Wednesday, February 11, 2009

The Secret Lives of Old People



1. "Excuse me, officer. Where do I find the body piercing shop?"

2. "Mmm-Mmm. That ass is tight!" In 2055, Army of Mom is still an unapologetic cougar.

3. Where Miranda's "Right to remain silent" meets Richard Lamm's "Duty to Die."

4. "I don't care if you are Speaker of the House, no one gets to feel up the Capitol Police."

5. "Excuse me, Mr. Prison Guard. I'm here for my conjugal visit."

Best of Army of Mom
Oddly enough, I have that babushka.

Best of Matt the Kostume
With all those body guards around, its almost impossible to get up close to Madonna to see how old she *really* looks.

Best of dub
Ma'am, you're welcome for helping you across the street. Now please remove your left hand from my rectal cavity.

Best of Jay Guevara
"No, Ms. Thomas, you already asked a question at this press conference."

Best of Submariner
No, lady, no Tender Vittles. Please keep your hand out of my pocket.

Best of Mr Hankey
Not everyone gets up close to see the Jonas Brothers.

Best of Mr Hankey
Lately, more reports are coming in of prostitutes stealing kidneys in broad daylight.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"No, Ms. Huffington, those bothersome Germans won't be bombing Pearl Harbor anymore. You can get back to writing your "newspaper" (*snort*) now."

Best of Jack Reacher
What happens in Moldova doesn't always stay in Moldova.

Best of ochagirl
Petre wondered if now was the right time to discuss separation anxiety issues with his mother.

Best of Silhouette
"For heavens sake, Cagney, retire already."

31 comments:

Army of Mom said...

I always did go for a man in uniform.

Army of Mom said...

Oddly enough, I have that babushka.

Army of Mom said...

Excuse me officer, wanna see what I can do when I take my teeth out?

dub said...

Where will you be when your hey where da white and then dawns head Obama bacon for Christ is just a mermaid walking down the boardwalk with Mini Me and painted fat girls but...um....hey, where am I?

Dementia...good for a laugh since 53 BC.

dub said...

Hey, is it Thursday already??

dub said...

Hey sexy officer...I'm wearning my t-back Depends.

Whacko said...

"No officer, don't give that little girl any bacon! Shoot the little sh*t!"

Whacko said...

"A little higer, now a little right, Ok, great! Now you old crone, scratch!"

Matt the Kostume said...

With all those body guards around, its almost impossible to get up close to Madonna to see how old she *really* looks.

dub said...

Ma'am, you're welcome for helping you across the street. Now please remove your left hand from my rectal cavity.

Matt the Kostume said...

Oy, Bubbe! Dah, I'm wearing clean underpantski, go hhome to bed now!

Jay Guevara said...

1) "No, Ms. Thomas, you already asked a question at this press conference."

2) "Excuse me, officer, I need to ask those Democrats if any of them actually paid their taxes. I've been looking all my life, and I just know there must be one."

Anonymous said...

Dammit lady I told you 4 times, you ain't black, obama won't give you a house! Now just go away, and get a job or something.

Jack Reacher said...

I see Maureen Dowd has misplaced her White House press pass again.

Submariner said...

When did Ben Rothlisberger join the Livonia Police Force?

Submariner said...

Seriously, Enui; you should release me...

Submariner said...

No, lady, no Tender Vittles. Please keep your hand out of my pocket.

Submariner said...

Thanks for the update, V. I've been wondering what Cindy Shehag has been up to since the inauguration.

dub said...

I CAN HAZ HUNCHBAK?

dadoctah said...

They just aren't making ninja warriors like they used to.

Mr Hankey said...

Not everyone gets up close to see the Jonas Brothers.

Mr Hankey said...

Lately, more reports are coming in of prostitutes stealing kidneys in broad daylight.

Mr Hankey said...

Mama needs some sugar baby...

Kaptain Krude said...

"No, Ms. Huffington, those bothersome Germans won't be bombing Pearl Harbor anymore. You can get back to writing your "newspaper" (*snort*) now."

Jack Reacher said...

What happens in Moldova doesn't always stay in Moldova.

ochagirl said...

Petre wondered if now was the right time to discuss separation anxiety issues with his mother.

Silhouette said...

"For heavens sake, Cagney, retire already."

dub said...

Moments before Officer Krantz ripped the fart from hell, she looked like a hot babe farting on the beach.

dub said...

Hey, AOM has that exact same hunch!

Submariner said...

Riffing on dub;

Thought bubble; "I have a hunch that something's not quite right with this picture... but WHAT?"

attmay said...

So what if she's a pickpocket? I'd still let her in the White House before Helen Thomas. She's prettier, too.