Monday, February 23, 2009

My uh, laxative has, uh, kicked in

also Kaptain Krude

1. "I just wanna, uh, spread the, uh, wealth around." Little Joey Muckenfutch asked the wrong question, it would be Special Ed for the rest of his short life.

2. After decades in a narcotic haze, Obama snaps to clarity and realizes who he's married to and who he's been palling around with.

3."My farts are magickal. In fact, I'm releasing magic into the room right now!"

4. "Anyone of you little crackers can grow up to be president... except maybe the kid in the corner with the culottes, he'll have to settle for congressman from Massachusetts."

5. "I knew the inner city schools were in bad shape, but this is worse than I thought. These textbooks only list 50 states."

Best of Maogwai
Ron Jeremy came in and had a wardrobe malfunction.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Dayummm! We're giving away how much money??"

Best of satted
I WON???? Holy sh*t, how the hell did that happen?

Best of Jack Reacher
Staffers fought for the opportunity to tell Obama what Biden has said, just to be the first to see this expression.

Best of GregMan
The Dow has fallen HOW MUCH since I took office?

Best of satted
Mr. Cheney!, I had no idea....

Best of Matt the K
Obama hovers in suspended animation until the Floating Orb of Mind Control tells him what to do next.

Best of Submariner
Michael, um, Vick did, um, WHAT to the, um, dogs?!?

Best of dadoctah
"Pay up, son. I *told* you my hubby could hit a high F above middle C."

Best of mega
Once the stare-into-the-half-distance fad had run its course, Obama tried a number of new looks, but had yet to recapture the original magic.

Best of mklasing
After Obama made another "fiscal responsibility" comment, Michelle was forced to use the testicle zapper to keep him in line.

57 comments:

Maogwai said...

Ron Jeremy came in and had a wardrobe malfunction.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Quayle spelt it how? You're kidding! I always spelt it
T-A-T-E-R-S.


-OR-

Gosh NO, Mary, I wouldn't keep reading to you kids if I'm alerted that America's under attack...
I'd get on the red phone and tell Pelosi to add a few billion to the stimulus package for thank you gifts to placate the aggressors.

dub said...

Mr President, you need to turn the stool over BEFORE you sit down.

Jay Guevara said...

"Dayummm! We're giving away how much money??"

wv: obapa

satted said...

I WON???? Holy sh*t, how the hell did that happen?

Jack Reacher said...

Staffers fought for the opportunity to tell Obama what Biden has said, just to be the first to see this expression.

Jack Reacher said...

"There are HOW MANY people under my campaign bus?"

Jack Reacher said...

The realization hits: Some time after 2010 it's going to be harder to blame everything on Bush.

Jack Reacher said...

"Oh, it's happened again. Be a dear, will you, and press his reset button. F***ing Windows Vista."

Double the U said...

Your Daddy thinks he has the right to keep the money he earns?!

curly said...

Even the Slumdog Millionaire is taken aback by the media captured manifestation of the First Queef.

metalgarth said...

My best chimp impression? Okay here goes... ATDHE

metalgarth said...

They don't have argula in the school cafeteria?

flyovercountry said...

What? Your daddy doesn't pay his taxes? Would he like to be in my cabinet?

flyovercountry said...

Your have guns and Bibles in your house kid? Michele, write down that kids name and forward it to my civil defense squad.

GregMan said...

The Obamessiah fakes a shocked reaction as Michelle unhinges her jaw and eats yet another first grader.

GregMan said...

The Dow has fallen HOW MUCH since I took office?

GregMan said...

Michelle: "Try not to startle him, kids, or he'll soil his pants again."

flyovercountry said...

So you don't think that bailing out idiots who bought too much house or are just deadbeats is not right? Michele, I thought we were speaking to the United Socialist Grade School. Who f**ked up and brought us to an American School?

GregMan said...

"You want US to demonstrate what Pre-K Sex Ed is going to be like?"

I threw up more than a little in my mouth typing that caption...

GregMan said...

The Holy One can't even get his facial expressions right without a teleprompter.

Mr. Hankey said...

Michelle explains the value of penis size.

Mr. Hankey said...

As Michelle explains that she does indeed swallow, Barrack feigns surprise...

Mr. Hankey said...

For Safe-Sex Week at Pelosi Elementary, Michelle explains the proper techniques of fellatio while Barack demonstrates.

satted said...

Mr. Cheney!, I had no idea....

satted said...

Two years in the future: "There are only three Democrates left in the house?"....

Matt the K said...

Do you know where you'll be when your President's laxative kicks in?

Matt the K said...

"Oh NO, you did not just say that! No, kid, my wife is NOT sitting on a black hippity-hop. Those are her legs. She is soooo gonna kick your ass!"

Matt the K said...

Obama hovers in suspended animation until the Floating Orb of Mind Control tells him what to do next.

Anonymous said...

And Then Barry's Head Exploded.

Chrees said...

The One just found out what happened to the pet goat.

Chrees said...

Little Brad replied to The One's reaction: "Don't condescend me, man. I'll f&ckin' kill ya, man." (ORA)

Submariner said...

The reaction to Oprah sitting on a terrior are quite telling about personalities, don't you think?

Submariner said...

Michael, um, Vick did, um, WHAT to the, um, dogs?!?

Submariner said...

Just out of screen to the right; "This question is for Mrs. Obama - did you get your inauguration dress from Big Lots or did you just sew the drapes together from your Holiday Inn Express room?"

Submariner said...

Just out of screen to the right; "Now that you're President, are you gonna dump the bi-yotch and get a sexy wife?"

Submariner said...

Looks like Sen. Bobby Byrd is directing his own remake of "Scanners."

Oiao said...

"OK Laquisha. Here is my Monkey Face one more time."

dadoctah said...

"Pay up, son. I *told* you my hubby could hit a high F above middle C."

mega said...

Once the stare-into-the-half-distance fad had run its course, Obama tried a number of new looks, but had yet to recapture the original magic.

mega said...

The note was handed over discreetly by the secret service agent, so as not to interrupt the photo op. "Confirmed: your retirement money is, in fact, invested in the stock market."

mega said...

Michelle thought bubble: "Oh good god, not another white kid talking about his science project. Must.....maintain.....smile. Must......smile. Please, lips, please curl up at the ends. Plleeeaaaasssseeee."

Seoulman (R) said...

What does a president do... um...that's a really good question. Security Agent Jones will explain it to you in the hall. Right Jones *wink, wink"

Seoulman (R) said...

Crap, where is the teleprompter? I can't talk without it.

Seoulman (R) said...

So today in sex ed were going to talk about having an Obamism. This is the face when my wife makes.

Seoulman (R) said...

What do you mean no child was left behind? What the hell am I supposed to do now?

Seoulman (R) said...

And Curious George looked like this when the Man in the Yellow Hat decided to finally finish off the job.

satted said...

Oops, excuse me...

satted said...

This one time at band camp.....

satted said...

OK, so who gets, "This one time at band camp...."????

mklasing said...

After Obama made another "fiscal responsibility" comment, Michelle was forced to use the testicle zapper to keep him in line.

dadoctah said...

Michelle hasn't seen that expression since nine months before little Sasha was born.

Mr. Hankey said...

When playing charades - both Obama's react to "Happy Face"

Jay Guevara said...

"What?? You turned everyone loose from Gitmo? You fool - that was just campaign bullsh!t for the rubes!"

Submariner said...

satted said...
OK, so who gets, "This one time at band camp...."????


Pretty much all of us - standard Cap #17 around these parts...

Submariner said...

I'm NOT a "magic negro?"

satted said...

Tks Submariner..., What does Cap #17 mean?