Wednesday, December 31, 2008

2008 in Best ofs...

Told you it was gonna be teh lame.

January "Dammit, Jim! I'm a doctor, not an emo kid! Now someone get this damned wig off of me!"
- Frank IBC

They wanted to get all family members in the shot, but Leatherface had to take the picture.
- SOTG

Somewhere a Motel 6 is missing its pillowcases.
- Trigger Girlie
February

As she lost touch over the years with the other members of Mystery Inc., Thelma drowned her loneliness in a steady diet of Ben & Jerry's, Snickers and Jolt Cola.
- Adjustah

In an ironic twist, Mr. Moore was a victim of his own research into his new documentary entitled "Can Eating 300 Bags of Funyuns Induce Downs' Syndrome"
- mklasing


"Everything floats down here, Georgiana. When you're down here with us, you'll float too."
- Duke of Red

March
Spit it out, Timmy. How much for your sister?"
- Van Helsing


April

Holy Christ, where did you get this, who in mortal Hell took the photo and why, and why do you hate humanity?
- Two Dogs




"Please, Hillary! I'm loyal!... Stop your scan, you're hurting me! The Corps is mother! The Corps is father!" - SOTG

I'm thinking you and Flicka are more than just "friends." - silhouette


A little known Sharia rule states that a woman may talk with John Edwards without a chaperone with no threat of stoning.
- Seoulman


May
Chris Matthew's personal secretary, at work after an unusually spirited speech in Ohio by Barack Obama. - Mega



While staring at this pic, I count approximately seven thought crimes I've just committed... Twelve if I lived in Utah. - SOTG


June
V the Koward, I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian . the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick (intercourse) you really are.
- some troll


July
Michael Moore makes a pr0n movie. - Jack Reacher



Somehow Audio-Video Man never caught on as a super hero.
- Rodney Dill



August
...little Nancy was motionless, hoping that Gary Glitter would take the decoy first...
- Passionate Conservative


"The government gives them the drugs, builds bigger prisons, passes a three-strike law and then wants us to sing ‘God Bless America.' No, no, no, not God Bless America, God damn America!
- Curly


September
Dr. Bunsen Honeydo searches for his Beaker on a clothing optional beach.
- Subby



Keith Olbermann proudly display's his journalistic awards
- The Man


The Folsom Street 4-H Club holds it's annual indoor gardening show.
- GregMan



October
Cowspies - Prince of Leaves



On a cold Nebraska night, somewhere in the back of the bar, a woman could be heard calling Wildfire! -
Army of Mom

November
"Cousin Bluto told me the Germans attacked the U.S. at Pearl Harbor. Is that true, Ms. Huffington?" -
Kaptain Krude


How many psychiatrist sessions would we book if "she" turned around revealing "herself" to be Will Wheaton? - SOTG

December
Guy killed me Mal. Killed me with a sword. How weird is that? -
Army of Mom



Abner disdains the Mennonites' new rules for womens' vestments. - Matt Kostume

And Now for a Game of "Chick, Chick, Dork"

Duke of Red
1. ORA: Envy's little brother hangs in the background, holding flowers.

2. Outside the Korova milkbar, a droog spots his next vicky-vics.

3. Under the Amazonian Matriarchy, the prime job of a eunuch would be to carry the sexual appliances. Makes you feel a little better about Hillary losing.

4. For some reason, Joe Bob couldn't help wondering what a chubby ginger-kid would look like in the little blue dress.

5. The nerd's killing spree was later traced to the 20th Century Fox Lawsuit that delayed the release of 'The Watchmen' movie.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Abner disdains the Mennonites' new rules for womens' vestments.

Best of Submariner
Jedediah's thought bubble; "Verily, if I could just getteth AoM properly oiled and betwixt them, what merriment I could haveth!

Best of Jack Reacher
One of them will still be a virgin when the prom is over, but at least he'll have flowers.

Best of Submariner
Guess which one WON'T get a State Department Internship interview in 2009 and win a prize!

Best of molson
Uh oh. Someone has a psycho chubby.

Best of Passionate Conservative
ORA: "Issac: Behold, a dream did come to me in the night, and the lord did show all this to me."

Best of flyovercountry
The two popular girls had no way of knowing that Bill would eventually grow up to invent something called "Windows" and be able to buy their double wides with his walking around money.

