Friday, April 17, 2009

Affirmative Action Life Guard FAIL!

Silhouette
1. "Oh, crap... the souls of those I've wronged have returned to drag me into the lake of damnation... again."

2. The real reason Charles Widmore was exiled from the island... forgetting to seal the hatch on the submarine.

3. "Who wants candy?"

4. "So, the hands represent the public drowning in a sea of deficits and the befuddled old man represents... the government? the media? the international Jewish conspiracy? What?" --- Even Pat Oliphant's editors didn't understand what he was trying to say any more.

5. Earl would come to regret spending his vacation at Lake Zombie.

Best of Army of Dad
"Nope, none of them are Jesus either."

Best of metalgarth
Tim Burton and David Lynch present 'Aquaman'

Best of flyovercountry
Al Gore's vision of the world in 10 years. No more land, and everyone has gills, except John McCain, who likes to feed the very few who voted for him.

Best of dub
REPENT FOR THE WICKEDNESS THAT HAS BECOME YOUR LIFE! REPENT FOR BEING SICK INTERCOURSES! REPENT FOR TAKING THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN! REPENT FOR....FOR....uh oh, I think I just crapped my pants.

Best of Jack Reacher
"If this water level doesn't rise, everyone's gonna know what I did last summer."

Best of dadoctah
Dr Evil sends his three surviving genetic engineers in for one more try. This time, *someone* had better produce a shark with a frickin' laser beam on its head!

Best of prince of leaves
A disturbing scene from the new film of H.G. Wells' lost prequel, "The Quaint Lakeside Summer Cottage of Doctor Moreau".

Best of dub
World Record Bukkake...SUMTHIN LIKE THAT.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Goodbye, little buddy!"Finally, the Skipper decided the hell with everyone, stole the professor's raft, christened it Minnow2, caught a good wave and drifted away from that damned uncharted desert island as the others desperately tried to follow. The End.

Best of Mr. Hankey
"Simon Says...Stop Drowning. Ooooh Sally didn't stop drowning so she's out of the game."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"You damn punk kids get off my damn lawn!"

Best of Rodney Dill
Larry still had never decided between boxers and briefs, let alone who to save first.

59 comments:

Army of Dad said...

Let's al give him a hand!

Army of Dad said...

Even in his old age, Snape never wanted to call on Hermione's children.

Army of Dad said...

Howie Mandel tried desperately to figure out which arm has the million dollar case attached to it.

Army of Dad said...

ManShark: Terror in the lakes, next on Sci-Fi!

Army of Dad said...

"Eenie meanie miny mo..."

Army of Dad said...

"One of these hands is not like the other, one of these hands just doesn't belong..."

Army of Dad said...

"Trick or treat, drown at my feet who wants something good to eat?"

Army of Dad said...

(for AoM)

Come sail away, come sail away.
Oh for heavens sake just sail away with him already!

Army of Dad said...

I wonder if I should give them the inflatable life jackets in the plastic bag?

Army of Dad said...

"Nope, none of them are Jesus either."

Army of Dad said...

Synchronized drowning at the Special Olympics. Winners never repeat.

Army of Dad said...

Are daft? Help them onto the raft!

metalgarth said...

Budget cuts to the Olympic Synchronized Swimming Team became appearant in 2024

metalgarth said...

Tim Burton and David Lynch present 'Aquaman'

Anonymous said...

The recuring nightmare of Ted Kennedy is unfortunately still not making sense to him as he prepairs to fire another psychoanalist.

Chewman said...

The taxpayers underwater now know the feeling of how social security payroll taxes are going to feel in a few years.

flyovercountry said...

Al Gore's vision of the world in 10 years. No more land, and everyone has gills, except John McCain, who likes to feed the very few who voted for him.

flyovercountry said...

Hey guys, I think you overloaded your boat.

dub said...

REPENT FOR THE WICKEDNESS THAT HAS BECOME YOUR LIFE! REPENT FOR BEING SICK INTERCOURSES! REPENT FOR TAKING THE LORDS NAME IN VAIN! REPENT FOR....FOR....uh oh, I think I just crapped my pants.

Jack Reacher said...

"Whaddya know. Those seat-cushion flotation aids? Not all that effective."

