Saturday, November 29, 2008

Another Dirty Job Mike Rowe Wouldn't Touch

Brender
1. If there's a better metaphor for the McCain 2008 campaign, I don't want to know about it.

2. With all drilling everywhere outlawed by the Democrat Congress, desperate Americans searched everywhere for fuels to heat their homes.

3. "Those monkeys will never know what hit them."

4. "Now, we set this on fire, and put it on Newt Gingrich's doorstep."

5. "Green job my ass."

Best of flyovercountry
Fortunately, Katie Couric was able to find gainful employment after the MSM went belly up.

Best of prince of leaves
TRICK R TREAT: UR DOIN IT RONG!

Best of mega
Obama's make-work projects, as promised, provided government employment for thousands of layed-off IT executives and
banking professionals.

Best of Submariner
EATIN AN ELEFANT 1 PIECE AT A TIME - UR DOIN IT F'IN RONG!

Best of Kaptain Krude
If you observe closely, you can see the exact moment that Mary decided that being on unemployment wasn't really all that bad.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Martha Stewart looked forward to making all-natural organic Christmas decorations

Best of MattKostume
Serengeti jackpot

Best of metalgarth
Where George Lucas got the script for Star Wars Episode I, the Phantom Menace.

Best of molson
Congress pushes out the next bailout plan one piece at a time.

Best of Whacko
Rosie O'Donnell's latrine orderly: One of this year's worst jobs.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Just a Man and a Goat in a Cave

Lawhawk

1. "Gyencologist to Rosie O'Donnell" was a dirty job not even Mike Rowe would touch.

2. "Hey, A little privacy, please? Don't you infidels know what a sock on the door means?"

3. Then the realtor said, "It may be just a hole in the wall now, but for a young couple just starting out, it's perfect."

4. "Ahmed, I would not want to be in your sandals when Osama finds out it's been you screwing his wife."

5. "Don't worry, Lemmiwinks, surely this passage will lead us out of Sullivan's ass."

Best of Matt Kostume
"Muslim High School Lambs in Trouble" a Samuel L. Bronkowitz Production. Will the sequels never end????

Best of Stephen
After being busted while having casual sex in a bathroom stall during a soocer match the goat had to have her husband escort her out.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Just a few meters farther, Fluffy, then we'll be in San Francisco and the wedding bells will ring."

Best of Seoulman (R)
the honeymoon suite was not to Akhmed's liking.

Best of Submariner
When did Sarah Jessica Parker get the Muslim boyfriend?

Best of Matt Kostume
"What is it girl??...There's a man?...he's stuck in a well??..."

Best of flyovercountry
Thanks UHarmony!

Best of mega
Geraldo Rivera's "Al Capone's Vault" fiasco was even more of a mess than was ever told to the public.

Best of Jay Guevara
"The missus and I got a great ARM on this fixer-upper."

Best of molson
Oh come on baby. Don't be like that. I'll be gentle. I promise.

Mô tả:Chim thời có cánh để bay

Dan Justdan
1. Rough translation: "Food Fight!"

2. When Andrew Sullivan and the housebay had a spat, it was the basset that really suffered.

3. Jackie Chan can use *anything* as a weapon.

4. Underdog Goes to Vietnam featured an unusually tragic ending for a kids' movie.

5. Translation: "You come back here, Thanksgiving dinner!"
Best of Jack Reacher
"Wait! I wasn't done stuffing you!"

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Nothing more pathetic than a terrorist who forgets to pull the safety pin before tossing a deadly beagle grenade at an advancing SWAT Team.
(pin clearly visible in neck)

Best of Matt Kostume
The balloon vendor vowed revenge on the hapless puppy for sucking down the last of his helium.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Dumbo's little known affair showed that Lady was really a tramp

Best of Matt Kostume
Pablo had had ENOUGH. It was time to kick that poltergeist's ass once and for all.

Best of prince of leaves
Coming up...The cancellation of "Peanuts" leads Snoopy into a deepening spiral of drug abuse, prostitution, and hoverdoggery...When we return to "After the Strip", on A&E.

Best of conservativeteen
"...And don't come back until you have the rent money!" Even Rex was feeling the housing squeeze.

Best of Dactyl
And then Greg realized he'd forgotten to pay the gravity bill. Again.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Point and Click

Brender

1. "I'll just leave this 'nose nugget' on the monitor."

2. Virtualfingerpull-dot-com attracts a global audience.

3. "No, see, under the bikini strap... the first faint signs of a belly roll." The outsourcing of Thursday babe selection was not without teething pains.

4. "Look at this infidel using his faith and deeds to hide what a sick intercourse he truly is."

5. ORA: Point of Odor is once again appalled by a comment on Discarded Lies.

Best of flyovercountry
Ordering her Burkas from Fadwa's Secret on line was so much more fun than being stoned in the shopping mall.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Even lesbian burkha chicks enjoy a good game of spot-the-cameltoe.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I'm sorry, Mrs. Death, it doesn't work that way... You actually have to touch the person.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Is easy to write fatwah... Little paperclip tell me what say!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA:"The salmon mousse!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Robert Spencer, I am crushing your head! Crush, crush!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Is it repressive in here, or is it just me?"

Best of Jack Reacher
One of TSA's new unionized security supervisors selects Mildred Johnson, 84, of Moorehead, Minnesota, for additional screening.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Quiet! Geraldo is drawing a map in the sand. Somebody take this down."

Best of Chrees
I like this one: Widowed male (last wife was stoned), 34, lives at home with mother. Looking for woman with sense of humor, can cook, and knows how to mold C4. Experience with blasting caps a plus.

Best of Seoulman (R)
The ghost of Jihad Future was an unexpected addition to CBS's "A Multi-Cultural Holiday Carol"

Not Actually Gavin Newsom, But an Amazing Facsimile



1. The newly elected mayor of Green Bay Wisconsin holds his first press conference.

2. "Another question about meat, buns, and special sauce? My marriage to George Takei is a beautiful thing, but you guys treat it as some kind of joke."

3. Obama's economic adviser explains why bailouts are now 'Supersized.'

4. A man almost big enough to fill one of Rosie O'Donnell's orifices.

5. An orientation leader welcomes a group of former Lehman Brothers brokers to their new jobs.

Best of Double the U
I have more faith in this candidate than all the other combined.

Best of metalgarth
In parallel universe #4598 everyone's favorite novelty website is "I CAN HAZ KITTEH?"

Best of Tim
Quake and tremble!! for Gozer comes today!!!!

Best of Chrees
The "chocolate city" finds a more competent mayor.

Best of Submariner
Nervously "heh, heh... uh, nobody's seen Michael Moore, have they?"

Best of Jack Reacher
The Minnesota Secretary of State explains how 98% of "newly found" votes seem to be recorded for Al Franken.

Best of Submariner
Demonstrating proper community organizing; "Bottom bun, then patty, then cheese, then..."

Best of Whacko
"All right, ladies, spread your buns 'cause here comes the hot meat!"

Best of Rodney Dill
"Keep those freakin' kittehs away from me!"

Best of MattKostume
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Real f*ckin' funny... "Where's the beef?"...like I haven't heard that one before...DESTROY him!!!

Best of MattKostume
Ray Nagin's last words: "And if I am truly the sleazy, corrupt, racist opportunist, that THEY say I am, may God almighty turn me into cheezburger!"

Best of attmay
"To answer your question: No, just because we have yet to capture the Hamburglar does not make my administration soft on crime. We will find him and bring him to justice for the horrific hamburglaries he has committed, not to mention the unspeakable murder of Uncle O'Grimacy."

Best of molson
I would like to introduce the Bailout Burger which is just a fancy name for a 700 billion dollar shit sandwich.