Best of Army of Dad
Buy one empty-headed bimbo and get the second one half price!

The Littlest Stalker

Duke of Red
1. There are two red chubbies in this picture.

2. Bobby longed for the day he'd be old enough to slip her out of that tight little black dress.... and slip it on himself.

3. What's the big deal. Lots of supermodels have dorky looking boyfriends.

4. With Bobby distracted by the supermodel in front of him, Bobby's dad felt free to indulge his ether addiction.

5. That's not a supermodel, that' s Serleena. I can see Johnny Knoxville's second head in the background!

Best of Jack Reacher
Bobby Ginger's new fall line was the hottest thing on the catwalk, but he wished at least one model had a waist size larger than his head.

Best of metalgarth
Ronald McDonald Jr's famous name didn't help him "get served" billions and billions of times.

Best of trigger girlie
In this version of a popular classic, Pinocchio started as a a human boy, but something made him woody.

Best of GregMan
Bobby gets a head start on watching attractive women walk away from him.

Best of Submariner
ORA:After being snubbed yet again, Ginger went home and built a rocket in his front yard.

Best of Submariner
Goonies shouldn't come to fashion parades.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Ginger-Dub sees muffin-top! Ginger-Dub is appalled!"

Best of molson
The alpha Ginger hungrily eyes his prey.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Best of 2008 Nom Nom Noms?

Anyone want to nominate caps or photos for Best of 2008? Or do I have to do it? It'll be lame if I have to do it.

Hating Israel - So Simple a Caveman Can Do It


1. Some people apparently think O.J. got off too easily.

2. "Hey, kid, how'd you like to come to Chicago and become a respected educator?"

3. Too bad Cynthia McKinney's father wasn't around to help with his spelling.

4. "Dammit, this is the last time I let Joe Biden proofread my protest sign."

5. Geico was happy, their new spokesman would save them a fortune on caveman make-up.

Best of GregMan
Once Fareed got the idea that all citrus drinks were forbidden under Sharia law, there was no talking him out of it.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Why, yes, my name is Mohammed. How did you guess?"

Best of Dan... just Dan
Nice. Making fun of an out-of-work ACORN community organizer auditioning for his new job with CAIR. Read his story. Educate yourself. Morons.

Best of prince of leaves
In a statement from Crawford today, President Bush called for calm, while behind the scenes he worked to yet again restrain Tropicana's military response to ongoing missile attacks and other violent provocations by militant Starbuckstinians.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Hookahs on Phonics works for me!"

Best of attmay
Pepsi's really phoning it in with this new commercial.

Best of Whacko
So I'm guessing that this is part of Gov. Patterson's campaign to sell the 'fat tax' to New Yorkers?

Best of Rodney Dill
Earnest was later stoned for being anti-semantic

Best of Passionate Conservative
...what you didn't see was the reverse side, which read, "...and I want my 72 vermins..."

Best of steve o
The Milk Board in some parts of the world are really hardcore.

Best of Rodney Dill
"OK, now for the Christians, Habib... put up the death to all genitals sign."

Karaoke Tuesday


1. Ironically, right in the middle of his rendition of Madonna's "Burning Up," Bruce's privates caught fire.

2. Bruce's genital lice have have just elected a new pope.

3. One of the lesser known "troubles with tribbles."

4. The act never recovered after Lance and his saxophone ran off with Santa to Fire Island.

5. A week after performing at Barney Frank's Christmas party, Bruce was made CEO of Fannie Mae.

Best of Submariner
♪ Chest and nuts roasting on an open fire...♪

Best of Jack Reacher
"No, governor Blagojovich, the expressing is Singing like a bird, not like a...whatever."

Best of dub
Still on his first song, and already $23 in his G-string....AOD just knew he'd make a killing performing at his family reunion.

Best of dadoctah
Friends don't let friends put XTC in the eggnog.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Puff Daddy

Best of Matt the Kostume
Risky Business II: Sometimes, you just gotta say WTF is this???

Best of sonicfrog
OK, the Rosie O'Donnell variety show was bad enough, so who was the genius executive who thought it would be a good idea to give Andrew Sullivan a crack at it.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Shriners

Brender

1. "Oh, Holy and Blessed St. Burt Reynolds, please accept this offering of Orange Julius from thy humble servant."

