Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Achilles Revisited



1. "Poseidon, please receive this offering."

2. By dipping his young son in the River of Hope, Larry King turned him black and thus made him qualify for the Robert Reich "No White Males Need Apply" stimulus. He would try to attribute his pale left ankle to "that Michael Jackson disease."

3. "Don't be a wuss! Every kid likes to swim in raw, untreated sewage."

4. Britney Spears battles post-partum depression.

5. "Here Gator! Gator! Gator! Gator!"

Wicked Best of GregMan
James Lileks tries human sacrifice as a way to keep the Oak Island Water Feature running.

Best of Matt the K
Kids in Prague just love playing "Bobbing for Carp".

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
Mikul Jaxun; Ur dooing it rong

Best of flyovercountry
Black socks with sandals, knickers, shaved head and a backpack. He's not dipping the kid, the kid is trying to escape.

Best of prince of leaves
"I KNOW it's a gawdarmed toxic waste pond - you think I got money for a store-bought lice treatment?"

>Best of Buzzhead
This oughta teach you not to make fun of my receding hairline!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Twenty five years from now, this kid will stand up in a ski lift chair and... wham... déjà vu!

Best of Army of Mom
Ok, daddy, I take it back. I don't wish you were just like Steve Irwin!

Best of Whacko
Kid thought bubble: I swear, when I'm a dad, I'm not doing this to my kid! I'm hanging him over a pit of rabid raccoons!"

41 comments:

GregMan said...

Meanwhile, on assignment in Iraq, Joe the Plumber works on one of his local "sources".

GregMan said...

He's too small. Throw him back.

GregMan said...

WATERBOARDING, UR DOIN IT RONG

Matt the K said...

Kids in Prague just love playing "Bobbing for Carp".

Barco Sin Vela II said...

Mikul Jaxun; Ur dooing it rong

Anonymous said...

Joe the plumber relieves himself of a bit of his tax 'burdon' under the new Obama plan.

Snowdog said...

Thetis: "That's right, just dip him in the river. The heel? Come on. Why the hell would anyone shoot a guy in the heel?"

Matt the K said...

And so Hans Veerhogen, president of Die Faanzklubben-Michael Jackson-Nederlander, named his little one Deken, which is Dutch for 'blanket'.

Matt the K said...

Czeslaw, looking for a more olive shade of green, dyes his son's clothes in the village cesspool.

Jack Reacher said...

Gunther's son needs to earn his ice-cream money, so Gunther helps the boy collect change from the local fountain/treatment plant pool.

The Man said...

Hey times are tough for me too kid, now get me some nickels.

dub said...

Top Middle....all denim....total fatass. Just saying.

dub said...

Bruce thought to himself "Sure, I just loves me a good porno after watching football all Sunday while getting drunk and blowing Carl...but Jesus Christ, the ward at my church puts so much pressure on me. Then again, I am a MAN killing this baby, so I'll escape judgment. WOOHOOO!!"

metalgarth said...

I DON WANNA BE A BAPTIS!!!!!

flyovercountry said...

Black socks with sandals, knickers, shaved head and a backpack. He's not dipping the kid, the kid is trying to escape.

flyovercountry said...

The kid apparently asked one too many times for a drink.

Chrees said...

♪♪Trollin'
Trollin'
Trollin' on the river♪♪

prince of leaves said...

"I KNOW it's a gawdarmed toxic waste pond - you think I got money for a store-bought lice treatment?"

prince of leaves said...

"So, Timmy - do you STILL want to be like Greg Louganis when you grow up?"

prince of leaves said...

Mixed marriages are hard on kids. Timmy, for instance, had a baptist father and a Jewish mother, and ended up getting dipped and snipped in the same week.

Buzzhead said...

Achilles' mother sure was ugly, wasn't she?

Buzzhead said...

This oughta teach you not to make fun of my receding hairline!


wv: supsher. Supper for a lush?

Buzzhead said...

Hey! I found Nemo!

Carpe Phlogiston said...

No laws being broken here, folks... move along...
Parenting 101 - Clean the damn kid's hands immediately after he's done with that damn $4 ice cream cone that melted in the damn 102-degree weather after the damn wife dragged you away from the damn football game because she just had to see the damn art exhibit.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

Twenty five years from now, this kid will stand up in a ski lift chair and... wham... déjà vu!

WordVerify: emess - the US economy in a nutshell

GregMan said...

James Lileks tries human sacrifice as a way to keep the Oak Island Water Feature running.

Carpe Phlogiston said...

NRC budget cuts forced employees to provide their own radiation dosimeters. Having already lost his hair in one accident, Max wasn't taking any chances... every day became "take your least favorite kid to work day."

attmay said...

Worst. Gymnastics. Coach. Ever.

Mr. Right said...

After two years of Obama and a Democrat Congress, people all across America had to resort to desperate measures if they were to have any hope of gathering just a handful of change!

steve o said...

Huh. You don't see THAT everyday.

Black socks with sandals.

Submariner said...

I'm sorry Billy, but a bet's a bet, and you're the one who picked Brett Favre...

molson said...

A future taxpayer in training.

Army of Mom said...

'ow to speak Australian: Bait

Army of Mom said...

Ok, daddy, I take it back. I don't wish you were just like Steve Irwin!

Army of Mom said...

I told you to stop throwing your binky down. Now YOU get it this time.

Army of Mom said...

Man *mumbling under breath*: Just take him to the park and let him feed the ducks. It's simple, really, just be a dad for a change. Last time I let that stupid bitch talk me into a little father-son time.

Army of Mom said...

There. You happy now? You wanted to see the water.

Army of Mom said...

Potty training: Fail

Submariner said...

Thought bubble; "I wonder if she'd buy it if I say he just slipped..."

Whacko said...

Kid thought bubble: I swear, when I'm a dad, I'm not doing this to my kid! I'm hanging him over a pit of rabid raccoons!"

Anon said...

The guy in the Pic used to be a US Navy Officer and now lives in Idaho. No Joke

After I post this I'm going to call him and bust his balls over this.