Friday, February 20, 2009

In which a plane receives a rectal exam

Brender

1. "Inside of us, we both know you belong with Victor. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life. It doesn't take much to see that the problems of three little people don't amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. Someday you'll understand that. Now, now... Here's looking at you kid."

2. "This is the Final Boarding Call for Sullivan Airlines Flight 69 to Fire Island."

3. "I have sexed this plane and determined it to be male. I mean, c'mon look at those testicles."

4. "How can you have a peanut allergy? We busted you in a raid at peanut processing plant."

5. Ironically, boarding was delayed while a cargo of fudge was packed onto the plane.

Wicked Best of The Man
Tell Senator Frank that we don't have any younger, smaller planes for him.

Best of Matt the K
In a controversial move, the FBI uses Gitmo detainees to test various "D.B. Cooper" skydiving theories.

Best of dub
Look kid, you'll be fine. Its only a 45 minute flight to Buffalo. What's the worst that could happen??

Best of Jay Guevara
Prisoner: "Your pilots know how to land too, right?"

Best of Mr. Right
"Look, Sayid, I'm sure all those visions of smoke monsters, polar bears and this mysterious group of people you call 'The Others' were just nightmares. Now get on board and just try to relax, okay? Everything will be perfectly fine, trust me."

Best of Jack Reacher
Crews position the litter box for the Hello Kitty corporate jet.

Best of Army of Dad
We will always have the showers...now go before I have to cry in front of the other guards!

Best of Mr. Hankey
A re-creation of the 'Nadya Suleman' labor & delivery room.

Best of dadoctah
Wait! I think I spotted William Shatner on the wing!

Best of prince of leaves
"For the last time, Hamid, it's *not* a *cookbook*. Now hurry up, the Kanamit ambassador is waiting."

Best of mega
"C'mon folks, all ten of you need to get on board this jet so we can fly to Tahiti for the global warming conference!"

Best of jj
Whatever you do, just don't speak to Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene.

Best of Submariner
Gettin' on? Not so bad; but I'm gonna feel like a turd coming off...

33 comments:

The Man said...

Tell Senator Frank that we don't have any younger, smaller planes for him.

Matt the K said...

In a controversial move, the FBI uses Gitmo detainees to test various "D.B. Cooper" skydiving theories.

dub said...

For the last time, I need to get on the plane. I learned how to quit you.

dub said...

Look kid, you'll be fine. Its only a 45 minute flight to Buffalo. What's the worst that could happen??

Jay Guevara said...

Guy on left: "OK, the stimulus passed. Back the truck full of cash up to the plane. We're gonna fly around and throw out money over Democratic areas."

Jay Guevara said...

Prisoner: "Your pilots know how to land too, right?"

Mr. Right said...

"Just remember to take your protein pills... oh, and put your helmet on!"

Mr. Right said...

"Look, Sayid, I'm sure all those visions of smoke monsters, polar bears and this mysterious group of people you call 'The Others' were just nightmares. Now get on board and just try to relax, okay? Everything will be perfectly fine, trust me."

Jack Reacher said...

"Your high school ring? Oh, you shouldn't have!"

Jack Reacher said...

"We've decided to stop subjecting you to tropical weather and three squares a day. Enjoy your flight on what we like to call the Gulag Express."

Jack Reacher said...

"Every time I say 'we board from the rear,' that Sullivan guy starts giggling."

Jack Reacher said...

Crews position the litter box for the Hello Kitty corporate jet.

Army of Dad said...

We will always have the showers...now go before I have to cry in front of the other guards!

Mr. Hankey said...

We'll always have Paris. We didn't have, we, we lost it until you came to Casablanca. We got it back last night.

Mr. Hankey said...

A re-creation of the 'Nadya Suleman' labor & delivery room.

satted said...

Bend over, the new stimulus has launched!

dadoctah said...

Wait! I think I spotted William Shatner on the wing!

prince of leaves said...

"For the last time, Hamid, it's *not* a *cookbook*. Now hurry up, the Kanamit ambassador is waiting."

prince of leaves said...

It took sixty years to reverse-engineer the Roswell spacecraft...now, with the help of some "volunteers" from Gitmo, it would finally see its first test flight.

prince of leaves said...

The Obama administration secretly relabels Project Pluto as "Project X" and puts James Hansen in charge, continuing its efforts to turn "Atlas Shrugged" into reality.

prince of leaves said...

The good news: the second-generation Airborne Laser antimissile shield works perfectly.

The bad news: it requires human souls to energize the laser.

prince of leaves said...

"Plane? Oh no - this is just the TSA's new automatic body cavity inspection system. Be sure to have your boarding pass and ID out and ready..."

Seoulman (R) said...

The eager men waiting to be members of the mile high club were in for a rude awakening

Seoulman (R) said...

Al Gore staff prepares for another Reducing Your Carbon Footprint" Conference by emptying out the storage area of food slated for famine relief and making room for DVD's and books

Seoulman (R) said...

It looks like Rosie only smaller.

Seoulman (R) said...

Yes, it was a great job parallel parking, too bad you don't have a licence.

Seoulman (R) said...

And he's buying a stairway with a gremlin

Mandible Claw said...

5. Ironically, boarding was delayed while a cargo of fudge was packed onto the plane.

Ha! Of all the VtheK original captions I've seen in my on-and-off year or so visiting this site, that is the one that made me spit beer the hardest!

Verification: "clizoo"

That is all.

jj said...

Wadda you mean the inflight meal is pork chops??

mega said...

"C'mon folks, all ten of you need to get on board this jet so we can fly to Tahiti for the global warming conference!"

jj said...

Whatever you do, just don't speak to Garland 'The Marietta Mangler' Greene.

Passionate Conservative said...

Welcome to Con-Air.

Submariner said...

Gettin' on? Not so bad; but I'm gonna feel like a turd coming off...