2. The Cult of the Inflatable Rubber Cowboy grows daily.

3. Rod Blagojevich only wishes his hair looked that realistic.

4. The FTD Inflatable Rubber Cowboy bouquet was a huge hit on Castro Street.

5. On Folsom Street, instead of riding a pony for a quarter, you can take a moustache ride for a quarter.

Best of Paul
Not surprisingly, the Burt Reynolds doll can act better than the real thing.

Best of Jack Reacher
It's just a mannequin, a clothes-horse, it's never accomplished anything.
So, yeah, it can be a New York Senator.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu Hollywood wgah'nagl fhtagn."

Best of Matt the Kostume
You will do it, Pablo, for thy god Wayne Newton commandeth you to do it.

Best of conservativeteen
Juan wondered how splashing hot wax on his face would stop the cologyian attack fleet from devestating earth, but he knew better then to question the bust.

Best of Submariner
I know it's "the richest kind," but the spigot Juan Valdez uses to dispense his brew still wierds me out...

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Abominable Snowman


1. With a little luck, Calvin mused, no one would find Suzy Derkins body until Spring.

2. Despite some bloodstains on that old silk hat the police found, Frosty was exonerated by an LA jury and vowed to search for the real killers.

3. Once Algor's advance work was complete and the Earth was a frozen waste, the invasion could begin.

4. "That's it man, game over man, game over! What the f*ck are we gonna do now?"

5. Judging from his front yard, Ted Stevens ain't takin' his loss too well.

Best of jj
I told you that snow-blower was no good!

Best of Jack Reacher
CSI Wasilla only ran for three episodes.

Best of dadoctah
Don Hertzfeldt's "Rejected Cartoons" comes to 3-D.

Best of flyovercountry
An alternative ending to "A Christmas Story", where Ralphie did indeed "shoot his eye out".

Best of LifeTrek
It's all fun and games till snow'buddy loses an eyeball!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TIME-LIFE Videos Presents- Mating Habits of Hemophilic Snowmen

Best of Submariner
Oh, fer the luvva Gaia; Maude! Just put a cork in it and let's go; we're already a half-hour late for the Henderson's party!

Best of Matt the Kostume
Another senseless driveby at the North Pole...

Friday, December 26, 2008

Rejected Christmas Babe Photo


1. As a Christmas special, CSI North Pole went over about as well as the Star Wars Holiday Special. Here, an "elf" examines crime scene photos in a typically unrealistic police lab.

2. Attendance at the Smithsonian's National Postcard Gallery increased dramatically once new tour guides were hired.

3. Robert Mapplethorpe's Nightmare.

4. Drapes, carpets... the whole thing's just a mess!

5. Betty's job was to hang up 'Wanted' postcards for people Barack Obama had no contact with while a member of the Chicago political machine.

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Bitch and Stitch


Best of kg
Ho Ho Ho. Actually, just one Ho.

Best of Jack Reacher
All grown up now, little Ralphie still dreams of a Christmas gift that will have him shooting all day.

Best of prince of leaves
Standard Cap #23: Seconds later, the cute, fuzzy little alien critter disjointed his jaw and swallowed Brandee in one gulp.

Best of mega
White House Christmas parties took on a certain urban flavor under the Obama administration.

Best of steve o
Hmmm. Santa's a lot more hip than I thought...

Best of divine miss m
Subby was thrilled to see that she came with mistletoe, not cameltoe.

Best of molson
I don't care if it will put my eye out, I still want it. You hearing me Fatman?

Merry Christmas, Monors

Best of Adriane
Such nicely arched eyebrows.

Best of prince of leaves
All I want for Christmas is my two front teats.
Best of Jack Reacher
I'm glad I checked in to keep abreast of Christmas developments.

Best of GregMan
Flush with money after the government bailout, GM began testing many new airbag designs. Which made some GM engineers very, very happy.

Best of Barco Sin Vela II
Models display proper body placement to rewarm a freezing victim

Best of ochagirl
Blondes and Brunettes living in peace and harmony! It's a Festivus* miracle!

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

That's My Girl!


BTW: I posted some Christmas Toons over at teh other blog.

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Rudolph considered it an honor to be shot and killed by the hottest governor in the USA.

Best of Silhouette
The ACLU was torn. Yes, she killed Christmas, but she's a Republican. With a gun.

Best of ochagirl
She didn't understand why people were upset with her for cleaning up the reindeer gene pool. A glowing red nose would be devastating to the caribou population!

