1. Three more kids dropped dead of swine flu just from looking at the 8:27 a.m. post.
2. Two hours into Obama's speech... "... and then, on the 4th day of my administration."
3. Little noticed in the hype of the "Swine Flu Epidemic," numerous outbreaks of "Grasping Ennui."
4. Due to a Teleprompter glitch, Chairman Zero's audience was forced to listen to him repeat the phrase "System Reset" with great conviction over and over again for forty-five minutes.
5. "This is lamest 'Lesbian Wedding Field Trip' yet."
Best of Jay Guevara
Kid with flag over his face: "God, never ask Obama a question that he has to answer off the cuff!"
Best of flyovercountry
The kids didn't really understand why their parents gave them American and Mexican flags to wave at the Obama speech, but the parents understood that within four years, it will be just like living in Mexico.
Best of Jack Reacher
The boys suddenly realized that they each bore $83,000 of the national debt.
Best of dadoctah
"Hey, I know what let's do! Let's go beat up on some Canadian kids!"
Best of GregMan
What the hell, just buzz 'em with Air Force One. That'll wake the little bastards up.
Best of Silhouette
Maybe international competitive knitting wasn't the best choice for a spectator sport.
Best of mpur
Oh, man! Are you seriously telling us that all it takes to close the border with Mexico is a velvet rope?
Best of Army of Mom
Dude, this X you scored for us is awesome. This rope is sooooooo soft!
Best of Matt the K
After the latest failed ad campaign, the Mexico Department of Tourism begrudgingly decided to portray the siesta crowd in the traditional pancho and sombrero getups.
Best of mega
"....and I need you to go out and get in their faces, and when you see those bitter right wing flag-wavers, glue their heads to the nearest rope-line, and..."