Mom? Dad?

1. "Mmmm, delicious kittehs!"

2. "Damn, I really should have stayed away from the brown acid."

3. A quiet evening at home with GWAR.

4. "Welcome to Hell, President Clinton. We are your interns, now!"

5. ORA: "Oh, crap! Where's a Peruvian flute band when you need it?"

Best of Double the U
Obama and Biden transform back on January 21st 2009.

Best of Jack Reacher
When he glimpsed the new patients, Phil began to harbor doubts about a career as a dentist.

Best of dub
Hillary and Pelosi stop for a quick photo before heading into makeup.

Best of Army of Mom
I'm a pickin' n I'm a grinnin!

Best of Army of Mom
Damn. Note to self not to let anyone snap a picture of me first thing in the morning.

Best of prince of leaves
Another liberal elite family learns the hard way not to hire Jill Greenberg to photograph their precious family moments.

Best of molson
I warned you not to eat the worm.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Fellatio Fanatic's Nightmare Scenario
(excerpted from David Duchovny's rehab admission form)

Best of Army of Dad
I CAN HAZ KITTEH?

Best of sonicfrog
Nancy Pelosi joins Barrack Obama on the closing days of the campaign.

Best of mega
Democrats' worst fears came true as McCain and Palin decided the disguises were no longer necessary.

Best of Submariner
"You don't wanna mess with SOTG and I before our first cup in the morning..."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"I've got a friend I'm trying to get off of acid... Could I borrow the bunny costume for easter?"

Children of the Corn

Americana

1. Pennywise? Swamp Thing? Gary Glitter?

2. "So, do you score a lot of candy, Crazy Overgrown Chia-head?"

3. "So, did somebody wish me here? Am I an offering to he-wh0-walks-behind-the-rows? Or do we all float down here? Which is it?"

4. "Nice try, but to be honest, neither of you guys is as scary a filibuster-proof Democratic senate majority."

5. "Hey, Little Girl. Wanna know how I got these scars?"

Best of attmay
Letting Clive Barker direct the latest Wizard of Oz remake probably wasn't such a great idea.

Best of prince of leaves
The Corn Maze owners would later pass the blame on to her parents, claiming they had no reason to suspect the little girl had a weak heart as a complication of her palsy and scoliosis.

Best of The Man
Due to the Ethanol boom, the Children of the Corn were able to upgrade their outfits.

Best of Dactyl
Willow Palin, demon hunter.

Best of Mr. Right
Liberal talk show host Bernie Ward's latest web search went for naught, all due to an unfortunate typo: "child corn".

WV: tweense (I WISH I was kidding!)
These things are getting uncannily weird...

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Stephen King teams up with Roman Polanski in Children Molestors of the Corn.

Trick or Treat!

(More Halloween toons at the other blog)

Best of attmay
No, no, no. Congressman Frank lives at 534. This is 435.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Mayor Newsom will see you now."

Best of Jack Reacher
ORA: "Hold on, Zombie needs to get a picture of this."

Best of Army of Mom
No, no tricks here. Gotta go down to the NAMBLA office, two doors down.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Hi, Aunt Bea. I'm being punished for going through Thelma Lou's dresser drawers again."
"Ooooh, Opie, you're just what the doctor ordered! Come on in. Let's play - Putting up the Pickles!"

Best of Army of Dad
Jimmy's hat is on wrong.

Best of Army of Dad
Well that explains the puddle she is standing in.

Bat Girl

Less green Jewel Staite photos can be found HERE


Best of Jack Reacher
Sully's internet search for "queen clutching a rod" didn't produce satisfactory results for him.

Best of Chewman
WTF? They expect me to smile like I enjoy riding this tiny thing?

Best of jj
Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur shows off the speaker's new limo.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"And if she loses the nude mud-wrestling match, she's a witch!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
That sky-signal is going to confuse the f*ck outta Batman.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
An Orion slave girl who's into Halloween?...
Get out of my Trek-nerd skull, man!

Best of Army of Dad
She did have something 'twext her nethers that weren't run on batteries, but it was just a broom.

Best of attmay
The only way that awful movie version of "Bewitched" could have been worse: Jennifer Aniston.

Now, Imagine How Cool This Picture would be with a Physically Attractive Chick

Very Wicked Best of Son Of The Godfather
"We are here to mourn the loss of Army of Mom..."

Best of Jack Reacher
Marilyn found the one place where Obama's 30-minute infomercial couldn't reach her.

Best of Chewman
No No!!! I said I Wanted to look AT a girls box!

Best of metalgarth
Few people know that Elivra and Bruce Lee made a porno called "Enter the Vampire", even fewer people know that Bruce didn't pull out in time.

Best of duke of red
I'd rigg her mortise.

Best of GregMan
I don't understand why so many captions are being posted twice.

Best of GregMan
I don't understand why so many captions are being posted twice.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
lawhawk M
I'd hit that.... with garlic, wooden stake, and holy water.

Mmmmmmmmm.... garlic steak...

Best of jeff
ORA: A photo from Abby Sciuto's porno collection.

Pull It! Damn You!

Ass Press Photo/Kerstin Joensson

1. "You're thin! You're tanned! You're the ideal Thursday Babe for Dub... almost."

2. "Spread this capitalist's wealth around and then send him to the re-education camp." Social justice under Chairman Obama.

3. That must be one very frightening booger.

4. After years of on-command finger-pulling for the amusement of his British Masters, Gandhi finally snapped.

5. "Come on, smell it first. Then... I'll tell you where it was." Being Jack Black's personal assistant was the worst job in Hollywood.

Best of metalgarth
I want you... for the Trench Coat Mafia!

Best of Seoulman (R)
Oh that wacky Uncle Fester, what did he do now?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TMZ outs George Hamilton sneaking into an Obamalama rally without his toupee and false teeth. "NO! I'm NOT in blackface! I fell asleep while tanning, again!"
Think that's disgusting? After the commercial... Wayne Newton's wig flies off while he's exercising in a lycra spandex tankini!

Best of Gregory
I told you... I don't have your stupid bucket already! I didn't drink your damn milkshake either.

Best of Jack Reacher
"What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

Best of metalgarth
I did not got a "Huhrumph" from that man

Best of dadoctah
I find your lack of faith...disturbing!

Best of molson
The Kojak detector nails it every time.

Best of Artfldgr
John was about to sneeze. Would jack make it in time?

