Friday, January 16, 2009

Driving with My Monkey

Brender


1. "There's that yellow hatted-bastard. Hit the gas and I'm free! Just you and me, baby."

2.Dennis Kucinich didn't have a license, but sometimes his mom let him sit on her lap and pretend.

3. "Dammit Chim-Chim. We will never catch the Mach 5 now. Ha-Ha!"

4. "OK, so Wendy's screwed up your order. Did you really have to fling poo at the Drive-Thru window?"

5. "Keep your hands at 10 and 2, you damn, dirty ape."

Best of jeff
Marianne wondered why everyone thought it was so funny when she said she had to "spank her monkey" when it was bad.

Best of dadoctah
Another of eHarmony.com's more egregious misses.

Best of dub
Sorry little Chim Chim, you need to stay in the special harness to get used to being in tight places. Trust me, it will get worse once we get to Mr Gere's house.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Another hands-free OnStar device GM never had much success selling.

Best of Unscrupulous
As if a monkeys lifespan weren't short enough. I got stuck with a woman driver!

Best of metalgarth
The first reality TV show that was ever considered beneath A&E's standards.

Best of metalgarth
Little known fact: B.J. and the Bear never went off the air in some markets, and kept Victoria Principal working into her late 60s.

Best of metalgarth
The Princess never regretted choosing Donkey Kong over Mario, but she still hated driving her inlaws to the market for fresh bananas every other day.

Best of Matt the Kostume
As part of the Daimler Chrysler merger of the 90's, Dieter's monkey had to transfer over to the Jeep Division.

Best of molson
Where will you be when your monkey's laxative kicks in?

Best of Silhouette
Woman's thought bubble: "Damn, Starbucks messed up my order again! I ordered a cappuccino."

Best of Submariner
"Capuchin This!"

Best of prince of leaves
Ghob-Nogg's culturally-sensitive adoptive parents enrolled him in activities like Mr. Saruman's Youth Mayhem League to keep him in touch with his Orc heritage.

Best of Dactyl
Mama Petrelli's other son wasn't as lucky as Nathan or Peter in the superpower department.

51 comments:

Rodney Dill said...

Ones a hairy ape, and ones a monkey that can drive.

mega said...

Not even illegals were willing to take the Driving Instructor jobs. Fortunately, congressional Democrats were able to develop an alternative solution that their spreadsheets said would work great!

jeff said...

Marianne wondered why everyone thought it was so funny when she said she had to "spank her monkey" when it was bad.

Because the monkey had scored higher on the driving test than Marianne, her drivers license was stamped "Driving Monkey Required."

Anonymous said...

Dammit Jeff.

dadoctah said...

Another of eHarmony.com's more egregious misses.

wv: burboyel (I think it's a stomach disorder)

dub said...

Before the hit movie "Driving Miss Daisy", there was the lesser known "Driving Miss AOM".

dub said...

Sorry little Chim Chim, you need to stay in the special harness to get used to being in tight places. Trust me, it will get worse once we get to Mr Gere's house.

Whacko said...

So this is the Democratic Party Steering Committee??

dub said...

Being a woman of lesser means, Betty had to settle for a Felching Monkey instead of those new sophisticated robots from Japan.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Who's surprised? First a judge hands down a ruling allowing blind golfers on fairways, now he rules in favor of guide monkeys that can steer. All part of the brave new world.
Update: Delta has a blind pilot requesting one of those.

WordVerfiy: twards - when it's not moving away.

dub said...

Meanwhile, on their way to the Thursday photo shoot....

dub said...

For the last time Barrack, you keep your hands at 9 o'clock and 3o'clock....

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Before the Huffington Post gets its panties in a bunch, I wasn't picking on blind people. This is actually one of those new defibrillator monkeys, taught to pound on the chests of drivers with faulty pacemakers. Dick Cheney got one for christmas.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Another hands-free OnStar device GM never had much success selling. Monkey can simultaneously peel a banana, answer a phone and make sure you don't miss the Schlossen cut-off. (I miss Johnny)

Jay Guevara said...

Thought bubble on monkey: "I just hope she doesn't have to parallel park."

