Wednesday, January 21, 2009

OK, By Popular Demand, Have At It



Best of GregMan
The crowd held it's breath as the 9-ton armored SUV barreled down Pennsylvania Avenue, aiming straight for the Obamessiah and his wife. Fortunately it hit Michelle in the hips. Poor SUV never stood a chance.

Best of OneThing
The newer full body armors even have a certain drape to them. I mean, you won't see anyone on the runway with them, but still. And look at the colors: Avocado, Tangerine, and now Harvest Gold!

Best of GregMan
She looks just like Jackie O. That's if Jackie O had an extra 300pounds of meat on her, took anabolic steroids, had hips the size of redwood tree trunks, and could bench-press 600.

Best of The Man
Obama got out and walked 3 blocks, his wife's hips walked 4.

Best of sonicfrog
Barack: "Michelle, that dress is gorgeous".
Michelle: "Thank you. I saw it in the window and just had to have it"

Best of Jay Guevara
"Watch. Even now that I'm Prez, I bet I still won't have any luck hailing a cab."
Maid at Blair House: "Rosa, have joo seen the curtains in the VIP suite?"

Best of OneThing
In his first test of diplomacy, President Obama met, without preconditions, the leader of the fighting Uruk-hai.

Best of ILoveCapitalism
(Michelle to off-camera admirer-with-son:) "Give up the halfling, she-Elf!"
(Admirer:) "If you want him, come and claim him!"

Best of Dactyl
Barack thought bubble: "Just keep smiling and she won't pounce!"
wv: forshbik. The sound made by Michelle pouncing.

Best of Army of Dad
Bitch stole my couch.

Best of Army of Dad
Secret Service code name: Loveseat.

Best of molson
Oh I see the problem. She left her battle axe in the limo. No wonder why the outfit didn't work.



Best of Ace...

President Obama Strolls Down Pennsylvania Avenue Wearing Smart Engish-Cut Suit; Michelle, Meanwhile, Wears Ceremonial T'k'arnanth Klingon Battledress.

Hey, nice dress. Who shot the curtains?

I didn't realize Lt. Worf was so "hippy." The Dodge Viper looks up to her for having a wide rear wheelbase.

Michelle Obama is not a good-looking woman, unless you like them "fierce" in the literal, rather than gay-fashion-lingo, sense. Last time I saw a mouth like that it was in Predator.

I don't want to be bitchy, but Michelle Obama looks like she just got a full-body bukake from 30 horny couches.

She looks like she just got raped by the cast of Joseph and the Amazing Monocolor Dreamcoat.

I'm not saying she's bulky, but is she wearing a coat, or is that the jibsail from a gay pirate ship?

I don't want to say she looks immense in that gold circus-costume, but Auric Goldfinger just had a stroke-inducing orgasm.

Chewbacca just called. He wants his wife's housecoat back.

38 comments:

Matt the K said...

I yield the caption floor to our distinguished Bloghoster from Virginia. Bravo, sir.

Army of Mom said...

My grandma called. She wants her bedspread back.

Anonymous said...

More from Ace (and others) on the follow-up:

for those who aren't happy with my snarking on Michelle "Gilded Sasquatch" Obama -- have some perspective.

I'm not saying she looks enormous, forbidding, and medieval. I'm just saying Mrs. Witch-King of Angmar almost wore the same thing.

I don't know who wrote this, but it's funny:

"She doesn't need a purse. She needs endtables."
Yeah, I'm not saying she looks like some enormous piece of ungainly furniture, but whenever I'm in the same room with her, I simply must know how she looks opposite the divan.

She first wore that dress in her only Hollywood acting job, when she played The Vault in Kelley's Heroes...

I think she looked quite fetching. Let me be the first to say, "I would definitely hit that."
That's from Big Brown, winner of the 2008 Kentucky Derby.

Cuffy Meigs disagrees:

She's wearing more gold foil than the Apollo Moon Lander.
She looked like a chick Aslan from Narnia used to date, before she got heavy.

She looks like Snuffalupagus' cousin, Muffalupagus, auditioning for a part in The Wiz.

She looks like the Solid Gold Dancers. No, I mean all of them.

GregMan said...

The crowd held it's breath as the 9-ton armored SUV barrelled down Pennsylvania Avenue, aiming straight for the Obamessiah and his wife. Fortunately it hit Michelle in the hips. Poor SUV never stood a chance.

GregMan said...

I'm not saying Michelle is fat, but her seamstresses used Chewbacca as a clothes dummy for that gown.

GregMan said...