Best of Kaptain Krude
"One more thing V the Koward, I'm tired of you presenting yourself as some holier than thou do-gooder Christian . the pictures of tits and animals having sex on your blog reveal the deep sickness you truly possess and explain your desire to hide behind "faith" and "good deeds" to cover up what a sick (intercourse) you really are."

Please Mock the Androgynous Nazi

He's Fuhrerrific

Best of dub
Wow, Right Said Fred looks PISSED!

Best of Mister Bixby
What's German for "douche"?

Best of Jack Reacher
Some paint ball players are so serious.

Best of Cappy Von Capperson
Yeah, we're against all blacks, mexicans, jews, gays.....gays? We're against gays?....wait a minute.

Best of Nose
Does this gun make my head look like a glans?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston's Sweetie
Lips by L'Oréal Paris
Eyeshadow by Mabelline
Hairless Skin by Nair
Top by Hanes
Eyewear by D&G
Mark 4 LR/T 6.5-20x50mm M1 Scope by Leupold

Best of flyovercountry
Eye shadow $15
Swastika tattoo $50
HK assault rifle $1,200

Being someone's bitch in prison for many years Priceless

Best of Rodney Dill
No... apricot and lavender facial... for... you...

Best of Army of Dad
How tacky, he put that scope on a HK!

Best of prince of leaves
Double Entendre Alert: "I'm not coming out, and you can't make me!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Leave Britany alone

Best of divine miss m
I'm...too aryan for my shirt...too aryan for my shirt...

Best of Tim
Eminem's little brother did not get along with black people as well.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
You can put lipstick on Pat Buchanan...

Best of GregMan
Dammit, somebody left the lock off the Evolutionary Throwback cage again.

Best of dadoctah
Some days you just can't make up your mind which Amendment to make a mockery of....

Busy today...

But I thought y'all might have some fun with these two stinky Obamunists...



Best of Dub
Dub: "Deodorant. A washing machine. A paycheck with a comma in it. Common sense. A high school diploma..."
Dub's $10,000 Pyramid partner: "Things these people have never seen."
Host: "CORRECT!!"

Best of metalgarth
We met on oHarmony.com

Best of flyovercountry
Acorn helped us vote for Obama 3 times each. Let's see, that's, like, 11 votes for Obama.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Congratulations to the winners of this year's "You won't belive how many times I registered" contest sponsored by ACORN

Best of mpur
Sometimes, the Obama warning labels aren't really necessary.

Best of molson
So's I voted at least five times so when's I gonna get my meth?

Blasphabulous

1. Gavin Newsom went the Obama route with his campaign ads, with mixed results.

2. Ang Lee remakes... oh, never mind. He's going to Hell.

3. Reasons there is homophobia: Exhibit A.

4. When John Edwards daydreams...

5. Finally, the ACLU finds a Christmas Pageant they can approve of...

Best of metalgarth
The differences between the bands Judas Priest and Jesuit Priest are the perfect example of Nigel Tufnel's "fine line between clever and stupid"


Best of Seoulman (R)
His first miracle was turning water into a wine cooler with just a twist of lemon.

Best of The Man
And on the third day he rose and asked his disciples "have thou ever stayed at the YMCA?"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Can we wrap this up? I'm supposed to be painting crooked geometric shapes downtown later."

Best of Dub
Gives a whole new twist to "thy rod and thy staff they comfort me".

Best of mpur
Dio album covers used to be cool.

Best of robert
The latest Human Rights Campaign ad in California opposing Proposition 8 inexplicably fails to sway the electorate.

Best of Army of Mom
Father, remember when you said that all you made was very good? Well, I'm thinking that you may have given yourself way too much credit. I give you exhibit A.

Art on the Wall

1. "It's about how society oppresses the human spirit through repressive age of consent laws. Does it make you feel... tingly, Billy?"

2. "Yeah, we know it looks like random crap a four year old could make, but if you stand next to it and say, 'Aah' a lot, your idiot art-fag friends will think you sophisticated."

3. "Sorry kids, most of our furniture was redistributed to people on welfare. Also, we only get to eat every other day now. It's the Change we've been waiting for."

4. "Now, the next room is devoted to something called 'Performance Art,' and you'll also find out why we made you wear cardboard toilets on your head."

5. "This artist is one of my favorites, kids. She expresses her repressed rage through the medium of her own menses and excrement."

6. "If you like this, kids, wait 'til you see the Mapplethorpe exhibit!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
See what happens when you forget your ritalin Billy? You make crap like this

Best of Jack Reacher
Timmy found the dead spider in the corner more interesting and, truthfully, more aesthetic.

Best of Rodney Dill
"It's called art, you're supposed to discuss what you see. I see a rectum Billy... do you know what a rectum is?"

Mr. Bush and the Women

Brender

1. "Oh... HERE the white women at."

2. "... And by calling myself a conservative while governing like a moderate Democrat, I managed to destroy my party, and quite possibly my country, for generations to come!"

3. With his typical subtlety and tact, Mr. Bush explains why Dub would not find any of these women attractive.

4. "Move back, move back... you'll have your fair chance with Mr Cheney, but first the cougar needs a rest."

5. "Whew! That was a big one." With his typical subtlety and tact, Bush wafts his backdoor falafel gas all over the visiting delegation of Middle Eastern women.

Best of mpur
ORA: President Bush spends some time backstage with the "Miss Cankle USA" contestants.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I did it myyyy-yyyyy wayyyyy-yyyy". President Bush practices his farewell speech before a stunned women's glee club.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Oh, yeah... Laura got as wide as a house when she was preggers, so mebbe there's hope for you porkers, too. Hey, that microphone ain't on, izzit?

Best of Army of Mom
Fonzie impersonation. Aaaaaayy!

Best of Jack Reacher
"Okay, a joke's a joke, but I'm gonna need the nuclear football back. I'm kinda responsible for it."

Best of Nose
Stand back, no telling how big this thing can get!

Best of duke of red
"Heeeyy... I'm Bush. Whadda ya gonna do?"

Best of GregMan
President Bush greets the editorial staff of the BBC.

Best of Dub
If Jenna and Barbara (junior) were my daughters, I'd hug 'em that way too.
Too creepy?

Best of Rodney Dill
There's Semtex in my pants, who wants ta pull my detonator.

Oh. High.

Ass Press Photo/Kerstin Joensson

1. These Lost flashbacks just get weirder and weirder.

2. ORA: "Is Ethan Hawke on that flight? I'm feeling a mite... peckish."

3. Damn snowboarders. All they care about is getting high.

4. Where will you be when your Acme Rocket Snowboard gives out?

5. I just got passed by Slim Pickens waving a cowboy hat and riding an atom bomb. That can't be good.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Seconds later Jack would regret his decision to choose the snowboard over the parachute.

