Saturday, January 10, 2009

Photos like these are why Cap This! will never, ever be nominated for a Blog Award.



1. Why Army of Mom was banned for life from the Petting Zoo.

2. Having spent her entire adult life around Republican politicians, Maria wondered what the strange, dangling objects were.

3. ♪ "Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found you!" ♪

4. Each your heart out, ACDC

5. "That reminds me, I have to pick up a sack of potatoes on the way home tonight. And some bull testicles."
Best of Carpe Phlogiston
When ye olde biological alarm clock starts ringing, it's any scrotum in a storm.

Best of Rodney Dill
I just knew those weren't killer abs in the other picture.

Best of molson
A competitor warms up before the first round of the Extreme Teabagging Nationals.

Best of Double the U
Ok..."Cough"

Best of Passionate Conservative
Low hanging fruit. In other words, Barney Frank.

Best of metalgarth
The priveleges in being a Minotaur in Narnia were many.

Best of mega
Eastwood's recent hit movie got him some welcome attention from a whole new generation of hot babes.

Best of prince of leaves
"And I'm telling you, Carmela, that was NOT a soap dispenser!"

Best of Army of Mom
Hillary's new intern longed for the day when she'd grow her own set under Hill's tutelage.

Best of Army of Mom
Excuse me, miss. The dog judging is in the next building.

Best of Robert
Of course in Montana, it's perfectly normal to inspect your soon to be rocky mountain oysters.

Best of Submariner
When asked what those were, the Mrs. told the grandson they were "nothing." 'Course that's cause she's been spoiled...

Best of GregMan
Just another day at the Folsom Street Petting Zoo.

Best of dub
I CAN HAZ GERMAN MOOVIE CONTRACT?

Best of dub
I saw this movie in college. It was better when the actress was dressed as a nun.

Best of Matt the Kostume
When they get this big, it's considered Tea *Busheling*.

69 comments:

Passionate Conservative said...

Some bovine is in for a big surprise come mating season...

Passionate Conservative said...

Big balls, teeny wanger. Yup, Andrew Sullivan will definitely reject this one.

Passionate Conservative said...

The store was all out of mountain oysters, so we thought we'd make a day of it and pick 'em fresh...

Carpe Phlogiston said...

When ye olde biological alarm clock starts ringing, it's any scrotum in a storm.

-or-

Example of thinking outside the box. Too far outside.

-or-

Sally had just been listening to the Yellow Pages jingle, and now had an uncontrollable urge to let her fingers do the walking.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Metaphor for opening Pandora's Box- Fernando had always been self-confident, never experiencing erectile dysfunction or any feelings of inadequacy whatsoever... until the day Pandora fondled the jewels and moaned lustfully. Funny how one's perspective can change in the blink of an eye.

flyovercountry said...

When Amy told her husband to "grow a pair", and pointed to this particular pair, the divorce was inevitable.

flyovercountry said...

Amy decided that this was so much fun that moments after this photo was taken, she decided to do the same thing to the 4H'r that owned the bull. He enjoyed it as much as the bull.

Passionate Conservative said...

Inspiration for San Francisco's Inflated Scrotum Man. http://www.zombietime.com/hall_of_shame/156-5635_IMG.JPG

Rodney Dill said...

I just knew those weren't killer abs in the other picture.

molson said...

A competitor warms up before the first round of the Extreme Teabagging Nationals.

Uchuck the Tuchuck said...

Did she go completely insane, or just go nuts for a moment?

mega said...

"It's appropriate for the age-group, obviously," the Committee said in rejecting this cover for the new 2nd grade textbook, "but we would strongly prefer to see testicles being handled only by boys."

Double the U said...

Ok..."Cough"

Passionate Conservative said...

The only place Maria had seen these were in Hillary Clinton's house, and even then they were mounted on a wall. There were 14 pairs.

Passionate Conservative said...

Low hanging fruit. In other words, Barney Frank.

sonicfrog said...

Death by T-Bag.

Barco Sin Vela II said...

Maria tries to tell the time by lifting the bulls testicles. (She had heard that some can tell time by lifting the burro's nuts)

Yes,... Time.

metalgarth said...

"Go ahead, molest the bull. Everything's legal in Mexico... it's the American Way"

metalgarth said...

The priveleges in being a Minotaur in Narnia were many.

metalgarth said...

MILKING A COW... UR DOIN IT ENUMCLAW

mega said...

Eastwood's recent hit movie got him some welcome attention from a whole new generation of hot babes.

mega said...

The remake of "Selena" dispensed with the gringo pop-star mythmaking, and cut to the chase of what it took to become a major player on the Tejano scene.

Mama Ava said...

Photos like are why you should be nominated for a Blog award!

dadoctah said...

Two hands for beginners, Carmela....

prince of leaves said...

