1. Bob would come to regret asking the genie to transform his penis into "the biggest trouser python the world has ever seen."
2. "Dude, I am so sorry about your chihuahua."
3. "I am almost sure Mr. Sullivan wanted you to wear a feather boa, but, whatever, dude."
4. "Dude, this is going to be the best auto-erotic asphyxiation ever!"
5. "This should get Lemmiwinks out of there!"
Best of flyovercountry
Mike and Fred's great idea for a new pest extermination business had a couple of fatal flaws. First, the snake preferred small children to mice, and second, a lot of people are afraid of snakes.
Best of The Man
...because Barney Frank called, he wants Stimulus now!
Best of metalgarth
Ron Jeremy's illegitimate children aren't tough to find.
Best of satted
Introducing the new sales rep for Enzyte.
Best of Army of Mom
CEILING CAT WUZ APPETIZER
Best of Silhouette
In a modern retelling, Adam and Steve are tempted by the forbidden adjustable rate mortgage.
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Have you seen the size of the rats in this neighborhood?"
The Realtor's mind raced as he tried to come up with a positive spin for this scene before his prospects got out of his car.
Best of dadoctah
Around here, even the Mormon missionaries are a little different.
Best of Matt the K
Slash rewarded his new Craigslist purchase by feeding him the delivery boys.
Best of Jay Guevara
"OK, here's the house with the manic chimp. We throw in the snake, bolt the door, and watch from the window to see who wins."
Best of mega
The only thing giant human-killing chimps have done in this guy's neighborhood is mysteriously disappear.