Best of mpur
Another "Tourist of Death" photoshop.

Best of Jack Reacher
On reflection, Steve thought he probably shouldn't have kept sassing the cabin crew.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Airlines are raising rates so often, passengers who don't bring enough cash to cover mid-flight increases will only be taken part way.

Best of prince of leaves
As expected, the "Red Dawn" remake was insufferably lame.

Best of Cybrludite
Oh, shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii- (gasp, breathe) -iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

LOL

Inspired by an email from Army of Mom

Looks! I licks gardun hose! I can be Thursday babe?

Best of Jack Reacher
"IT HAZ PLEEZING BOKAY, AFTER TASTE HINTZ OF DIRT AND RUBBER."

Best of DoubleU
I always wondered what happened to David Bowie.

Best of Seoulman (R)
How come the goldfish got registered by ACORN and I didn't. It's because I am white, isn't it?

Best of prince of leaves
MAKIN MAH BROWN EYES BLU: 50% COMPLETE

Best of prince of leaves
With the producers desperate for ratings, later episodes "The Sarah Connor Chronicles" included ever more bizarre "terminator" models.

Best of molson
A not too subtle ad for the other white meat.

Best of flyovercountry
Yeah, I've got one brown eye and one blue eye, what's it to ya? Back off before I turn you into a Democrat.

Best of Silhouette
"Nobody moves. I losted a contact."

Best of Dub
A Thursday babe? Well, you are pasty white enough...and you are sporting some sort of ocular genetic defect.

OHAI

Ass Press Photo/Kerstin Joensson

1. The hills are alive -- and they're eating the cows!

2. Unfortunately, Bessie's tunnel to freedom led straight into the Tyrannosaurus paddock at Jurassic Park.

3. The one day, a wandering cow fell into their tunnel network. Colonel Hogan and all the others were executed the next day.

4. After weeks of brainwashing by the KGB, the mob, and the Bush family, Bossie ducks behind the grassy knoll and waits patiently for JFK's motorcade.

5. "OMG! What is Joe doing to that Holstein?"

Far Side Puntastic Best of prince of leaves
Cowspies.

Best of mega
PETA faced a moral dilemma. Cosmetic ear surgery to get the "Obama Look" was a huge fad for the Left, but was it OK to do it to animals?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
After eating a ton of jimson weed, Bessie was so toasted she couldn't resist playing Peek-a-Moo with Mr. Green Jeans until the cows came home, so to speak.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Rumors that a clandestine experiment cloned a panthercow was met with derision, until a pride of heiffers began stalking and pouncing on dairymen

Best of Seoulman (R)
Do you know where the farmer touched me? I am so ashamed. I can't ever go back in that barn.

Best of Army of Dad
Great cheese comes from hiding cows.

Best of Rodney Dill
Another victim of the La Brea Cow Pits.

Best of GregMan
ORA: How Not To Be Seen, cow version.

Best of mpur
Dude, that is the strangest looking mushroom ever.

Best of Army of Mom
Cowroy was here.

Thanks, I just had it stuffed

Best of mpur
The MILF Republicans Club show their enthusiasm at a recent Sarah Palin appearance.

Best of Dactyl
Along with her other qualifications, Sarah Palin is able to hold off brain-eating zombies with her bare hands.

Best of prince of leaves
Sarah knew her $150,000 executive makeover was a success when she received rave fashion reviews from the football team at Lancaster's LGBTQ Alternatives charter school.

Best of prince of leaves
"You boys all remind me of Todd when he was your age. All eight of you. {long pause} You have no idea how hot that makes me."

Best of Dub
Palin takes time to socialize with a few other hot beavers.

Best of metalgarth
Hey babe... We got a bannister at our house that needs a little attention!

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ten minutes after this photo op, www.palinupskirt.com went live.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Ok, if John McCain is elected and I am VP, I promise to come back and be your keg queen.

And One and Two and One...

1. "Hey, they're playing 'Crazy for you.' I love this song! Hold me."

2. We've replaced both teams' anabolic steroids with high grade Ecstasy. Let's see if they notice.

3. 2010: The Frank-Pelosi-Edwards Violence in Sports Act replaces contact sports with gentle ballroom dancing.

4. "I always hoped I'd be in your strong, manly arms when Iran nuked the Eastern Seaboard."

5. The Awesome Power of the Axxe Effect is not to be taken lightly."

Best of prince of leaves
"Dude, get your gaydar recalibrated - I may be wearing teh gheyest purple uniform ever, but that doesn't mean I want to 'hit the showers' with you after the game..."

Best of Jack Reacher
"No, I said there's a flag on the field."

Best of Seoulman (R)
It was not exactly a foul, but was certainly offensive.

Best of Kaptain Krude
"I said `Step pause turn pause pivot step step' not `Step pause turn pause
pivot step pause'!"

Best of flyovercountry
Hey, the play is clear on the other side of the field, I told you not to touch me there again, unless of course we are in on a gang tackle.

Kindergarten Cop

Army of Mom

1. "Officer Frank, really, isn't there some other way we could... work this out?" With a little role-playing, Billy was about to get his parent's upside-down mortgage bailed out.

2. "Your court date is December 13, Mr. Kucinich."

3. The NAMBLA Ride-Along was one of the Gavin Newsom's innovative approaches to juvenile crime.

4. "For Pete's Sake, I'm four! I've never even heard of the Village People! Oh, well, give me your autograph anyway."

5. "Look, officer, it's very simple. I didn't stop because I was drunk!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
Webster's back and this time... he's got a score to settle

Best of metalgarth
The concept was COPS, Orange County Choppers, Little People Big World all put together. The ratings were Hello Larry, After M*A*S*H, and CopRock all put together.

Best of The Man
No Officer Sullivan, I've never been in a Turkish prison

Best of Dwight
"Thank you, Mr. Coleman. My family is a big fan. Er... Could you write Whatchew talkin' 'bout Willis? underneath your name? Great."

Best of Jack Reacher
"Hey, I pay your salary. Well, technically, Mom and Dad do, but still..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Rodney King - The Early Years

Best of flyovercountry
I'll sign your ticket pig, but when my man Obama and Ayers get elected, have someone else start your bike.

Best of mklasing
Can we hurry this along? I've got to get back to the factory to help my Dad afford Pres. Obama's new tax plan.

