Monday, March 30, 2009

Grope and Cringe


1. Desperate to reignite their former passion, Obama blows softly into Plugs's ear.

2. "OMG, it's so big. It must fifty trillion inches long." Math was never Plug's strong suit.

3. The other reason Joe Biden's nickname is "Plugs."

4. "Joe, it's okay. That word 'niggardly' doesn't mean what you apparently think it means."

5. "Joe, you is my woman, now, you is."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Um, Barack, that is not where da white women at."

Best of BOO
"Joe, Michelle just called. We're on for that threesome tonight."

Best of Matt the K
{guffaw}...Mongo straight!

Best of duke of red
"Pssst... Tell your daughter, if she needs more blow, look me up."

Best of Army of Dad
Joe: "Hey why not, he is clean, attractive and articulate!"

Best of Whacko
"Joe, I'm making everyone in America my biatch, starting with you."

Best of molson
Unlike the American taxpayer, Joe gets a little kiss before taking another one for the team.

Best of steve o
...but the guy who messed around with the teleprompter script was fired.
And then secretly rehired.

64 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...

Jack Reacher said...

"Plagiarize this, big boy."

Jack Reacher said...

"Check out my Barry White impression."

Jack Reacher said...

...blah blah stimulus package blah blah...

Jack Reacher said...

"Um, Barack, that is not where da white women at."

dadoctah said...

The Heimlich maneuver successfully completed, both men stared down at what they later described as "like Ann Coulter, only a lot wetter".

Oiao said...

"Joe, don't mind my hand in your, um, pocket. Just looking for some, um, auh, change in your big boy."

BOO said...

"Joe, Michelle just called. We're on for that threesome tonight."

Rodney Dill said...

Welcome to the Darkside of the TOTUS

Matt the K said...

{guffaw}...Mongo straight!

duke of red said...

"I'ma make you my prison bitch."

&

"Squeal like a peeyugg, bhoyyy."

duke of red said...

"Mr. President, I do NOT have the 'worst @$$ since Herbert Hoover'".

duke of red said...

"Pssst... Tell your daughter, if she needs more blow, look me up."

duke of red said...

"That's right, Joe. When I send you over to North Korea, I'm gonna introduce Jill to my black snake. ... Who's not ready to be president NOW, b!Tch?"

metalgarth said...

Carl asks Principal Skinner to help 'straighten out his Longfellow' since Lenny was out of town for the weekend

jj said...

Not even the courtesy of a reach-around.

Jack Bauer said...

I wish I could quit you

Army of Dad said...

Spend me tender, spend me true...

Army of Dad said...

Joe: "Hey why not, he is clean, attractive and articulate!"

Army of Dad said...

Joe: "brown sugar, how come you taste so good..."

Army of Dad said...

I don't know nothing about birthing no economy!

Army of Dad said...

Mr. President, you are going to have to keep at least six inches of space between you and your dance partner.

Army of Dad said...

I guess we know where BO and JOe like to make whoopie.

ORA: Dat itd be da butt, bob!

Army of Dad said...

BO: "How did you like the horse head? Don't even think about fucking with me about my birth certificate ever again."

Army of Dad said...

Don't worry Joe, you will get used to dirty politics-Chicago style!

Army of Dad said...

When I think about you I touch Joe Biden.

Army of Dad said...

ORA(prarphrase): "Hey Michele, I'm fucking Joe Biden"

Army of Dad said...

"Hey Joe, I think that is a Greek flag so doesn't that mean we have to do it Greek style?"

Army of Dad said...

"How do you like Air Force One?"

Army of Dad said...

"Joe, you always stimulate my package."

Matt the K said...

"Bitch!?!-- Is that Obsession?! Now we both know damn well you wear Axe!! Who is he?!!!!"

Mr. Hankey said...

Having already picked the hairs off of the heads of reporters in the front row - Obama begins grooming Joe's ears.

Mr. Hankey said...

Some days you just can't get that monkey off your back.

Jay Guevara said...

"Love to love you, baby..."

Jay Guevara said...

"I bet you say that to all the Democrat apparatchiks."

"No, no, baby, I really mean it."

Army of Mom said...

I CAN HAZ REACHAROUND

Army of Mom said...

Gimme some sugar, baby!

Yep, he's the Army of Darkness alright.

Army of Mom said...

Now, cough Joe.

You've got nothing if you don't have your health. What? This isn't prostate self-exam month? Oh, my bad.

Army of Mom said...

Joe, is that a lobbyist in your pocket or are you happy to see me?

Army of Mom said...

Shhh. We've replaced BO's concubine with Joe Biden. Lets see if he notices.

Army of Mom said...

ALL UR STIMULUS BELONG TO ME

Submariner said...

Joe; "15 schnitzengrubens is my limit, baby..."

Submariner said...

Joe; "OH! It's twue. It's twue!"

Submariner said...

BO whispering; "SAD moment, dipshit. No smiles. Think of your retirement fund, your children marrying one of us, the Republicans winning in 12, working for Hillary instead of me..."

Submariner said...

BO: "I want rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists."
Joe: [finding pen and paper] "Could you repeat that, sir?"

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Ooooh, Joe, that's a bigun! Don't forget to start your 4-hour timer... and keep that thing away from the paparazzi.
"Where will you be when the viagra kicks in?"

Submariner said...

♪My hands in your pocket, I'm stuck up your tush.♪
♪Your hands on your hips, give me a push.♪
♪You'll be surprised, you're being done by the American Mistake.♪
Voila!

Submariner said...

Joe's thought bubble; "C'mon laxative - KICK IN!"

Army of Dad said...

Whistle while you work(at destroying America, her economy and all she stands for).

Submariner said...

But Barak, all I wanted was a shrubbery...

Mr. Hankey said...

"Don't fret Joe. Nothing to worry about. These are our friends...the national media."

Whacko said...

"Joe, I'm making everyone in America my biatch, starting with you."

Pendark said...

Whispers: I swear to god Biden, one word about the whole taxation in 2011 thing and I'll rip your f****** nuts off...you hear me?

Pendark said...

If you know what's good for you, you'll keep your mouth shut about the party last night.

Jay Guevara said...

Since we're on a Blazing Saddles bender:

"One false move and the nigger gets it."

dadoctah said...

The joint Stevie Wonder-Paul McCartney impression on "Ebony and Ivory" was the hit of karaoke night. Then they had to go and spoil it with their encore of "The Girl Is Mine".

jj said...

Biden: That's not how I got the nickname Plugs...

Jay Guevara said...

"Mr. Soros wants you in his office - NOW."

molson said...

Unlike the American taxpayer, Joe gets a little kiss before taking another one for the team.

steve o said...

...but the guy who messed around with the teleprompter script was fired.

And then secretly rehired.

steve o said...

Another Obama Presidential first.

steve o said...

Anyone trying this with Cheney would probably catch a face full of bird-shot.

mpur said...

ORA: "Well, did you jump?"
"A little at first, but you get used to it."

Submariner said...

Is you my baby or is you ain't?