Friday, February 06, 2009

Vader versus Elmo


1. Elmo has disappointed Lord Vader for the last time.

2. "Mary's child should enjoy this plush toy."

3. No one ever mentioned Lord Vader's charitable work, like his commitment to the Life Day "Toys for Younglings" campaign.

4. In a more Hollywood ending, Padme survived childbirth but divorced Darth Vader, who was granted bi-weekly visitation to the twins.

5. Lord Vader's other favorite charity: Hyperthyroidal Irish wookie orphans.

Best of GregMan
"Your lack of batteries disturbs me."

Best of Army of Dad
Do you have another target, a military target or will I have to have the Deathstar fire on Seasame Street!?

Best of Army of Dad
You may strike me down, but I will become more cute than you can ever imagine.

Best of metalgarth
Vader finally gets his revenge on the writers of the "Star Wars Holiday Special"

Best of metalgarth
Good bounty hunters were hard to find in the Henson System

Matt the K
"Where da *white* Elmos at??"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Torture!" shrieked Amnesty
"Get Elmo a lawyer!" demanded the ACLU.
"We're closing Toys R Us to help repair our image abroad," said Obama.

Best of Mr. Right
"You are unwise to lower your defenses. Prepare to be tickled as never before!"

Best of Mr. Right
"Grover has taught you well, but you do not know the power of the Dark Side! Evil Bert will show you the true nature of The Force, he is your Master now!"

Best of Adjustah
"But Elmo intercepted no transmissions!"

Best of Army of Mom
The giggles are strong with this one.

Best of Rodney Dill
I find your lack of plush disturbing.

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: "What's the frequency, Kenneth???"

Best of steve o
After failing to get the Princess to talk, Vadar works on getting back his confidence.

Best of steve o
Though they severely reduced the Elmos numbers in the war, the Empire was never able to wipe them out completely.

56 comments:

dub said...

Geez, even the Elmo's are fat on this site.

Van Helsing said...

"Yes, Elmo: I... am your father."

Matt the K said...

"I must be gettin' old", thought Lord Vader, "now I actually have to choke 'em with my HANDS!"

Matt the K said...

"W-w-we are not the --ecch-- m-muppets you are looking for."

GregMan said...

"Your lack of batteries disturbs me."

GregMan said...

Yet another metaphor for the democrat congress choking the life out of the American economy.

GregMan said...

I see Michelle Obama is buying toys for the first daughters again.

dub said...

Oh yeah, well tickle this Vader!

Army of Dad said...

When Vader's force tickle proved ineffective he witched to the force choke.

Army of Dad said...

Do you have another target, a military target or will I have to have the Deathstar fire on Seasame Street!?

Army of Dad said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Dad said...

You are a rebel spy and a traitor, take him away!

Army of Dad said...

This choking is brought to you by the letter "V" and the number 1.

Army of Dad said...

You may strike me down, but I will become more cute than you can ever imagine.

Matt the K said...

"No Lord Vader, that's not a misshapen Death Star under construction, that's Rosie O'Donnel."

Matt the K said...

"Where da *white* Elmos at??"

metalgarth said...

Vader finally gets his revenge on the writers of the "Star Wars Holiday Special"


vw: redgi

metalgarth said...

Vader didn't understand his master's warning until it was too late: "Elmos are exactly like Tribbles"

metalgarth said...

Good bounty hunters were hard to find in the Henson System

Chrees said...

Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?

dub said...

Matt the K said...
"Where da *white* Elmos at??"


That's funny stuff right there!

Chrees said...

Elmoyoda: Size matters not. Judge me by my size, do you?"

Chrees said...

We'll always have Mustafar...

Jack Reacher said...

Chinese knock-offs of popular toys, featuring high lead content, required certain adjustments at play-time.

Jack Reacher said...

Al Gore--in costume--lectures one of the few subjects who will sit still for one of his apocalyptic harangues.

Jack Reacher said...

So, do you think adjustment to life outside of government will be difficult for Dick Cheney?
Yeah, me too.

Jack Reacher said...

"Torture!" shrieked Amnesty
"Get Elmo a lawyer!" demanded the ACLU.
"We're closing Toys R Us to help repair our image abroad," said Obama.

Mr. Right said...

"The Force is with you, Young Elmo... but you are not a Muppet yet!"

Mr. Right said...

"You are unwise to lower your defenses. Prepare to be tickled as never before!"

Mr. Right said...

"Grover has taught you well, but you do not know the power of the Dark Side! Evil Bert will show you the true nature of The Force, he is your Master now!"

Adjustah said...

"But Elmo intercepted no transmissions!"

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: "What's the frequency, Kenneth???"

Army of Mom said...

Tickle me, you will.

Army of Mom said...

Shut him up or shut him down!

Army of Mom said...

Elmo says the chances of survival are 775 to 1.

Army of Mom said...

The giggles are strong with this one.

Army of Mom said...

I warn you not to underestimate my giggle powers.

Army of Mom said...

Help me, Tickle Me Elmo. You're my only hope.

dadoctah said...

Early character design for the Ewoks had to be scrapped following threat of lawsuits.

dadoctah said...

"At last, the Dark Side has a resource to compete with Jar Jar Binks!"

Chrees said...

The schwartz is strong with this one...

flyovercountry said...

"I'm asking you for the last time, have you paid all of your federal taxes?"

The new Obama administration vetting process.

Rodney Dill said...

I find your lack of plush disturbing.

Passionate Conservative said...

While Vader choked the original Elmo, the Elmo Clone TK-421, took a long loving look at Vader's junk.

Rodney Dill said...

"Do not turn my dark suit volume knob up to 11."

Rodney Dill said...

A market is established for the previously failed Bugger Me Elmos.

Rodney Dill said...

ORA: "What's the frequency, Kenneth???"

Excellent one Jack

steve o said...

With his Death Star destroyed, Lord Vadar takes a weekend job at Walmart.

steve o said...

After failing to get the Princess to talk, Vadar works on getting back his confidence.

steve o said...

Though the severely reduced their numbers in the war, the Empire was never able to wipe out the Elmos completely.

steve o said...

Though they severely reduced the Elmos numbers in the war, the Empire was never able to wipe them out completely.

Rodney Dill said...

Chad Vader was chastised for attaching bags of two marbles to the Elmos -- "No Chad, you're supposed to give each one two test tickles."

dadoctah said...

Toss in Dora the Explorer and something with Hannah Montana on it, and you've got cross-marketing gold.

steve o said...

So THAT's why his eyes are all popped out.

jj said...

You're one ugly motherf*****

Submariner said...

Early version of the Wookie species did not test as particularly menacing with target audiences...