Best of dadoctah
New list of options: you can pay a fine, appear in court, attend a traffic safety class, or submit to the instant roadside age-regression ray.

Best of prince of leaves
The ACLU would later bring suit against LAPD for excessive use of forced perspective.

When One of These Things Flies

Brender

1. Nice try, but I'm still not voting for McCain.

2. "Oh, Boy! Broadway! And a major role in the stage production of Lord of the Flies! Things are finally starting to happen for me!"

3. Britney Spears's body double distracts the Paparazzi while she dives for the salad bar.

4. Snowball (Hillary Clinton) narrowly escapes to France after being betrayed by Squealer (Keith Olbermann) and Napoleon (Hussein Obama).

5. So, figured out this Friday's Cap This theme yet?

Best of divine miss m
Does this mean Pink Floyd will get back together and tour again?!

Best of Seoulman (R)
Uh oh, The View needs to find a new co-host

Best of Jack Reacher
Good thing this photo didn't run yesterday, or Dub would have flipped out ;)

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
And, they're OFF! AP Photo captures Obamalama's democratically-controlled congress rushing to outtax and outspend the Bush years. Bookies are not accepting any wagers

Best of Van Helsing
Desperate for a new gig after leaving The View, Rosie was eventually reduced to being shot out of a cannon in front of circus audiences.

Best of Dub
Guess the theme today? Ok, my guess is "Things Andrew Sullivan finds sexy"?

Best of Silhouette
Wiser by far, Charlotte's kids simply wrote "Open the damn gate" above Wilbur's stall.

Best of dadoctah
Guess the theme: "things you can't mention putting lipstick on without generating all kinds of bad press".

Best of prince of leaves
"I smell bacon! Bacon! Bacon! Ba-- oh, wait...that's me..."

Best of Rodney Dill
OMGWTFBBQ!!!"

Best of metalgarth
superpig, superpig, does whatever a superpig does

Time for another sexy party

Best of Jack Reacher
Cindy, an Obama supporter, liked The One's idea of spreading the wealth around. Cindy spread around something else, however.

Best of Jack Reacher
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. On the chance it doesn't, see your doctor immediately.

Best of mpur
Not hot enough to marry a doctor, not smart enough for college.

Best of The Man
I think Hef will be ok.

Best of jeff
Poor Rachel Ray - someone jumped in front of her camera again.

Best of Artfldgr
Gloria Steinem eat your heart out!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"'Scuse me, miss?... Would you mind wiping this garbage all over yourself and wearing this eyepatch?... It's kinda a fetish thing..."

Best of mega
Jim had been wearing the same white sweatband to parties since the mid70's, and was yet to score, but still hadn't drawn the connection.

Sully Repellent

Best of Rodney Dill
JAAOMO - Just Another Army Of Mom Outfit

Best of duke of red
Bawney Fwank fumed, "Why can't we be fayuhh? Let'thhh have thome Thurthday 12 year old boy butthhh to thpank.. I mean, caption to. I'm gonna wwite a bill."

Best of Artfldgr
Not everyone can look this good while passing gas...

Best of Artfldgr
Bet you cant guess whats in my hands

Best of prince of leaves
"What am I doing out of frame? {giggle} Why, silly, I'm remotely prepping the proton sources for my next run on the Large Hadron Collider. I'll be back to bed in a jiffy!"

Best of Dub
Today's photo-shoot brought to you by Apples Through Chain Link Fencing magazine.

Monorail... Skank

1. Dub couldn't decide if he more offended at the new maid's technique or her proportions.

2. Looks like Father Willoughby is having one of his sexy parties.

3. Spawning season in Chappaqua.

4. Now taking bets on who will be the first to claim they have this outfit, Army of Mom or sonicfrog?

5. A yeast infection can really slow you down. Not always, though.

Best of dickey swollenz
I see she's a specialist in taking care of "hardwood"

Best of mpur
"Ok, you're gonna have to slide her down to a crack in the wood in order to break the suction and get her off of there."

Best of The Man
If you want to match the stain color, you're going to need to flip over and slide down.

Best of Army of Dad
Tammy didn't want to go to Dachau and bitterly clung to the rail. Dub's weight state polizei were persistant and finally drug her off.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ultraglide Lip Balm: "When your lips get parched and cracked..."

Best of Dwight
To hell with all of you. If she can stretch her mouth around the newell post knob, SHE'S MINE!

Best of Seoulman (R)
Sadly Russian gymnasts, past their prime and living in an unstable economy had to turn to other, more creative ways of making ends meet

Best of shoechick
Delta Burke's looking pretty good these days!

Best of Dub
New, from SC Johnson And Company... New Tuna Scented Pledge.

Best of dadoctah
A little OCD is okay, but at some point you're going to have to go up the stairs like a normal person.

Best of Dactyl
Does this railing make me look fat?

Not a good look for anybody

&


1. Seasonal outerwear from the Catalog for Parents who want their kids cruelly beaten on the playground.

2. The Blue Douche was one of the more esoteric superheroes.

3. Yeah, those blue states are just really, really ghey.

4. "Will no one synchronize swim with me?"

5. With Mr Blackwell dead, Tom finally felt safe to come outside.

Best of Jack Reacher
A former U.S. attorney, fired by the Bush administration, auditions for a job as Blue Light Man at K-Mart.

Best of The Man
Way to go Sully, you actually do look like a butt plug now.

Best of Tim
Jimmy knew he looked dumb, but the extra income he earned as a cell phone tower helped him keep up his 9 WOW accounts

Best of Army of Dad
"I'm a little homo watch me pout. Bend me over and bang one out."

Best of Seoulman (R)
No no, for 70's day, you need bell BOTTOMS

Best of molson
To say Grimace's half brother had issues in adulthood would be an understatement.

Best of Mr. Right
Claudia took one look at herself in the mirror and knew it was over. Tom's insatiable Asteroids fetish had now gotten way out of hand.

Best of Rodney Dill
Prophylactic Man never lost his head in an emergency.

Best of Army of Mom
Oh, I see. You're that clever land shark.
I'm just a dolphin, ma'am.

Best of Submariner
What's with the black politician giving lame speeches? Isn't this an Adama rally?

Best of Artfldgr
unlike teletubbies, winkledinks didnt test out as well in their marketing trials

Best of Rev. Right
Blueberry Licorice Doritos would soon become one of the most epic marketing disasters of all time.

Best of prince of leaves
When wearing the new Scientology Tallis™, you have the privacy you need to audit your thetans, wherever you are.

Best of attmay
Smurf pizza was extremely unpopular outside of Belgium.