Best of Seoulman (R)
In a dramatic display of emotion, Mayor McCheese announced he was converting to Judaism and as he could no longer mix milk and meat was going to undergo a chesectomy.

Best of Rodney Dill
Mayor McCheese: "....and now I'd like to announce the new McDonald's political action food.... Community Organizer McSleaze.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

So, Who Am I Picking on Today, Teh Catholics or Teh Gheys?

Brender

1. Stop me if you've heard this before, a priest, a metrosexual, and a transvestite nun walk into a Caption Blog...

2. "Yes, Newsom, it's still adultery when you band your aide's wife, even IF you are drunk at the time."

3. "All I said was I wanted to marry all three Jonas Brothers. C'mon, Gav, let's be progressive about this."

4. "OK, it's a bet, Gav. If I can *prove* I saw a leprechaun, you have to suck my balls."

5. "OK. that's two votes to lower the age of consent in San Francisco to 8... how do you vote, Sister Boom Boom?"


Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Father Brannigan whispers...
"Gavin, me boyo, I saw you pleasuring that little "Mikey" and want you to know I've matching lingerie outfits that'll get us on Caption This faster than you can squeal, Oh Heavenly Father!"

Best of Tim
Gavin plays footsie with the enemy

Best of metalgarth
"Fred Mertz, Man of the Cloth" fared as well with viewers as most of Lucille Ball's post "I Love Lucy" endeavors.

Best of Silhouette
"Get yer hand off me lucky charms."

Best of flyovercountry
Oh yes, St. Patrick's day, where we can all dress up like fairies, no wait, we do that everyday.

Best of dub
As Gavin admires the alterboys technique, he couldnt help but to smirk at the thought of being next.

Best of MattKostume
Mayor Newsom chuckled to himself, "He's diggin' it now, but boy is Father Pat gonna be pissed when he finds out I hired a WOMAN to go under the table!"

Best of molson
I am so going to dress you up like a nun and pump you up the... well you know what's coming so you can stop smiling already.

Best of Jack Reacher
When did Don Rickles become a priest?

Best of Seoulman (R)
You know what else is magically delicious

Best of attmay
"Knock it off, Monsignor. In case you haven't noticed, I'm over 18 and married."

Best of Submariner
Any connection between your tie hangin' straight and what that means for Dilbert, Gavin me boy-o?

How many of you spontaneously reversed your positions on drive-by shootings after seeing this picture?

Sondra K


1. Andrew Sullivan remains a devout Catholic... in his own way.

2. Jake Gyllenhall never got over it when Heath Ledger beat him out to play The Joker.

3. Jed couldn't make up his mind whet the Pope was fabulous or simply divine!

4. ORA: Sally Field has really let herself go... and still has self-esteem issues, apparently.

5. So, does this guy really think everybody else keeps a naked man in a cage in kitchen and feeds him dog food? Or is that the "sort of."

Best of MattKostume
"Catholic High School Mimes in Trouble", a Samuel L. Bronkowitz production

Best of Whacko
The sign's intended audience? The 110th U.S. Congress.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Despite a restraining order, the Flying Fag keeps vigil outside Sally Field's residence after legally changing the name of his weenie to Boneva.

Best of metalgarth
Ronald McDonald found religion later in life, and insisted everyone call him Sister Loretta

Best of flyovercountry
This message brought to you by the People Who Elected Obama.

Best of mklasing
No you are not! Nobody wears double cuff-links anymore.

Best of Jay Guevara
I don't know about drive-by shootings, but I've just reconsidered my criticism of people driving down the sidewalk.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Not that there is anything wrong with that

Best of conservativeteen
The Joker's sense of humor eventually led to him being kicked out of the "sisterhood" after he supplied one of their annual events with "exploding" plastic phalluses.

Best of molson
Just like me? That retarded outfit and the dick up your ass say otherwise.

Best of Chrees
You can probably guess where the bananas are.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Where No Monday Has Gone Before


1. "Dear Mom, Well, once again, Mr. 'Thpock' has shown up for the morning watch walking funny and wearing the wrong tunic. I tell you, the list of places 'where no man has gone before' most definitely does not include Spock's poop chute."

2. "... and I swear if Mr. Sulu grabs my thigh one more time while 'accidentally' reaching for the impulse engine controls he'll be piloting the ship with his left hand from now on."

3. "Aw, geez. Now, Spock just pooted. Watch him blame it on me and claim Vulcans never fart."

4. "I'll fire phasers in a minute. First, I have to sign Uhura's birthday card."

5. "Wouldn't it be cool if we got to wear... I don't know, rainbow toques or something?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"It appears, Mr. Sulu, that another copy of Stud Puppet magazine has jammed the controls."
"Oh, ah, that belongs to the ensign."

Best of Silhouette
"Stop wasting time with that stupid puzzle, Lt. Sudoku."

Best of Kaptain Krude
Spock: "Fascinating. The new gaydar keeps giving a contact from here on the bridge. Observations, Mr. Sulu?"
Sulu: (soto voce) "Bitch."

Best of metalgarth
I hate it when they print the Jumble in Klingon!

Best of MattKostume
"Hmmm... seventeen-letter word for 'Klingon sex organ'...."

Best of Submariner
Dear diary; I've been looking through the 21st century archives, and, hey; John Edwards is good!

Best of dub
Ensign Ricky felt an odd sense of pride, and also shame, for only having one sodomy bracelets.

Best of lawhawk
Day 65. The showers stopped working a week ago, and you have no idea what body odor is until you work with a Vulcan.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Slower, Spock! I graduated near the bottom of my secretarial class. Taking shorthand's hard enough in English, much less Vulcan expletives... at warp speed... while dodging those photon thingies. Should abandon ship be capitalized?"

Best of MattKostume
Lets see... blinky lights, fake boulders, ear extensions, fabulous trousers... what else do we need from the store???

Best of Rodney Dill
OK, now what a six letter word for the Roman god of fire?

Best of flyovercountry
OK, carry the 9, then add the next column to the left, got it. Mr. Spock, planet RH457 is 978,560,008,957,690,453,675,867,980 miles away.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Lieutenant, calculate how much we have to reduce the gain to keep the gaydar from blowing up."

Best of prince of leaves
"And as for you, Mr. Sulu, I'll thank you to stop attempting 'the Catamite Maneuver' on the young ensign here whenever I leave you alone with him on the bridge."

Best of Double the U
Stop looking over my shoulder Spock! Stop cheating and get your own answers.

Best of mega
Sadly, when Windows2266 froze, it was back to pens and paper on the Enterprise. Spock's vain attempt to fix the system with a stun-grip was laughable in the face of three centuries of accumulated bugs and bloatware.

Best of attmay
"Captain Kirk, what's a seven-letter word for a fat, bald, egomaniac, third letter "A"? Never mind, I think I thought of one."

Thanks for the Lids, Art


1. "Suit up, Number One. We're off to twentieth century Canada to prevent the assassination of Wayne Gretzky."

2. "Guinan knitted these herself, Number One. And I don't want to hurt her feelings."

3. In Alternative Parallel Universe 97-Theta, Star Fleet Headquarters is not in San Francisco, but in Duluth, Minnesota.

4. "Come on, Captain, we don't even pay the heating bill. Turn up the freakin' thermostat."

5. "Oh, sure, we run around the universe in bright red pajamas... but it's the hats that are silly!"

Super Mach 5 Best of Army of Mom
Who keeps singing that damn song about Jayne?

Best of Rodney Dill
Yah der hey

Best of Double the U
Capitan, the enemy has turned on their gaydar...and I must say you have never looked so muscular or handsome to me before.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Captain, the warning on the package specifically says not to fly through an ionizing nebula until the Rogaine thoroughly dries!"