Best of mega
Unfortunately, Santa had to learn the hard way not to f*** with Saracuda's cousin's half-brother's kid, and, no, the State Troopers were not interested in following up.

Best of prince of leaves
McCain was envious when he saw this - his trophy room only featured a stuffed prairie dog, and he had to share credit for even that with the bipartisan Senate committee that had helped him bag it.

Best of Submariner
The perfect counterpoint to Bambi's Mom over the piano...

Best of Kaptain Krude
How a Republican says, "The buck stops here."

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I'll teach that Rudolph to sh*t on my car."

And it shook when applied harsh discipline, like a bowl full of lube


1. "wHOre! wHOre! wHOre!"

2. "Mommy?Why is Santa Claus spanking that whore with a Parker pen?"

3. Unfortunately for Santa, spanking was an ineffective defense against zombies, and he soon joined the legions of the undead.

4. "Hermie, get your faggoty elf ass over here and help me wrap Governor Spitzer's "stocking stuffer."

5. Since Santa was a long-time crony, Bush granted an immediate pardon on his domestic violence charges.

Best of Double the U
Just want I wanted for Christmas, a Courtney love Doll.

Best of ochagirl
Santa couldn't understand why spanking didn't shorten his naughty list; they just waited by the chimneys dressed in impractical nighties.

Best of GregMan
Man, Guy Ritchie has really let himself go. Madonna still looks OK, though.

Best of mega
Raine screamed out in pain as the jackass in the Santa suit missed her ass and hit her outer thigh for the fifth straight time. There has GOT to be an easier way to make $50.

Best of steve o
Santa's Red-butt Pain-dear

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Even the Subways Are NSFW Anymore


1. Headin' home on the A-Train after one Hilldawg's final senate Christmas party.

2. Sanjay didn't think any of his Twitter followers would believe what he was seeing... if he had any Twitter followers.

3. Sanjay strongly disapproved of the disgusting display. But then, Sanjay was a total fag.

4. Sanjay was just bitter over being caught in the latest indictment of V the K's phony high and might morality.

5. "Hey, if you know a better way of exchanging long protein strands, I'd like to hear it!"



Best of Jack Reacher
Sanjay thought "If a few of that guy's favorite things don't quit poking me in the leg, I'm gonna smack him."

Best of Jack Reacher
Sanjay knew enough not to make eye contact on the subway, but wondered why tonsil contact was okay.

Best of Kaptain Krude
I saw my brother's girlfriend kissing Santa Claus.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Thing 1 and Thing 2 always get this way around the holidays...

Don we now our gay apparel



1. To thank him for his piece of the bailout, Santa had the elves whip up something special for Barney Frank's stocking.

2. "For Christmas, all I want is an end to hatred and intolerance... and for everybody who voted for Prop 8 to have their faces chewed off by rats!"

3. "And if it's in your power, Santa, please have science come up with a cure for gayface."

4. "Hard rubber butt-plugs and bath house fistings,
Butch bondage bottoms tied up with strings/These are a few of my favorite things..."

5. "No, I'm not here to tell you what I want for Christmas, I just escaped from Ryan Seacrest's house. Call the cops! Now!"

Wicked Best of prince of leaves
Bruce was the one kid who never had any interest in getting his two front teeth for Christmas.

Best of The Man
Noone asks Santa what he wants for Christmas, for good reasons.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"And could you find some way to keep those Germans from bombing Pearl Harbor, Santa?" Gary could always tell when a reader from Puff Ho had been reading that sick intercourse V the K's blog.

Best of kg
Jimmy's thought bubble "Is that Santa's Clarinet that I'm sitting on?"

Best of prince of leaves
John Gibson was in a pickle: should he be enraged about gay pedophile Santas destroying the sanctity of Christmas, or ABC's hidden camera expose entrapping them?

Best of molson
Sorry there Butt-Buddy-Boy, but Santa only stuffs Christmas stockings. Now why don't you take your red nut huggers and prance on outta here.

Best of Double the U
Richard Simmons, the high school band years.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Now I know why Billy Bob Thornton's character was always drunk."

Best of GregMan
"...and an Inflatable Rubber Cowboy, and a huge pink dildo with spiky things sticking out of it, and some gladiator movies on DVD, and..." Santa wishes he had never asked the CapThis regular what he wanted for Christmas.

