Friday, May 15, 2009

Morbidly Heavy Metal



1. And then he yelled, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" and dove into the mosh pit. The casualties were massive.

2. Apparently, this 'Crazy Train' includes a dining car.

3. Fat, drunk and androgynous is no way to go through life son.

4. The hair extensions did nothing to hide James Hetfield's real problem.

5. Despite Tina Yothers best efforts, the part of Jim Morrison went to Val Kilmer.

Wicked Best of Mr Hankey
Back To The Future 2015 - Marty McFly takes to the stage at the "Enchantment Under The Sea" dance playing "Rape Me", then goes and sleeps with his mother & father.

Best of metalgarth
They new the risks when they took the gig as house band at the Old Country Buffet

Best of metalgarth
I'm not sure if I understand what Wynonna Judd is going for these days.

Best of Army of Dad
"Oh, oh, oh, oh, sweet pie of mine"

Best of jeff
"Stand clear the backblast area - she's gonna blow!"

Best of Julie the Jarhead
"BEEFCAKE!"

Best of prince of leaves
After twenty years and a hundred extra pounds, Romeo Void's reunion tour was not the draw the promoters had hoped for.

Best of ZACHARIEL - GAY ANGEL
While Laurie did not win Miss Tennessee, she did win Miss Congeniality.

Best of Matt the K
Heart just wasn't the same without both of the Wilson sisters.

Best of Matt the K
'Heavy Metal' best described the intricate series of bridge trusses required to hold up the stage.

Best of dadoctah
ObDaveBerry: "The Angry Weebles" would be a great name for a rock band.

Best of metalgarth
Misdirection. While all you monors are focused on the fat intercourse up front, you overlook the fact that the drummer is using the clothes of the homeless guy he just killed to dampen his bass drum

Best of Kaptain Krude
"one more thing V the Koward, I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian . the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick f*** you really are. And if I ever catch you eating any of my Ho-Ho's again, you'll be in big trouble, mister!"

63 comments:

Viking04 said...

Does your laxative kick in at the wrong time?

metalgarth said...

It's obvious this guy can't be considered a "starving artist"

metalgarth said...

They new the risks when they took the gig as house band at the Old Country Buffet

metalgarth said...

"The Biggest Loser" is not his favorite TV show. It's whoever is desperate enough to become his groupie

dub said...

V teh K said: Apparently, this 'Crazy Train' includes a dining car.




Best.Capshun.Evah

metalgarth said...

...and before someone else says it, I'm looking at you Matt the K, THIS IS NOT MY FAVORITE BAND!

dub said...

Thurzdayz Rock!

metalgarth said...

The Screaming Assholes of Death take the stage 3 seconds before it collapses

metalgarth said...

I'm not sure if I understand what Wynonna Judd is going for these days.

flyovercountry said...

After losing his job at a Pittsburgh Hooters, Joe grew his hair out and tried his luck at heavy metal.

He was a dismal failure at that endeavor also.

Army of Dad said...

Meatloaf Jr. tries out for the school band.

Army of Dad said...

Triple Bypass Metal is kind of like Death Metal, but with a larger hospital bill.

Army of Dad said...

Bizarro Axle Rose.

Army of Dad said...

"Oh, oh, oh, oh, sweet pie of mine"

Army of Dad said...

Hey hey hey, its Fat Axle!

Army of Dad said...

Pretty sure the only drug this rocker is on is marijuana...

Army of Dad said...

The Star Wars kid is still trying to find lasting fame.

metalgarth said...

I'M HUNGRY LIKE THE WOLFFFFFFFF!!!!!!

metalgarth said...

Needless to say his favorite Judas Priest album is "Sin after Sin" gluttony, gluttony, gluttony, gluttony, & gluttony.

metalgarth said...

but his favorite Queen album is ironically enough "Sheer Heart Attack"

jeff said...

Rats... someone took the Meatloaf joke already.

jeff said...

"Stand clear the backblast area - she's gonna blow!"

Julie the Jarhead said...

"BEEFCAKE!"

Mr. Hankey said...

'Heavy' Metal takes on a whole new meaning.

Comic Book Guy said...