Best of metalgarth
Why can't we be a cool parallel universe where everybody has a sinister looking goatee.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Tell the Rumulans they can have my toque when they pry it from my bald, dead head."

Best of MattKostume
Well, these 'helmets' looked a lot cooler in the Starfleet Catalogue...

Best of dub
Riker and Picard prove their racist tendencies by making Obama stay in the blurry background.

Best of Mr. MoK
"How's it sit?" Picard asked Riker. "Pretty cunning, doncha think?"

Best of Army of Mom
After wearing this hat, Worf thinks it truly is a good day to die.

Best of lawhawk
Number 1, that's the last damned time I let Data near the holodeck and disengage the hash protocols.

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: "The tinfoil has stopped the music for now, Number One, but the question remains: who would want us to hear 'All Along the Watchtower' in our heads, and why?"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Do you think the Peruvian Pan Flute player disguises will work?

Best of mklasing
Because of years of obvious racism aboard the Enterprise, Rev. Jackson gave them 2 options, either pay him $10 million Federation dollars or wear Rainbow Coalition hats on every mission.

Best of attmay
"With all due respect, Captain, just because you're embarrassed by your baldness doesn't make it fair to make the rest of us look like jackasses."

Best of Submariner
Picard thought bubble; "Maybe it WAS five lights...

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Urkel Has Some Odd Fetishes

Brender
1. Among Anti-Prop 8 protesters, these are known as 'the squares.'

2. "Only one ball! Oh, no! It's Hitler!"

3. "He's not peeing on me! Dang it! I paid $4,500 for this fantasy! He's darn well going to pee on me"

4. More activists arrive to help Al Franken "count" votes in Minnesota.

5. "I'm sorry, I wasn't laughing at you. I was thinking about Obama promising 2 million new jobs by 2011."


Best of Rodney Dill
"NO!!!! Not my gumdrop penis!"

Best of MattKostume
Michael Vick's Halloween in Hell

Best of Army of Mom
Dear Gingerbread House Magazine: I never thought it would happen to be, but this bitch was all over my balls in the middle of Times Square ...

Best of Army of Mom and Nanc
NO! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!

Best of prince of leaves
"You can't catch me I'm the GingerbreAIIEIEEIEIIEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

Best of metalgarth
3 words for the produces of The Dog Whisperer: JUMP THE SHARK

Best of satted
Would someone bring me the Viagra so I can get this over with?

Best of Submariner
DOGGY TREAT; UR DOIN IT RONG

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Guys Without a Face


1. And now, 30's-style fashions to go with our 30's-style economy.

2. "Well, Mom, maybe your last minute display of piety and face-covering will spare you an eternity in Hell, but we're still gonna stone you to death, infidel whore!"

3. "Because you're ugly and we're ashamed to be seen with you, that's why." Joy Behar's kids inherited her wit and class.

4. Next week on Our Gang, Spanky and Alfalfa dress up a broom as their mother so they can sneak into a strip club.

5. "Gee, thanks for the outfits, mom. Should I just bugger Jeffrey here, or wait till we get home?"

Best of Seoulman (R)
the Invisible Man luckily didn't have to display his painful teen problems like acne or unwelcome erections in front of everyone.

Best of Jack Reacher
The boys hoped that the headless apparition would distract attention from Timmy's man-purse.

Best of MattKostume
The boys hoped to win Shirley Temples affection by giving her a faceless wraith.

Best of Silhouette
Page 12: 1930s Handbook for Orphans. "When situations absolutely demand an adult be present, the ingenious young lad can easily fashion a "mother" from old clothes and a mop."

Best of prince of leaves
J.R.R. Tolkien meets John Steinbeck in the period crossover hit, "The Grapes of Wraith".

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Rod Serling once wrote a TZ meets the Hardy Boy's mystery, but The Curse of the Invisible Granny with a Giant Melanoma Tick from Mars on her Neck never caught on.

Best of dub
Timmy and Johnny are completely unaware that they have no chance of getting head from this woman.

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Storied Indecency of a Sick Intercourse



1. How Andrew Sullivan eats a Reese's.

2. "Hey, why are these labeled 'Tuesday?'"

3. "... And I'm spent!"

4. "You're right, Downy does work better than Snuggle."

5. Shortest ever lull between brutal fight and tender make-up sex.

Best of Whacko
Some folks have their testicles served on fine linen. Others must forage in the wild.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Bloomers" McBean so missed boot camp harassment by a DI who force-marched him around the barracks with underwear on his head that when he finally discovered a fetish substitute... no referee was going to spoil the eureka moment with a freaking 10-count!

Best of metalgarth
The FSWF* had no difficulties getting its product on pay-per-view TV, but most of its target audience would just as soon watch HGTV or 'Will and Grace' reruns.

*Folsom Street Wrestling Federation

Best of dub
Japanese characature translation: "How I Handle Hungry Men!

Best of MattKostume
I see London, I see France, I... think I'm going to puke.

Best of Submariner
The Yokohama brothers suffered through life the best that they could, considering their "temple-to-pubis" congenital join. When "E! Life Story" returns after the break, things change overnight when Vince McMahon finds them and realizes he has hit on WWF Tag Team gold!

Best of dub
Not to be out done by Dub's use of a sock in pant stuffing, Fuji Suzukiyakisoba decides to stuff his pants with another wrestler.

Best of Kaptain Krude
After Sandy "The Burglar" Berger's infamous escapades, the new security precautions went to ridiculous lengths.

Best of molson
The Dyslexic Teabagger managed to achieve victories through the most unconventional of means.

Why Should Holsteins Have All The Fun?



1. "Jed, how exactly did you get you get your car keys stuck up in here?"

2. "Fine, if you chimpanzees want to play that game, I can play too."

3. "I used to work in a coal-fired power plant. But thanks to Obama, I now have a 'green job.'"

4. "Hold on, Mr. Stone. I'll have the plot for your next movie out in a jiffy."

5. "Hold on, Mr. Obama. I'll have your next economic policy out in a jiffy."

Best of MattKostume
Baby Got Silverback

Best of Jack Reacher
Jane finds the answer to the question "How low can the Dow go?"

Best of dub
*gorilla thought cloud* I dont know where this is going, but I'm already hard.

get it?? he's made of concrete...oh man I kill myself. I'll be here till Sunday, try the veal!

Best of duke of red
I'd sooo tap that. If the girl would get outta the way.

Best of lawhawk
You have the right to remain silent.
You have the right to an attorney.
You have the right to have your candy ass pose published for eternity in connection with a caption contest.

Best of Submariner
Dian Fossey shows that silverbacks don't ONLY pick fleas and lice from each other when grooming...

Best of Rodney Dill
"Anna Lee Ingus, get away from that thing."

Best of GregMan
"I'll take Scenes From The Folsom Street Zoo for $400, Alex."

Best of mega
The ape-to-man evolution graphic goes GLBT

Best of steve o
I thought women said that all they wanted was a sensitive man who understood their feelings.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Wardrobe Malfunction in Progress



Best of Jack Reacher
When you've made your outfit out of old suitcases, is it any surprise some want to screen you?

Best of dub
The same malfunction is happening to my Dockers.

Best of MattKostume
Lurlene turns a groping session with Skeletor into a modeling career.

Best of Submariner
Over/Under is 11:20 tonight for either Mom or Sonic to first state they have this outfit.

Best of mklasing
Following their new ad, Scotchgard sold an unprecedented number of water protection products.

Best of steve o
At $3,000 an hour I think I still need only $50 bucks.

