1. "I didn't get a 'harrumph' out of that man!"
2. Despite Biden's enthusiastic squealing like a pig, there were still no takers.
3. Plugs thought acting out the podium scene from Police Academy was the height of comic wit.
4. "Sorry, I thought I saw a sniper..."
5. Plugs couldn't believe Forrest Gump beat him at ping-pong and Trivial Pursuit.
Best of Oiao
"And I don't want any fuggin fancy mustard on that burger, got it?!
Best of Silhouette
"For the last time, I didn't reveal any national secrets, like that the nuclear launch code is 2187 or that our subs are right now in the harbor of St. Petersburg or that the Jefferson Memorial is hiding a vast sensor array."
Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
As the security detail looked on in stunned silence, the Vice President continued his heated debate with the invisible squirrel on the picnic table.
Best of Rodney Dill
SERENITY NOW!!!
Best of Submariner
Soylent Green is people, I tell ya!
Best of Whacko
"... and not only that but the President's bomb-proof bunker is at N38.56.18, W76.59.42. Ooops! Maybe that should have been off the record. Looks like I'll be in Time Out again!"
Best of Kaptain Krude
"...one more thing V the Koward, I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian . the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick f*** you really are." The identity of V the K's anonymous troll is finally revealed.
Best of dub
"LOOK!! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!! What's with all the black people all of a sudden??"
Best of Mr. Hankey
Doing his best Reverend Wright routine, Joe figures that he'll get back on Obama's good side.
Best of Army of Mom
Wow, Mr. Vice President. That is eerie. You really do resemble Bob Barker when you shout "the price is right!"
Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I saw you throw that!"
Best of Matt the K
Phil Hartman has risen from the dead, and he is PISSED!
68 comments:
Plugs' maintenance detachment prepare to insert the big key into his back and wind him up again after his spring wound down in mid-rant.
"And I don't want any fuggin fancy mustard on that burger, got it?!
After the cord was accidentally pulled fromn the back of his left shoe, it was revealed that the country IS really run by TPC robots.
Just as his Mother had warned, his face froze like that.
As soon as Jon Lovitz said 'Morgan Fairchild', Plugs knew that he had lost that round of "America's Greatest Liar".
"If you don't shut your mouth, I'm going to have Michelle kick your ass!"
"...and your little dog too!"
Tactful as always, Joe chose another solemn occasion for his Red Foxx heart attack impersonation - "I'm comin, lizbeth... I'm comin!"WordVerify: twite - red neck slang, e.g., ma sez I ain'twite what she expected, but thet beggars cain't be choosers
Where Plugs was when his laxative kicked in.
A little one-upmanship between Cheney and Biden ... Joe would later claim he didn't know the mike was on: "I tell you what... you remember that movie, DEEliverance? We need to drop those damn gitmo detainees into the backwoods and let the locals give 'em a serious case of whoop ass! That'll larn em!"
"For the last time, I didn't reveal any national secrets, like that the nuclear launch code is 2187 or that our subs are right now in the harbor of St. Petersburg or that the Jefferson Memorial is hiding a vast sensor array."
vw: clout (Okay, you're starting to convince me on the whole "vw = sentient" thing)
Black Secret Service agent to white Secret Service agent: "Man, that's a ripe one. Was that you?"
White Secret Service agent to black Secret Service agent: "Naw, that was the Vice-President. He put too much Grey Poupon on his cheeseburger at Ray's Hell Burger."
"You there! Get off my lawn!"
"Hey! That reporter is from Fox News! Get him!"
There were no kids on his lawn, but the Service quickly learned it was just easier to let him yell it out.
So I bent over the exam table, and the doctor came at me like THIS....
Pull my finger, or I'll veto your bill.
OMG! Is that woman over there wearing smiley face panties under her dress??
As the security detail looked on in stunned silence, the Vice President continued his heated debate with the invisible squirrel on the picnic table.
(VW = combre. Combre: a Mexican hair stylist.)
SERENITY NOW!!!
