Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Home Dope


1. "Hey, Did you all, um, know those toilets aren't, um, hooked up?"

2. "In, um, other good news, ACORN has, um, registered all the say laborers in the parking lot to vote."

3. Look at all those dumb plumbers, electricians, and drywall hangers. I'd like to see them try and organize a community.

4. The last thing America's idiot president heard before the walruses trampled him to death was, "MAH BUKKETS! YOU HAS MAH BUKKETS."

5. Obama relishes opportunities to go out in public among all the people he feels superior to.

Wicked Best of GregMan
The Obamessiah walks out to accept his Home Remodeler Of The Year award.

Best of GregMan
"Oh look, that gay guy from CNN has his own line of window blinds."

Best of Whacko
"Guess this store is out of arugula."

Best o' Army of Dad
Yet another foreign import found at the Home Depot.

Best o' Rodney Dill
"Damn, I wish Michelle wouldn't send me grocery shopping... I can't find no Maters, Taters, and Yams for anything."

Best of blue
Damn secret service, I said take me to a whorehouse not a warehouse

Best of Jack Reacher
"I found incandescent bulbs in Aisle 5. Shut this place down, boys."

Best of paul
Home Despot.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
***Presidential Photo Ops***
Clinton: on Normandy Beach playing with stones hand-selected and sucked clean by Monica
Bush: in front of subtle "Mission Accomplished" banner 15 years and trillions of dollars before US finally extricates itself from a quagmire of monumental proportions
Obamalama: lost and bewildered trying to find an english-speaking clerk at a local lumber warehouse filled with cheap crap made overseas

Best of HLam
"M'chelle asked me to bring home some foundation for her. One of those 5 gallon buckets of spackle should do the trick."

Best o' Submariner
Good news! I found windows that even I can't mistake for a door. Biden; have them installed all the way around the first floor on Pennsylvania Ave...

Best o' Rodney Dill
Homey Despot

Best o' Passionate Conservative
Hey, you! Where can I find the EZ-Glide? It's kind of an emergency!

39 comments:

GregMan said...

"Oh look, that gay guy from CNN has his own line of window blinds."

GregMan said...

"Made in China, Made in China, Made in China... yep, my plan to destroy Amerikkkan manufacturing is proceeding nicely."

GregMan said...

"So this is where the people who can't afford to have their home remodeling done by illegal immigrants go to shop."

GregMan said...

The Obamessiah walks out to accept his Home Remodeler Of The Year award.

Whacko said...

"Guess this store is out of arugula."

Army of Dad said...

Yet another foreign import found at the Home Depot.

Rodney Dill said...

"Damn, I wish Michelle wouldn't send me grocery shopping... I can't find no Maters, Taters, and Yams for anything."

blue said...

damn secret service, I said take me to a whorehouse not a warehouse

Rodney Dill said...

"Ooooo... whitewash aisle... go to know."

eat me said...

see I told you, after health care passes, to save money we can buy all the surgical supplies at Home Deport!!!

Anonymous said...

"Hey Fred, looks like we have another African immigrant working in hardware."

Vinney

dub said...

Obama needed to pick up a new flashlight to help him find his rectally-secured head.

dub said...

"Odd...the only Signs on this aisle were ones that said 'You Suck'".

molson said...

Nope. No health care plan votes here. Let's move on.

Jack Reacher said...

"I just had a great idea; Czar of Home Remodeling and Repairs!"

Jack Reacher said...

"I found incandescent bulbs in Aisle 5. Shut this place down, boys."

Adriane said...

What?!? 'Conservatives are at Home Depot'? I thought you said, 'Conservatives are at the Train Depot'!

paul said...

Home Despot.

paul said...

Another unprecedented moment.

A geek wearing a suit at Home Depot.

molson said...

What I really could use right now is some caulk.

mega said...

Sadly, it turned out that 3/4 of the passersby at Home Depot thought "yeah, makes sense ... a job he is probably qualified to do."

mega said...

Man, this store is LOADED with stuff. Only way I could think to improve on this is to have the government buy up the whole chain, unionize the workers, develop new regulations, bring in the ACLU to help workers file discrimination suits, use eminent domain to force the whole store to move into a swamp 10 miles away, get Soros to pump in a few million to convert the entire operation to clean energy, dump all the products on the shelves and replace them with carbon credit contracts, put a Safe Store Czar out in front to corral the young kids and molest them while their parents shop, and get Holder in here to see if we can use the back room for interrogation of some Al Qaeda detainees. THEN, it would be perfect.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Secret Service Ernie Detwiler (arm partially obscured by gratuitous plug for Andersen Windows) is on special assignment to make damn certain no butt cracks sneak up and shake Obamalama's hand.

-OR-
***Presidential Photo Ops***
Clinton: on Normandy Beach playing with stones hand-selected and sucked clean by Monica
Bush: in front of subtle "Mission Accomplished" banner 15 years and trillions of dollars before US finally extricates itself from a quagmire of monumental proportions
Obamalama: lost and bewildered trying to find an english-speaking clerk at a local lumber warehouse filled with cheap crap made overseas

dub said...

"Hey, who wants to see my black caulk?" *snicker*

dub said...

"Damn, even as the POTUS I cant get a credit card here."

HLam said...

"M'chelle asked me to bring home some foundation for her. One of those 5 gallon buckets of spackle should do the trick."

HLam said...

"Clean up in aisle 5! I just took care of Joe the Plumber. snicker...snicker"

Unscrupulous said...

"A little help please. Where can I find something that can destroy everything? This stuff is great if you want to build, but..."

Mr. Hankey said...

The "Build Your Own Socialislt Leader" kit is about to go on Clearance.

Submariner said...

Good news! I found windows that even I can't mistake for a door. Biden; have them installed all the way around the first floor on Pennsylvania Ave...

Seoulman (R) said...

I found Joe Biden's Home Depot. It was hiding in China all along.

Seoulman (R) said...

What a great store. It has everything. It would be a shame if someone got hurt working here and they didn't have our health coverage (wink wink)

Seoulman (R) said...

They got teleprompters... half-price!... now I'll have a um well uh um a hmmm back up.

Seoulman (R) said...

you know, it's a great store but they don't sell a shovel big enough to shovel the $*&^ I am going to have to try to sell before Christmas.

Rodney Dill said...

Homey Despot

(ATDHE)

Matt the K said...

So would M'chel be considered 'Abroad Despot?'

Mr. Hankey said...

I read the sign, but where are all the Homies in this Depot??

Rodney Dill said...

"Whaddya mean the 'M' burnt out... This ain't a Hoe Depot?"

Passionate Conservative said...

Hey, you! Where can I find the EZ-Glide? It's kind of an emergency!