Somewhere a zoo is missing it's female rhinocerous. And a gold-colored tarp.

OneThing said...

The newer full new body armors even have a certain drape to them. I mean, you won't see anyone on the runway with them, but still. And look at the colors: Avocado, Tangerine, and now Harvest Gold!

OneThing said...

Ahhggg. I hate it when I make a lame caption even lamer with bad editting. Excise word "new" as in:

The newer full body armors even have a certain drape to them. etc.

GregMan said...

She looks just like Jackie O. That's if Jackie O had an extra 300pounds of meat on her, took anabolic steroids, had hips the size of redwood tree trunks, and could bench-press 600.

GregMan said...

Phrases slightly less likely to be heard than before last Tuesday #142:

"Man, remember when we had a slim, sexy, hot chick for first lady? I really miss Hillary."

The Man said...

Obama got out and walked 3 blocks, his wife's hips walked 4.

Anonymous said...

Someone should tell michelle that the seatcover from the presidential limo is stuck to her butt.

Snowdog said...

Barack: Oh, no, she's starting to levitate. Quick, sedate her before her head starts spinning all the way around.

Two Dogs said...

Absolutely NO black folks on the security detail, we want to be recognizable!!

(Kinda like a turd in the punchbowl.)

sonicfrog said...

Barack: "Michelle, that dress is gorgeous".

Michelle: "Thank you. I saw it in the window and just had to have it"

Barco Sin Vela II said...

The limo was packed solid with Kennedy, Reid, Soros, Pelosi, Moveon.org Arianna Huffington and there was no room for the President.

So he had to walk.

Achilles said...

"Speed up, I'll get 'im with the car door!" Robert Byrd shouted.

jj said...

Definitely global warming with those thighs rubbing together.

and the sound...sorta like Costanza's suit.

Anonymous said...

She looks more masculine that her husband What's up with that?

flyovercountry said...

The crowd cheered as the new president took his historic walk down Pennsylvania Ave. They had to cheer, he brought Darth Vader with him.

flyovercountry said...

Michele to her husband:

"Come on, step it up. Don't forget you've got half the country to screw over. Stop wasting time."

Jay Guevara said...

1) Obama thought bubble: "Watch. Even now that I'm Prez, I bet I still won't have any luck hailing a cab."

2) Maid at Blair House: "Rosa, have joo seen the curtains in the VIP suite?"

Jay Guevara said...

Obama to Michelle: "OK, check 'Prez' off the list. What shall we run for now?"

OneThing said...

In his first test of diplomacy, President Obama met, without preconditions, the leader of the fighting Uruk-hai.

Julie the Jarhead said...

C'mon guys and gals. Obama's not that fat.

Oh, you mean the one that's dressed like a hand-made Christmas ornament -- never mind.

dub said...

CIA Agent #1: "Look at 'er....built in America, Seating for 10, extra wide wheel base, able to withstand a nucular blast."

CIA Agent #2:"Wow, I didnt know any of that about the Presidential limo."

CIA Agent #1: "Limo? No, I'm talking about Michelle."

ILoveCapitalism said...

From _Obama Inaugural Transcripts_ published by the Secret Service under an FOIA request, 2010.

(Michelle to off-camera admirer-with-son:) "Give up the halfling, she-Elf!"

(Admirer:) "If you want him, come and claim him!"

ILoveCapitalism said...

Whoops, wrong transcript, sorry. This was it:

(Michelle:) Fool! No man may kill me!

(Barack:) I am no man!

Dactyl said...

Barack thought bubble: "Just keep smiling and she won't pounce!"

wv: forshbik. The sound made by Michelle pouncing.

Dactyl said...

Jay Guevara: "2) Maid at Blair House: "Rosa, have joo seen the curtains in the VIP suite?""

So you automatically assume that the joo stole them, is that it?

Dactyl said...

Man in foreground: "Man, I used to be governor of Arkansas. I was almost the Republican candidate for POTUS. I killed on Saturday Night Live. And look what I'm stuck doing now."

Army of Dad said...

We can only hope that this chapter of our history will be Gone With The Wind.

Army of Dad said...

The Emperess' new clothes.

Army of Dad said...

Bitch stole my couch.

Army of Dad said...

Secret Service code name: Loveseat.

molson said...

Oh I see the problem. She left her battle axe in the limo. No wonder why the outfit didn't work.

Anonymous said...

Fresh Prince of Bill Ayers and Blaquie O!

Oiao said...

The Obamas were especially proud to show off their new "Cracker Squad" of Secret Service agents.