Friday, December 18, 2009

Dude Looks Like an OLD Lady


1. "Don't flatter yourself, Tyler. The only reason Cheney tried to proposition you in the men's room is because he thought you were Cokie Roberts."

2. "Don't look at me, I recommended a nice pair of 'Oakleys' not 'Oldladies."

3. "Hey, your Joo-Janta Peril Sensitive sunglasses turned black as soon as Dick Cheney walked up. What does that mean?"

4. "Dude, your hand. Gross! Do I have to explain those little rolls of paper in the men's room again?"

5. Rick thought he was hitting on the hottest, oldest cougar of his life until the 'Crying Game Reveal' in the men's room. But it was still cool getting blown by a member of Aerosmith.

Best of HLam
"Yeah, I'm bringing Sis to school for Show 'n Tell to demonstrate what 2 packs of Camels and a fifth of bourbon a day will do to ya."

Best of Shawn
Wait... Lindsay's straight again?

Best of Double the U
Why I disagree with Libertarians on the legalize all drugs issue.

Best of jj
Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, the retirement years.

Best of Matt the K
"Have you heard this one?...Paul Shaffer, Madonna and K-Fed walk into a deli..."

Best of dadoctah
"They're ready for you in makeup, Miss Baranski."

Best of Passionate Conservative
The real reason Billy Mays died: A night on the town with Nancy Pelosi.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
MOVIE PROMO: In "Weekend At Bernies Part V" the boys learn that Bernie (now 6 days dead and pretty ripe) holds a soon-to-expire Quickiemart lotto ticket worth $500k! Will a televised ceremony blow their chances to claim the money?

Best of Submariner
Don't mind Janey - she just downed a dessicant Slurpee...


21 comments:

HLam said...

"Yeah, I'm bringing Sis to school for Show 'n Tell to demonstrate what 2 packs of Camels and a fifth of bourbon a day will do to ya."

divine miss m said...

So THIS is what he meant by "Seasons of wither"!

Anonymous said...

Julia Roberts is looking a little rough.

blue said...

my Mom here helps me pick up chicks!

Shawn said...

Wait... Lindsay's straight again?

Double the U said...

Why I disagree with Libertarians on the legalize all drugs issue.

molson said...

Dude looks like a lady... A really old hagged out lady.

Jay Guevara said...

"Tiger, I got your skank right here."

eat me said...

why gays turn straight

AnonymoUS said...

She's a MILF!! I mean, Mug I'd Like to Forget!

jj said...

Ruth Bader-Ginsburg, the retirement years.

Matt the K said...

"Have you heard this one?...Paul Shaffer, Madonna and K-Fed walk into a deli..."

dadoctah said...

"They're ready for you in makeup, Miss Baranski."

Passionate Conservative said...

The real reason Billy Mays died: A night on the town with Nancy Pelosi.

Kaptain Krude said...

♪♫ "I feel pretty
Oh, so pretty
I feel pretty
and witty
and gay!"♪♫

Nancy Pelosi hasn't looked so attractive in many a year.

Julie the Jarhead said...

Steve still looks a hell-of-a-lot better than the loser on the right.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

MOVIE PROMO: In "Weekend At Bernies Part V" the boys learn that Bernie (now 6 days dead and pretty ripe) holds a soon-to-expire Quickiemart lotto ticket worth $500k! Will a televised ceremony blow their chances to claim the money?

WordVerify: kidnersh - that slime trail on a child's shirt sleeve when he has a runny nose.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Professional "slip and fall" litigant Bertha McSloooge poses for pictures with son Elroy after winning her 14th judgment against Sam's Stop&Shop.
Update: Seconds later, Sam (in background) shot McSlooge in head and closed store for good.

WordVerify: guesel - new fuel made entirely from gue, the technical term for ear wax.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Identical twins Beatrice & Klem Furp, winning contestants on the Appalachian-based reality show from FOX - "America's Most Inbred Families"

-OR-

Twenty-two year old meth-crank addict Hilda Swope and unemployed fiance Ernie Dunwiddie stop by QuickieMart to pick out their bridal registry.

Submariner said...

Don't mind Janey - she just downed a dessicant Slurpee...

Kaptain Krude said...

Billy was 20 years late to getting his Good Citizenship badge, but he was determined to help the little old lady across the street.


wv: dipsy - You'd almost have to be, wouldn't you?