an "Oliphant" as a pet is rewarding, but is also has some downsides.

Best of dadoctah
Or as Warren Jeffs calls it, "speed dating".

Best of Artfldgr
Mommy Mommy Mommy, I dont want to see grandma! Shut up and keep digging.

Friday, February 06, 2009

Bless The Little Man

CT
Best of flyovercountry
OK, you can be on top, I really don't want to kill you.

Best of Jack Reacher
Vin Diesel's girlfriend is HUGE!

Best of Jack Reacher
"You know, the Ghost of 1970 is just not as scary as I expected."

Best of dadoctah
"Yeah, lady, I'm drunk. I usually am. Anybody who caught me on that reality show knows that. But I've never been that drunk."

Best of Oiao
Mini Me Thinks "mmmmm, I can see a Cheeto in there, but is it really worth loosing a hand?"

Best of Matt the K
So *that's* what Mama Cass was choking on!

Best of metalgarth
Jabba the Hutt negotiates a deal with a bounty hunter from the Roloff System

Best of lawhawk
Mommy?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The pair was invited to the Astronomical Society's conference to demonstrate how large globular clusters attract dwarf stars.

Vader versus Elmo


1. Elmo has disappointed Lord Vader for the last time.

2. "Mary's child should enjoy this plush toy."

3. No one ever mentioned Lord Vader's charitable work, like his commitment to the Life Day "Toys for Younglings" campaign.

4. In a more Hollywood ending, Padme survived childbirth but divorced Darth Vader, who was granted bi-weekly visitation to the twins.

5. Lord Vader's other favorite charity: Hyperthyroidal Irish wookie orphans.

Best of GregMan
"Your lack of batteries disturbs me."

Best of Army of Dad
Do you have another target, a military target or will I have to have the Deathstar fire on Seasame Street!?

Best of Army of Dad
You may strike me down, but I will become more cute than you can ever imagine.

Best of metalgarth
Vader finally gets his revenge on the writers of the "Star Wars Holiday Special"

Best of metalgarth
Good bounty hunters were hard to find in the Henson System

Matt the K
"Where da *white* Elmos at??"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Torture!" shrieked Amnesty
"Get Elmo a lawyer!" demanded the ACLU.
"We're closing Toys R Us to help repair our image abroad," said Obama.

Best of Mr. Right
"You are unwise to lower your defenses. Prepare to be tickled as never before!"

Best of Mr. Right
"Grover has taught you well, but you do not know the power of the Dark Side! Evil Bert will show you the true nature of The Force, he is your Master now!"

Best of Adjustah
"But Elmo intercepted no transmissions!"

Best of Army of Mom
The giggles are strong with this one.

Best of Rodney Dill
I find your lack of plush disturbing.

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: "What's the frequency, Kenneth???"

Best of steve o
After failing to get the Princess to talk, Vadar works on getting back his confidence.

Best of steve o
Though they severely reduced the Elmos numbers in the war, the Empire was never able to wipe them out completely.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

That Paint Must Be Teh Cold



Best of Carpe Phlogiston
PAINT, it does a body good!

Best of dub
Both butter faces....and they clearly forgot to paint a bag of cookies for the one on the right. Seriously....look at the gut on her.

Best of Tim
Aliens in disguise never have any problems infiltrating earthers social networks

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Maggie and Lisa couldn't find "Lady Vols Orange" paint, so they did the next best thing to celebrate Pat Summit's 1000th win at Tennessee.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Soccer Milfs

Best of dadoctah
Are we sure Aaron Spelling is really dead? Because this has his signature all over it.

Best of lawhawk
Manchester United got shafted...

Best of Submariner
Coming soon to an off-Broadway theatre near you;
"The Divine Miss M and Her Amazing Technicolor Mudsuit"

Nice Pillows, and a Refreshing 80's Pron Vibe



Best of Jack Reacher
Just another day in Photography class at the Boulder Public Schools.

Best of Army of Dad
A very young Denise Richards puts some money under her pillow in the hopes the boob fairy will finally visit her.

Best of Dan
"Qiana pillows?" Sully sniffed. "She obviously has the fashion sense of a mongol."

Best of dub
I dont care if the photo is grainy, dated, if she has a weird mole on her chest, the wallpaper is horrible, the addition of the pillows is just odd and that you can not see her feet in the heels....dammit, I'm going to be happy this Thursday.

Best of dub
80's pron? Great...that means that if you take those panties off it will look like she's got Buckwheat in a leg-lock.

Best of steve o
Yeah right. In my dreams.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

So, a Golden Eagle and a Mongol Walk onto a Train

Brender
1. Bird: "Check it out. An Edward Gorey figure just walked past the window."

2. Bird: "Is it true these curtains were made out of Marge Simpson's inaugural gown?"

3. ORA: Wall Street Layoffs hit both the Capitol One Mongols and the Osbick Bird.

4. Bird: "Don't try anything you yellow heathen. I'm watching you like a you-know-what."

5. Bird: "So, when do we get to the Tibetan funeral. I'm starving."

LMAO Best of Jack Reacher
Man's thought bubble: Why is it staring at me? Do I have something on my face? Do I know this bird? Think, dammit, think!

Wicked Best of dadoctah
Worst. Buddy-cop film. Ever.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hey, you're on my half of the armrest."

Best of divine miss m
He and his eagle have the kind of magnetism that wordlessly beckons the guy wearing half a cantaloupe on his head to come sit next to them during long subway rides.

Best of Matt the K
"Oh, now that's just freakin' great. Now the Beastmaster knows I'm going to see his old lady."

Best of dub
eHarmony... UR DATABASES IS BUSTED

Best of Army of Dad
KAHN!

Best of Tim
'Ow to speak Mongolian: "HOV lane."

Only because I flew Northworst yesterday Best of Submariner
Northwest cuts back on meal serive to the Orient - everyone is encouraged to bring their own snacks...

Is that a Pigeon in Your Pants, or are you just happy to see me

Glenn Beck

Best of Jack Reacher
I see Sandy Berger's new line of menswear already has advertising lined up.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Unlike Melissa Theuriau, your average French girl just isn't into the whole shave and wax routine.

Best of sonicfrog
Gorilla's smuggling pidgeons.... must be global warming.

Best of dub
An angry Richard Gere barked to the airport officials "Yes, they are carrier pigeons....and these were carrying a gerbil, but good luck finding it!"

Best of Silhouette
A little higher and they'd be stool pigeons.

Best of Silhouette
You do NOT want to know where he has the partridge in a pear tree.

Best of metalgarth
Confucious say: "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, but two birds in your pants are worth a trip to the therapists office"

Best of dadoctah
Flaw in the smuggling scheme: nobody bothered to point out to Kumar that Fon du Lac, Wisconsin already has all the pigeons they need.

Best of Mr. Right
Sandy Berger visits the Washington National Zoo, film at 11!

Best of Army of Mom
CEILING CAT DUZ NOT LIKE HAIR IN FUD