Best of flyovercountry
When your wristwatch is bigger than your skirt, you are officially a slut.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
She tries to sound sexy while squirming realistically for a Preparation-H commercial targeting the younger gen:
"Admit it... they don't just bedevil yo' momma!"

Just Ignore the Big Loogie in the Sundae




Best of Double the U
Somewhere there is a liberal screaming about Christianity and high fat foods.

Best of The Man
Hillary announces her first hiring as Secretary of State

Best of MattKostume
She made the soda jerk.

Best of Tim
Careful cropping allowed the Worm Woman of the Depths, to earn enough income to finance their war on the surface dwellers

Best of dub
I just made a sundae in my pants.

Best of Matt Kostume
Introducing Shantika, the worlds first and only legless, one-armed frozen dairy products spokesmodel.

Best of mklasing
Christi shows the world that a dessert recently purged can still look edible.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I Stand Corrected... Not Everybody Hates Skeletor



1. "You think the mask is kinky? My roommate likes to put on fake t1ts and bone the cat."

2. Winona Ryder and Tommy Lee hoped their "leaked" internet pr0n video would jump start their dying careers.

3. By smoking and drinking a lot during pregnancy, Lurlene and Dale were hoping their little foetus would make good money one day as a left-wing blogger.

4. "Guess who?"

5. "Hey, great skank costume." "What costume?"

Best of metalgarth
The Masters of The Universe live action TV series turned into hardcore pornography so gradually that nobody noticed

Best of MattKostume
Masters of the Pooniverse

Best of MattKostume
"And this is why, little Trina, we have no idea who your daddy is..."

Best of satted
The featured photo for the ONE's new ad campaign for abortion rights mandatory white trash sterilization.

Best of flyovercountry
Yes, this is my sister, what's your point?

Best of Jack Reacher
Catherine Zeta Jones has really let herself go. Don't know who the chick in front is.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Heh heh heh... Skeletor has a bone for you, baby!"

Best of molson
No one was buying into Skeletor's feeble attempts to cover the fact he was an over the top raging homosexual.

Best of Chrees
After the picture of her husband cheating on her was published, Jennifer Lopez filed for divorce.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Cherlyne says, "Nothing beats a mask, liquor and my brother Clem for those times when this necrophiliac beatch just needs her boobies squeezed."

Best of Jay Guevara
No one said evolution in progress was pretty.

Best of steve o
If I had lots of money, you know... like $50 bucks... I'll bet I could get babes like that too.

Best of lawhawk
Skelawhore? Is that you?

Say Hello to My Great Big Friend

Americana
No, dub it isn't Thursday. Har-dee Har Har.

1. "According to the Program, my lecture on exercise and weight control is scheduled right after Al Gore discusses energy conservation and that nice man from ACORN talks about honest elections."

2. As long as Shana is around, 'Hostess Snack Cakes' will never need to ask for a bailout.

3. "Somewhere in here, there must be a recipe that combines Twinkies, RC Cola, and bacon!"

4. "Let's see, I have lunch from 10:30 to 2:00. Then, there's a faculty meeting at 3:30. Then, at four, I'm scheduled to buy shoes from Al Bundy."

5. If George Takei ever does Dancing with the Stars, this is the chick who'll be his dance partner.

Best of flyovercountry
I have got to get the goods on this Joe the Plumber guy so I can impress my Obama man. He is going to give me a tax break you know.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"I'd hit that!" (something only a stray meteor might say)

Best of Cappy Von Capperson
Huh. Well I'll be. It says here that large checkered patterned quilts aren't slimming after all.

Best of metalgarth
Damn it, Johnny On The Spot... I am HUNGRY!!!

Best of Matt Kostume
Pam's jacket bears a design based on aerial photos of Iowa farm fields. Scale: 1:1.

Best of Jack Reacher
After her son developed a taste for them, Mindy looked everywhere for recipes that used sheep testicles.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
CERN's HR officer was apologetic, but said Edna's mass was messing with the Hadron SuperCollider and she had to be let go.

Best of Gregory
Who knows the Tax Code...Flo KNOWS!

Best of Seoulman (R)
Where am I got to find 6lbs of chocolate at this hour?

Best of aj
Just as Ethel feared, her photo *is* next to "fat" in the Dictionary.

Best of baslim
Roseanne Barr studies the script of "Smelley Pirate Hookers on Jupiter". She stars as the planet.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Ennui... ennui... en... en... Hey, how the f*** DO you spell "ennui", anyway?"

Best of Rodney Dill
Keeper of the Smelly Pirate Hooker code...

Best of GregMan
ORA: Horror ensues when a fat, hungry lesbian finds a copy of "How To Serve Man" left behind by the aliens.

Best of Jay Guevara
"OK, OK,I got it. On this play I pull and blow out the offside defensive end."

Best of Jay Guevara
Mindy surveys her collection of takeout menus.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Decency? Sorry, I Have No Sense of That

Brender
1. "All right! All right! I'm sorry I voted for Prop 8! Please stop protesting me!"

2. "I see, and what other things did Mr. Jackson make you do at the Neverland sleepover, all those years ago."

3. What happens in Shanghai stays in Shanghai... because the government butchers the witnesses and sells their organs in Europe.

4. Many critics thought the Red Chinese adaptation of Hair! lacked the free spirited spontaneity of the original.

5. "So, see anything you like?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Faster! Faster, you dogs! We'll never catch those Americans and their damned particle accelerators at this rate! Hup two three four!"

Best of Jack Reacher
Although named the same, the Chinese Stimulus Package of 2008 doesn't look anything like ours.

Best of MattKostume
If Lt. Sulu was made Captain...

Best of sonicfrog
French military expert Lt. Fifi LeMond instructs the U.N. Peace-keeper cadets the proper techniques for surrender.

Best of Submariner
Dag-nabbit! Won't the dad-burned New York Times EVER quit runnin' Abu Ghraib photos?

Best of Seoulman (R)
if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck, it is probably just Chinese soldiers training

Best of Seoulman (R)
In Gitmo, the NYT calls this torture, in China they call it Wednesday

Best of MattKostume
Dr. Hwang refused to release the platoon until the last of them was house-broken.

Best of Rodney Dill
"Arright... who say 'AFRAC!'"

Best of molson
Why mono-gender sex education doesn't work.

It's true... I really do have no sense of decency

H/T The Double teh U
1. Dirk was glad to come home from the anti Prop-8 protests and get away from those Christian weirdos for a while.

2. "I'm so ghey I fart pansies."

3. Empire Carpet Mascot Auditions... NEXT!

4. Liam Neeson is Fabio in The Enumclaw Story.

5. "Now, before I recite Hiawatha while giving George Eads a rimjob, I'd like to the NEA for the grant that made this performance art piece possible."

Best of metalgarth
And when the Kings and Queens of Narnia met him, they immediately enacted "proposition 8"

Best of dub
"No, seriously, its really not butter. Unbelievable, right??"

Best of aj
Prince Charles and Camilla have a baby.

Best of MattKostume
WIth no reproductive organs, Ralph realized his life was not worth a centaur.

Best of jj
Barney Frank was extremely pleased to..um..bring up the rear.

Best of MattKostume
The Chronicles of Gheynia

Best of steve o
Another theatre major enters the workforce, plying his well-crafted trade at weddings, birthday parties, gay pron... wherever.

Best of Submariner
Y'know what I have in common with a Tupperware lady? We both like a nice, tight seal...

Best of mega
I'd vote for him for President. Cat Scratch Fever was a cool tune. And who amongst us doesnt have some kind of imperfection or mutuation, anyway?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Anybody seen shoechick? She hasn't stopped by to critique those clunky things.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Weird Cap This Pic or Outtake from Bjork Video? You decide.