Best of Submariner
Santa's thought bubble; "I wish I knew how to gift you..."

Best of sonicfrog
"Mmmeeeeerrrryyyyyyyy Twinksmas!!!!!!!!"

Best of sonicfrog
During this years turn as Santa, Ned quickly came to regret his typo when he requested a "Saxy" Santa's Helper.

Best of flyovercountry
Bruce, who aspired to be just like Bill Clinton, had one major problem to overcome...

Best of Matt the Kostume
How Will Farrell landed the role of Buddy the Elf.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Smokin' Claus



1. There's nothing the president-elect enjoys more than a traditional Voodoo Christmas and a stocking stuffed with Maui Wowie.

2. A few puffs later and the Minnesota Canvassing Board discovered "80 Million Kajillion votes" for Al Franken.

3. After Grandma converted to Santeria, Christmas just wasn't the same.

4. And out of the Democrat's Christmas Caucus emerged a one hundred billion dollar bailout for the Doritos, Mallomar, and shiny things industries.

5. Christmas in the Teacher's Lounge.

Best of The Man
This could explain the half-eaten twinkie in my stocking last Christmas

Best of Matt the Kostume
Santana Claus

Best of Tim
Early Dr. Who was not know for it's expensive special effects.

Best of flyovercountry
Visiting Santa in the Head Shop was just not any fun for the youngsters.

Best of Submariner
Note the evidence of the smoldering about to ignite? This is the last known picture of Dawn, approximately 6.5 seconds before the final cranial eruption.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Don't mind me, I'm just taking a flight without the reindeer tonight."

Best of dadoctah
I think we have our answer. Andy Williams has finally lost it.

Best of molson
Rudolf with your nose so bright will you guide my sleigh through this ganja haze tonight?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Once Eric left for college and Kitty was in detox, Red Foreman and Leo had to celebrate the holidays alone in the basement... toking and mentally undressing Jackie.

Best of Chrees
A Clinton Christmas. George Clinton that is.

Hard Times


1. Coal in their stockings was just too good for the CEO's of bailed out banking institutions, but with their billions in taxpayer supplied bonuses, who cared if Santa thought they were naughty?

2. After the Democrat congress passed card-check, the elves workshop was taken over by the UAW. The new contract meant Santa had to pay them full-time wages even if they did nothing but play reindeer games. Soon, the North Pole was bankrupt and Santa was reduced to this.

3. "Whoa, is that George W. Bush's last shred of common sense? How long has that been in there?"

4. "Oh, look, the dignity of the U.S. Senate. Franken must have 'won' the recount."

5. "Wow! Look at all the testicles. This must be GOP campaign headquarters."

Wicked Best of Prince of leaves
What Santa left in the dumpster would be the subject of tragedy-whore Nancy Grace's breathless, sensational, and exploitative conjectures for the next six months.

Best of metalgarth
Sometimes Santa wondered if it was worth the time and effort to leave Oscar the Grouch a lump of coal in his stocking.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Santa delivers presents to Margot Kidder's house.

Best of GregMan
"Oh, look, the U.S. economy!"

Best of GregMan
"Oh, look, the stock price of the New York Times!"

Best of Kaptain Krude
ORA: Paul took off the white disco suit and put on the Santa suit to throw off Henry Rollins.

Best of molson
I know it doesn't look good, but at least this time Santa is wearing pants.

Best of mega
In a rare moment of clarity, Santa suddenly realized that all of the consumerist trash he'd been delivering to kids for two millenia was just that, and tossing it all in the dumpster lifted a huge weight off his shoulders.

Best of Jack Reacher
He was reduced to this, after an FBI wiretap caught Santa ranting "Hey, a spot on the Nice list is worth a lot; I'm not gonna just GIVE it away!"

Best of Rodney Dill

Oh... who ate the raisins outta grandma's puke...


Best of Submariner
Dub finally finally finds the perfect woman - not one ounce of body fat...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Calvin at the S'Quad?



Best of molson
Satanic Claus comes to town. Game over Frosty... Game over.

Best of prince of leaves
2023: the Great Democrat Depression finally over, the relieved American people felt increasingly free to make joking (if dark) references even to the terrible Cannibal Winter of 2011.

Best of Silhouette
It all started when evil Bush allowed all that arsenic in groundwater.