And to think that I saw it on Folsom Street

1. Even after Rick was diagnosed with AIDS, Herpes, Chlamydia, gonorrhea, hepatitis, and anal warts, Mike was still determined to make their relationship work.

2. "Bruce, I know you have a problem with couples that dress alike, but this is ridiculous."

3. Rick's fetish was cops. Mike's fetish was guys who dressed like John Kerry when he recreated his birth in that NASA lab. Only in San Francisco.

4. Find who's on Match-dot-com for free... and you'll probably decide to stay single.

5. "And as soon as the SWAT Team arrives, we can escort Courtney Love to her hearing..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Officer Dave admitted that unlike most runaways, catching the Bubbleboy was easier than catching gays in a Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bathroom.

Best of metalgarth
Drunky Wunky adds more shame to the Teletubbie name by schmoozing with various members of Village People tribute bands

Best of GregMan
Officer Condom stops by the Hope And Change Elementary School for the first day of kindergarten sex-ed class.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
California touts the new full body breathalyzer as "incredibly accurate, though admittedly cumbersome for motorcycle cops to lug around

Best of Dwight
"Yakknow, Cliff... I'm getting the feeling that you aren't totally comfortable with coming out publically with our manlove."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
"Let's have Sully get behind you, then you grab me from behind... We'll call it the 'Andromeda Train'."

Best of Son Of The Godfather
The try-outs for The Village People aren't going well at all. Let's try to get the Indian back.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Ever since their village was irradiated, mutant Smurfs have been spotted everywhere.

Best of prince of leaves
Officer Eddie Martinez's gay marriage to Vorlon Ambassador Resh Tarnavek caused a scandal on two worlds.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Love is in the air, and I am taking all precautions

1213852

1. After rising to power through a combination of corrupt politics and community organizing, the new mayor of Springfield followed the example of dictators everywhere, and put his name on everything.

2. The suits are provided to observant Muslim suspects, at taxpayers expense. It has something to do with cops being called "pigs."

3. Decontaminating the squad cars after Folsom Street Fair was a thankless task.

4. The new unit deals with juvenile offenders who are both spoiled rotten and dyslexic.

5. "... White House Press Secretary Keith Olbermann denied that any American cities had been the target of anthrax outbreaks, and blamed 'divisive, counter-revolutionary forces' for spreading the rumors on the eve of a historic summit with Iranian President Achmadinejad..."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Controlling Bart Simpson was getting costly. First, Police Chief Clancy Wiggum had to create a special BART squad. Then, officers demanded hazmat suits because of Bart's post-pubescent body odor and flatulence problems.

Best of Rodney Dill
The FART POLICE have new containment procedures.

Best of mpur
Bart Man, the mascot for the Bart Police was not as well received as had been hoped.

Best of metalgarth
Just another day in the life of "Drunky Wunky", the Teletubbie that PBS doesn't want you to know about.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Minutes later, investigators discovered that the strange white powder on the trunk of the car was powdered sugar from an old doughnut

Best of jj
SanFran hazmat suit: Trap door in back.

Best of Dub
Based on the odd hump on this persons back, there is a 50/50 chance that my gramma is the one in the suit.

Best of Son Of The Godfather
Bay Area common dialogue:
"Sir, do you have anything in your pocket that may stick me or cause me injury?"
"Oh yeth, YETH!"

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
"Up against the car, Bubble Boy!"

Halfway House

AM42 and Silhouette

1. Half this house was treated with Orkin's new termite repellent, the other half with tasty barbecue sauce.

2. Welcome to affordable housing, Obama-style. Brought to you by your new HUD secretary, Tony Rezko.

3. And then Bob Vila said, "Screw it, let's just go get drunk!"

4. "It was a lovely five bedroom colonial, but then they put a McCain-Palin sign in their yard..."

5. And the number one sign you got ripped off by your time-share agent...

Best of Double the U
"Honey... did you hear something?"

Best of Silhouette
We're buying it in installments.

Best of Jack Reacher
"We have 1.6 children, 1.8 cars, and .5 house."

Best of Army of Dad
This lovely jungle bungalow has a cozy feel, open air dining and 1.5 bathrooms with room to expand!

Best of mpur
ORA: Samurai Divorce Court

Best of nicedeb
Barack Obama uses his powerful connections in Kenya to move his little brother George into a better hut.

Best of flyovercountry
After 8 years in the White House, President Obama did indeed bring the United States closer to the rest of the world, because many Americans now lived like the rest of the world.

Best of prince of leaves
2065: With the last regulatory hurdle cleared and the final shakedown payment paid to "community organizers", the post-Katrina rebuilding of New Orleans begins.

Best of Jay Guevara
"So you and the ex split amicably?"

Best of Kaptain Krude
"Gesundheit!"

Best of Son Of The Godfather
When kids on Tatooine argue about their own, personal space, never let them "draw an imaginary line" with a light sabre.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Ancient PROVERB
Build a man a house; you give him shelter until he defaults on his other bills. Build a man half a house; maybe he'll learn a trade so's to keep out the mosquitoes.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Slowly Dorothy awoke in a daze, in the magical land of Oz wondering where the other half of the house and the other half of Toto were.

Colin Powell Gets Funky!

The Man (Ironically Enough)

1. "I'm Hussein Obama's Bitch, Yo!"

2. "And you promise if I endorse you, no one will ever see these pictures?" Another gullible simp is take in by The One.

3. "I've not only sold out, I've souled out."

4. "Sky-y-y-y-y-y Rockets in Flight/Afternoon delight..."

5. "Pork brains in Milk Gravy! Woooo-hoooo!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
I am Colin P and I'm here to say
I support Obama in a major way
Skin's all that matters
Take it from me
Don't care much about the economy
Got a stupid rap
So listen well
Goin' to take America
Straight to hell.

Best of Jay Guevara
"I'm da Secretary of Soul!"

Best of Jack Reacher
"Da roof, da roof, da roof is where inflation and short-term interest rates are heading! Uh, yo!"

Best of Army of Dad
Colon shows off his 'O' face.

Best of molson
Ooops. I just crapped myself.

Best of prince of leaves
"Whoa! Suddenly I think I'm feelin' a little of what that cow in the next picture is feelin'!"

Best of metalgarth
Recording seesion #5456 for Hooked on Ebonics

Best of Army of Mom
She hit the flo, next thing you know, Shawty got low low low low low low low low.

Uh, Colin, please stop. Now.

Reach

1, Jared finally found a safe place to keep his stash.

