Saturday, May 09, 2009

Scenes from a a wedding

Divine Miss M

1. Eat your heart out, Denise Richards.

2. Ironically, they met at a party on a pontoon boat.

3. "There is something about seeing a breast the size of your head that makes you forget important things." - Dave Sim, Cerebus

4. She's either going to smother him with affection, or just smother him.

5. Hey, she's got brown eyes. Why didn't I notice that before?

Best of prince of leaves
Later, in the bridal suite, the chaste Jasen would marvel at the feat of civil engineering/dressmaking it took to keep Denise's breasts off the floor.

Best of Van Helsing
"Honey, could you move your nose? It's blocking my view."

Best of Submariner
DRUDGEBREAKING:Spandex failure at reception leaves 16 suffering from whalebone shrapnel wounds.

Best of mega
Karen thought the wedding would be a good time to ask the all-important question, "So...what kinds of things turn you on?"

Best of mpur
Denise was right: Fun bags make excellent wedding gifts.

Best of Army of Dad
Some people to offense to the monogrammed towels we got Denise Davis-Dobson.

Best of flyovercountry
Groom thought bubble: Come on, let's get to the motel, I've got to enjoy these before they start dragging on the floor.

Best of Snowdog
Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge...tracts of land.

Best of steve o
Although the newlywed husband would later be tragically killed in a head-on collision, the bride would miraculously survive.

43 comments:

prince of leaves said...

Later, in the bridal suite, the chaste Jasen would marvel at the feat of civil engineering/dressmaking it took to keep Denise's breasts off the floor.

prince of leaves said...

"Remember, honey, the groomsmen have to have their rental tuxes back by noon tomorrow, and Sports Authority wants the basketballs returned by 5:00pm."

prince of leaves said...

Jasen's drunken best man further angered Denise when he insisted on toasting the couple with milk instead of champagne.

prince of leaves said...

When the couple danced their first dance at the reception, the groomsmen finally understood just what it was the 5'2" Jasen saw in Denise.

Van Helsing said...

"Honey, could you move your nose? It's blocking my view."

dub said...

Van Helsing said...
"Honey, could you move your nose? It's blocking my view."

Bravo!!!

Viking04 said...

At the end of the day, Jase really didn't give a damn that she was a Fembot.

Viking04 said...

Jase was so thankful that he had an inner monologue as he mentally exulted, "YES! They are MINE, ALL MINE! AH-HA-HA-HA!"

Viking04 said...

Six months later, while deployed, Jase remembered this moment, and he knew exactly what the Foxtrot he was fighting for.

Rodney Dill said...

The four of 'em are going to be so happy together

Adriane said...

White v. cream, choker v. tiara ... A wedding planner needs to keep abreast of all the fashion trends.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

No, he's not the groom;
he's the breast man.

Submariner said...

One thing was certain - as long as he kept her barefoot and pregnant, he'd never go hungry. Nor, for that matter, would the rest of the clan...

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

DRUDGEBREAKING:Spandex failure at reception leaves 16 suffering from whalebone stay wounds.

Developing...

Submariner said...

Wanna play "motorboat?"

Jay Guevara said...

Definitely a mammal. Yessir. Very definitely.

jeff said...

"Honey.... why do you keep looking me in the eye? I got them just for you!"

Robert said...

I'm going to hell for this and apologies to Lori and Reba Schappell but...

"After spending their lives conjoined at the head, the twins figured...'Eh, why not?'"

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

"In the event of a water landing, your wife can be used as a floation device."

mega said...

Man, Monica Lewinsky really got the last laugh, didn't she?

mega said...

Karen thought the wedding would be a good time to ask the all-important question, "So...what kinds of things turn you on?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Breast Augmentation Gone AwrySuccessful prosecution of pill-dispensing doctors emboldened the legislature to address another crime against nature: silicone-abusing plastic surgeons.

-OR-

In an America's Funniest Videos moment, a shelf bra that was expected to do way too much suddenly collapsed. As the dust settled and geologists recorded multiple aftershocks, rescuers unearthed a dazed wedding party from the rubble one floor down.

-OR-

Louise gives new meaning to the term "cow tipping" every time she tries to stand up.

mpur said...

Denise was right: Fun bags make excellent wedding gifts.


OR


Even the groom's mother didn't bother to ask why he married the tramp.

Rodney Dill said...

Cantilover

Submariner said...

Little known fact:
Shortly after "taking a load" off and sitting down, AoD was over heard saying to AoM "The head table gives me a great idea!" Then they skipped out on the meal and the dancing at their reception...

dub said...

In the unlikely event of a water landing....

Army of Dad said...

Some people to offense to the monogrammed towels we got Denise Davis-Dobson.

Army of Dad said...

Denise makes sure Jase finally looks her in the eyes.

Army of Dad said...

Well at least the dress won't get stained if she drops any food during the reception.

Army of Dad said...

"Denise" really should have told Jase before now that she was born as "Denny".

Army of Dad said...

The grooms cake was a jello mould.

Army of Dad said...

Everyone welcome the new Mr. & Mrs. Melon!

divine miss m said...

Behold the excellent work of renowned plastic surgeon Dr. Feintush.

steve o said...

Hair bag, with air bags.

steve o said...

Hair hag with air bags.

flyovercountry said...

Groom thought bubble:

Come on, let's get to the motel, I've got to enjoy these before they start dragging on the floor.

Snowdog said...

Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge...tracts of land.

-OR-

Don't get many of those to the pound, missus.

Adjustah said...

The honeymoon suite has Futurama, right?

dadoctah said...

Hey, she's got brown eyes. Why didn't I notice that before? Corrected version:

Hey, she's got a head. Why didn't I notice that before?

wv: copfflu. Like swine flu, but more political.

Mr. Hankey said...

Two good reasons to give away half of your money.

steve o said...

Although the newlywed husband would later be tragically killed in a head-on collision, the bride would miraculously survive.