Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Wholesome Stuff


1. And then the ACLU attorney yelled, "Don't you force your God on me!" and threw a boiling pot of lentil soup on them.

2. "We wish you a meaningless existence! We wish you a meaningless existence! We wish you a meaningless existence! And you'll rot in the grave!" Atheists have carolers, too.

3. "Hi! We're the carolers from the Gay-Straight Alliance. What would you rather hear, 'I Saw Daddy Fisting Santa Claus?' or something by Lady Ga-Ga?"

4. "Why thank you, Congressman Frank. We'd love to come in for some of your 'Special Eggnog.' What do you mean 'just the boys?' "

5. "You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout I'm telling you why. It's because the psychiatric profession is just a scam to sell you drugs." Scientology carolers.

Wicked Best of Silhouette
It was a sad day for the Low Self Esteem carolers when the door opened wide to reveal Simon Cowell.

Best of GregMan
"Oh little town of Washington, how your taxes bleed us dry..."

Best of Mr. Hankey
Pelosi wouldn't come to the door. Obviously these weren't her constituents.

Best of Vinney
"Hey mom, what are those two twinks in the Santa hats doing decorating the Christmas tree with real candles"?

Best of dadoctah
"I'm not even going to ask who you people are. I'd just like to know why it's snowing in my family room."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"No, I don't know how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Now you damn kids get off my damn lawn!" John 'Grumpy' McCain was just having a really bad day

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Johnny loved his hunting parka, but even that didn't hold a candle to Timmy's leopard skin penis warmer.

Best of Submariner
Uhhhhh, Mrs. Pelosi? It's customary to at LEAST throw on a robe before you open the door to carolers...

Best of Adriane
On the first day of Christmas, Al Gore, he gave to me ... No proof of Global Warming...

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

In this holiday season singing foreclosures was the banks'way of keeping the Christmas spirit alive.

Vinney

GregMan said...

"Oh little town of Washington, how your taxes bleed us dry..."

GregMan said...

"On the first day of Winter Holiday, my congress gave to me, a public option in a bare tree..."

Matt the K said...

"Why yes, our big sis *would* like a big Dicken's Cider. Thanks for asking!" And that was the last time the Jones family stopped by the half-way house.

GregMan said...

"I saw Sully kissing Santa Claus..."

GregMan said...

"Over the constitution and through the courts, to socialism we go..."

Mr. Hankey said...

Pelosi wouldn't come to the door. Obviously these weren't her constituents.

Anonymous said...

"Hey mom, what are those two twinks in the Santa hats doing decorating the Christmas tree with real candles"?

Vinney

Silhouette said...

It was a sad day for the Low Self Esteem carolers when the door opened wide to reveal Simon Cowell.

Silhouette said...

"W-w-we're h-h-he-here t-t-to t-tell you a-a-bout th-the gl-global wa-wa-warming pr-probl-bl-blem."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

The Day the Music Died
You could have heard a pin drop when the door swung open and a drunk, naked, unemployed, rage-filled Sam Feckner stared out past the eviction notice fluttering on the wreath and took aim with his 10-gauge at the surprised carolers. bye bye, Miss American pie...

Rodney Dill said...


O you better watch out
you better not cry
you better not pout
I'm tellin' you why,
Santa Claus is dead...

dadoctah said...

"I'm not even going to ask who you people are. I'd just like to know why it's snowing in my family room."

Kaptain Krude said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kaptain Krude said...

"No, I don't know how to get, how to get to Sesame Street. Now you damn kids get off my damn lawn!" John 'Grumpy' McCain was just having a really bad day

Julie the Jarhead said...

Johnny loved his hunting parka, but even that didn't hold a candle to Timmy's leopard skin penis warmer.

molson said...

Just pay them for the pizza and maybe they will go away.

dadoctah said...

If you people aren't in the Musician's Union you're in a *lot* of trouble.

Adriane said...

For the last time you idiots! There is no Carol here!

Submariner said...

Uhhhhh, Mrs. Pelosi?
It's customary to at LEAST throw on a robe before you open the door to carolers...

Submariner said...

We'd like to cajole you with traditional songs of the season, but with Congress' recent record and on advice of our attorney, we're asking you to read and sign this 57 page legal disclaimer first...

Submariner said...

Sheesh, buddy; that's the worst case of dandruff I've ever seen!

Adriane said...

On the first day of Christmas, Al Gore, he gave to me ... No proof of Global Warming...