Best of conservativeteen
When asked, the answer people gave the most was "It must be how Michael Moore's food feels."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Granny Smeltzer hoped to discourage little Stephen King from sneaking into her kitchen to pig out on holiday cookies. She told him bedtime stories about the marzipan monster who ate bad little kids. Warped him pretty good.

Best of Whacko
Winter festival snow art at the psych hospital.

Best of Submariner
Said the artist; "I call it 'Algore and the Gobal Warming Unbelievers.' Miniatures suitable for your coffee table are available in your choice of styrene or plastic for only $368.75"

Best of Dactyl
'In his house at R'lyeh dead Cthulhu waits dreaming,' my frozen ass! Run for it!!

Best of Army of Mom
Clearly not the work of Andres Serrano.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Merry Commie Christmas with the Viking Kittens

Child of teh Doom

Army of Mom

1. "For unto us is born this day, in the city of Westland, a gangster..."

2. Counting on their fingers, the couple tried to figure out the odds that Pablo was the baby's actual father.

3. Using Rock, Paper, Scissors, Pablo and Tiffany tried to decide between naming the baby Juan Pablo Jesus Guillermo or Tupac.

4. Unfortunately, the Obstetrician belonged to the Bloods, and upon seeing them flash Crip signs capped all three of them.

5. "Start a college fund? Surely, you jest."

Best of flyovercountry
Mary knew that now, with a baby, Adolfo would be her husband forever, or at least until Obama granted him amnesty.

Best of Jay Guevara
The maternity ward nurse took the kid's footprints, and then debated whether to take his fingerprints while she was at it.

Best of Silhouette
Tracing an illustrious lineage back to the court of Henry V, Niles and Janie Sue Billington marked the birth of the future 12th earl with the Agincourt salute.

Best of prince of leaves
Juan and Tammy, both deafmute, pantomime their request for little Tupac's circumcision.

Best of Jack Reacher
Nobody was surprised when the first complete sentence spoken by Hector and Tina's baby was "You talkin' to me?"

Best of Matt the Kostume
Hector and Beeker's daughter were relieved to see that the baby was born with a fully-formed mouth and jaw.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Hi, I'm here recruiting for the local Montessori school, and...oh...sorry. Wrong room."

Best of sonicfrog
So this is what Ashley Todd has been up to.... or down to.

Best of Kaptain Krude
Pablo flashed his gang sign. Tammy signaled what was going to happen to Pablo's "junk" once she was up and about.

Best of Submariner
In the background, a banjo is playing "La Bamba."

Friday, December 19, 2008

Scenes From an Age

Brender

1. "Dude, I wouldn't want that thing in *my* ass!"

2. "Never had a Whopper before? What a loser!"

3. "Wow, that 'RawMuscleGlutes' guy is really digging our webcam!"

4. "I feel like ordering out for some Vindaloo. Because that would be really ironic."

5. "When I said our relationship could use some role-playing, I didn't mean World of Warcraft."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Sure, we engage in incest, cannibalism, and human sacrifice, but that V the K is one sick intercourse. Get back to Daily Kos."

Best of Double the U
M 28 looking for F 18-30, must be into eating the flesh of her enemies and drinking goat's blood.

Best of dub
Ooombaa teek clooowa noondooka dooka *click click* wombpahaaa.
Translation: "Dude, that Thursday girl is kind of fat".

Best of Matt the Kostume
Hello, I'm Oaxatalcalatupulcaxaptuzaluma, and I'm a PC.

Best of Submariner
Seriously; what do ORA and ATDHEA mean, Oog?

Best of prince of leaves
"Look, this guy from Kansas says that if I send him my bank account information, he'll let me keep a share of the cash he transfers out of the States!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
Production still from the multi-ethnic re-make of "Weird Science."

Best of metalgarth
"Nawwwww.... I wouldn't go there. Probably set up from 'Dateline'"

Best of ochagirl
I don't know about you, He-Who-Dances-Like-Squaw, but, so help me, the next person to ask me about the other Village People will see the business end of a few arrows.

Best of Silhouette
Suddenly, the BCS makes sense.

Best of attmay
"Hey, look at this ad I found: Pose for a box of butter. Wanna give it a try? We sure could use the wampum."

Best of mega
"Wow, this fetish porn stuff is totally off the reservation."

Best of GregMan
"There! See! I told you the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor!"