1. "The reason I've asked you into my office today is we have been receiving complaints about sexual harassment. It seems you're not doing it right."

2. "So, tell me, why do you think you would make a good intern at MSNBC?"

3. By describing himself on his resume as a "Half White, Half black, counter-culture radical," Barry advanced rapidly, despite a conspicuous lack of experience or qualifications.

4. Convinced that posting anonymously was not enough to protect himself from the Right-Wing Neocon militia, Jed begins wearing a disguise full time. Also, his prescription of Risperdol had run out.

5. Answer Panda responds: "An accusation of flouncing off is worse than an accusation of no decency because 'flounce off' just sounds really gay."

Best of MattKostume
In effort to bond with his new clients, Wu Tang Clan's attorney Herschel Greenberg attempts to blend in.

Best of Jack Reacher
Despite his best efforts, when the interviewer asked "Where do you see yourself in five years," Bob couldn't help answering "If I'm looking at the world through a panda mask, I see me shooting myself."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Proof that civil servants can't get fired no matter what they do. Shortly after this photo, Ernie killed and ate a supervisor in front of coworkers... and was promoted.

Best of dadoctah
It's not easy to get the crap kicked out of you at a Star Trek convention, but it can be done.

Best of Matt Kostume
After the seventh straight ghetto-style beatdown, the bassist from Slipknot rethinks his persona.

Best of Army of Dad
So you think it is funny to hit a panda with a soccer ball...wanna see a panda get even?!

Best of molson
So... do you think the tats are too much?

Best of Tim
Now it has come to my attention that you no longer take your position as the minister of Silly Walks seriously.

Best of Submariner
Who could POSSIBLY blame Dan Blather for accepting those TANG documents as genuine when this guy gave them to him?

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Why no, I've never been arrested for Pandering. Why do you ask?"

A Ridiculous Yippy Little Thing and His Dog



1. "I rescued him from a snowy field where he was being stalked by a naked white woman."

2. When visiting the home of Michael Vick, it's common courtesy to bring an appetizer.

3. "Huh Huh, Check it out. Abe Lincoln is totally staring at my a$$."

4. "Soon, Mr Lincoln, I shall join you among the halls of legends - but I shall stand atop a throne of human skulls and my name will be written in blood through all of history! Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"

5. Meanwhile, the dog just thinks, "Why would you be standing on a throne, numbnuts?"

Best of thedoyle
There is a completely useless fluffy animal in this picture and he's holding a dog.

Best of duke of red
One of these presidents has a legacy of bloody revolution, racial hatred, and deeply dividing the country.
The other was shot by John Wilkes Booth.

Best of metalgarth
Obama just luvs them white bitches...

Best of metalgarth
Four score and seven years ago, there was no way a president of the United States would be seen dead with such a ghey dog.

Best of dub
Obama: "For my familys dog, I pick Cotton".
Lincoln: *giggle*

Best of jj
For practice, I'm gonna screw this pooch. Then the country...

Best of aj
Obama picks a bitch to be Secretary of State...just not the one we were all thinking of.

Best of dadoctah
I shall call him...Mini...Negative...er, Fur-covered...Me.

Best of Seoulman (R)
The eyes give the robot away. How could a real person hold a cute doggie, stand next to a statue of an American hero and still look that smug.

Best of molson
Sure it will bite your ankles, chew up your shoes, piss all over everything, and sh!t on your lawn. The dog's nice though.

Best of Jack Reacher
After the SWAT team burst in, Obama was heard to mutter "Bitch set me up."

Best of GregMan
Lincoln desparately wanted to flounce off but he was stuck to his marble chair.

Best of MattKostume
FACT: All 3 had white mothers.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Puffin Stuff


1. "Check it out. One of these little f**kers was wearing a bow tie."

2. FEATHER BOA. UR DOING IT WRONG.

3. In this scene from The Sarah Palin Story, A Lifetime Original Movie, Todd Palin (played by Chad Allen), prepares to offer young Sarah a bouquet of freshly killed seabirds.

4. "Here put this on, it's cold outside," Chad's mom was both over-protective and completely off-her-nut.

5. "Rumors that seabird pheromones are the secret ingredient in our product are absolutely without basis in fact," The CEO of Tag Body Spray, Inc. insisted earlier today.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Like I always say," Chad told friends, "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it's fantastic with orange sauce and merlot."

Best of Double the U
My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Best of mega
Many wished for the old days when Prince William would just dress up like a Nazi and go have a couple of beers, like everyone else.

Best of Whacko
"Red rope or white rope? Which to cut. Oh hell, I'll just cut them both."
Last episode of McGuyver

Best of Submariner
"Humperdink, Humperdink, Humperdink! Inconceivable that he should be able to climb that rope!"

Best of prince of leaves
While practicing his climbing skills on a remote cliff in Scotland, Chad is attacked by the lesser-known Killer Penguins of Caerbannog.

Best of Seoulman (R)
America's puffins are coming home to roost

Best of Seoulman (R)
The first draft of "The rime of the ancient mariner" was definitely written in a drug-crazed state

Best of Kaptain Krude
The young actor picked to play the Penguin had some doubts. "Are you sure this is how Heath Ledger would have gone about this?"

Best of Army of Dad
Puffin constrictors defend their nests with unusual zeal.

Best of molson
The vampiric puffins kind of had the right idea, but without big pointy teeth, they just couldn't get the job done.

Best of dub
FLOCK OF SEAGULLS...TOUR IS CANCELLED.

Best of MattKostume
Day 275 in Iceland: Survivorman finally loses it.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Puffin-noodling is the national sport of Fiordlandia. Townsfolk dip ne'er-do-wells in sardine oil, toss 'em over the cliff and see how many puffins bite. Puffin hickies reportedly last for nearly a year.

Testicles... It's What's for Dinner

Story you don't want to read: here

Hat Tip Ocha Girl


1. Sullivan fumed. "Why doesn't anyone tell me about these contests?"

2. Why V the K doesn't have Thanksgiving dinner with his extended family.

3. Members of the mainstream press have an unfair advantage given that they can pretty much swallow anything.

4. Jed knew all of those years of training in the White Swallow bathhouse would pay off one day.

5. George Eads's post-CSI career was the stuff of washed up-actor legend

Best of Jack Reacher
Nice, making fun of a guy who...who...you know what, nutcracker guy? You're on your own on this one.

Best of Artfldgr
Mr Owl, how many licks does it take?

Best of Artfldgr
Years later the state would make it illegal to have such fun feeding the homeless.

Best of robert
Testosterone patches weren't covered under Obamacare so Sully had to go to the source.

Best of Chrees
I can't keep up with the protests anymore... is this a pro-Prop 8 or anti-Prop 8 commentary?

Best of Whacko
Testicles; they're not just for breakfast anymore.

Best of Submariner
Nothin' ta be seein' here, folks; just a Folsom Street Fair concession stand. Please ta be movin' along now...

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Cajun Truth or Dare - what you do NOT want to play with the locals after a night of heavy drinking in the French Quarter.

Best of Seoulman (R)
When people hear Proposition 8, this is what they are really thinking

Best of sonicfrog
The article didn't mention the traditional family activity taking place after this contest - Dodge Balls!!!

Hey, you got to do SOMETHING with all the left-overs.

Best of Kaptain Krude
COMFORT FOOD - YER DUIN IT RONG

Best of metalgarth
NOM... NOM... NOM....

Best of dub
Before "When Harry Met Sally", there was the lesser known "When Army of Mom Met Army of Dad".

Best of aj
Lance Armstrong becomes desperate.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Yeah, We're Gonna Be Needing That

Brender


1. "Keep them comin' until you look hot," dub ordered. He died of alcohol poisoning later that same night.

