Saturday, January 24, 2009

Shorpy's Gonna Sue Me

Shorpy 1. "Billy, did I ever tell you about 'Woodstock?'"

2. Barney Frank's "Mrs. Doubtfire" costume didn't fool anyone.

3. Helen Thomas's cameo in 'Christmas Story' had to be edited out to avoid an NC-17 rating.

4. "Don't let the Zionist media poison your mind, Billy. The Fuhrer was a good man!"

5. "Stop being provincial! In Europe, people don't think twice about unconventional relationships."

Update: On a related note... Ewwwwww!

Best of Matt the K
Mamaw's frequent 'night visits' were one thing, but Dean finally drew the line when she forced him to wear denim skirts.

Best of Matt the K
No Billy, there is no Grandpa Sam any more. From now on, it's "Grandma Sally".

Best of metalgarth
So Billy... have you ever seen a geriatric cross-dresser naked?

Best of Jack Reacher
"I hope you don't mind sharing the chair, Timmy. Michelle Obama took my couch for her dress."

Best of mega
The real-life Benjamin Buttons was no Brad Pitt pussy; he stuck around, and the relationship remained conjugal to the bitter end.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
According to his defense attorney, polygamist cult leader Warren Jeffs was himself pimped out as a child bride to then clan matriarch, Bertha P. Dimwiddy, and her 4 butch half-sisters.

Best of prince of leaves
2028: The wide availability of antigeria pills gave rise to a new form of "mixed marriage".

Best of Submariner
This time with tongue, Ralphy, or you get another bunny suit at Christmas.

Best of dub
Where will you be when your grammy's laxative kicks in?

Best of Snowdog
Later, little Billy's despairing parents wondered why a good boy from a stable family had started doing crystal meth.

Best of GregMan
Off the set, the cast of The Golden Girls threw some really wild orgies.

Best of Army of Mom
Granny's gonna make you forget all about those bullies at school. Pucker up!

Best of flyovercountry
You know Timmy, Lassie is not going to save you now.

47 comments:

Matt the Kostume said...

Although it wasn't quality, Melvin was smug in the knowledge he was getting "some" whilst the other kids in Chess Club were not getting "any".

Matt the K said...

Billy was willing to do anything to get Great Aunt Ruth's inheritance, *anything*.

Matt the Kostume said...

Bobby checked the want ad again. Yes it did say "Pool Boy", but Mrs. Friedman didn't even *have* a pool?

Matt the K said...

Mamaw's frequent 'night visits' were one thing, but Dean finally drew the line when she forced him to wear denim skirts.

Kaptain Krude said...

"Do you know what time it is when the big hand touches the little hand, young Billy?"

Colorado Patriot said...

"Years later, Christine McCallum rolls on."

Matt the K said...

No Billy, there is no Grandpa Sam any more. From now on, it's "Grandma Sally".

metalgarth said...

So Billy... have you ever seen a geriatric cross-dresser naked?

metalgarth said...

Yes Billy, I was a Thursday babe, back in Aught 4 on V the K's Telegram This!

metalgarth said...

Army of Grandma makes her move on an unsuspecting Son of Son of the Godfather

Jack Reacher said...

"Social Security will run a deficit beginning in 2017, Timmy. So I'll expect you to work two jobs by then."

Jack Reacher said...

"You know, Timmy, I started wearing diapers about the time you stopped. Ironic, eh?"

Jack Reacher said...

"I hope you don't mind sharing the chair, Timmy. Michelle Obama took my couch for her dress."

wv: packa. Ewwww!

mega said...

Larry King stealing some old lady's purse, 1945

mega said...

The real-life Benjamin Buttons was no Brad Pitt pussy; he stuck around, and the relationship remained conjugal to the bitter end.

dadoctah said...

In her declining years, Shari Lewis spent less and less time with Lamb Chop and more with the anatomically correct "Mister Enzyte".

Carpe Phlogiston said...

According to his defense attorney, polygamist cult leader Warren Jeffs was himself pimped out as a child bride to then clan matriarch, Bertha P. Dimwiddy, and her 4 butch half-sisters.

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Barry, if you're going to make it to the White House we're gonna have to get you a lot darker.

prince of leaves said...

2028: The wide availability of antigeria pills gave rise to a new form of "mixed marriage".

prince of leaves said...

"Billy, that had BETTER be a roll of LifeSavers in your pocket."

Anonymous said...

"Did I ever tell you about my wild night at Hyde Park? Let's just say, it wasn't the polio that left FDR in that wheelchair..."

prince of leaves said...

[crap - that anonymous at 8:22 was me]

2038: Mary-Kay Letourneau proudly shows off her new boyfriend.

Oiao said...

Although Billy enjoyed playing "the Duch Boy game," he did grow to hate the tingling pain of the blood loss in his right hand.

Achilles said...

"I also hope the Supreme Court of California shoots down Prop 8, but until it does... Back. The. Hell. Off. Grandpa."

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Billy's grandmother, on the other hand, was an atypical white woman.

Submariner said...

Thank you eHarmony.



V word - genes - only one in this family...

Submariner said...

This time with tongue, Ralphy, or you get another bunny suit at Christmas.

Submariner said...

♪ Boy the way Glenn Miller played...♪

Submariner said...

Remember, Timmy - what ever happens at Shady Acres, STAYS at Shady Acres...

Submariner said...

Timmeh was a heckuva ventriloquist, but his dummy-making skills had not kept up.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

AARP hops on the anti-age discrimination bandwagon with a trial balloon ad:
Mandatory May-December weddings (or February-December, if that's your thang)
Every single over 65 is invited to demand your "civil right" to reach out and touch someone!

WordVerify: kworessu - doesn't mean anything, but the way Captcha keeps adding characters to the challenge, I think we're participating in the infinite monkeys on an infinite typewriters experiment.

Steve O said...

Hey! Even nerds can get dates!

dub said...

Where will you be when your grammy's laxative kicks in?

Rodney Dill said...

OK Grandpa, better change your clothes before Grandma gets home.

Snowdog said...

Later, little Billy's despairing parents wondered why a good boy from a stable family had started doing crystal meth.

GregMan said...

Billy's MILF fetish kicked in at a young age. Unfortunately so did his nearsightedness.

GregMan said...

Miss Sally provided private tutoring for the Obamessiah's sex-ed classes.

GregMan said...

Off the set, the cast of The Golden Girls threw some really wild orgies.

GregMan said...

Man, Demi Moore has really let herself go.

dub said...

Look Timmy, its 6 after 9. 6.....9.....get it?

dub said...

"Ok Timmy, first I am going to slowly remove my blouse while you take off your pants. Then I will...will...I had a nice sandwich for lunch today, but the flowers out back need watering or the taxes will be due in full next month if the car has gas in it but Uncle Wally said that Republicans are greedy except for Thursday when I have peas...."

Alzheimers...not good foreplay.

Army of Mom said...

She blinded me with science. Or maybe that is my eyes burning from the stench of urine in her Depends.

Army of Mom said...

A young Alton Brown realized that he could reach this demographic of ladies through a TV cooking show.

Army of Mom said...

Granny's gonna make you forget all about those bullies at school. Pucker up!

flyovercountry said...

You know Timmy, Lassie is not going to save you now.

dub said...

Timmy would do anything, and I do mean anything, for convenient parking at the mall.

Matt the Kostume said...

And this incident, strangely enough, is what triggered Judge Harry Stone's lifelong fascination Mel Torme.