Monday, February 23, 2009

Jughead and Plastic Face

Brender

1. "Now that is the perfect look of, um, glassy eyed, um, adoration that I expect from all Americans."

2. "Speaking of 'shovel-ready,' I see Michael Moore is headed to the buffet table.

3. "And because of his in-depth knowledge of ridiculous, mindless cults that demand total obedience, I have appointed Tom Cruise my new Public Relations Secretary."

4. "You see, son, our economic crisis was, um, brought on by, um, people running up huge loads of debt to buy a bunch of, um, crap they didn't need. Which is why my 'stimulus' will, um, borrow trillions of dollars from the, um, Chinese to pay for, um, community organizers and um stuff."

5. "Let us retreat to the steam room. Then, Andrea Mitchell and Kathleen Parker can be the judges in the, um, 'Glistening Pecs Competition.'"

Best of Matt the K
"...good and now...smile. Excellent! The floating Orb of Mind Control is working! General, order me up a few million of these suckers!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

Best of metalgarth
The detail level of the Inflatable Rubber Undocumented Worker astounded Carl, but he could never part with his simple latex Lenny

Best of Double the U
I peed in my pants when I saw the president... then I asked him if wanted to pee in them too.

Best of Army of Dad
We've replaced Jose's usual bathhouse partner with the President, let's see if he notices.

Best of Submariner
Whoa; go a little easier on the exfoliant, Lenny...

Best of Jack Reacher
"...and when you awake in four years, you will remember none of this, and will be happy to pay a 75% marginal tax rate."

Best of Chrees
Babbabouey reprises his role of kissing Howard's ass

Best of Mr. Hankey
As Obama touches him, Tom immediately sweats profusely and clenches his buttocks.

Best of Submariner
The one; "Jose, smell this and see if you can guess where it's been?"

Best of Passionate Conservative
He's just modeling the "Peter North Miracle Facial Treatment."

Best of mega
"So, typical American heartland guy, my plan is basically to watch the DOW go down 300 points tomorrow and head out for a game of hoops."

Best of Jay Guevara
"Sure, we could throw in a few billion for pool boys while we're at it."

44 comments:

Matt the K said...

"...good and now...smile. Excellent! The floating Orb of Mind Control is working! General, order me up a few million of these suckers!"

Matt the K said...

"You look good when you're um wearing your headdress, but my favorite one is the um biker guy."

Double the U said...

Relax, relax...that pain you feel is worse when you clench like that.

Seoulman (R) said...

Almost, but if you want to be like me, your teeth will have to be a little whiter

Seoulman (R) said...

And this alien will do the job most other appointees won't do. Actually be seated.

Seoulman (R) said...

Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?

Seoulman (R) said...

Step up folk, guess the wax dummy and win 50 dollars

metalgarth said...

The detail level of the Inflatable Rubber Undocumented Worker astounded Carl, but he could never part with his simple latex Lenny

Seoulman (R) said...

I have seen the Messiah, I have hope. I have change. Why do I suddenly have nausea

Army of Dad said...

Jose, next time wipe the drool off your chin before the photo op.

Army of Dad said...

Hmm, two guys and The One in a room with a disco ball...and we all thought he was a closet muslim and socialist. Wrong closet, who knew?

Double the U said...

I peed in my pants when I saw the president... then I asked him if wanted to pee in them too.

Army of Dad said...

We've replaced Jose's usual bathhouse partner with the President, let's see if he notices.

Submariner said...

Whoa; go a little easier on the exfoliant, Lenny...

Submariner said...

Great; Just frakkin great.
Now all the little Obamunists are going to point out the scripture about when Moses came down off Sinai and the "Glory of the Lord" shown about him.

The Man said...

Young man, um there's a place um you can go.
Um I said, young man, when you're um short on your um dough.
You can um stay there, and um I'm sure you will um find
Many ways to have a um good time.
It's um fun to stay at the y-um-m-c-a.

Anonymous said...

Now this is the kind of Amerikan I'm talking about. Obedient, worshipfull, doesn't speak english. Is he hypoalergenic? We havn't filled that first dog spot yet.
Now you see what I mean about stereotypes? His back is not wet at all.

Jay Guevara said...

"Fear not. Bring me seven loaves and seven fishes, and I shall feed the multitude."

"Oh, and, um, also, bring me seven dollar bills too."

wv: pridegas (!)

Silhouette said...

Worst. Oval Office. Redecoration. Ever.

And the disco theme is bad, too.

Silhouette said...

"It's like my friend Achmadinejad says, neckties are symbols of western decadence."

Jack Reacher said...

"...and when you awake in four years, you will remember none of this, and will be happy to pay a 75% marginal tax rate."

Jack Reacher said...

Martin remembered what happened to Joe the Plumber, and wisely chose to smile idiotically, rather than ask a question that might make The One look stupid.

Jack Reacher said...

"So, Jose, you ever hang out in the locker room at...oh, what am I saying? Of COURSE you do!"

Army of Dad said...

"Lower taxes? No way, Jose."

flyovercountry said...

Secret Service or not, take your hand off my shoulder or I am going to feed you some stimulus.

GregMan said...

"Now, Jose, let me tell you about Ron Paul..."

flyovercountry said...

Hey, Mr. President, I bought a $300,000 house, when I could really only afford a small apartment, and I bought a big SUV, 3 flat screens, a boat, and joined a country club. Would you bail me out?

Of course. You vote, don't you? That's what I meant by spreading the wealth, take it from the reasonable, smart people and give it to the dumb a*ses.

Chrees said...

Babbabouey reprises his role of kissing Howard's ass

Mr. Hankey said...

As Obama touches him, Tom immediately sweats profusely and clenches his buttocks.

Mr. Hankey said...

"He's very studly - but where are the white women?"

Mr. Hankey said...

Tom tries to smile as Barack introduces him to Helen Thomas.

Matt the K said...

"And THIS, Paco, is how I hold a chalupa...you're welcome...Now, lets field a food question from an asian guy..."

Submariner said...

The one; "Jose, smell this and see if you can guess where it's been?"
Jose thought bubble; "Must.NOT.Say.Michelle..."

Submariner said...

One of 'em looks an awful lot like "Jose Jalapeno` on a Stick," but I know he's actually an Arab so "Achmed the Dead Terrorist" would probably be more appropriate...

Submariner said...

So you see, Jose, my Madrassa taught...

Submariner said...

...and THAT is how you keep your pimp hand strong, Jimmy.

Submariner said...

Watch carefully now;
...nothin' up my, um sleeve, and, um - PRESTO!
783 Billion Bucks in, um, Spendulous Package Supremo!

steve o said...

Obama now travels with a 3/4 size GI Joe in response to criticism that he, like most Democrats, doesn't care for the military.

Passionate Conservative said...

He's just modeling the "Peter North Miracle Facial Treatment."

mega said...

"So you see, once we have one of these disco ball videocams installed in every house, we'll be able to help people remember to eat the right foods, take out the recycling, and avoid Fox News. Plus, it will create thousands of jobs. Good jobs."

mega said...

"So, typical American heartland guy, my plan is basically to watch the DOW go down 300 points tomorrow and head out for a game of hoops."

curly said...

Say what you will about a Hillary Presidency, but at least the automatons would have been more appealing.

Jay Guevara said...

"And the stimulus bill contains $5 billion for development of gaydar jamming technology."

wv: "cling" (!)

Jay Guevara said...

"Sure, we could throw in a few billion for pool boys while we're at it."