Monday, March 09, 2009

Don't Mess with the Lunch Lady


1. Serving arugula while the Titanic lists heavily to port, an excellent metaphor for the Obama administration.

2. "Soylent tater tots are made out of capitalist counter-revolutionaries!"

3. "Streetman" Taylor couldn't help thinking of all the Thunderbird he could buy after he sold his picture of Bigfoot to the Enquirer.

4. For the first time in her life, M'chel O'Bama is proud of her tater tots.

5. Mr. Obama would have served lunch, too. But it turns out he just wasn't qualified.

Wicked Best of Adjustah
"This gagh is atrocious," though M'Chel, "but the Rokeg blood pie is palatable if you wash it down with enough raktajino!"

Best of Army of Dad
Michelle was used to wearing gloves what with all the sh!t that comes out of her husband's mouth...

Best of Mr. Hankey
As she prepares to spit her poisonous venom, Agent 009 quickly protects himself with a plasma force field control. SMERSH is defeated again.

Best of the doyle
You don't need those silly vouchers, here have a taco.

Best of metalgarth
I told you that girl who played Tootie on Facts of Life works at Old Country Buffet now. Here's a picture to prove it.

Best of Submariner
Yo, bi-yotch; skip the greens and give me a order of breast with a double side of WHOA!
Skip the thighs...

Best of prince of leaves
"Miriam's Thursday Menu: Doom Risotto, Gory Muffin, Oily Baked Whore, Wheat Rocks, Twit Salad."

Best of Army of Mom
Mrs. Willis knew marrying that white man would eventually be her downfall. Look where it got her now.

Best of Jack Reacher
A New York Times reporter waits to be spoon-fed.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Fascinating, Captain. The tricorder shows no sign of intelligent life."

Best of GregMan
Immediately afterwards, Tyrone's cell phone melted into a sizzling pile of goo.

53 comments:

Two Dogs said...

I can only imagine what kind of hateful thoughts were rattling around that empty skull of hers.

Army of Dad said...

"What do you mean 'Where da white meat at?'"

Army of Dad said...

Well a microgreen salad, risoto with chicken in a ver blanc sauce is soul food.

Army of Dad said...

"Yo ho, show me yo titties!"

Army of Dad said...

The Hippy One steadfastly refused to work the on the fried chicken line.

wv: forest
Stupid is as liberal does

Army of Dad said...

Michelle was used to wearing gloves what with all the sh!t that comes out of her husband's mouth...

Army of Dad said...

Yo moms, I voted for yo boy in da election! I loves me some ACORNS!

Army of Dad said...

Yo, why you make yo man gets back rubs from unicorns? You should bes doing dat fo him beyotch!

Army of Dad said...

Arrest that boy, he called me a kumquat!

Mr. Hankey said...

As she prepares to spit her poisonous venom, Agent 009 quickly protects himself with a plasma force field control. SMERSH is defeated again.

the doyle said...

You don't need those silly vouchers, here have a taco.

The Man said...

The corn will be an additional $45,000,000 and that extra milk will cost you $120,000,000. How else do you expect us to fund the stimulus?

metalgarth said...

No soup for you!

metalgarth said...

I told you that girl who played Tootie on Facts of Life works at Old Country Buffet now. Here's a picture to prove it.

Submariner said...

Whatchu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

Submariner said...

"The Look" preceeds the dislocation of the jaws, but usually only lasts for a couple milliseconds before she swallows her prey whole; hence, this being the only known photo, and the Pulitzer Prize going to the photographer.
Posthumously.

Submariner said...

Yo, gurl, di'n't you used ta be a "train-puller" over on South side?

Submariner said...

Yo, bi-yotch; skip the greens and give me a order of breast with a double side of WHOA!
Skip the thighs...

dub said...

Yo lunch-lady...gimme sum fried chickun, some greens, and a side of hope-n-change. Oh yeah, and some crack.


ATDHE

dub said...