2. "This should hide the taste of the strychnine." Holding the first (and last) Cap This Meet-Up at Dawn's Bar proved to be a mistake.

3. Cheers 2009: A senile Diane mixes a highball with Parmesan cheese, a tennis ball, and a broken chair leg.

4. A member of Teh Resistance. Ridding the world of Obama-yuppies: One rat poison mojito at a time.

5. This is what happens when an inexperienced, unqualified candidate becomes a Starbucks barrista. Now, imagine what happens when you elect one president.

ROFLMAO Best of Matt Kostume
In a fit of jealous rage, Kermit's jilted lover crushes and drowns their offspring.

Wicked Best of Matt Kostume
The crime lab on "CSI: Dublin".

Best of Jack Reacher
"I call this drink The Bailout. You don't know what's in it, everyone encourages you to drink it anyway, and you'll pay for it for a long, long time."

Best of metalgarth
"Tennis ball shoved up my ass?" They sure have some weird names for drinks here. It was Suzi's first and last day Robert Maplethorp's Bar 'n Grill

Best of racerboy
Moments later Jane realized that customers were going to have to settle for ordinary muddled mojitos, as she discovered that the batteries in her "stirrer" were all used up from her "coffee" break...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Here, this'll cure your hangover... though you may wake up either wearing fake titties and f-ing your cat, or trying to communicate with sentient bananas or soccer pandas."

Best of dub
Waitress, there's an anal probe in my drink.

Best of prince of leaves
The other bartenders frequently teased her about her unmarketable "Art Criticism" degree, but when they hung the copy of 'Dogs Playing Poker' at the end of the bar to taunt her, something inside Luna snapped.

Best of prince of leaves
While crushing some phenobarbital into her drink at the end of a very long work day, bartender Jill inadvertently invents the Mojito and Pestle.

Best of Seoulman (R)
It's called a hope and change, it looks sweet but has a biting aftertaste that will leave you begging for socialized medicine.

Best of mpur
I'll have a crushed soylent green, straight up, please.

Best of mega
Having made their point with the Mormons, the anti-Prop8 crowd took their leftover anthrax to the black community.

Things that are black and white



1. "I'm not talking to you, Wilson."

2. ORA: Tiny Suliban test the camouflage technology on their new ship.

3. Even endangered pandas know... soccer is not a real sport.

4. Baby Pandas come from spherical eggs. Who knew?

5. After seeing what a sick intercourse the captioner was, the panda could only seethe, "Have you no decency, sir!"


Best of flyovercountry
The Chinese soccer fans began to wonder just how good their new goalie was when he let another one slip by him while having a bamboo snack.

Endangered or not, they began to boo.

Best of dub
I hate to be the first one to say it...but that panda is kind of fat.

Best of metalgarth
The goat got how many captions? Hu-rumph

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Butt's ginormous and she's way too hairy, Wait, it isn't Thursday, is it?

Best of Rodney Dill
Do Not Taunt Panda Fun Ball

Best of GregMan
Apparently even pandas get ennui.

Best of paul
Another Obama supporter realizes how empty his life has become after the election was over.

Best of Chrees
Panda: Well, I do too have something in common with Lance Armstrong.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Avenge me!"

Best of aj
Playing with someone else's balls makes me a saaaadd panda

Best of Son Of The Godfather
ORA:After disgracing the Panda Empire, Wilson is forced to accept discommendation.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Scientists discover the first pandamensional objects.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bienvenue



Best of Jack Reacher
As she used to work for AIG, Maria frequently used the phrase "I'm going to need a larger infusion than that."

Best of MattKostume
And to think, you said 12 was too young for fishnets!

Best of MattKostume
Natasha find nicest room in Moscow apartment for photo shoot, yes??

Best of mattKostume
Roman Polanski's "furnished" apartment.

Best of dub
HANDJOB....U CANT GIVEM CUZ YOU GOT NO HANDZ.

Best of metalgarth
"Sarah Palin, The Teen Years", premiering tonight on Cinemax, features many distortions. Notice the glaring ommission of a dead moose and a 12 guage shotgun.

Best of MattKostume
Aaaah, every Latvian man's dream-- indoor heating!

Best of Dwight
Wow! Christmas came early this year!
Oops. No. Wait. That was me, sorry.

Best of mega
"Hi, I'm here from the agency. Is this the AIG party suite?"

You Monors Have No Idea How Long I Spent Looking For Today's Whore


Best of steve o
Dressed for sexsex.

Best of MattKostume
Even her pubes are see-through.

Best of GregMan
After new pictures of Governor Palin were leaked to the press, the nation's voters demanded a do-over.

Best of dub
I dont know what turns me on more. Her sexy look, her sexy body, or the fact that she owns a big crystal butt plug.

Best of metalgarth
The Princess Groupie-Bot and her Talisman of Power was the best scene from the "Unrated Version" of Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park

Best of Dwight
Backstage with one recipeint of this year's "Small But Amazing Golden Globes" award.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Well hello, Miss Future Restraining Order..."

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Most Beautiful Goat in the World

Brender

1. Abdul takes a picture that will help keep him warm during those cold, desert nights.

2. "Well, babe, California's out for the time being, but we'll always have Massachusetts."

3. Gallant protests this post as multiculturally intolerant. Goofus looks the goat and shouts "Did her!"

4. Young Abdul seethes as Master Ibrahim takes many pictures of the goat. "B1tch" he mutters quietly in Arabic.

5. "Wait until my wives see these pictures. They will never believe I met Sarah Jessica Parker!"

Best of dub
Pelosi doesnt look so baaaaad in white.

Best of molson
To have sex with the goat you must first marry the goat. It is our law. Now be gone as none of you are worthy.

Best of flyovercountry
Iran's version of "The View". The other hosts were busy eating paper and tin cans.

Best of GregMan
"I wish I could quit ewe."

I'm sorry, I'm just so sorry, but someone had to do it...

Best of MattKostume
Sorry boys, Miss Streisand will not be signing autographs.

Best of MattKostume
You know its bad when even the goat wonders what that smell is.

Best of metalgarth
"Best Little Whorehouse in Kabul"... Worst.Musical.Ever

Best of metalgarth
All your base are belong to Goatlord

Best of MattKostume
"Muslim High School Goats in Trouble", a Samuel L. Bronkowitz Production

Best of Van Helsing
During Ramadan, this picture would have run on Thursday.

Best of attmay
"Ha ha, Prop 2 passed, and so did Prop 8! I have more rights than you now! Nyah nyah nyah!"

Shoot 'Em Up


1. After years of progressive government, San Francisco has some of the most elegant, government-subsidized crack houses this side of Amsterdam.

2. Another conservative undergoes "voluntary" euthanasia in order to make way for the Sustainable Obamunist Utopia.

3. "I want a biohazard symbol with 'Barebacking Rules' underneath in Gaelic script." Some guys want a permanent reminder of their dates with Sully.

4. "Borg nanoprobes? Why would you possibly need to inject me with... Wow! Obama is great! Hail the One! Resistance is futile!"

5. "Now, now, don't wince. When Rush Limbaugh had his control implant put in, he took it like a man."

Best of MattKostume
Bruno was finally forced to decide: swastika, or Abba logo???

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I must warn you, in rare cases, symptoms may include an uncontrollable compulsion to wear fake titties and f*ck your cat."

Best of mega
"And now, Google will be able to track you at all times. But dont' worry, we won't collect any personally-identifying information."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Frank was disappointed when he asked for a tattoo portrait of "The One", and the artist inked a perfect replica of Jet Li.

Best of Submariner
We don't give the "Red or blue pill?" option anymore, so just shut up already...