Slowly...the Secret Service agents kept backing up until Joe was left all alone.
Soylent Green is people, I tell ya!
I whoop ALL yo' a$$es... 'Ceptin' Ms. Thomas of course.
After Waldorf left to pursue a solo career, Statler was left to tour state fairs and auto shows with his Ray-Ban-wearing crew of backup dancers.
"... and not only that but the President's bomb-proof bunker is at N38.56.18, W76.59.42. Ooops! Maybe that should have been off the record. Looks like I'll be in Time Out again!"
"...one more thing V the Koward, I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian . the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick f*** you really are." The identity of V the K's anonymous troll is finally revealed.
But then it turned out that he had plagiarized it from somebody else.
"LOOK!! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!! What's with all the black people all of a sudden??"
"Joe and The Biden Boys" performing their hit single "I Get By with a Little Help from Depends"
Doing his best Reverend Wright routine, Joe figures that he'll get back on Obama's good side.
The brave Joe Biden tells Dick Chaney "exactly how it is" --- from a safe distance of 3 miles and surrounded by Secret Service.
I did not have sex with that Klingon!
"OMG! That woman with the heart pasties is a huge lard-ass!"
Please sir, may I have another? Pledging at the White House most certainly includes hazing.
Wow, Mr. Vice President. That is eerie. You really do resemble Bob Barker when you shout "the price is right!"
Heard off camera: The price is wrong, bitch!
"KAAAAAHHHHHHNNNN!"
If Pelosi DID know about the waterboarding, it was Bush's fault she voted for it...
"You there, in the front row... Call it, heads or tails... just like hoe we decided on the bailouts, closing Gitmo, and our Messiah's choice of dog..."
hoe = how
:)
Security guy #1: "I think the Vice President is choking on a raisin!"
Security guy #2: "You never know where that next glimmer of hope is gonna come from, man..."
"I saw you throw that!"
"I want to speak to the MF'er who cancelled Mr. Belvedere right NOW!"
"Using the whole arm there, doc?"
He may not be the best Vice President, but boy, can he ever keep a bead on a shot duck.
"As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL battle station!"
"Wish oneofya has ma *burp* car keysh, dammit?"
Many Secret Service agents - one thought bubble: "What a dick."
"Hey, is that an effing Starbucks?! Last time I was there, it was Katie's diner."
Biden occasionally liked to take the secret service guys out back and pretend to be a Vice President with authority.
"And if you look right over there, it's where we keep the secret launch codes for the nuclear weapons." Biden enjoyed spending time with camera crews from the TV networks.
Obama can run, but he can't hide from Joe.
It's best to follow the Secret Service guidelines and not smoke or make personal calls when you're on the job. Punishment duty is no joke.
Joe demonstrates his knowledge of national security by playing Army, and taking out the Finkelstein kid with one shot.
"Goddammit, there goes the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, out to a power lunch with major world leaders. Ah, whatever guys, take me back to my basement office for my afternoon nap."
Another White House Special Olympics moment.
"And I want you to memorize every last line of that Futurama episode!"
"No Mr. Bond....I expect you to die"
LOL on the last one Mr. Hankey. Well said.....
No, that Clinton b**** was not in line for my job, I was in line for hers!
I'll tell you about torture McCain...try sitting for three f***ing hours for photo ops while listening to that wife of his hork down a super bird at Denny's!
That one! The towel-head right over there! He served me my Slurpy at 7-11 last night.
Have YOU seen my red stapler?
"You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! You were right - he is a goddamned Kenyan!"
"No soup for you!!!!"
Joe kept screaming something about the Invisible Man... He's got me... from behind! Nobody paid any attention, thinking Joe was just being nutty as usual. The Invisible Man thought to himself... Joe's not nuts. Not today at least. He's my bitch. Now clench bitch! Clench!
After the full body cavity search, this will be a true Memorial Day for the Mr. Plugs.....
I TOLD you he was going to be tested. SEE I WAS RIGHT!
Oh crap...
Phil Hartman has risen from the dead, and he is PISSED!
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