And then he yelled, "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" and dove into the mosh pit. The casualties were massive.He is so not the Juggernaut, he is the Blob. Haven't you read X-Men #3?

Submariner said...

Meatloaf Jr. beats back the fans with his mic stand - yes indeedy do, Meatloaf Jr's fantasy life is amazingly vivid since he discovered PCP.

prince of leaves said...

After twenty years and a hundred extra pounds, Romeo Void's reunion tour was not the draw the promoters had hoped for.

Passionate Conservative said...

Wow. Charles Johnson has really let himself go.

sonicfrog said...

I was going to say that Meatloaf has really let himself go, but I think he's actually slimmed down a bit.

sonicfrog said...

And you wonder why Jeff Amet was so slow when trying to run away from the mugger.

sonicfrog said...

I didn't realize V took up singing....

sonicfrog said...

You think he's bad, you should see the guy he's fighting off with the mic stand!!!!!

mpur said...

More cowbell!

metalgarth said...

More cowbell!In his case, it's a Side of Beef Bell

ZACHARIEL - GAY ANGEL said...

While Laurie did not win Miss Tennessee, she did win Miss Congeniality.

Matt the K said...

"Too fat, too fat for love!" by Portly Crue

Matt the K said...

The drummer in Russell's band was so embarrassed he always found a conveniently placed cymbal to hide behind whenever the cameras came out.

Matt the K said...

Heart just wasn't the same without both of the Wilson sisters.



wv: dieta (!)

Matt the K said...

Ian's contract stipulated that only brown m&m's be served backstage. And for lunch, and for breakfast. And for dinner.

Matt the K said...

The fans collectively breathed a sigh of relief now that the band has moved out it's spandex phase.

Matt the K said...

Disgusted with the results of the excesses of his unhealthy lifestyle, Brian wisely took up heroin to drop the weight.

Matt the K said...

Ian doesn't wail into the mic, he *whales* into the mic.

Matt the K said...

'Heavy Metal' best described the intricate series of bridge trusses required to hold up the stage.

Anonymous said...

"Mom?"

Chrees said...

Meatloaf's younger brother, Lasagna

dadoctah said...

On a special installment of "Where Are They Now?", Pebbles and Bamm-Bamm unveil their updated version of "Let the Sun Shine In".

Submariner said...

I.DON'T.WANT.YOUR.FREAKIN.AFTER.DINNER.MINT!

Submariner said...

Enumclaw Dinner Theatre present:
"Eat Your F#@%ing Cornflakes!"

Mr Hanker said...

She's a whole lotta rosie.

Oiao said...

Meatloaf Redux? Not!

Matt the K said...

Very ORA: Son of Udo just asks that you ACCEPT him as he is.

Matt the K said...

"Eat my cherry pie, eat it all day, cry every night."
Fat, drunk Janie Lane just sings from the heart these days.

Matt the K said...

Ever since Tawny Kitaen left him, David Coverdale has been on a downhill slide...

Matt the K said...

For Sebastoan Bach, "Skid Row" morphs from band name to 'last known address'.

Matt the K said...

Pamela finally makes it onto American Idol by eating all the other other contestants.

Mr Hankey said...

More 'Taco' Bell!!!

Mr Hankey said...

Back To The Future 2015 - Marty McFly takes to the stage at the "Enchantment Under The Sea" dance playing "Rape Me", then goes and sleeps with his mother & father.

dadoctah said...

ObDaveBerry: "The Angry Weebles" would be a great name for a rock band.

steve o said...

Humpty Dumpty Lumpty totally ROCKS the 7th Grade at Dutton Township Elementary.



wv is also the name of their first album: suicidek

metalgarth said...

Misdirection. While all you monors are focused on the fat intercourse up front, you overlook the fact that the drummer is using the clothes of the homeless guy he just killed to dampen his bass drum

Submariner said...

"If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows."
Sam Kinnison

Kaptain Krude said...

"one more thing V the Koward, I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian . the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick f*** you really are. And if I ever catch you eating any of my Ho-Ho's again, you'll be in big trouble, mister!"

Kaptain Krude said...

I can see a pair of pies
by the dashboard light...