Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Something Else for the Ladies

SnowSnake
1. Just when the judges thought it couldn't get worse, he announced his song choice was "I'm a Little Teapot."

2. Burt cruised to an easy victory when he answer Perez Hilton's question about his position on gay marriage with, "Meet my in my dressing room and I'll show it to you."

3. The runner-up in the How Big Is Hillary's Ass competition was beaten out by a Lowland gorilla with Marfan's Syndrome.

4. *That* Jean-Luc Picard simply said to the Cardassians, "Four lights, five lights, who cares? Introduce me to that magnificent stud in the red and white speedos and I'll tell you whatever you want to know."

5. If it happens at GITMO, it's torture. When it happens in front of a national broadcast audience, it's entertainment. I just don't get the left.

Best of CO of Fort Housewife
"Are you not entertained?"
*throws down sword*

Best of Capt. Queeg
"♫ I dreamed a dreeeaaamm..♫" - Folsom Street's Got Talent

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Yeah, I'm a flasher, so what? My son's a Bergen County Sheriff!

Best of metalgarth
Watch me pull a rabbit out of my...

Best of molson
Mein eyes! They burn!

Best of Andy
"I AM, I SAID! I AM, SAID I!"

Best of dadoctah
Everyone was a little surprised when they found out the direction Susan Boyle's makeover had taken.

Best of racerboy
"It's really easy, you can all sing along if you want. 'So I saaaay I gotta be freeee....So I say I gotta be meeeeee!'"

Best of robert
♫ I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity. Any girl who isn't me tonight...♫

Best of Jack Reacher
Organizers tried everything to increase attendance at Bingo Night, including semi-clad number-callers.

Best of mega
Sure, there was a time when Steyn could grab the mic and talk about global jihad and instantly get everyone's attention, without the stripping part.

Best of Matt the K
Chuck Norris has *really* let himself go.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Principal Littlefield really hated losing those bets made by his students. This one, however, made him feel strangely... liberated.

Best of Adjustah
Please. Please. Please. Would somebody turn on Futurama?

39 comments:

CO of Fort Housewife said...

"Are you not entertained?"
*throws down sword*

Capt. Queeg said...

"♫ I dreamed a dreeeaaamm..♫" - Folsom Street's Got Talent

Barco Sin Vela II said...

NBC's In Livid Color:
Welcome to my nightmare!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

A bad economy forced televangelist Ishmael Blunt to hold a good vs evil telethon with believers voting with their pocketbooks. Does he drop trow or stay covered? Dial 1-800-555-GOOD or 1-800-666-EVIL. Standard text messaging rates apply.
Oh lordy, please don't let evil win.-OR-

Wardrobe Malfunction - u r doing it wrong!

WordVerify: suboodem - ghettospeak for "some of them"

Mr. Hankey said...

Welcome to the party Senator Specter!!!

Mr. Hankey said...

We're just like you!!!!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Yeah, I'm a flasher, so what? My son's a Bergen County Sheriff!

Army of Dad said...

dub's performance of "I just gotta be me!" left a lot to be desired, like being fully clothed.

metalgarth said...

Watch me pull a rabbit out of my...

molson said...

Mein eyes! They burn!

Silhouette said...

Dang, that sheriff looked better when I was drunk.

Mr. Hankey said...

Bill was the national poster boy for inflamed crotch syndrome - and proud of it!!

Army Of Dad said...

I dont care what you guys say, I think he's dreamy.

dub said...

Never, ever ask "where da white men at".

dub said...

What happens in Carl's speedo stays in Carl's speedo.

Mr. Hankey said...

Most people are disgusted by the self-mutilation of the Ellen Jamesians, but Carl is proud of the bloody mess.

Mr. Hankey said...

Opening night of "John Wayne Bobbitt - The Musical" was the hit of Broadway.

Andy said...

"I AM, I SAID! I AM, SAID I!"

dadoctah said...

Everyone was a little surprised when they found out the direction Susan Boyle's makeover had taken.

divine miss m said...

Song and dunce man.

racerboy said...

"It's really easy, you can all sing along if you want. 'So I saaaay I gotta be freeee....So I say I gotta be meeeeee!'"

robert said...

♫ I feel pretty, Oh, so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright! And I pity. Any girl who isn't me tonight...♫

For another dollar, you get the full monty.

Nothing comes between me and my Calvins.

Abercrombie & Fitch - Now in Plus Sizes!

Matt the K said...

In Russia, jockstrep wears you!!

Jack Reacher said...

Organizers tried everything to increase attendance at Bingo Night, including semi-clad number-callers.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Patron in front row overheard whispering - "Looks like Ted's testicles finally descended... musta brought a lung and half his liver along with 'em."

WordVerify: bastry- generic term for mincemeat pies and blood puddings

mega said...

Sure, there was a time when Steyn could grab the mic and talk about global jihad and instantly get everyone's attention, without the stripping part.

dadoctah said...

Presenting "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Banana Hammock"!

Matt the K said...

Chuck Norris has *really* let himself go.

sonicfrog said...

Expectations of the Broadway set are low for the new Andrew Lloyd Weber show "Fatman Of The Opera".

Army of Dad said...

Good to see the phantom Army of Dad/dub is back...how sad for you.

Kaptain Krude said...

Principal Littlefield really hated losing those bets made by his students. This one, however, made him feel strangely... liberated.

Adjustah said...

Please. Please. Please. Would somebody turn on Futurama?

Rodney Dill said...

"I been corrected in Bergen County!"

(WV: bledisco)

Rodney Dill said...

"See... I shaved my legs and wreck'd 'em."

dub said...

And you too can have a body like this. It only takes 2 minutes a day!

dub said...

Ta-daaaaa...the source of the latest flu outbreak.

Submariner said...

Tim instantly regretted telling Al to "Lose the flannel..."

Submariner said...

♪Mammy; How I love ya, how I love ya, my dear ol' mammy!♪

Submariner said...

Nothin' up my briefs;
Ta - DAAAAA!
I TOLD you there was nothin' up my briefs...