Friday, September 11, 2009

Yeah, sucking face, she's doing it wrong...

Justin Thyme

1. The alternative to the Heimlich maneuver... for bulimics who are protective of their personal spaces.

2. Under ObamaCare, those who can't afford Botox are left to seek alternative treatments.

3. The aptitude test for the school janitor's union had unsurprisingly low standards.

4. Perhaps it was cruel to tell Joe Biden's daughter there was cocaine on the inside of the plunger.

5. I see the plumbing department manager at Home Depot still hasn't overcome his anger management problem.

Torchwood Best of thedoyle
Dalek death impression. Ur doin it right.

Best of Double the U
Did anyone mention to her how these things were tested in manufacturing?

Best of Matt the K
In the Johnson household, they go way beyond paying into the swear jar as punishment for potty mouth.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Janice sorta panicked when the dealer told her just how much that cocaine she snorted would cost.

Best of Jack Reacher
Shopping at an ACME outlet recommended by Wile E. Coyote is probably not a good idea.

Best of Submariner
Under ObamaCare, it is not wise to explain to the triage nurse that "I'm just a li'l sh!t-faced..."

Best of dadoctah
Ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to get that contact lens out?

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Explaining Rene Zellweger.

Best of prince of leaves
The problem with shooting Nerf darts in an office of engineers is the inevitable arms race that results.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Hmmm... obviously the work of the Scarlet Pumpernickel."

Best of Gregory of Prescott
"I said put the Super Glue on the toilet SEAT!"

44 comments:

Double the U said...

Did anyone mention to her how these things were tested in manufacturing?

HLam said...

"Wow, a double-ended sex practice toy! I can use one end to practice going down on my boyfriend and THIS end I can use to practice going down on my girlfriend!"

jj said...

Aliens...the Home Depot version.

Matt the K said...

In the Johnson household, they go way beyond paying into the swear jar as punishment for potty mouth.

Matt the K said...

Pinocchio costume -- UR DOIN IT RONG.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

When Vick's nasal spray just won't clear that stuffy head, who ya gonna call? NoseBusters!

-OR-

Janice sorta panicked when the dealer told her just how much that cocaine she snorted would cost.

WordVerify: ousilit - term for the twisting motion one uses to try to fit a stubborn jigsaw puzzle piece into an open spot.

thedoyle said...

Dalek death impression. Ur doin it right.

curly said...

"Yecch! I guess that wasn't peanut butter stuck in the rubber folds of the plunger."

Jack Reacher said...

Shopping at an ACME outlet recommended by Wile E. Coyote is probably not a good idea.

Jack Reacher said...

Sure, it's cheaper than eye bleach, but will it really remove the memory of Pelosi's leering visage?

molson said...

Oh WTF is ACORN up to now?

metalgarth said...

Some "Slipknot" fans take their devotion a little too far

Viking04 said...

Sylvester's disguise didn't fool Birds Anonymous, and Tweety escaped again.

Submariner said...

Under ObamaCare, it is not wise to explain to the triage nurse that "I'm just a li'l sh!t-faced..."

dadoctah said...

Ever have one of those days when you just can't seem to get that contact lens out?

dadoctah said...

"Uh, Jenni? We're going to take you off this demo station and put you on disposable diapers. It was either that or the deep fryers."

Son Of The Godfather said...

Next time, don't swallow the condom.

Son Of The Godfather said...

That reminds me... whatever did happen to that Zima drink?

Anonymous said...

Mary Sue came up with a marvelous idea for a low cost version of this season's must-have accessory, the unicorn horn hat. Unfortunately, she was hampered by a lack of hand-eye coordination.

Son Of The Godfather said...

Explaining Rene Zellweger.

Son Of The Godfather said...

"I hate post-nasal drip too, Karen, but for Pete's sake, let it run its course!"

mega said...

Ming tried different ways to achieve that unique Nancy Pelosi look.

Anonymous said...

Apply some superglue to the rim, apply to Rosie O'Donnell's face and - viola, what an improvement!

Anonymous said...

Outraged at the thought of greedy doctors profiting from tonsil removal, Mindy tried a do-it-yourself method.

prince of leaves said...

Shocked and scandalized, Pam's parents refused to accept her unlikely explanation for how she got the hickey.

prince of leaves said...

One-upping Gavin Newsome: UR DOING IT RONG!

prince of leaves said...

The problem with shooting Nerf darts in an office of engineers is the inevitable arms race that results.

mega said...

Day Of The Trifids may have been fiction, but, sadly, it hinted at some real shit going on out there, people. Wake up!

mega said...

ACORN's new cleft palate program for the poor was awarded a $10 billion government grant, and was surprisingly cost-effective too!

Submariner said...

Sally wondered how everyone always seemed to know that her mom had attempted a self abort during the pregnancy...

Anonymous said...

The Evil Spirit of the Bathroom cackled evilly. The spell she had cast on the plungers was starting to take effect.

"Just wait until the toliet bowl scrubbers get into the act," she laughed. "I'll bring humanity to its knees!"

Anonymous said...

Remember, this woman can vote.

Rodney Dill said...

"Hmmm... obviously the work of the Scarlet Pumpernickel."

Rodney Dill said...

Ever get that not so fresh feeling?

Submariner said...

El Kabong no longer uses a guitar.

dadoctah said...

"It's my Halloween costume. I'm going as a Sybian."

dadoctah said...

Belding also has a remedial program....

wv: provail. What the program teaches you to do.

Gregory of Prescott said...

"I said put the Super Glue on the toilet SEAT!"

dadoctah said...

"I still don't hear the ocean."

blue said...

Cindy had the unicorn operation thinking that maybe now Obama would ride her

Army of Dad said...

She can suck a golf ball through a ...

Army of Dad said...

Sucking Face: FAIL!

Army of Dad said...

Plumber's felcher.

wv: drain

Army of Dad said...

Stomach pumping under ObamaCare.