1. "Now that is the perfect look of, um, glassy eyed, um, adoration that I expect from all Americans."
2. "Speaking of 'shovel-ready,' I see Michael Moore is headed to the buffet table.
3. "And because of his in-depth knowledge of ridiculous, mindless cults that demand total obedience, I have appointed Tom Cruise my new Public Relations Secretary."
4. "You see, son, our economic crisis was, um, brought on by, um, people running up huge loads of debt to buy a bunch of, um, crap they didn't need. Which is why my 'stimulus' will, um, borrow trillions of dollars from the, um, Chinese to pay for, um, community organizers and um stuff."
5. "Let us retreat to the steam room. Then, Andrea Mitchell and Kathleen Parker can be the judges in the, um, 'Glistening Pecs Competition.'"
Best of Matt the K
"...good and now...smile. Excellent! The floating Orb of Mind Control is working! General, order me up a few million of these suckers!"
Best of Seoulman (R)
Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near?
Best of metalgarth
The detail level of the Inflatable Rubber Undocumented Worker astounded Carl, but he could never part with his simple latex Lenny
Best of Double the U
I peed in my pants when I saw the president... then I asked him if wanted to pee in them too.
Best of Army of Dad
We've replaced Jose's usual bathhouse partner with the President, let's see if he notices.
Best of Submariner
Whoa; go a little easier on the exfoliant, Lenny...
Best of Jack Reacher
"...and when you awake in four years, you will remember none of this, and will be happy to pay a 75% marginal tax rate."
Best of Chrees
Babbabouey reprises his role of kissing Howard's ass
Best of Mr. Hankey
As Obama touches him, Tom immediately sweats profusely and clenches his buttocks.
Best of Submariner
The one; "Jose, smell this and see if you can guess where it's been?"
Best of Passionate Conservative
He's just modeling the "Peter North Miracle Facial Treatment."
Best of mega
"So, typical American heartland guy, my plan is basically to watch the DOW go down 300 points tomorrow and head out for a game of hoops."
Best of Jay Guevara
"Sure, we could throw in a few billion for pool boys while we're at it."