2. Ow to Speak Awstralyun: "Foreplay"

3. The other farm-hands dreaded Monday mornings, when Joe would act out his weekends at the bath house.

4. "Great, now my whole arm is covered with hope and change."

5. Andrew Sullivan immediately converted to Hindu in hopes of being reincarnated as a Holstein.

Best of molson
Hey Bill! Steve was only f'ing with when he said cows have a reboot button. I can't believe you fell for that!

Best of robert
Now where did I leave my dignity? Oh, yeah - in here some where.

Best of flyovercountry
Joe, the dairy farmer, wishes Obama would explain his spread the wealth plan to him so he could tell him where he could put it.

Best of Dactyl
I can't find my keys anywhere...

Best of prince of leaves
TDC's unlikely hit, "The Cow Whisperer", contained several controversial deleted scenes when released on DVD.

Best of Jack Reacher
When Clem pulled out his hand, clutching dozens of ACORN-provided voter registration cards, the Ohio election results suddenly made more sense.

Best of Seoulman (R)
rectum? damn near killed 'em

Best of Whacko
"My grandpa was right. He said 'don't ever do anything once that you don't want to keep doing the rest of your life.'"

Best of Jay Guevara
Cow thought bubble: "Damn, America really is a downright mean country."

Best of mega
If you're a farm animal, in Brazil, you ARE going to end up in a porn vid at some point. You just let your mind go to another, happier place, a better time in your life, when you had dignity.

Best of Van Helsing
David Axelrod gathers material for Obama's next speech.

Best of Army of Mom
You thought you had a shitty job.

Best of Army of Dad
What? She wanted it, you saw the way she backed up to me!

Best of Dub
Happy Cows come from Folsom Dairies.

Best of dadoctah
"Oh boy", though Sam. "Ever since Al failed to dredge up more funding for the project, more and more of my Leaps seem to start out this way."

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
TSA's pre-boarding frisking ritual is about to become considerably more intrusive.

A Little Something For Angela from 'The Office'

Army of Mom

1. It was kinda cute until baby Marilyn dropped dead of an overdose and baby JFK's head was blown off by baby Lee Harvey Oswald.

2. "Stop fooling around and get to the polling station. You think ACORN registered us for their health?"

3. "Hey, baby, you wanna party?"

4. Michael Jackson stages the creepiest-ever adaptation of Death of a Salesman.

5. Lamest Star Trek malfunctioning holodeck episode ever!

Best of Seoulman (R)
Roman Polanski, the early years

Best of prince of leaves
Timmy watched in uncomprehending horror as little Jenny was shot skyward through the stage roof, the stagehand having inadvertently connected the blower under the floor to a 220-volt main.

Best of lawhawk
The Seven Month Itch.

Best of Jack Reacher
Don't look now, but baby Joe DiMaggio is right over there, and he looks PISSED.

Best of Dactyl
Circa 1980: Army of Mom: "Oh, my outfit!" Dub: "Thicker than a pencil. Moving on."

Best of Army of Mom
Brandon, have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Best of Army of Dad
He pulled her finger.

That can't be good for the reverb

Brender

1. Charlie returns to the island in an only moderately-surreal episode of 'Lost.'

2. By 2010, Americans fled Obamunism on anything that would float.

3. No one was surprised to learn the Lost City of Atlantis had a Hard Rock Cafe.

4. "Prepare for ramming speed!"

5. Without Tenille around to keep him level, the captain got a little loopy.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Mr. Conductor left The Thomas the Tank Engine Project over creative differences.

Best of metalgarth
"Waterworld, the Musical" somehow managed to be a bigger turd than the original.

Best of Army of Dad
The old dork and the sea.

Best of Kaptain Krude
I see they've discovered some outtakes from the last Beatle movie. Or at least, we can hope it was the last Beatle movie.

Best of flyovercountry
As Elton John pulled away from the dock on the first day of the Professional Walleye Trail Devil's Lake tournament, his competitors did not take him seriously.

Best of Jack Reacher
Well, how would YOU deliver lawyers, guns, and money?

Best of sonicfrog
Boy, when he saw what the Lilliputians had done to his precious Martin guitar, Gulliver was extremely pissed...

Best of The Man
Unlike their Somali counterparts, the San Francisco Bay pirates are not violent and much more gay.

Best of molson
The USS Obama just never had the gravitas of the USS Ronald Reagan. No one cared.

Best of Chrees
Although no one really cared, John Mayer completely sold out when he performed "Your Outboard is an Evinrude"

Best of mpur
Prepare for jammin' speed!

Guest Captioner Gabriel Van Helsing

Moonbattery

An Obamunist spots a McCain supporter.

Best of prince of leaves
"O!"

[so, do I get a cookie for making the *shortest* CapThis! caption ever?]

Best of Seoulman (R)
MSM anchorman just spotted Joe the Plumber

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
"Ohhh... NOOOO!... Finger... must... touch... boobies... on... that... waitress!"

Best of mklasing
Well that proves it, the reaction to seeing Helen Thomas for the first time is universal.

Best of lawhawk
You really have to stop with those negative waves. Now.

Best of Jack Reacher
"Oversized awning! Oversized awning!" Mayor Bloomberg's Ordinance Enforcement team springs into action.

Best of GregMan
"You are a sick intercourse!"

Best of jj
If someone doesn't hurry up and pull my finger I'm gonna explode!

Best of Dactyl
White socks with brown shoes! WHITE SOCKS WITH BROWN SHOES!!!

Best of prince of leaves
Andrew Sullivan dreams of meeting an adoring fan.

And what if she brought beer, really good beer?

Best of Seoulman (R)
The special comes with 3 beers, an appetizer and the STD of your choice.

Best of ochagirl
See, this is why PhotoShop needs to come with a state license, so in the case of abuse, IT CAN BE REVOKED FOR LIFE OR UNTIL THE USER CAN BE REHABILITATED.

Best of The Man
AIG executives did charter a flight to Costa Rica for a steak lunch at a strip club. To be fair to taxpayers, they did order Miller Light.

Best of mpur
Photoshop checklist:

Breasts enlarged? check
Uniform "natural" skin tone? check
Impossibly narrow waist? check
Two complete arms? DOH!

Best of prince of leaves
ORA: After the sudden death of his chief of staff, President Obama was relieved to find an able and motivated replacement in staffer Tory Foster.

She's Cheeky

Army of Mom

Best of Seoulman (R)
So you are the one who read my e-mail. You are a naughty boy

Best of ochagirl
Why can I see AoM and AoD having these outfits?

