Wednesday, January 28, 2009

My Parents Used to Threaten Me With This



1. V the K blames his inability to be as funny as Iowahawk on traumatic childhood incidents like this.

2. "That foaming at the mouth? It means he just brushed his teeth, Billy."

3. "Notice how while you have experienced a head-rush, all your money has fallen from your pockets and been snatched up by greedy little scavengers. Now, do you understand Obamunism, Billy?"

4. "His guard is down, Billy. Grab him, and we'll eat meat tonight!" Oddly enough, the raccoon was thinking the same thing.

5. "Do you still wanna play with Barbie dolls, Billy? Or do I need to dangle teh ghey outta you some more?"

Best of Jack Reacher
Woman's thought bubble: If he's feeding them that, they're never gonna go for these rice cakes.

LOL Best of Matt the K
"And this is why having English majors as parents really sucks", lamented young Participle Smith.

Best of dub
Unlike other parts of the country, in the North they hang the white people over the coons.

sorry

Best of Rodney Dill
"NOOCCAR NOOCCAR!"

Best of Chrees
Hope and change... and zoos doubling as live birth abortion centers.

Best of jeff
Raccoon: "I've got him sir, you can let go of the legs now."

Best of DoubleU
Ok Billy, now try and pull his mask off.

Best of prince of leaves
"Ahh, another offering. You have done well, human...your raccoon overlords are well pleased."

Best of Colorado Patriot
"Okay, son. Now we'll continue yesterday's experiment by seeing if the dip in the septic pool will fend off the varmints."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Pull me back up, Dub. You were right--they're fatties."

Best of attmay
"Okay, but if we pull you up do you promise to be a good Democrat and worship The One like we told you?"

Best of ochagirl
I know that it's hard to quit visiting http://www.hangingkidsbytheirfeet.com, but TRY, V the K, just try.

Best of molson
The raccoons proved be relatively tame. The badger cage didn't go so well.

Best of Passionate Conservative
Bubba, stop feedin' the kids to the coons! You know it gives 'em gas!

32 comments:

Jack Reacher said...

Woman's thought bubble: If he's feeding them that, they're never gonna go for these rice cakes.

Matt the K said...

"And this is why having English majors as parents really sucks", lamented young Participle Smith.

dub said...

Unlike other parts of the country, in the North they hang the white people over the coons.




sorry

Matt the K said...

In today's news, local boy Timmy Jones' head was mauled when Ricky Raccoon (left) turned around and mistook the boy's cap for sworn mortal enemy Rubber Ducky.

flyovercountry said...

It's rather obvious that the phrase "crazy as a pet coon", does not refer to the coon in this photo.

Rodney Dill said...

"NOOCCAR NOOCCAR!"

Chrees said...

Hope and change... and zoos doubling as live birth abortion centers.

jeff said...

Raccoon: "I've got him sir, you can let go of the legs now."

DoubleU said...

Ok Billy, now try and pull his mask off.

The Man said...

Noodling for racoons

prince of leaves said...

"Ahh, another offering. You have done well, human...your raccoon overlords are well pleased."

prince of leaves said...

As the Obama depression deepens in 2011, environmentalists discover that they can maintain biodiversity, reduce the overall human footprint on the increasingly troubled Earth, and dramatically reduce household expenses by feeding their children to zoo animals.

prince of leaves said...

"...and if it please you, accept this sacrifice, melt this snow, and restore our normal weather patterns..." -- locals attempt to appease Gaia after a 'Global Warming' sermon from St. Algore.

Colorado Patriot said...

"Okay, son. Now we'll continue yesterday's experiment by seeing if the dip in the septic pool will fend off the varmints."

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Overworked German zoo officials asked patrons to volunteer with clean-up after racoons defaced their enclosure with obscene gang graffiti. One positive outcome... little Hermann would never again draw pictures on his parent's living room wall.

Mr Hankey said...

Pictures of the final showdown between Rocky and Daniel. Daniel was hot, as he drew first and shot
Rocky who collapsed in the corner.

Originally Rocky had come equipped with a gun to shoot off the legs of his rival who had apparently stolen the girl of his fancy named Magil - she called herself Lil, but everyone knew her as Nancy.

Submariner said...

Breathless Chris Matthews voiceover; "...and if little Ricky sees his entrails, it'll be 8 years of Hope and Change..."

Jack Reacher said...

"Pull me back up, Dub. You were right--they're fatties."

GregMan said...

Children - The Other White Meat

GregMan said...

Of course the raccoons are fat. Look at what they get fed.

attmay said...

"Okay, but if we pull you up do you promise to be a good Democrat and worship The One like we told you?"

Mr. Right said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr. Right said...

"I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines!" --- EPIC FAIL!!!

ochagirl said...

I know that it's hard to quit visiting http://www.hangingkidsbytheirfeet.com, but TRY, V the K, just try.

ochagirl said...

There's something really, really, REALLY wrong with Wisconsin people.

Submariner said...

I always wondered how they trained bear-baiters...

Submariner said...

Da-ad; hanging me like this is bad enough. Would you just give the "Hakuna Matata" a REST!?!

Submariner said...

I'm sorry Billy, but a bet's a bet, and you're the one who picked the Lions to go to the playoffs this year...

molson said...

The raccoons proved be relatively tame. The badger cage didn't go so well.

molson said...

These days if you want to win the Darwin Award, you gotta start young.

Whacko said...

The treatment Billy got from his adopted parents made him realize that being raised by wolves in his earlier years hadn't been all that bad.

Passionate Conservative said...

Bubba, stop feedin' the kids to the coons! You know it gives 'em gas!