1. "No one but us will ever see these pictures Mr. O'Neal. Enjoy your stay in Enumclaw."
2. Shaq was awesome at charades, but his friends not being South Park fans, never guessed the answer was "Sexual Harassment Panda."
3. "Congrats on getting out of prison, Michael Vick. Let's take this thing out to the dog pens and watch 'em rip it apart."
4. "When you said I was going to meet something half-white, half-black that was born in a foreign country, I thought you meant the president."
5. "Does this bother you? I'm not touching you. Does this bother you? I'm not touching you."
Wicked Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Inspired by the Food Network show featuring the chip shop that will "deep fry anything," Shaq plans a trip to New York.
Best of Jack Reacher
"Kobe! The panda is open!"
Best of Viking04
Shaq tried to be a good sport about it after Ling Ling beat him on 'Celebrity Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader?"
Best of Oiao
Shaq splits his travel time between visiting the Chinese sweat shops producing his signature line sneakers, and scratching his Panda fettish itch.
Best of curly
In Enumclaw, the "Panda Express" costs you $50 and gets you a 20 minute quickie with Ling Ling.
Best of dadoctah
The Chinese just don't "get" the whole department-store Santa thing.
Best of Submariner
Panda thought bubble; "STUFFING the ol' balls into the hole... Ri-i-i-i-i-ght..."