That macaroni salad has a better chance of getting car insurance than anyone in the picture.


ATDHE

dub said...

If you listen carefully, in the background you can hear people in the other room yelling "Hey, tell Michelle to get her hips outta here!".

dadoctah said...

Alternate Universe: if McCain had won, this would be a picture of Cindy dishing up her famous human-flesh bourguinon.

prince of leaves said...

"Miriam's Thursday Menu: Doom Risotto, Gory Muffin, Oily Baked Whore, Wheat Rocks, Twit Salad."

prince of leaves said...

"Miriam's Thursday Menu: Doom Risotto, Gory Muffin, Oily Baked Whore, Wheat Rocks, Twit Salad." Guess which of these things M'Chel is serving up?

prince of leaves said...

"Welcome to Your Children's Future! Would you like fries with that?"

prince of leaves said...

Good God, but that smile of hers gives me the creeps.

mega said...

"Enjoy the nice hot meal. I can help you get a good job too...our Treasury Secretary slot will be opening up any day now."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and from the Hollywood Beat, auditions continued today for Ugly Betty..."

Army of Mom said...

Mrs. Willis knew marrying that white man would eventually be her downfall. Look where it got her now.

Army of Mom said...

Look, I ain't gots no job, but I gots me a touchscreen Blackberry. Smile, bitch. Thank your old man for me, too.

Army of Mom said...

Wait till the homies back in the projects see this. I got a picture of the Obamessiah's old lady.

Jack Reacher said...

A New York Times reporter waits to be spoon-fed.

Army of Mom said...

I don't care what they say, I looked directly at her and I didn't turn to stone.

Army of Mom said...

She speaks parseltongue. I could only look at her through the lens of the camera. Otherwise, I turn to stone.

Army of Mom said...

Excuse me, are those extensions?

Army of Mom said...

Above the menu sign: We don't serve white meat here.

Jack Reacher said...

"Fascinating, Captain. The tricorder shows no sign of intelligent life."

wv: cowbyth--what I'd call her if I had a lisp.

Army of Mom said...

Wanda volunteers at the soup kitchen.

Natasha said...

Tyrone felt that MArtha Stewart looked differently that day...but couldn't quite put his finger on it.

Natasha said...

Ironically, the cell phone that Antwon was trying to sell was stolen from the car in a motel parking lot where B-man left it when he went for his "staff" meeting

blackartist said...

well i agree with natasha, the cell phone that Antwon was trying to sell was stolen from the car in a motel parking lot where B-man left it when he went for his "staff" meeting.
So why are you all making the fuss of this....

Submariner said...

ORA:

Edgie and her friend Ruthless ran the Whistle Stop Cafe. Edgie was a character, all right. But how anybody could have thought she murdered that man is beyond me.

GregMan said...

Great Cthulhu does his shift at the soup kitchen.

GregMan said...

"Why sure, Tyrone, you can have all the taxpayers' money you wants! Plenty more where that come from!"

GregMan said...

Immediately afterwards, Tyrone's cell phone melted into a sizzling pile of goo.

GregMan said...

Careful, Lamont, that chimp's gonna rip your face off.

ATDHE

Adjustah said...

"This gagh is atrocious," though M'Chel, "but the Rokeg blood pie is palatable if you wash it down with enough raktajino!"

Jay Guevara said...

Michelle: "What you talkin' about? 'Course we gonna put it to these honky mofos! Pink Cadillacs all around! Word!"

Seoulman (R) said...

Dang, ain't you Rudy from that Cosby Show? Man, you got ugly

Seoulman (R) said...

After lunch, you want a little stimulus, we'll call it science extra credit.

Seoulman (R) said...

Due to the economic crisis Michelle had to get a job besides wearing ugly clothes and posing for magazines.

Seoulman (R) said...

Nothin' says lovin' like the First Lady at the oven.

Seoulman (R) said...

Who let the dogs out?