Best of GregMan
Sarah Barracuda lulls yet another fake ACORN voter into a false sense of security before she drop-kicks him all the way to Kamchatka.

Best of GregMan
Andrew Sullivan thought bubble: "Mmm, that's definitely my dream come true... except for that broad in the grey jacket that keeps getting in the way."

Best of Army of Mom
I'm amazed by the authenticity of this porn, cuz you know, the Russkies always have holes in the knees of their jeans.

Best of sonicfrog
What straight guys see: "Oh My God! She looks like Sarah Palin, and She's Hot!!!"
What Sonicfrog sees: "Oh My God! You can't get those gloves in Russia, and hey, That's my old couch!!!"

Best of mega
And now it's a proven fact. Tiny Fey *IS* a communist.

Overcompensated People Overcompensating

1. "This monument to Arab achievement was designed by an American architect, and it will be built by a British firm using Indian labor."

2. "Yes, but how do we know some Christian nutjob won't fly an airplane into it. Ha Ha Ha, just kidding!"

3. "Andrew Sullivan wants to know if he can borrow the model when we're done with it."

4. "... And then the one girl says, 'Don't Cry. I like your outfits.' It's the funniest Bunker-riff I've ever seen!"

5. ORA: "Hey, what's with the tiny little figurines of William Holden, Fred Astaire, and O.J. Simpson?"

Best of Double the U
Paid for by American dollars, thank you democrats.

Best of Whacko
"You know, now that you mention it, free-balling in public really is kind of fun."

Best of Seoulman (R)
My wife has something like this in her dresser at home. Do you think I should stone her?

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
In a misguided attempt to make a group of visiting capitalist infidels feel at home during the holidays, the arab businessmen put on an impromptu Three Wisemen & a Virgin Walk Into a Hi-Rise Manger skit.

Best of Army of Dad
There is even a 'Honor Killing Gate' on the top floor where you can throw your women to their death.

Best of Dub
Hey guys, check out my erection!

Best of mega
"5,000 feet, not 50 feet, you f*&#ing moron!" Ahmed said angrily, in a sad reprise of Spinal Tap's Stonhenge scene.

Best of lawhawk
Many a Bantha died to get the plans to this battle station. Soon, our plans will be complete, and we will rule the universe...

Best of Dwight
"That? Oh that's just a small thermal exhaust port barely two meters wide. That? Oh it's merely a 50 kilometer vertical trench only slightly wider than the wingspan of an X-wing fighter. Why do you ask, General Ackbar. And who smells like rotting fish, for the love of Allah?"

Gesundheit!

Brender

1. Why you must never ask "But what has he accomplished?" to an Obamunist.

2. Nothing to see here. Just an Afro-Centric puberty ritual in the South Chicago schools brought to you by a grant from the Annenberg Challenge. Kill Whitey!

3. BUKKAKE. UR DOIN IT WRONG!

4. "Dude, say it, don't spray it."

5. "Sam Kinison was right. We need to stop living in sand and move to where the food is."

Best of Whacko
There just seems to be no end to the abuse and debasement Obama's estranged half-brother has to endure.

Best of Seoulman (R)
Guess what I am?
I don't know
A zit!

Best of Army of Dad
The left once again attacks conservative blacks.
In the next picture you can see them throwing oreos at them.

Best of Dub
With his uncanny ability to suck things off of people from 10 inches away, Ooombuku was to be very popular at this years Folsom fair.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Can't wait to see how the Washington Post spins Obamalama's White House Easter Egg Hunt 2009.

Best of Jay Guevara
The dispute over whether to make their next agitation campaign for "affordable malt liquor" or "affordable fried chicken" bitterly divided ACORN.

Best of mpur
Mumbatu was thrilled that his new joke was hysterical, but he made a mental note to stand back next time he delivered the punchline.

Best of Jay Guevara
"Are you doing that...because I'm black?"

Best of prince of leaves
Man, and I thought the *Palestinian* police had some strange indoctrination rituals.

Best of Uchuck the Tuchuck
The concept of "latte" does not translate well into all societies.

Best of Dactyl
I said chamomile! CHAMOMILE!!! This is earl grey!

Scissor Me Timbers!

1. "Like the outfit? Army of Mom had a garage sale."

2. "So, is this your first time on the LPGA tour?"

3. Cinemax at 2 in the morning or an Obamaducation Kindergarten class? You be the judge.

4. Billionaire Nerd Bill Gates spends millions hiring hookers to perform erotic re-enactments of scenes between Beverly Crusher and Counselor Troi.

5. The Showcase Rounds got much more interesting after Bob Barker was replaced by Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla.

Best of Army of Dad
Wonder Woman gets a lap dance.

Best of Dub
LESBIAN HAND PUPPETS....BRAVO!!!!

Best of Son Of The Godfather
With his "Chromosome Scrambler", Brainiac pwns Oliver Queen and Clark Kent.

Best of robert
That big empty hole in the heart of the Obama logo will not stay blank for long. - Mark Steyn. But areolas?

Best of Todd
Jeff grew out his hair. He got a satin bra. He wrote 'hoes do it with rakes' on his belly. And Leslie still wouldn't, er, 'join the revolution.' What's up with that?

Dad?

Bloggie

1. "Lemmiwinks, I don't think we're at the Folsom Street Fair any more."

2. None of the Tokyo Police were interested in hearing how Trig Palin was not really Sarah's baby, and Andrew Sullivan was hauled away to jail, where he he had a jolly good time indeed!

3. The exact moment the 'Verizon Network' ads jumped the shark.

4. "I happen to be on my way to teach kindergarten sex ed. Now, stand aside, or I shall report you to the Obama Education Kommissarr."

5. "What's wrong with you right-wing Theocrats. The human wang is a beautiful thing!"

Best of Seoulman (R)
"Walking around naked in public, odd, we Japanese don't have a word for that fetish. I thought we had a word for all of them.

Best of Seoulman (R)
"You know officer, the funniest thing happened...What? Where do the goat, latex gloves and Tina Yothers come in? That's not important... Anyway

Best of The Man
With the death of John Connor, the Terminators just really let themselves go.

Best of flyovercountry
While Chinatown is very popular in San Francisco, San Franciscotown is not very popular in Beijing.

Best of Army of Dad
Oh big American boyfriend.

Best of jj
Nancy Pelosi, during the SanFran GayPride Parade, gets drunk, loses her wig, and meets constituents.

Best of Dub
After their unfortunate run in with Peter North last month, the Tokyo police have wisely decided to use shields in these kinds of events now.

