Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Bad News, Dad


1. Dad, I hope you weren't counting on that football scholarship.

2. "This just doesn't feel right. Let me try on the lime green banana-sling."

3. "Are the volcano gods pleased, yet, Governor Palin? Or should I just keep dancing until Mt. Redoubt gets quiet? All right, I'll keep dancing."

4. "It was your bank that took the bailout money, Dad. I don't see why I should have to be the one who gets in the limo with Congressman Frank."

5. "I know some coaches think it helps to send their teams to dance classes, but pole-dancing at the Blue Oyster Bar?"

Best of The Man
Obama's gift giving is improving, said Rep. Barney Frank.

Best of Tim
The rainbow warriors do two a days to improve their football choreography.

Best of flyovercountry
Billy didn't appreciate the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy of the armed services, so he decided to tell in a more subtle way when he fell out for the forced march dressed like Elton John.

Best of Matt the K
This week on "Survivor: NAMBLA", immunity could mean a night off of hut-sharing for Tyler.

Best of GregMan
Bruce's ennui had such a hold on him that even a necklace of pretty butterflies didn't help.

Best of Submariner
Thought bubble; "I am NEVER going to tell anyone what happened at Band Camp..."

Best of Army of Mom
Auditions for the newest reality show "Who wants to boink a cougar?" had some talent.

Best of Army of Dad
The NAMBLA father son picnic had a decidedly different meaning for 'Three Legged and Sack races'.

Best of mpur
Having exhausted the talk show circuit, Levi Johnson branches out to other venues.

36 comments:

The Man said...

Obama's gift giving is improving, said Rep. Barney Frank.

Tim said...

The rainbow warriors do two a days to improve their football choreography.

Tim said...

The line between the gymnasts and the cheer squad is typically a rainbow

Tim said...

In Eumnclaw, Testicle Tuesday is typically initiated with a rousing parade!

metalgarth said...

Tryouts to become Darth Vader's "secret apprentice" were much more colorful after he got his new armor

flyovercountry said...

Billy didn't appreciate the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy of the armed services, so he decided to tell in a more subtle way when he fell out for the forced march dressed like Elton John.

Matt the K said...

This week on "Survivor: NAMBLA", immunity could mean a night off of hut-sharing for Tyler.

dub said...

Thought bubble: "Holy crap...could the coaches stance be any wider?"

Army of Dad said...

HAKA DANCE: FAIL!

GregMan said...

Bruce's ennui had such a hold on him that even a necklace of pretty butterflies didn't help.

GregMan said...

Lance was crushed to learn that someone else had bought the orange 2-door station wagon he had his eyes on.

wv: subby - I kid you not

GregMan said...

What happens in Vermont, stays in Vermont.

molson said...

AmeriCorps adopts a new uniform.

paul said...

I won't touch the Queen, but can I touch Prince Harry?

Submariner said...

DRUDGEBREAKING:

Iowa State tryouts began this year with a bit of a twist.

Developing...

Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "Why's he kissing HER? I'm TWICE the man she is..."

Submariner said...

I bet Coach wouldn't a said that to me if I had hips like M'chel...

Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "I am NEVER going to tell anyone what happened at Band Camp..."

Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "WHOA! Talk about your low hangin' fruit!"

Army of Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Mom said...

Army of Dad always brings me the best gifts.

Army of Mom said...

All you guys are right. Those rainbow flower things look gay. Wad 'em up and throw 'em in the floor. With me on you, no one will ever accuse you of being gay.

Army of Mom said...

Army of Mom: Now serving No. 2.

No. 2, you're next in line. Assume the position.

Army of Mom said...

Auditions for the newest reality show "Who wants to boink a cougar?" had some talent.

As casting director, I take my role very seriously.

Army of Mom said...

Timon spoke words of wisdom in the Lion King:

Luau! If you're hungry for hunk of fat and juicy meat,
Eat my buddie Timmy here cuz he is a treat! Come on down and dine on a tasty guy,
all you gotta do is get in line. Are ya achin'?
Yup Yup Yup
For some bacon?
Yup Yup Yup
He's a big kid, You can be a big kid too! Oy!

dadoctah said...

It's not your father's LDS.

Kaptain Krude said...

"I don't get it. One little comment on how that chick wasn't drawing her bow correctly, and I wind up here."

Army of Dad said...

"Ugh! Why won't anyone let me tell them about Ron Paul!?"

Army of Dad said...

No Tom, it's cool. You look much less gay than the guy with blonde pig tails.

Army of Dad said...

San Francisco has some unusual rights of passage for young men.

Army of Dad said...

The NAMBLA father son picnic had a decidedly different meaning for 'Three Legged and Sack races'.

Army of Dad said...

Tom thought sneaking into the nudist camp woudl be cool, but couldn't erase the sight of his parents.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

I just don't get it. The old chick with the high forehead seemed to want it. She SAID she wanted it. And then all she does is throw butterfly rings at my head?

Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "Do It All For You Dolly. Yeah, right."

mpur said...

Having exhausted the talk show circuit, Levi Johnson branches out to other venues.