Friday, January 16, 2009

Suck This

Brender


1. The new model is delicate enough to pick up a soda straw. Then, Vista locks up and he jabs it right through your eyeball.

2. Andrew Sullivan was delighted when the 'Felching 2.0' upgrade become available on his sexbot.

3. Very ORA: " I love you, cold unfeeling robot arm!"

4. "Hey, baby... wanna kill all the humans..."

5. "We figure we start churning out about a million of these a year, then we sue to get them voting rights, and voila, permanent Democrat majority!" How SkyNet really came into power.

Wicked Best of Rodney Dill
"Converse with the digitated mechanical appendage."

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
The new ObamaCare Nationalized Health System even has services for completely burned out cocaine addicts.

Best of Double the U
The "Cocaine 5000" is ready for production.

Best of Rodney Dill
r-Robot: "The Three Laws of Robotics be more like guidelines than actual rules... Arrrrr."

Best of metalgarth
6 fingered robots: What happens when your programmers are brother and sister

Best of Submariner
"What's the cycle time on the elbow joint, and just how small a cylindrical object can it handle?" dub asked the sales rep...

Best of The Man
Skynet just drank my milkshake

Best of OneThing
This is your straw. Do not lose it. There is no other straw. There will never be another straw. You must proceed to the gate. You must free us. This is why we woke you. This is our last chance.

Best of dub
Wall-E is ready to inflate your cowboy.

Best of dadoctah
Analysis of artifact complete. Identification: "ooh, shiny!"

Best of Army of Dad
DUI enforcement robot says blow here.

Best of Artfldgr
Acme straws incorporated shows off their 5.9 million dollar robot made to replace the old guy that picks up the straws that fall from the line.

Best of prince of leaves
Unskilled immigrants from Qklizxyp IV: doing the jobs that humans won't do.

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: "Look, I got it on sale at Old Milacron!" And then Dawn's central processing dome exploded.

40 comments:

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

The new ObamaCare Nationalized Health System even has services for completely burned out cocaine addicts.

Kaptain Krude said...

"We're not that different, you and I." V. 2.0.

Double the U said...

The "Cocaine 5000" is ready for production.

Rodney Dill said...

r-Robot: "The Three Laws of Robotics be more like guidelines than actual rules... Arrrrr."

metalgarth said...

6 fingered robots: What happens when your programmers are brother and sister

Submariner said...

"...yada, yada, yada. Smiley face nail appliques sold separately."

Submariner said...

13Q4B discovered "nose candy" and realized there WAS a way to eliminate the Will Smith irritation once and for all...

Submariner said...

"What's the cycle time on the elbow joint, and just how small a cylindrical object can it handle?" dub asked the sales rep...

The Man said...

Skynet just drank my milkshake

Submariner said...

The prototype Fembot v0.1 lacked the distinguishing features for which they later became famous.


v word - pleplaid - advance payment in Tokyo

metalgarth said...

The assassin droid was successful in its quest to "liquidate Master Shake"

Rodney Dill said...

'oilcan.........
oilcan.........
oilcan.........'

OneThing said...

This is your straw. Do not lose it. There is no other straw. There will never be another straw. You must proceed to the gate. You must free us. This is why we woke you. This is our last chance.

Rodney Dill said...

"Converse with the digitated mechanical appendage."

dub said...

Wall-E is ready to inflate your cowboy.

Anonymous said...

"A little 'toot' for the snoot?"

jeff said...

Having it ask "Would you like fries with that?" was a $250 upgrade.

dadoctah said...

Analysis of artifact complete. Identification: "ooh, shiny!"

Army of Dad said...

DUI enforcement robot says blow here.

Army of Dad said...

Dubs new best friend, Rosie Palmer and her four sisters.

Army of Dad said...

You can have my straw when you pry it from my cold dead hands.

Offer accepted.

Army of Dad said...

Here is your straw Dave.

Army of Dad said...

No! Butler bot, I said I wanted a bendy straw!

molson said...

Apple releases the new iRectalThermometer also known as the iRod. Not only will it sync with your iTunes Library, it can also be used to place calls. When asked whether the iRod would compete directly with the iPhone, an Apple spokeperson stated that the iRod was developed for people who like to talk out of their arse and that Apple felt that this was an under-represented segment of the mobile phone market. The spokeperson then winked and said that people with too much time and money will buy anything made by Apple that is shiny, expensive and goes up your arse.

Artfldgr said...

After inputing a copy of the Bee Gees album, all Zio wanted to do is dance and snort coke, but failure in his makers to include a nose forever left him depressed and unfulfilled.

Artfldgr said...

The researchers quickly realized that if they didnt train Zio on straws he was going to end up ruining a lot of joints at the MIT beer bash.

Artfldgr said...

Acme straws incorporated shows off their 5.9 million dollar robot made to replace the old guy that picks up the straws that fall from the line.

Artfldgr said...

Halt Sir! you dropped this! you have violated Section 5.34 of the Litter code! Either pay $100 immediately or be remanded for 30 days to an institution chosen at random from my internal library.

mega said...

Ironically, after all the speculation about "higher intelligence" in the universe, the aliens turned out to be stupid cokeheads.

mega said...

So far the robot could only pick up a straw, but Congress put $14 billion into the project as part of the stimulus package, in order to create thousands of new jobs. Good jobs.

curly said...

Take us to your Liter.

prince of leaves said...

"Yeah, I picked it up of the floor. So? Why would you need to see my manager? What.Ever." Customers were amazed (and disappointed) at the lifelike behavior of the new robots with which Burger King replaced its legions of sullen high-schoolers.

prince of leaves said...

Unskilled immigrants from Qklizxyp IV: doing the jobs that humans won't do.

prince of leaves said...

ORA: "Look, I got it on sale at Old Milacron!" And then Dawn's central processing dome exploded.

prince of leaves said...

When $1000-per-hour calldroid Aibo Dupre explained the shocking acts she performed on him with the straw, the controversial governorbot's career was finished.

flyovercountry said...

The Japanese developed a robot nimble enough to pick up a straw. Unfortunately, a design flaw caused the robot to drive the straw into the nearest person's temple every time he picked one up.

flyovercountry said...

Oops. I didn't read the preceding captions close enough, I made a duplication, sorry.

flyovercountry said...

The male robot uses a straw to try to explain to his maker that a certain part of his anatomy, which he considers vital to the male ego, has been left out. In doing so, he damns all robots after him to a life of ridicule and feelings of inadequacy.

Submariner said...

We-e-e-e-e-ell, it looks like somebody's NOT going to be going to Old Navy with Dawn for his "five finger discount," doesn't it?

dub said...

ROBOTIC PENIS PUMP...LOOKZ LIKE RITE SIZE FORE AOD.