Mutater

Metalgarth

1. And then, Neil Bush ripped out Rosie O'Donnell's still-beating heart and showed it to her before plunging the stake through it.

2. Though employees at AIG enjoyed lavish Christmas bonuses, employees at other companies weren't so lucky.

3. Still smaller and less gross than what my cat barfs up on a typical day.

4. Vegisexuals were delighted with recent Massachusetts and California Supreme Court decisions.

5. The only Christmas ornament legally allowed after Obama apoointments pack the Supreme Court.

Best of Whacko
That's the second largest Hemorrhoid I've ever seen!

Best of GregMan
What happened once his laxative kicked in.

Best of GregMan
"It followed me home. Can I keep it?"

Best of jj
After the terrible Cone of Silence accident, Maxwell Smart holds up the remnants of The Chief.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Dr. Finkle displays a record-setting bezoar removed from the only person foolish enough to have actually eaten a holiday fruitcake.
In honor of the late Travis Splotz, Finkle plans to wrap the bezoar up and regift it.

Best of Jack Reacher
A spokesman for WWF denies that the Federation condones steroid use, while he holds his pet goldfish.

Best of metalgarth
"In Chernoybal, Potato eats YOU!"

Best of Submariner
Unlike Macleod, this immortal tooks scrot's from his wins, not heads.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Chevy Chase shows off the tumor that has been responsible for the discomfort in his career.

Best of Jay Guevara
"See? Liberals do so have a soul!"

Best of flyovercountry
NBC, trying to gain ratings, announced it's latest reality show entitled, "What is this Thing".

Best of prince of leaves
2056: her personal assistants wheel out a retiring Helen Thomas for one last White House press conference.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Due to first-cousin royal family marriages, apparently this is heir to one of the thrones in Europe.

Best of Dr. Hardcrab
The world was happier place since Roberto Benigni decided to take up tuber growing instead of making movies....

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Look, She's Got Ennui All Over Her!



Best of Jack Reacher
Marie loved her new phone, but eventually had to get a restraining order against the creepy Verizon guy.

Best of molson
SSSSooorrryy fffoooorr sommme reeeeasonnn theeee keyyyyboarrrddd is stiiiiickkinnggg......

Best of steve o
Where'd the kitty go?

Best of steve o
I became more and more interested in this post... and then I suddenly lost interest.

Best of mega
This is what, like the millionth time a Curtain-Porn shoot was ruined when a photog's assistant stepped into the frame right before the climactic wind-blowing-across-the-fabric money shot. F' it.

Well, You Don't Expect Her to Actually Walk in Those Boots, Do You?



Best of Army of Mom
No thanks, Lucy Liu. Take that mangled up strap-on down the page to Michael Jackson.

Best of Whacko
"Rosie! No! Don't sit down! Not here! AAAAHHHHH!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
The blossoming romance between Tinkerbell and the Jolly Green Giant had hit a snag. Suddenly realizing her eyes were bigger than her "stomach," Tink panicked and recanted, "Holy crap, size does matter!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Okay, there's your problem--rear main seal's leaking." Tina was the most popular mechanic at the garage when she got under the cars for a look-see.

Best of Submariner
Every guy should have a little black dress with one of these in it...

Best of prince of leaves
"'Vero Possumus?' WTF?"

Best of lawhawk
I get that look alot.

Best of steve o
Another lucky lady meets "little steve o" for the first time.

Best of mega
The odd shadowing beneath her indicated that this was, in fact, Kim Jong Il.

The Prom Date From Heck




Best of Army of Mom
It would appear that Phil the Syphillus Sore has found a new home on this gal's strap-on.

Best of metalgarth
guaranteed to get backstage at GWAR

Best of Van Helsing
Andrew Sullivan wants his pants back.

Best of Jack Reacher
Kim just told people she was a prostitute, because she didn't want them to discover her true vocation--community organizer in Cook County.

Best of dub
How does she get her poop so light in color?

Best of Julie the Jarhead
Michelle Malkin is ready to tell the Big Three auto makers where to stick their bailout.

Best of sonicfrog
I didn't know John Waters was making a sequel to "Pecker".

Best of flyovercountry
Wow, those Saturday morning cartoons just aren't like they used to be when I was a kid.

Best of molson
Oh dear. It looks like Chim Chim is going to take another one for the team.

Best of Matt the Kostume
George Takei takes his new persona to the XTREME!

