Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Lunch Box Surprise


1. The lunchbox surprise turned out to be a human head. Billy's mom was one sick intercourse!

2. Billy opened his "Hope and Change" lunchbox to find nothing but an ACORN voter registration pamphlet and a bill for $429,500.

3. Billy thought his guinea pig would be perfectly fine in his airtight lunchbox until show and tell. Billy was wrong.

4. Billy's shock at finding that his mom had Lorena Bobbitted his dad was compounded by Kineesha's scathing comments about length and girth.

5. The lunch box surprise: A note from Mrs. LeTourneau reading "Meet me in the janitor's closet."

Best of Double the U
It was a note from Mom, "Your father and I are getting a divorce, it is all your fault."

Best of Submariner
Kimodo Dragon sandwiches? NOOOOOOO!

Best of Jack Reacher
While the kids were baffled by the small bags of white powder, Billy's dad had some fast talking to do when he tried to collect $25,000 for a tuna salad sandwich and an apple.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Barney Frank? How did you get under the table?"

Best of dadoctah
1950: Mrs Cronenberg alters the course of history when she sends little David to school with a lunch of natto and balut.

Best of Mr. Hankey
Little Kyle was shocked to see naked pictures of his father attached to a note that said "Give to Miss Duplussey"

Best of Army of Dad
"That's not a candy bar!"

Best of Oiao
An instant lesson in horror as they not only found Waldo, but that decomposition is a bitch.

25 comments:

Oiao said...

Look! Jimmy Hoffa!

prince of leaves said...

"Rover, NOOOOOO!" Little Jimmy Lobue's playground loanshark racket was serious business - you paid back your milk money loans on time...or else.

prince of leaves said...

And when they opened the mysterious lunchbox sent from Kenya, the children were astonished.

"Could it be?" asked Timmy Lee.

"Is it real?" asked Susie Beal.

"Where's it been?" asked Frankie Sween.

"Who would send Obama's nirth certifikit to our school?" asked Johnnie O'Toole.

prince of leaves said...

"Arugula?! NOOOOO!"

Double the U said...

It was a note from Mom, "Your father and I are getting a divorce, it is all your fault."

dadoctah said...

"Why couldn't she send me to school with a brown paper bag like a normal kid?" The throbbing in Billy's head continued to grow, as his classmates stared in silent astonishment at his oh-so-ghey generic animal lunchbox.

dub said...

After the gangbang that followed lunch, Shenaynay would also have a few surprises in her box.

Submariner said...

Kimodo Dragon sandwiches? NOOOOOOO!

Submariner said...

Jimmy discovers his PC Glow-ball Warming statistics were replaced by NASA solar tempature charts. Miss Sunbeam was not going to take this well...

Submariner said...

Dub discovers that the spec sheet for the Miss May centerfold he stole from his dad's stash reports she has a 5.7% body fat rating.

Submariner said...

Bobby finds that Shamika has replaced his PB&J sandwich with a year's supply of Enzyte.

Rodney Dill said...

KY is not an ingredient of Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Jack Reacher said...

While the kids were baffled by the small bags of white powder, Billy's dad had some fast talking to do when he tried to collect $25,000 for a tuna salad sandwich and an apple.

Jack Reacher said...

Billy cheered the unexpected windfall of cash in his lunch box, while former Rep. Jefferson was heard to mutter "Why is there nothing but food in my freezer?"

Kaptain Krude said...

"Barney Frank? How did you get under the table?"

dadoctah said...

1950: Mrs Cronenberg alters the course of history when she sends little David to school with a lunch of natto and balut.

Viking04 said...

Little Bernie Dorn learned to never let 'Uncle Achmed' pack his lunch for school.

Mr. Hankey said...

Little Kyle was shocked to see naked pictures of his father attached to a note that said "Give to Miss Duplussey"

Mr. Hankey said...

Bring ham on "No Meat Monday" was going to get Kyle flogged for sure by the other kids at Barbara Boxer Elementary.

Mr. Hankey said...

Madoff took Kyle's lunch too!!

Oiao said...

The stark horror and realization as little Jimmy saw that his mom's IOU (one lunch) written on her California Tax Refund IOU.

Army of Dad said...

It's a dick-in-a-box!

Army of Dad said...

"That's not a candy bar!"

Oiao said...

An instant lesson in horror as they not only found Waldo, but that decomposition is a bitch.

molson said...

Oh not this again. Is a fried bologna sandwich too much to ask for?