Best of mpur
The Japanese have the strangest porn.

Best of prince of leaves
What are the odds, I have that same flabby ass!

Best of GregMan
Another one of the Obamessiah's extramarital affairs gets sent abroad to keep silent.

Best of steve o
Is there a problem, officer?

Best of mega
The details of Commodore Perry's 19th century mission have never been known. Suffice to say, he used a variety of techniques to humiliate, enrage, and ultimately cause the submission of his Japanese hosts. One one journal entry of Perry's relates: "Met with Lord Tokugawa today. Came to Nagasaki naked. Alowed my giant caucasian penis to swing violently from side to side. Looked hungrily upon their women while this was transpiring, it causing some swelling in my man-meat, which caused them fear and trepidation. The bulging, swinging organ frieghtened them and establihed that I was the new shogun in town. This succeeded at getting Tokyo Bay open to commerce at last."

Ooooh, Baby Baby

Army of Mom

1. "WASSUP? HOW RU?" AOL's "Babies4Babies" Chat Room remains disturbingly popular.

2. "Yup, I'm a computer whiz. Now, I need a diaper change and you need a new motherboard."

3. Josh prepares to enter a half-dozen more pro-Obama articles into the Hyperlinkopatomus.

4. "Obama is up 11 in the polls! Democrats will have a filibuster-proof majority? I hope mom puts me to sleep on my stomach tonight."

5. "You know, I'm two months old, I can barely sit up on my own, and even *I* can tell that Andrew Sullivan is a complete douchenozzle."

Wicked Best of mega
By stamping out random keys with his feet, Timmy had posted over 2,000 times to DailyKos, and had a large and militant following.

Best of The Man
It's Thursday on Caption This and for some reason I'm getting hungry.

(its a boob joke)

Best of Double the U
There is a great caption... FOR ME TO POOP ON!

Best of Passionate Conservative
dammit. I wanted MILF pics.

Best of Army of Dad
I just short sold a stock. You just watched me short sell a stock.

Best of Jack Reacher
"I just need the name of the Wasilla High School mascot, and I'm in!"

Best of Todd
That chick looks like she's been in Dachau for six months. Giggity.

Best of Dub
Blue shirt but pink socks...Andrew Sullivans clone is already learning how to work the interwebs.

Best of molson
GTFO! That monkey just drank his own pee! Man this interweb thingy is great!

Best of robert
This had better get me into Trig Palin's email... I'm already booked on Olberman's show and they're desperate for dirt.

And You Thought United Sucked

Gorak

1. One of the many new "Green Jobs" you can look forward to under the Obama Administration.

2. Your Democratic Party reminds you. There *are* alternatives to drilling in ANWR.

3. "You must lower the carbon footprint of Comrade Obama's airplane! Push! Comrades! Push!"

4. Wait until the passengers find out the whole thing was a ruse so the pilot could score with a flight attendant, then they'll really get pissed.

5. It all worked out in the end. The plane returned to the terminal. Kirstie Ally got off. And the plane was able to get off the ground.

Very Brady Best of mpur
OK, now pop the clutch!

Best of Seoulman (R)
It's no fun playing hide and go seek at the airport when everyone has the same hiding place.

Best of Carpe Phlogiston
Thanks to fine print on the Passenger's Bill of Rights recently adopted by the airline industry, next time a plane's stuck on a taxiway for more than 59 minutes, passengers will be allowed to volunteer to push it back to the terminal.

Best of The Man
Thank you for flying Glorious North Korean Airlines.

Best of Jack Reacher
The ironic part; Their luggage is on a plane being pushed to a different terminal.

Best of Whacko
"On Southwest Airlines, we don't charge you extra to taxi the plane to the gate like other airlines."

Best of mega
Hey, it beats building roads and bridges. Everybody on my block's been assigned to build roads and bridges.

Best of molson
I don't care if Al Gore's carbon foot print is huge. He's better than you so shut your pie holes and keep pushing.

Best of flyovercountry
One passenger/pusher to another,"Wouldn't it be easier to bring the gas to the plane?"

Best of Army of Dad
Hey! Who is the smart @ss in the cockpit tapping the breaks!?

The Terrible Secret Behind 'Best ofs'

Yeah, I'm a Nerd

but so is Ace

Wicked Best of mpur
Mike Donovan: How'd someone like that get to be your leader anyway?
Martin: Charisma. Circumstances, promises... Not enough of us spoke out to question him until it was too late. It happens on your planet, doesn't it?

Best of robert
William Ayers (left, with rifle) oversees happy workers as they carefully hang posters depicting the Dear Leader on a building that formerly housed the Republican National Committee.

Best of prince of leaves
"The Leader wants them living. Some of them will be made into troops for battles with his enemy. The rest will be made into food for his ample-jawed wife."

Best of Seoulman (R)
Friendship is universal...oh wait you're a Republican. Never mind.

Best of Army of Mom
Bob loses himself momentarily as he strokes the image of his Obamessiah.

The First Step Down That Long Road That Ends On a Mexican Forklift

1. One day, little Mikey Moore would have revenge on the capitalist pig running dog Good Humor man. One day.

2. "Thanks, son. Y'all just cured my pedophilia."

3. "Rosie? That's an unusual name for a little boy."

4. "Would this kid even fit in my crawlspace?" the Good Humor Man wondered.

5. ORA: "So, Josh, still astroturfing Discarded Lies?"

Best of Jack Reacher
Good Humor man thought bubble: "That reminds me; there's a special on Discovery tonight about piranhas, and how they pick the bones clean."

Best of molson
Hey Good Humor Man... Do these tighty whities make me look fat? Wait. Before you answer get me another chocolate eclair.

Best of divine miss m
If it's okay for a bartender to cut off an obviously intoxicated drinker, shouldn't it be okay for an ice cream man to cut off an obviously fat kid?

Best of Army of Dad
A typical fat kid bitterly clings to his popsicle stick.

Best of attmay
Hey kid, auditions for the Michelin commercial are a couple blocks down the road.

Best of Seoulman (R)
The cousin Ben and Jerry don't talk about.

Motivator

Fred Miranda

Best of Jack Reacher
I read on MSNBC that Sarah Palin had his head removed to settle a personal score. AP says so, too.

Best of Submariner
"How's about a little head?" Ang Lee remakes "Brian's Song."

Best of Army of Dad
Everyone in the conference hated playing Grassy Knoll State.

Best of Silhouette
Sleepy Hollow HS went 10-2-0 this year.