Best of steve o
Whatever you do... DON'T LOSE!!

Best of prince of leaves
When the government of Singapore announced their new "let the punishment take disturbingly bizarre inspiration from the crime" sentencing rules, instances of rape dropped to zero overnight.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
PMS - You'll know when yer woman's got it... the relationship takes on a whole new freaky dimension.

Best of Whacko
This woman has at least the same qualifications as that Kennedy woman and would make watching C-SPAN a hell of a lot more interesting.

Best of lawhawk
The new Secretary of Sex Education had a few ideas that might seem a bit unorthodox.

Best of Submariner
Say hello to my li'le friend.
No. REALLY.
SAY IT!

Best of GregMan
Miss Chan took her duties as Pre-K Sex Ed teacher under the Obamessiah Administration very seriously.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Mask of Whacko


1. "Mr. Jackson, most of us refer to this retail establishment as 'Toys R Us,' not 'the Bait Store.'"

2. MJ was now so light in his loafers he required two personal assistants just to hold him down.

3. The one-time Prince of Pop is now too broke to even afford an Illinois senate seat.

4. "The restraining order at the elementary school applies to Mikaeel Jackson, not to El Zorro!"

5. Always on top of the latest trends in cosmetic surgery, Mikaeel immediately demanded a swastika tattoo on his chest.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Okay, Michael, you have the cup, now we just need to get your cardboard sign whipped up and you'll be raking in the quarters."

Best of flyovercountry
WV inksnoge, what they put on Jackson's nose to mark what to cut off.

Best of dub
Clearly the fires of hell of all but melted the last remnants of Michaels WWJD bracelet.

Best of molson
Oh come on. No one wears white slacks with black shawls these days.

Best of robert
Genetically modified fruit.

Best of sonicfrog
Holy Cow! Ralph Machio is dating Michael Jackson????

Best of prince of leaves
Too-short niquab, visible chin, tight leggings, wrists showing -- no wonder the Mukhabarat hauled the filthy whore away for a stoning.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Leper Leper Unclean Unclean

Best of Submariner
"Bene Gesserit!" the Baron thought. "The universe would be better rid of them all..."

Best of conservativeteen
Blagojevich was almost to the airport when his disguise fell off.

Two Grannies Enter, One Granny Leaves!

Metalgarth
photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage.com - December 1, 2008

1. Oddly enough, Andrew Sullivan has this outfit.

2. And so, Tina Turner enters the deeply disturbing Sunset Boulevard phase of her career.

3. A wardrobe malfunction would instantly turn most of the audience ghey, if most of them weren't ghey already, I mean.

4. ORA: Harry Mudd was once again late with the shipment of the Venus Drug, but the show had to go on.

5. Y'know, at this point, love would pretty much have to have everything to do with it.

Super Best of prince of leaves
See, this is what I hate about the holidays. Grandma gets a little eggnog in her, and next thing you know she's staggering through the porch screens while trying to sing karaoke.

Best of Jack Reacher
Wow, the QVC hostesses are going all out this Christmas.

Best of flyovercountry
Who knew that after 8 years of the Obama administration, Tina Turner would live long enough to actually become Aunty Entity?

Best of Jack Reacher
"This one goes out to the brothers with swastika tattoos. It's called 'The Best Part Of You Ran Down Your Daddy's Leg.'"

Best of flyovercountry
Two men enter, one man leaves.
Posted on a sign outside of Tina's bedroom.

Best of metalgarth
In the afterlife, Mel Gibson found out that only YHWH was Lord and that he had an ironic sense of justice

Best of Seoulman (R)
It was an exciting night for Tonya who won 5th place in the Dolly Parton look-alike contest AND 3rd in the Tina Turner contest.

Best of Matt the Kostume
Tina Turner Beyond Thunderthighs

Best of GregMan
Obligatory CapThis Caption #3,775: "You kids get off my lawn!"

Best of Submariner
When it proved impossible to stop the R-549 from rolling, SkyNet quickly moved on to create the T-800.

Best of prince of leaves
Ah, crap, I thought they weren't going to make a sequel to "Battlefield Earth"?

Best of prince of levaes
While prolonged exposure to the solvents in her wig glue had given Tina the face of a ninety-year-old, dancing around on stage in 350lbs of chain mail four nights a week in Vegas had given her the strength and cardiovascular system of a full-grown grizzly bear.