Saturday, June 27, 2009

Here Come the Bride's


1. How do you tell your kids, "When I first met your mom, she was upside down on a stripper pole."

2. They were going to go with the crotchless wedding gown, but decided this was more tasteful.

3. Later... "I now pronounce you, man and personal flotation device."

4. The gown wasn't the tackiest part of the wedding. That award went to Andrew Sullivan in Carol Channing drag singing "My Heart Will Go On."

5. The happy couple plan to spend their honeymoon in Hawaii, where they will make videos of themselves copulating on the beach and post them to YouTube.

Best of Dactyl
Good thing she had those velcro nipples installed.

Best of Submariner
The bumper sticker just says "Not Bombs"

Best of John.....just John
I now pronounce you mr. and mrs. Army of Gazongas!

Best of DaveP.
When the bride said she'd be buying an "off the rack" gown, this isn't waht I was expecting.

Best of Kaptain Krude
There's plunging necklines, and then there's falling-off-the-precipitously-steep-cliff plunging necklines.

Best of molson
Must have been in an accident. Looks like the airbags went off.

42 comments:

Wedding Planning Tips said...

I have been following your blog and i live it.

Viking04 said...

The building in the background has huge cleavage also.

Viking04 said...

The limo had an extra axle to carry all that juggage.

Viking04 said...

The honeymoon was at Hedonism III, what a shock.

Anonymous said...

I have been following your blog and i live it.

Best spam yet!

Double the U said...

When I was in my twenties I wanted some girl who loved me as much as I loved her.
When I was in my thirties I wanted a woman who would care for, love, and nurture our children.
When I was in my forties I wanted a woman that I could grow old with.
When I was in my fifties I just wanted a young girl with really big tits.

Dactyl said...

Where did you get a copy of my wedding invitation?

Dactyl said...

Good thing she had those velcro nipples installed.

dadoctah said...

"Relax, that's not the bride. It's that smartass usher, Dennis, grabbing for attention."

Anonymous said...

I wonder what he sees in her?

Silhouette said...

This weekend only at David's Bridals, all gowns are half off.

Julie the Jarhead said...

They had to rent a separate limo for her t!t$.

dub said...

All three women in the picture are overweight...and ugly. What a shock.

Barco Sin Vela II said...

VICTORY!








WV; endersac

Submariner said...

I think the woman in black just discovered where she'd be when her Dulcolax kicked in.

Submariner said...

The bumper sticker just says "Not Bombs"

Submariner said...

This is an opticval illusion: They're not getting married, he's escorting the woman who intends to solve world hunger to the Bonn.

Submariner said...

I didn't realize AoD took AoM to the JP in a limo...


v word - taill - yep, blogger is surely sentient, now.

Adriane said...

She: It's tradition! During a Betazoid wedding, the bride and the groom get completely undressed.
He: But I'm human and you're only 1/8 Betazoid...
She: Deal!

mpur said...

So, I'm guessing the women in black are part of the groom's family?

mpur said...

Man, I feel sorry for the pastor that has to perform this ceremony.

prince of leaves said...

Tired of being perpetually humiliated as Putin's lapdog, Medvedev was ready to quit until Vlad rammed the "prima nocte" law through the Russian parliament to entice him to stay on.

prince of leaves said...

"Yes, the bride is from Chernobyl...how did you guess?"

Army of Mom said...

Did any of you even notice the GIANT zit on the nose of the girl in the black on the left?

I didn't think so.

Rodney Dill said...

Best wishes to the four of them.

steve o said...

There's someone dressed in black?

steve o said...

boing!!! boing!!!

steve o said...

Voted: Couple most likely to be happy for at least 2 years.

John.....just John said...

I now pronounce you mr. and mrs. Army of Gazongas!

dadoctah said...

Debut episode of the new reality show: Synthetic Housewives of New Jersey.

DaveP. said...

When the bride said she'd be buying an "off the rack" gown, this isn't waht I was expecting.

Not that I'm complaining...

Submariner said...

DRUDGEBREAKING:

Source of world silicon shortage spotted in Garden State near ramp 187.

Developing...

Submariner said...

Fer gawd's sake, Marcie; gargle befor ya meet da Pastor - ya gots cock-breath.

Kaptain Krude said...

ORA: I see she's been shopping in the "Get a load of these" department of Winfred-Louder.

wv: rednes - It's not only become sentient, but jealous as well.

Kaptain Krude said...

There's plunging necklines, and then there's falling-off-the-precipitously-steep-cliff plunging necklines.

Mr. Hankey said...

At least they're not gay...

molson said...

Must have been in an accident. Looks like the airbags went off.

steve o said...

Although the newlywed husband would be tragically killed, the bride would miraculously survive the head-on collision.

steve o said...

yes, i know it's a repeat, but that doesn't mean it doesn't apply...

steve o said...

The Contemporary Service at 11:00 is a lot more laid back.

Jay Guevara said...

Bride to groom: "I'm so glad I chose this gown. That other one made me look cheap."

Submariner said...

The last time I saw something that looked like that, it was next to a pier, preventing hull damage...