1. "OK, I got the Star Crunches, I got the red wine, I got the condoms. What did I forget? Oh, yeah... the girl!"
2. "Oh, God, please, if you're out there, please help cure me of my compulsive masturbating."
3. The last thing Billy remembered was Barney Frank saying, "Here, have some Kool-Aid," then waking up on a picnic table at a rest stop in Worcester.
4. Billy had a ways to go in learning the manly art of the discreet Minor Penile Adjustment (or MPA).
5. After that incident, Billy was never forced to attend a family picnic again.
Best of Jack Reacher
A scene from the Al Bundy Summer Camp.
Best of Jack Reacher
"Okay, concentrate...Jeanene Garofalo? Nope, I get nothing. Chelsea Clinton? Nada. Maureen Dowd? Ooops, just threw up a little bit of Star Crunch in my mouth on that one."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
You know it's cheap booze when Little Debbie turns you on.
Best of Buzzhead
What? You didn't know that Star Crunches are an auto-erotic aphrodisiac?
Best of metalgarth
10 minutes after putting Ceiling Cat to the test, a giant claw came slashing and Billy learned what the word 'smite' meant
Best of dadoctah
All of us are lying in the gutter; some of us are looking at the stars; and a select few of us are all engorged and tingly.
Best of Mr. Hankey
Playing Neil Diamond music affects different people in different ways.
31 comments:
Man, I thought they were kidding when they called her 'Crabgirl'.
A scene from the Al Bundy Summer Camp.
"Okay, concentrate...Jeanene Garofalo? Nope, I get nothing. Chelsea Clinton? Nada. Maureen Dowd? Ooops, just threw up a little bit of Star Crunch in my mouth on that one."
Pocket Pool in the MoonlightWith the camera flash, Markie scrapped his original "What I did on Summer Vacation" idea.
When he learned a viral video of his self-pleasuring had been set to music*, he dropped out of school entirely and joined the army.
*listen to the words... so apropos!
Summer Camp Counselor's Practical Joke #27Graciously let the new counselor boink Easy Edna in the poison ivy, then swap his calamine lotion with NAIR.
Mother: Gerald, what the hell are you doing on our picnic table?!?Gerald: Sorry, Ma, Carpe Phlogiston posted more Kate Beckinsale pictures on CaptionThis!
Confucius says: You know it's cheap booze when Little Debbie turns you on.
Don't mind him - he's just letting you know he likes you.
Is that a rabbit in your pants?
Trevor thought he'd never find a girl who shared his picnic table fetish. Then he saw the CapThis! masthead, and vowed to find the woman on the right - even if it took the rest of his life.
What? You didn't know that Star Crunches are an auto-erotic aphrodisiac?
At least we know that he has wood.
While most "redneck" people would be repulsed by the thought of a threesome with Barack Obama and Janeane Garofalo, Billy, being an out of touch with reality Obama voter, got a little carried away with his fantasy.
Tom was depressed as he felt around for what wasn't there. "Goddammit, I shouldn't have listened to my parents and had that sex change op when I was four."
Elton John's idea of a picnic lunch.
vw: wheepood
Star Crunchies are made of oysters - who knew?
"There? No.
How about, uh, nope.
Maybe over this way a little? No"
Well at least some things are still free... for now.
10 minutes after putting Ceiling Cat to the test, a giant claw came slashing and Billy learned what the word 'smite' meant
All of us are lying in the gutter; some of us are looking at the stars; and a select few of us are all engorged and tingly.
Before entering his first senatorial campaign, young Dick Durbin had to pre-confirm that he would fit in the Democratic party by having no balls.
Getting in touch with himself always made Billy feel a little cocky.
Well, I guess now we know where Star Crunch cream filling comes from.
Playing Neil Diamond music affects different people in different ways.
We've replaced Billy usual snack with ecstasy infused Star Crunchies, let's see if he notices.
Where will you be when your Viagra kicks in?
Hide and go seek at the Frank house involved and unusual counting ritual.
After an entire bottle of Shiraz, Billy tries his hand at porn astronomy.
After a night with Rosie, Billy reaches down & confirms that the myth is true -- they do have teeth down there.
Be vewy vewy quite.... I'm hunting wabbet.
Uhm, Billy, they do call it pocket pool for a reason. Like, using your pockets, for instance....
"I don't get it, what's the big deal about this wine flu?"
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