1. "There's nothing to be afraid of, grandma. It's just a bus with a suspiciously high clearance."
2. ORA: The little Bushman couldn't figure out how the hell this idiot had been elected. The Gods Must Indeed Be Crazy.
3. "For the last time you friggin' moron, I am NOT Aretha Franklin."
4. "Never mind Matt Lauer, Grandma. He just loves to smell my shoulders."
5. "It's just lucky I always wear 'Oops I crapped my pants' brand adult diapers." "Shut up, Barry. Nobody cares."
Best of metalgarth
Will you make me a waffle that I can eat in peace, Aunt J.?
Best of eat me
Boy, don't that wife of yours know how to iron shirts?
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thanks to the tireless efforts of the revamped FEMA, Flip Wilson was discovered alive and well and living in a Louisiana mangrove swamp under the nom de plume, Auntie Geraldine.
Best of Jay Guevara
"Nah, don't worry about it, it's perfect. Just the thing to wear the conferment of a posthumous Medal of Honor. I'd have worn my aloha shirt, but it's in the laundry."
Best of jeff
"You never call, you never write, you never deposit millions into my bank account...."
"Shut up, Grandma."
Best of Kaptain Krude
"And as I stop here dramatic pause to celebrate this woman's look directly into the cameras rich tapestry of life experiences, I am struck by continue walking the overwhelming watch for dog shit on ground efforts of our fellow citizens fake sympathetic smile."
Best of Matt the K
The Autobiography of Miss Jane Bushman
Best of mega
Even Sheila Jackson Lee couldn't muster a smile at the post-West Point unity photo op.