Monday, November 30, 2009

OMG, No Way!



1. Unfortunately, he had no choice. The Teleprompter said, "Raise your glass with the napkin still attached like some frickin' retard."

2. "What the hell is wrong with this idiot?" Prime Minister Singh wondered silently.

3. It's actually worse than it looks, the adhesive holding the napkin to the glass is one of Dear Leader's boogers.

4. And as soon as he returned from the bathroom, the president raised a toast.

5. "And I'd like to raise a toast to the draperies section at KMart, in honor of M'Chel's dress."

Best of jeff
L'chaim!

Best of Passionate Conservative
I'll have to raise my glass in a, uh, um, toast....hey, just what the f*ck is that thing on your head? I've always wanted to know...

Best of Vinney
"I'm a Dominic the Great. No applause please. Save it for the end."

Best of Unscrupulous
In honor of my new Vegan friends, I am announcing, effective immediately, the shipment of 10,000 sides of beef to help feed the poor in the great and honorable country of Vega.

What? Too little?

Best of GregMan
Barry wins "Phone Rep Of The Year", presented by the Vice-President in charge of Dell Technical Support.

Best of GregMan
Suddenly it became all the rage in Hollywood, universities, and main stream media offices across the land to attach little pieces of toilet paper to the glasse when having a drink.

Best of Submariner
"...for the brothers that are no longer with us..."

Best of Jay Guevara
"I salute you, sir! Your 7-11 has the very best Slurpees in the world!"

Best of Matt the K
"See, look, my glass has a turban too, just li-- ah damn, came unwrapped."

33 comments:

blue said...

oh my my golly g, the fricking americans have elected an untouchable!!

jeff said...

L'chaim!

Passionate Conservative said...

I'll have to raise my glass in a, uh, um, toast....hey, just what the f*ck is that thing on your head? I've always wanted to know...

Passionate Conservative said...

I'm a magician. I just made that coin disappear. Just like the Federal Government.

dadoctah said...

Kal Penn certainly has aged in the last six months.

Unscrupulous said...

"Sonjay! Clean up on isle 7 near the douche bag."

blue said...

Sheryl Crow sez you only need one of these

Unscrupulous said...

As my great, great, great friend Mahumpster Gahndi once said,"I claim to be a simple individual liable to err like any other fellow mortal. I own, however, that I have humility enough to confess my errors and to retrace my steps... errr uhhhh, from the bathroom to the podium apparently."

Unscrupulous said...

With no teleprompter in sight, BO resorts to reading his notes off a napkin cleverly placed directly in front of his face.

Anonymous said...

"Here's to good friends, tonight is kind of special.

Let it be Lowenbrau."

Vinney

Unscrupulous said...

In a faux pas for the ages, the Wonder One accidentally shows off to the world his initial design sketches for his latest (and greatest) invention... "Cat Duster Slippers".

Anonymous said...

"I'm a Dominic the Great. No applause please. Save it for the end."

Vinney

Anonymous said...

"Mr. Singh, it's a delightful aperitif called Ripple."

Vinney

Unscrupulous said...

I hereby announce my latest executive order... that from this day forward, it is completely acceptable to bring your dinner drink into the craphouse with you, if you are really, really thirsty! Cheers.

Unscrupulous said...

In honor of my new Vegan friends, I am announcing, effective immediately, the shipment of 10,000 sides of beef to help feed the poor in the great and honorable country of Vega.

What? Too little?

GregMan said...

The Lightbringer raises a glass of cow pee to honor his Indian guest.

GregMan said...

Well, they're outsourcing everything the hell else to India, why not the presidency? In this case it would probably be an improvement.

GregMan said...

Barry wins "Phone Rep Of The Year", presented by the Vice-President in charge of Dell Technical Support.

GregMan said...

Suddenly it became all the rage in Hollywood, universities, and main stream media offices across the land to attach little pieces of toilet paper to the glasse when having a drink.

Unscrupulous said...

Eat with the right. Wipe with the left. BO always uses visual aids to help remember.

Anonymous said...

"Joe, Joe Biden! Come on up and tell some Indian Dunkin Donut jokes. After a couple of these Harvey Wallbangers this crowd will laugh at anything."

Vinney

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Waving the white flag of surrender will go totally unnoticed until 2083 when famed reinterpretive historian Milton Gundreau claims this picture proves Obamalama did try to extricate the US from another Vietnam quagmire.

blue said...

It is a miracle..he changed wine into water...I must dump my turban and worship this new holy one....

Mr. Hankey said...

Barack shows the audience the spectacular Slurpie that Singh has made for him. The burrito is still cooking in the microwave.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Over the lips
and across the tongue
Look out stomach
Here it comes!"


wv: doodi - even the computer knows what Barack is!

Submariner said...

"...for the brothers that are no longer with us..."

Jay Guevara said...

"I salute you, sir! Your 7-11 has the very best Slurpees in the world!"

Jay Guevara said...

"I salute you, sir! Your 7-11 has won the award for best Slurpees."

Kaptain Krude said...

"Gentlemen, uh, I propose a, um, toast. To the, um, Klingons, who have, um, the hottest women around. Earth needs women, heh heh."

Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "I'd a rather had a, um, mini glass of beer in, um, Queens."

Submariner said...

"...and thanks to this quick-thinking New York cabbie, ONLY my typical honkey Grandma got run over by that school bus."

jeff said...

"I wonder if this wine is Halal?"

Matt the K said...

"See, look, my glass has a turban too, just li-- ah damn, came unwrapped."