Best of MattKostume
And with this last skosh of testosterone, Olga's transformation was complete.

Best of dub
Hello, I'm a Mac, and I'm next in line for my cocktail injection.

Best of ochagirl
Have you had yourself inoculated against Teh Ghey? Remember, new strains of Teh Ghey emerge each season, so be informed and prepared.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Standing in the wrong line Nick was immediately exposed to herpes rather than receiving the vaccine against it

Best of attmay
"Dammit, I said I wanted Rainbow Brite, not Strawberry Shortcake!"

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Ah don wan be ur doggeh neethur

Metalgarth
1. "I swear to Beelzebub, dog, if you ask me one more time when Chinese Democracy is coming out..."

2. Looks like Slash has been hearing "Welcome to the Buffet" more often than "Welcome to the Jungle."

3. ORA: "Damn you... and such."

4. All of Cher's plastic surgery suddenly snapped back right in the middle of Dr. Phil.

5. "Dog, you're gonna have to move your head. The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show just started, and Heidi Klum is wearing the leather outfit from last Friday."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Ever since his marriage to Beth O, Stern's let himself go.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Hank's frustration grew when he discovered Rex didn't actually care for peanut butter.

Best of molson
Just me and my bitch kicking it on a Saturday night.

Best of Luna
Shortly after this picture was taken, I went searching for Kryptonite chew toys to end the humiliation once and for all

Best of Army of Mom
Worst.Wax.Museum.Ever.
That doesn't even look like Abe Lincoln. Or Rin Tin Tin.

Best of MattKostume
Reminds me of the movie...The Ramone That Ate The Other Ramones.

Best of Kevin Walker
Under Chairman O's reign, "Thursday Babes" have been replaced with "Tuesday Bestiality".

Best of mega
"He's spoiled, shits all over everyone, has a bad temper, and keeps getting into fights with the people who feed him. I named him Axel."

Best of MattKostume
Evil Slash had the cruel practice of posing with each of his boa's meals.

I don't wanna be your kitteh anymore



1. "Ah, good, the cat's leaving. I need to get on the internet and bash Sarah Palin some more."

2. Now you see why W.C. Fields refused to work with animals or fake rubber titties.

3. Despite winning the Nobel prize for economics, Paul Krugman hasn't changed a bit.

4. The cat thought urinating just now would get the message across. Unfortunately, Paul just got more turned on.

5. Obama's very aggressive Affirmative Action office would prove to be the death of the Hooters chain of restaurants.

Wicked Best of Chrees
We're not that different, you and I

Best of Silhouette
"I can't help you become thrice Lord Mayor of London until you lose the boobies."

Best of Silhouette
No whanz mlk dat bad.

Best of Double the U
The woman with 32 cats gets dragged off in cuffs, this guy gets left alone... thank you Animal Cops Detroit.

Best of thedoyle
"I'm blind, Peg"

Best of dub
REVERSE COWGIRL...UR DOIN GREAT.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Edited scene from the "Summer of George" episode.

Best of flyovercountry
He must have dropped his "from 52 to 48 with love" sign.

Best of sonicfrog
From Male, to Mayor of Silverton, Org., to President, in twelve easy steps.

Best of molson
Well we didn't get gay marriage, but what the heck this will do.

Best of Dwight
The heartbreak of Ballkittehs.

Best of Submariner
Nice! Making fun of the new Ikea catalog. Edumacate yourselves, monors.

Best of steve o
"Hey Boss, I'm not coming into work today. I'm sick."
"What do you mean? You sound fine."
"I'm wearing rubber tities and f***ing my cat. Is THAT sick enough for you??"

Best of Army of Mom
I CAN HAZ LAP DANZ

Best of MattKostume
Gilbert learns that nothing good comes from passing out at Elton John's house.

Best of mega
Inconsolable after The Daily Show got axed, Stewart stopped shaving, and laid around all day in drag with the cat. To revive his spirits, he mumbled some stale Palin jokes and tried some high-pitch giggling at his own obtuse cleverness, but no one gave a shit anymore, and it, obviously, annoyed the cat.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
We Title This Picture: "The Terrible Truth Behind V Being Late With The Best-Ofs"

Monday, November 10, 2008

Smug Lefty A-Holes Wanna Make Nice Now

Bite it, Commies. After eight years of "Bush is a war criminal" and three months of "Sarah Palin is a see-you-next-tuesday," Now, they're all about unity. You can just bite it, douchebags.

1. Actually, we are different, kid. My bananas don't smell like Astro-Glide.

2. A smug lefty hands out 'sphincter expanders,' to make the coming four years of 'hope and change' easier to take.

3. Daylight come and me wanna whomp on some smug commie a$$ with a snow plow!

4. Hey! Is that a banana in your pocket, or are you just another stupid, pathetic Obama drone?

5. Smug lefty thought balloon: "I am so glad The Obamassiah won. I was so-o-o-o-o afraid I'd have to get a job or something!"

Wicked Best of Kaptain Krude
Well, in the same way that we share about 97% of our DNA with monkeys, we're not that different. It's that 3% difference there, and you're the one holding the bananas, monkey-boy!

Best of Seoulman (R)
As the artist would explain the banana represented the entire Obama experience.

He started green with no experience, showed a yellow streak when it came to Iraq, became more black as the election came closer, eventually it would become too rotten and have to be thrown away.

Best of Andrew Sullivan
The fruit in that picture looks good enough to eat, but the bananas look a little underripe

Best of Jay Guevara
Four fruits.

Best of mpur
The rest of the bananas in the bunch say: "...until you disagree with me and then I'll, like, totally suppress your First Amendment rights."

(It was a big bunch of bananas)

Best of Tommy Paine IX
Billy was looking forward to joining Obama's Civilian Homeland Security Force because the issued pistol would be more effective at keeping him from being beaten for his lunch money than the bananas had been.

Best of sonicfrog
We said this would happen - now the Banana's are suing to try and get married!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
We're not
That different,
You & I.

It's just
That I
Like other guys.

*Burma Shave*

Best of GregMan
Yes we are. I bathe.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Last known photo of Jimmy Terwilliger, snapped before he dangled a bunch of bananas in front of the lardass who'd just snarfed up a monster burger, roll of paper towels, a table, a waitress... and the photographer.

Best of mega
With the aid of his cell phone camera, Tim *finally* got his proof that bananas had evolved a high intelligence and were trying to communicate wih him.

Best of Rodney Dill
... 'cept I'm not livin' with my mom... in her basement...

Best of MattKostume
So many bananas. So few holes.

Best of Chrees
If by "not that different" you mean the same kingdom and phylum, then I'll agree. Beyond that, I'm not so sure...

Oprah... No-o-o-o-o--oo-o!




1. Cigarettes and Night Train weren't inducements to every voter, ACORN found.

2. Hardee's should go back to using Paris Hilton

3. Kwame Kilpatrick celebrates being the first recipient of a pardon from Chairman Zero.

4. Special sauce has never been more... special.

5. See! Thursday isn't the only say you get big mounds of meat on Cap This!

Best of Submariner
Funny, both he AND his wife kept humming "it takes two hands to handle a whopper..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Tyronne Mugabutu inhaled the burger, paper towels, table, a waitress and the photographer while terrified patrons and short-order cooks cowered, waiting and praying for police to rescue them.
Moral: Concealed Carry permits save lives.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Oddly, after James died of a heart attack with the last bite of the hamburger unswallowed,but in his mouth, no one could decide if he had won the bet.

Best of metalgarth
Ahhhh.... So that's what Webster looks like in the universe where Spock has a beard.

Best of Jack Reacher
Hillary Clinton's statement "We're going to take some things away from you for the common good" was something she wisely didn't try with this fellow.

