1. "I agree, Rick Santorum is a total freaking weirdo. So, what do you want me to pierce your ballsac with, the tire iron or the human thigh bone."
2. You know, I got a lot of cat hair in my sofa. Would you guys mind coming over and brushing your hair on it for an hour or two?
3. "So, what are you the czar of?"
4. "The weird part is, all of this was completely covered by ObamaCare."
5. "I find listening to Obama speeches on my iPod completely distracts me from the horrific pain."
Wicked Best of dadoctah
"We don't actually get a lot of requests for all *three* Jonas Brothers."
Best of mega
"I figured I deserved a treat after not being able to make the bus fare for Pittsburgh."
Best of Rodney Dill
"Kenneth, what is the frequency?"
Best of Matt the K
The Laws of Darwinism will ensure we never have to see what these guys will look like when they're 80.
Best of Silhouette
"Just about finished with your gull and crossbows." - Next, on Dave, the Hard Of Hearing Tattoo Artist.
Best of blue
And after I transplant your balls to your chin you will be able to teabag yourself
Best of metalgarth
Did you say ABBA Logo or Swastika?
19 comments:
The new DNC ad:
"But, Doc, all I had was a sore throat."
"Sorry, Tom, I have to do this tracheotamy so I can buy the new BMW 7-series. Just try to relax."
"I figured I deserved a treat after not being able to make the bus fare for Pittsburgh."
these white gloves help protect my skin from unwanted ink spills
"Kenneth, what is the frequency?"
Dude, not on the throat. Up til now, you were totally employable.
The Laws of Darwinism will ensure we never have to see what these guys will look like when they're 80.
Girl just off-camera: "My name starts with a K, not a C."
Girl just off-camera: "Besides, I came here to break up with you."
"Just about finished with your gull and crossbows." - Next, on Dave, the Hard Of Hearing Tattoo Artist.
"We don't actually get a lot of requests for all *three* Jonas Brothers."
and after I transplant your balls to your chin you will be able to teabag yourself
"Ned always hated when customers would sing "Roxanne" with their headsets in.
Did you say ABBA Logo or Swastika?
Yeah Don, this job market sucks. I've been on 20 interviews and got nothing. I think they're racist...I mean...what else could it be?
Just when it looked like Jimmy was about to successfully pull the frog out of Niko's throat, he lost concentration and touched the inside wall.
The government sponsored tracheostomy part of the new healthcare bill wasn't really well thought out.
Some people just know instinctively the things that make them attractive. Others...
"Not only did he steal my hairstyle," thought Pengo, "now he wants to copy my signature 'Eve-on-Adam's-Apple motif. What a poser."
"Hold still, dammit. You flinch like that again while I've got the needle to your skin and you're going to end up looking stupid."
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