1. "That idiot Dutch Boy we hired stuck his finger into Rosie O'Donnell instead."
2. "Oh, wow. I guess Kirstie Ally really was just retaining water this whole time."
3. "Al Gore's kid ran in here, flushed something down the toilet, and it's been backed up ever since. That's all I know."
4. "Just hold on, you wanna look good when you get to the lifeboat, don't you?"
Best of molson
Yeah. I got the idea from those floating bars at the fancy hotels except I'm standing in sewage. At least I don't have to sweep the floors so it's not all bad.
Best of sonicfrog
Using electric shears during the flood, Xong always did like living life on the edge.
Best of dadoctah
"So, can I interest you in a kangal fish pedicure?"
Best of Army of Dad
So den I terr Ar Gore "You fur of it, der is no such ting as grobar warming."
Best of Silhouette
Although the orchestra received all of the fame, the barbers on the Titanic also kept performing right up until the end.
Best of Jay Guevara
"Yeah, he was gonna make the 'oceans recede.' Any time now, Barack. No rush."
Best of mpur
Best of Rodney Dill
....Gilligan... and the clipper too.
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Q: What was Lee Kim's incentive for introducing that "No nicks or cuts" guarantee?
A: wall-to-wall piranha-infested carpet
Best of Adriane
"Double Damn! that travel agent," snarled Andrew Sullivan. "I asked him to find me some well groomed Asian men, swathed in pink, and wet all the time AND THIS is where he sends me."