Jack Reacher said...

"If this water level doesn't rise, everyone's gonna know what I did last summer."

Mr. Hankey said...

The witch doesn't float...but does she weigh the same as a duck?

Mr. Hankey said...

Noah's raft just didn't have the same effect.

mpur said...

And Bob thought that watching his grandchildren drown in debt was just a metaphor.

dadoctah said...

"Make up your damn minds. Did you come here to screw around or did you come here to fish?"

dadoctah said...

Dr Evil sends his three surviving genetic engineers in for one more try. This time, *someone* had better produce a shark with a frickin' laser beam on its head!

Mr. Hankey said...

More would-be saviors...

Anonymous said...

The DNC chairman conducts a group interview for the 2016 democratic presidential nominee.

prince of leaves said...

A disturbing scene from the new film of H.G. Wells' lost prequel, "The Quaint Lakeside Summer Cottage of Doctor Moreau".

prince of leaves said...

Even calling Mark Spitz out of retirement was no use - there was just no teaching the reincarnation of Kali how to swim.

Mr. Hankey said...

2010 - The Professor finally makes a damn boat, but Gilligan, Skipper and all the rest keep falling off.

Mr. Hankey said...

Looking to take on the Chinese, Fred started his own synchronized swimming school out in the late.

dub said...

Depends...URS R LEEKIN!!

dub said...

World Record Bukkake...SUMTHIN LIKE THAT.

dub said...

This is taking your pee fetish just a little bit too far grandpa.

Matt the K said...

Why the Olympic Games will never be held in Latvia.

Matt the K said...

Summer fun at Camp Jonestown, Guyana.

Matt the K said...

Huckleberry Dimm.

Matt the K said...

ORA:
"We're so sorry Uncle Albert, that we ruined your microphone recording underwater."

Matt the K said...

Proud Larry keep on rollin'

Carpe Phlogiston said...

"Goodbye, little buddy!"Finally, the Skipper decided the hell with everyone, stole the professor's raft, christened it Minnow2, caught a good wave and drifted away from that damned uncharted desert island as the others desperately tried to follow. The End.

jj said...

Man, Kevin Costner has really let himself go.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

We have sad news to report - Approx. 90% of the cast drowned in a botched attempt to demonstrate that the Verizon Network could help a senior citizen chat with his grandkid Timmy from the middle of Lake Erie.

Mr. Hankey said...

"Simon Says...Stop Drowning. Ooooh Sally didn't stop drowning so she's out of the game."

Adjustah said...

Games at the AIG 2009 Summer Party.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Now, I'm supposed to be doing something. Uh - can't think of what it is. So many distractions. And what the hell is up with all of these hands?" Frank's Alzheimer's picked an unfortunate time to kick in.

Kaptain Krude said...

"When I damned well say I'm not interested in Ron damn Paul, you damn punk kids better damn BELIEVE I'm not damn interested in Ron damn Paul!"

Kaptain Krude said...

"You damn punk kids get off my damn lawn!"

Kaptain Krude said...

Mr. Wilson had finally had enough of that Mitchell kid and his little followers Joey, Margaret, and Gina. Truth to tell, he'd even had enough of Mrs. Wilson, too.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Let's see those jazz hands. Jazz hands, damnit, or you'll never see these Easter Peeps again!"

Dactyl said...

Worst synchronized swimming coach ever.

Rodney Dill said...

Larry still had never decided between boxers and briefs, let alone who to save first.

Matt the K said...

No, no, no! You call those Jazz Water Hands?!!...Once more from the top!

Kaptain Krude said...

Larry's Swimming for Deaf-Mute Kids Classes ran into a little snag.

Anonymous said...

At the annual Christ reunion following the walk on water event, uncle Jimmy once again contemplates the widely held belief of him actually being the last scion.

Rodney Dill said...

"Get thee to Nineveh."

Matt the K said...

"Hmmm...lets see. Yeah, the see-ment blocks should have been heavy enough...aw damn, them ropes was too short!"

--Why there is no Mafia in South Carolina.

Matt the K said...

"Errr... I meant too long! Always get them two messed up."

Submariner said...

ORA?

Chumming at Lake Placid was a full-contact sport...