Unscrupulous said...

As if a monkeys lifespan weren't short enough. I got stuck with a woman driver!

satted said...

Two democrat voters on their way to vote for the one....

metalgarth said...

C'mon hurry up! The King Kong movie marathon starts in five minutes.

metalgarth said...

The first reality TV show that was ever considered beneath A&E's standards.

metalgarth said...

Little known fact: B.J. and the Bear never went off the air in some markets, and kept Victoria Principal working into her late 60s.

metalgarth said...

A happy couple on their way to the Enumclaw Senior Citizen Prom

satted said...

Two monkeys on the way to inauguration day 2009.....

satted said...

Thought bubble over the woman: "I just don't understand why I don't fit in".....

metalgarth said...

The Princess never regretted choosing Donkey Kong over Mario, but she still hated driving her inlaws to the market for fresh bananas every other day.

Silhouette said...

Woman's thought bubble: "Damn, Starbucks messed up my order again!"

Barco Sin Vela II said...

The "Economy" version of the 'Trunk Monkey' likes to see where he's going.

Jack Reacher said...

ORA: Ross Geller never knew what hit him.

Jack Reacher said...

Laugh all you want, monors, but you never heard of a flock of monkeys getting sucked into the engines and bringing down an airliner.

Jack Reacher said...

You can just tell, somehow, who's on the way to Washington for the inauguration.

Matt the Kostume said...

Mrs. Johnson had her own similar smock which read, "Don't Pet Me, I'm Road-Raging".

Matt the Kostume said...

As part of the Daimler Chrysler merger of the 90's, Dieter's monkey had to transfer over to the Jeep Division.

molson said...

Where will you be when your monkey's laxative kicks in?

dub said...

molson said...
Where will you be when your monkey's laxative kicks in?

Brilliant!

Silhouette said...

And for those that need help:

Woman's thought bubble: "Damn, Starbucks messed up my order again! I ordered a cappuccino."

dadoctah said...

You learn to put up with the smell if it gets you into the diamond lane.

Submariner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Submariner said...

"Capuchin This!"
HuffPo steals yet another right wing conspiracy blog...

Submariner said...

RonPaulites irritate the hell out of me, but they ARE kinda cute when they're little...

mega said...

Kathy drove the next monkey to a US Air flight leaving Boston. So far, the plan was unfolding perfectly.

curly said...

Great – another warning from the government: Don’t play “monkey see, monkey do” while drivinng.

prince of leaves said...

2013: After the Democrat hypermajority in Congress and 38 state houses pass the 28th Amendment establishing an improbably broad definition of marriage, this sort of thing became a common sight at courthouses across the country.

prince of leaves said...

With the Obama presidency increasingly resembling the End Times, megachurch preachers cashed in on the frenzy by selling "early-warning prayer monkeys" to alert the gullible of the imminent arrival of the Rapture.

prince of leaves said...

Ghob-Nogg's culturally-sensitive adoptive parents enrolled him in activities like Mr. Saruman's Youth Mayhem League to keep him in touch with his Orc heritage.

prince of leaves said...

Mrs. Johnson's thought bubble: "Oh sure, it's cute when Eleanor Little adopts a mouse, but give birth to a monkey and people think there's something wrong with you..."

Submariner said...

"...and always remember, don't ever forget;
It's a severe safety hazard to spank your monkey while driving."

Submariner said...

She always felt guilty dropping him off at that cheap-@ss day care, but what else could dub's mom do with him?

jj said...

Mary, the undercover FBI agent, had the perfect plan. Drop off ChiChi, the explosives sniffing monkey, in Dearborn, then fling poop on the terrorists-in-training. We'll then be able to pick the terrorists out of a crowd in a snap.

Mephitis said...

After the monkey bit off her finger, she covered it with a sewing thimble, and proceeded to the nearest emergency room.

Dactyl said...

Where Pelosi gets her ideas.

Dactyl said...

Mama Petrelli's other son wasn't as lucky as Nathan or Peter in the superpower department.

dub said...

Submariner said...
She always felt guilty dropping him off at that cheap-@ss day care, but what else could dub's mom do with him?


Nice! Ha ha.