Some years later, the sudden surge in interest among young women in paleontology was traced back to the Field Museum's then-controversial decision to make their animatronic dinosaurs more anatomically correct.

prince of leaves said...

"And I'm telling you, Carmela, that was NOT a soap dispenser!"

Whacko said...

"Don't touch those, Sally, you don't know where they've been!"

Army of Mom said...

Next week on Dirty Jobs, we'll meet Mike Rowe's new assistant.

Army of Mom said...

Hillary's new intern longed for the day when she'd grow her own set under Hill's tutelage.

Army of Mom said...

Hmm, Maria thought. I lost my husband's while cleaning off the mantle. These will make fiiiine replacements.

Army of Mom said...

Get implants, sweetie, he said. Make 'em bigger and I'll want to give you all the foreplay you ever wanted. Let's see what he thinks when the shoe is on the other foot.

Yes, Dr., these are the ones I want for him.

Army of Mom said...

Some balls are held for charity
And some for fancy dress
But when they're held for pleasure
They're the balls that I like best
My balls are always bouncing
To the left and to the right
It's my belief that my big balls
Should be held every night

Army of Mom said...

The reason behind the name Bull on Night Court.

Army of Mom said...

Maria took to heart Paula Deen's challenge to cook only the freshest of ingredients.

Army of Mom said...

Maria knew that calf fries would be more tender, but she longed for something she didn't get at home. Culinary wise, that is. Yes, she never gets it in the kitchen. Argh, no, that's not write. She meant to say that she likes to wrap her mouth around big tasty, salty chocolate balls.

Oh never mind. She can't even think about cooking (food) right now.

Army of Mom said...

He's got the fries and she's got the milkshake.

Army of Mom said...

Yes, you're right. These would make wonderful leather for my boots.

Army of Mom said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Army of Mom said...

It rubs the lotion on its ...

Oh, I can't even finish that. (that's what happened to the bull, too, with those cold hands.)

Army of Mom said...

Cold hands = bull shrinkage

Army of Mom said...

Excuse me, miss. The dog judging is in the next building.

Army of Mom said...

Maria says 'I do' to animal husbandry.

Army of Mom said...

And, kids, that is how I met your dad. He showed me his bull and I fondled his balls. We've been together ever since. And, thats why our cattle always like me best.

Army of Mom said...

Dad's balls. Not the bull's balls. Noooo, no sirree. Would never fondle those large, luxuriously soft, tender ... I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

Matt the K said...

El Toro was just nuts over Maria.

Matt the K said...

Ranchos Huevos Gigantos

Robert said...

1) The true professionals ALWAYS try to make their donkey feel comfortable before the show.

2) Of course in Montana, it's perfectly normal to inspect your soon to be rocky mountain oysters.

Rodney Dill said...

Balled is beautiful

Army of Dad said...

Maria loved old rap songs and could often be heard singing to herself.

I wish I was taller, could have been a baller...

Adjustah said...

Just another day at the Los Angeles Heavy-Petting Zoo.

Word Verification: Pigask

Dactyl said...

That reminds me, the Golden Globes are on tonight.

Submariner said...

When asked what those were, the Mrs. told the grandson they were "nothing." 'Course that's cause she's been spoiled...

steve o said...

Hmmm. A couple of things seem out of proportion to the other thing.

GregMan said...

Just another day at the Folsom Street Petting Zoo.

GregMan said...

KAMEL TOE - UR DOIN IT WAAAY RONG

GregMan said...

If you think SHE'S smiling, you should see the camel...

(yes, that's a camel, not a bull... and I feel really ashamed that I know that)

GregMan said...

Pleased with the success of their Pre-K sex ed program, the Obamessiah administration moved on to vetrinary schools.

dub said...

Moments after a few gentle caresses, Lisa learned where paste REALLY comes from.

dub said...

I CAN HAZ GERMAN MOOVIE CONTRACT?

dub said...

I saw this movie in college. It was better when the actress was dressed as a nun.

molson said...

It puts the testicles on the chin or it gets the electric thong again.

Army of Mom said...

Maria singing:
The bull is alive, with the sound of music.

or
Big hairy nutsacks and slutty attire
dub's skinny fetish and subby's desires
skanky prom dates and V's laxative stings
These are a few of my favorite things

dub said...

I'm starting to think that eHarmony lets you get a little TOO specific on attributes you want in a spouse.

Rodney Dill said...

yes, that's a camel, not a bull...

I hadn't really thought about it, but I will defer to someone who obviously knows nuts up close.

With that in mind, here's another.

"The ship of the desert has dropped anchor."

Rodney Dill said...

It rubs the lotion on its skin, or it gets cold hands again.

Rodney Dill said...

"Hey Kobe, I'm... Oh nevermind."

WV: binged

Matt the Kostume said...

When they get this big, it's considered Tea *Busheling*.

Rodney Dill said...

"What's his name? General McAuliffe, of course."

jeff said...

Mooooooooooooooooooo!