Best of GregMan
This Is The Cheeseburger I Have Been Waiting For.

Best of GregMan
Man, I don't even want to be in the same country when this guy's laxative kicks in.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
I just knew that the "have it your way" slogan would eventually bankrupt Burger King.

Best of sonicfrog
Man, Rodney Allen Rippey has really let himself go.

Best of Shambhala
I think that helmet is the only thing keeping his jaw from dislocating like a python's.

Best of Army of Dad
Somewhere a cat is pissed that this guy got a cheeseburger.

Best of prince of leaves
VtK starts off a new CapThis! series: "Seven Deadly Sins Monday". Cappers across the country quietly but desperately pray that Lust won't modeled by the same guy who depicted Gluttony.

Saturday, November 08, 2008

More Visual Entertainment Involving Decadent Under-Captions

1. A couple of stray dogs provide an unexpected visual aid to complement kindergarten sex ed at Malcolm X Elementary (formerly George Washington Elementary).

2. "I thought I made my feelings clear at recess, Billy. Now get your hand off my shoulder before I put it in a cast."

3. "Whoa! That dog woulda made it 'cept for the UPS truck."

4. Goofus wonders when the laxative he loaded into the class brownies will kick in. Gallant puts the move on another classmate, proving what we've always suspected. And Miss Byrd just wonders if ennui will ever loose its grasp on her.

5. "You see children, since you are all destined to serve as bureaucrats in Comrade Obama's health care bureaucracy, staring out the window all afternoon *is* career training."

Wicked Super Mach 5 Best of Kaptain Krude
"Cousin Bluto told me the Germans attacked the U.S. at Pearl Harbor. Is that true, Ms. Huffington?"

Best of Artfldgr
I am the sphere of power. Look out the window i command you.

Best of prince of leaves
The children were filled with awe and wonder at their first glimpse of the world outside. The election of Barack Obama gave thousands of Sepia-Americans the courage they needed to at long last emerge from their Anne Frank-like hiding.

Best of prince of leaves
"Miss Johnson? Why are those men with guns and Chairman Obama armbands leading all the grownups to that big pit they dug out on the edge of town?"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Seeing the Canadian border only miles away, each secretly wondered how best to make their escape to freedom.

Best of molson
Yes kids. Study hard so you can grow up and work yourselves to an early death while you pay for my lavish pension the likes of which you will never see.

Best of mega
As the Barak-Gaze-Into-The-Half-Distance stare became the dominant social trend of the era, it became harder and harder to get any actual work done in classrooms or offices.

Best of Silhouette
Yes children, Al Gore's house is very, very bright, but we are assured that he is sacrificing as we are. Now, back to your generators.

Best of Dwight
2011: "Tonight in a very special episode of The Simpsons, Comrade Krabapple and the rest of Bart's class watch Comrade Ralph twitch beneath the gallows rope after daring to ask what was fair about the Fairness Doctrine."

Best of Gregory
Classic Russian movie poster for
"Red, White, and Blue Dawn"
WOLVERINESKIS!

Best of MattKostume
After getting the 'all clear' from the guard tower, Mrs. Kerpotnik instructs the children to drag their bullet-riddled comrade back to class. That should teach Timmy to dawdle at recess.

After Tuesday, It just didn't seem right to have an Americana Saturday


1. "Sasha, do you like decadent capitalist gladiator movies?"

2. "The wealth includes your butt cheeks, Sasha. Spread them!"

3. "Hope and Change may seem strange and frightening at first, but once you overcome the inhibitions bred into you by the neocon, religious right, I am sure you will come to accept man-boy love just as you accept our Dear Leader."

4. "Unfortunately, Sasha, Proposition 8 won. We will have to keep our little secret for a while longer. F**king Mormons!"

5. "Sasha, I think your kerchief is fabulous!"

Best of thedoyle
If you work hard then one day all of this...will still belong to everyone in common and all that hard work will be for naught.

Best of The Man
Don't worry little Nicoli, it's just the Germans bombing the World Trade Center.

Best of Two Dogs
After the completion of filming, Burl Ives took Hermey to New Orleans for a "getaway weekend."

Best of Silhouette
"We will addict them to the 11 herbs and spices, son, and then they will be helpless for our takeover."

Best of Seoulman (R)
One day, all of this, all that you see will belong to everyone else.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Underneath the picture reads: Report All Bad Touches Immediately

Best of Jack Reacher
"Yes, this is good, but in back room we have glorious paintings of dogs playing poker, and Elvis."

Best of mega
Even after losing, McCain enjoyed meeting with citizens for photo ops and to talk about how much Republicans suck. The captions seemed to be disorganized jibberish, but were actually verbatim captures of his conversations.

Best of Jay Guevara
"And we call this district 'Castro Valley.'"

Best of Buzzhead
Yes son, I'm really Santa Claus. Unfortunately they took Rudolph to a research facility, nationalized the rest of the reindeer and assigned the elves to a collective farm. I'm afraid there will be no Christmas this year.

Best of Submariner
See if Mom will lend you one of her outfits with lace and fishnets, Timmy...

Best of MattKostume
Lester Smith hoped that he would throw the new neighbors off the scent by printing his court-ordered Sex Offender Declaration in Cyrillic.

Friday, November 07, 2008

The Best of B.O. Trolls

Most hilarious rejected comments from the "Was It Over When the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor" thread.

10. "Hitler was a right-winger to the extreme, just like you!"


I LOL'd at the image of Hitler cliff-diving with a Mountain Dew in his hand... because that would be TO THE EXTREME!!

9. "If 9-11-09 happens, I hope you are all at Ground Zero. I'll pin a medal on the attacker. You are the enemy."


Because Obamunism is all about unity and tolerance.

8. "Are you making some kind of joke with your inaccurate historical reference about the Germans bombing Pearl Harbor?"

I don't know, professor, what do *you* think?

7. "Are you guys some kind of circus act or something?"

Not all of us, just Army of Mom.

6. "You people are sick"

Thank you. Glad you noticed.

5. "Please, Please, Please Keep doing what you're doing. Keep poisoning Amerika with your toxic cocktail of racism, hatred, paranoia, and fear-mongering..."

Whatever you say, Morrissey.

4. "Please, Please, Please just open your Bible and find me once, just once, where Jebus says anything remotely close to anything you just said."

That's right, Morrissey trolled me twice.

3. "Blog on, Little Bible Thumper, Blog on"

I wonder if this one knows what a sick intercourse I am.

2. "I might just retain a little respect if you let this get posted."

I don't know how I'll go through life knowing I have failed to win the respect of an Obama cultist, but carry on, I must.

... and the most hilarious troll-comment to the Pearl Harbor thread, which needs no further comment ....

1. "When Bush was elected in 2000, we Democrats gave him a fair chance..."

Moderate This!


1. The saddest part about Prop 8 passing: Ellen Degenerate had already paid for the bridesmaids outfits.

2. The far right may be a fringe movement but, damn, that's some nice fringe!

3. "Xena and Ariel again Senator Clinton?"

4. "I'm more like a smelly pilates hooker. Check out these abs."

5. Remember what heavy metal chicks looked like? Now look at emo chicks. No wonder this generation is f--ked up enough to vote for Obama.

Best of dub
And I am going to assume that is some sort of pocket on the chaps, and not some ass lump deformity going on....cuz that would be sooooo Thursday a week ago.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
*SIGH* Two things I miss about the 80's: Reagan and Whitesnake videos.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
That look just screams "come to me, soft-in-the-middle captioner."

Best of Nose
She looks like she has a little box.

Best of flyovercountry
Eight seconds on the bull, and she didn't even muss her hair.
Fill in your own joke about the bull